My stepfather just told me he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer

MosquitoSmasher · May 12, 2018

Despite a few good things, 2018 continues to be a real bad year and there's no telling how it may end. It started with my mother passing away totally out of the blue and having to bring my dog to the vet because her last stop had been reached.

Then in March my stepfather had an accident and things looked real bad for a minute but after the hospital visit things looked up. The doctor however did say they noticed that his lymph gland was a bit too big and they wanted him to come back to the hospital for that in April.

So the first good thing was that things were looking up for him and the second good thing was my new dog, who is doing really well. Ever since my mom passed away the bond between me and my stepfather has really gotten strong, it was strong already but it's even stronger now.

Yesterday he had to come back one last time to the hospital for the results on the lymph gland that was just too big. Turns out he has prostate cancer. Very little else is known. Immediately I asked him in what stage it was, what his chances of living are and he just doesn't know. He actually is really calm about it. Within 14 days they want him to come back and see if it can be removed and then we will know more.

Nowadays cancer doesn't mean it's over for you necessarily right? It can be treated. But I assume it all depends on for how long the cancer has been there. Anyone here knew/know someone that had/has it? Or maybe yourself? I don't want to talk to him about it too much, it'll only get him more down but maybe people can tell me their experience perhaps, just so I can kinda know what to expect.

shaneo632 · May 12, 2018

It absolutely can be treated, it just depends on the stage and how early they caught it. Fingers crossed for you and your stepdad OP.

Deleted member 22490 · May 12, 2018

My dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer just a few weeks ago. It's stage 2. He's getting surgery on Monday. The doctors are confident they can remove it. I haven't been worrying about it, though, since people can survive it. My uncle had stage 4 prostrate cancer and he's still kicking around.

Aiii · May 12, 2018

Unless the cancer has spread, prostrate cancer has almost 100% five year survivability rates now. So await the results of the test with that in mind.

MosquitoSmasher · May 12, 2018

shaneo632 said:
It absolutely can be treated, it just depends on the stage and how early they caught it. Fingers crossed for you and your stepdad OP.

Hmmm, well during the hospital visit in early March the doctors said the gland was a bit too big, not insanely big but just enough for them to really want to be sure about it. I'm hoping that's a sign of that it only has been there shortly. We just gotta wait.

MosquitoSmasher · May 12, 2018

Helio said:
My dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer just a few weeks ago. It's stage 2. He's getting surgery on Monday. The doctors are confident they can remove it. I haven't been worrying about it, though, since people can survive it. My uncle had stage 4 prostrate cancer and he's still kicking around.

Oh man i can imagine the relief you guys must have had with that news. Fantastic, and this gives me hope for him too.

Aiii said:
Unless the cancer has spread, prostrate cancer has almost 100% five year survivability rates now. So await the results of the test with that in mind.

I didn't know that, that's very very good to hear. Sadly we don't know if it has spread. I asked him right away but all he could tell me was that the doctors told him he has prostate cancer and that they are going to treat it.

I kinda want to talk to him about it and tell him what you guys told me, but on the other hand I don't want to make him too happy with the risk of there actually being real bad news.

Officer Big Mac · May 12, 2018

Don't worry until you have something to worry about. A cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence. My friends boyfriend is currently undergoing treatment for some form of lymphoma and has expected to make a complete remission. My aunt just underwent treatment for breast cancer and everything looks good. Though posting your anxiety on this board is a good way of working through those anxities.

Cookie · May 12, 2018

Both my grandfathers got prostate cancer last year. Both of them got treated and both of them are cancer free now.

It's actually not that big of a deal if it's caught early.

Shadybiz · May 12, 2018

Damn, that is a shit year, OP; I'm sorry to hear all that.

But yes, this is definitely not a death sentence. It's good that they caught it; just wait for the results, and go from there.

El_TigroX · May 12, 2018

OP - very sorry to hear this.

My father was diagnosed back in 2001. He had it real bad, caught it at the last moment before it had spread, so he had a radical protectocmy (removal of prostate).

They told us it would return, that he had less than 5 years to live. Here we are 17 years later and he's cancer free and doing great.

It was not easy, it was hard and trying and brutal on him... but the developments on treatment have been incredible, even in the last 10 years.

Go through the process, be there for him and your family and learn as much as you can about the next days and steps.

MrT · May 12, 2018

I'm not sure where you are, but I was watching a documentary series about a cancer hospital in Glasgow that had an episode about prostate cancer. It's really interesting, I had no idea there were 3 treatments with the same survivability rate, so they let you choose which one you want, although obviously if you're not in the UK then this may not be the case. It follows 4 guys with prostate cancer, one choosing each treatment and one who was sadly diagnosed too late so was now terminal and is on palliative care and receiving treatment to improve his quality of life. If you want to check it out its here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0b2mfz9/the-cancer-hospital-series-1-episode-2

BriGuy · May 12, 2018

My father-in-law just had his prostate removed because of cancer. In most cases, prostate cancer is one of those cancers you die with, not from, because of how late in life they're diagnosed and how slow growing they tend to be. There's always exceptions, but the odds are likely in his favor.

HeySeuss · May 12, 2018

Prostate cancer has one of the best likelihoods of getting rid of it. Hopefully they caught it early enough but you should get some relief and hope that knowing it's a very curable cancer

The Booktastic Bus · May 12, 2018

As long as they caught it early he'll be absolutely fine. Cancer is cancer and it's still worrying, but it's treatable.

bobnowhere · May 12, 2018

My mum was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer in March, has a partial kidney removal early April and on Wednesday was given the all clear. 5% chance of return at some point in the next 10 years but only monitoring from now on. She got lucky, it was caught very early as she was having a scan for something else unrelated and the eagle-eyed tech caught it.

mclem · May 12, 2018

My dad was diagnosed back in... 2004 or so, I think? It appeared to be somewhat advanced, they gave him around five years, deteriorating after three or so.

He's still very much with us.

Prostate cancer's an odd thing, it's a bit unpredictable; it depends how and when it spreads; my father was lucky, in that despite looking very advanced on initial scans, it hadn't spread beyond the prostate; a course of radiotherapy helped contain it for quite some time.

It hasn't gone, and it has got worse - he's on chemo now, but still doing well with it - but we've had so much longer than we ever expected that ultimately we're very aware of how lucky we've been.

In short: it's not a disaster yet, stay calm, wait until you find out more, but always be prepared to keep fighting - it's a fight you can get on top of.

(You may, however, have to endure lengthy descriptions of how they put a tube up... there. Thanks, Dad.)

MrT said:
I'm not sure where you are, but I was watching a documentary series about a cancer hospital in Glasgow that had an episode about prostate cancer. It's really interesting, I had no idea there were 3 treatments with the same survivability rate, so they let you choose which one you want, although obviously if you're not in the UK then this may not be the case. It follows 4 guys with prostate cancer, one choosing each treatment and one who was sadly diagnosed too late so was now terminal and is on palliative care and receiving treatment to improve his quality of life. If you want to check it out its here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0b2mfz9/the-cancer-hospital-series-1-episode-2

As it happens, while we're British, my parents decided to retire to France as a result of this, and a side-effect of that was that the radiotherapy treatment they got there was one that wasn't available on the NHS (fairly new and experimental at the time; I'm not sure if it has since been approved). That's one of the things that helped a lot.

One concern that I have - although that shouldn't affect you, given he's your stepdad - is that it can be hereditary. That's something that preys on my mind a bit.

Orbis · May 12, 2018

My granddad was diagnosed with prostate cancer aged 79 I think. Because of his age and general not so great health, they decided to leave it and not operate or treat.

I went to his 90th birthday lunch the other week.

Just thought I'd throw in a positive anecdote, obviously every case is different.

Puddington · May 12, 2018

BriGuy said:
My father-in-law just had his prostate removed because of cancer. In most cases, prostate cancer is one of those cancers you die with, not from, because of how late in life they're diagnosed and how slow growing they tend to be. There's always exceptions, but the odds are likely in his favor.

OP, to speak to the above quote: https://www.pcf.org/c/active-surveillance/

Active Surveillance is a viable option for your stepfather if his prostate cancer is slow growing. Cancer is scary, but you and your stepfather should take the time to review all the treatments options and their side effects to ensure he's able to live his life to the fullest.

MosquitoSmasher · May 12, 2018

Teh Hamburglar said:
Don't worry until you have something to worry about. A cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence. My friends boyfriend is currently undergoing treatment for some form of lymphoma and has expected to make a complete remission. My aunt just underwent treatment for breast cancer and everything looks good. Though posting your anxiety on this board is a good way of working through those anxities.

Yeah it definitely helps because I learn things I didn't know and that's always good and a relief. Even if things are still uncertain.

Cookie said:
Both my grandfathers got prostate cancer last year. Both of them got treated and both of them are cancer free now.

It's actually not that big of a deal if it's caught early.

Yeah I really hope that's the case here. Before March he didn't go to the hospital a whole lot, so who knows, maybe it has been there for quite a while now. Except for him being diabetic I guess you could say his health is decent enough. He does like to drink a lot and I wish he would slow down with that a little. It sure doesn't help.

Shadybiz said:
Damn, that is a shit year, OP; I'm sorry to hear all that.

But yes, this is definitely not a death sentence. It's good that they caught it; just wait for the results, and go from there.

You know what it is, when people hear the word cancer they immediately think the most negative thoughts and that's very understandabe but I guess we forget how a lot of it can be treated. All we can do now is wait and hope they caught it on time.

I do wonder why they let him go and that he has to come back within 14 days, why not treat it right away?

El_TigroX said:
OP - very sorry to hear this.

My father was diagnosed back in 2001. He had it real bad, caught it at the last moment before it had spread, so he had a radical protectocmy (removal of prostate).

They told us it would return, that he had less than 5 years to live. Here we are 17 years later and he's cancer free and doing great.

It was not easy, it was hard and trying and brutal on him... but the developments on treatment have been incredible, even in the last 10 years.

Go through the process, be there for him and your family and learn as much as you can about the next days and steps.

That's amazing man, I am very happy for you and your father. It just shows that doctors aren't always right and in this case that's fantastic. My stepfather while not my true family(wasn't actually married with my mom but was very close) is more or less my father figure now because my real father passed away in 2011. Don't have any grandfathers or grandmothers anymore either. My brother, two uncles is basically what's left.

Volcane · May 12, 2018

My dad and father-in-law have both had prostate cancer. Both had radiotherapy treatment and went into remission.

Phunkydiabetic · May 12, 2018

My dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer and although he didnt survive there were a few things i took away from the whole experience. Firstly, things are stressful enough as it is and you will be doing yourself a favor by only worrying when there something to worry about. It's easy to fall into 'what if' and worst case scenarios but wait until there is hard facts. Secondly, be prepared for anything and truly enjoy your time with him like it was your last. Positivity can go far in a persons treatment and general well being. It sounds like you guys have a tight relationship so im sure youll have that covered.

I'm sorry to hear about your shit year man, I truly hope this scenario will do a 180 and end in happiness.

AuthenticM · May 12, 2018

I'm sorry to hear that, OP.

Can I ask what his symptoms were? I'd like to know what I should look out for.

shiba5 · May 12, 2018

I lost my father to it, BUT he waited 5 years between checkups - after getting a "let's watch this" diagnosis - and ignored symptoms until he developed back pain he couldn't tolerate. By then it had metastasized to his spine and bones and it was all over but the waiting. He hung on for 2 years, but died in horrible pain.
It normally has a very good survivability rate if caught early. I wish I could go back in time and smack my dad for being so stubborn.

Best wishes to your step-dad. I hope he'll be fine.

AngmarsKing701 · May 12, 2018

My dad had prostate cancer and they injected "radioactive seeds" into the prostate. Basically cleared him up. Hasn't come back, didn't have to have the prostate removed.

Edit - as others have indicated, all depends on how progressed the cancer is.

MosquitoSmasher · May 13, 2018

I decided to talk to him about everything you guys told me. He told me something he hadn't said yet before and that was that the cancer is actually on the bone(s). If that means it has spread is unclear sadly. No idea how worrying this is either.

AuthenticM said:
I'm sorry to hear that, OP.

Can I ask what his symptoms were? I'd like to know what I should look out for.

Well the thing is, the doctors stumbled upon this when he was in the hospital for something entirely different. That day in early March he had heavy chest pains and couldn't get up from the ground. Ambulance came and took him to the hospital. Turns out he had hurt his chest during a fall a day before that. At the time he didn't think much of it until the pain arrived.

It was basically one big bruise that hurt him so much but during that hospital visit they did a MRI on him and then noticed the slightly too oversized lymph gland. If that fall and thus hospital visit had not happened he would not have known about the cancer.

Deleted member 25712 · May 13, 2018

Sorry to hear OP. My wife's step dad had almost exactly the same experience about a year and a half ago; he fell while skiing and hurt himself, went to get checked out and they found he had a lesion on his spine. Turned out to be stage IV prostate cancer. It's in his bones too, though not in soft tissue/vital organs at this point. I'm not a doctor and a lot could be lost in translation here, but from our experience it sounds like he needs to take this very seriously and seek aggressive treatment.

laoni · May 13, 2018

Hey OP! Twice survivor of cancer here, so, let me give as much help as I can. Just keep in mind, every type of cancer is as unique as the person who has it. And, I'm a girl, so, no prostate to speak of. But, prostate cancer has some really good survival rates and lots of options for treatment from surgery to chemo to radio.

So, those 14 days you mentioned, usually unless it's something immediately life-threatening, you have to have that bit of wait, it gives doctors a chance to get their plans in order, ans to have a close look at any scans and/or biopsies they have, as well as order any extras they may want. With my cancer my lymph nodes were large enough in my neck I needed constant medical watch because if they got any larger I wouldn't be able to breathe, and I still had to wait a week before I was able to start treatment.

Now I obviously can't give any information about the surgical treatment option, but, if it is on his bones too, you'll likely be looking at radiotherapy and chemo treatment. And, it being there definitely makes it more serious, but, there are options that they can do.

I do have experience with both chemo and radio though, and, like I said, every person with cancer is different, but if you'd like, feel free to PM me and I can answer questions about what it was like going through these treatments for me, which might be able to help you with your father (things like, plastic cutlery tends to result in less taste changes than metal with chemo)

This waiting period is bloody hard, but, his doctors should come back with a plan of attack, and don't be afraid to ask them any questions you may have too.

MosquitoSmasher · Jul 3, 2018

Hey all,

I bring a new update but it's far from what we hoped, far far from it.

His doctor visited him this morning and he said it's definitely very serious, has spread and Thursday he will hear from the hospital what his chances of survival are. That's how he said it to me. Chemo definitely will happen but it's real bad he said. However, he said in his own jokingly way "you won't get rid of me that easily. I'll be here for a while." which is a really good mindset to have, means he will be fighting it, not accepting it and that's it.

He's really calm considering the situation, but he's definitely acting strong here too. But the reality here is that things are not looking good and we can only hope treatment will do its job. I know there are examples of how very bad cases ended up getting healed and I hope he is one of them.

MosquitoSmasher · Jul 5, 2018

Last update for probably a while, I don't think he could've gotten much worse news.

Turns out the cancer can't be treated, but can be slowed down with meds, if they work that is. If they work he could have months, years (one,two or more) left. If they don't work Chemo will start.

Foffy · Jul 5, 2018

Deeply sorry to hear about your stepfather's situation.

I am offering warm wishes throughout this situation, whatever it may bring. If your stepfather keeps his calm spirits, I do hope no matter what happens it's done from a place of compassion.

Deleted member 4247 · Jul 5, 2018

Really sorry. This is unfortunately something that will happen to many of us. How old is he?

El_TigroX · Jul 5, 2018

Very sorry to hear that news and update.

Take care, left nothing unsaid, and be supportive and make sure you care for yourself as well - this will be trying, and your health and mind are important.

eclipze · Jul 5, 2018

That sucks OP. My dad died unexpectedly last month, so from my perspective, make sure to spend as much time together as possible.

My stepfather just told me he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer

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