ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

Chopchop said:

Best to ask a doctor, but I imagine that as long as the food is well cooked and prepared in a sanitary manner, it's fine to eat.

My doctor recommended that we avoid smoked or cured meats, as those have a slightly higher chance of food poisoning, and unborn babies don't deal well with food poisoning. So avoid things like smoked salmon and ham.

As for fish, as long as the fish is not high on the food chain (which means it accumulates things like mercury from eating smaller fish), it's probably fine, and even fish higher on the food chain are usually okay to eat as long as you don't eat them too often.

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We actually went to the doctor yesterday and she was all, "yeah, no poke. It's raw. Cooked fish only. No tuna."

She gave us a list of things my wife can't eat, drink, or do in Hawaii and then said, "have fun!"

Not sure how much fun she's going to have, but I guess I'll have fun... After all, I'll be drinking Mai Tais for two since she can't...

Nephtes said:

We actually went to the doctor yesterday and she was all, "yeah, no poke. It's raw. Cooked fish only. No tuna."

She gave us a list of things my wife can't eat, drink, or do in Hawaii and then said, "have fun!"

Not sure how much fun she's going to have, but I guess I'll have fun... After all, I'll be drinking Mai Tais for two since she can't...

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All the restrictions do suck, but try to plan around it so that you both have fun. You won't get many chances to go on vacation with just the two of you anymore, so cherish this time together. Try to only choose things that she can enjoy too, so that she doesn't miss what she can't do too much.

Try to be extra considerate of how you enjoy things there, too. Don't eat things that she can't eat right in front of her if she's not okay with it.

Nephtes said:

We actually went to the doctor yesterday and she was all, "yeah, no poke. It's raw. Cooked fish only. No tuna."

She gave us a list of things my wife can't eat, drink, or do in Hawaii and then said, "have fun!"

Not sure how much fun she's going to have, but I guess I'll have fun... After all, I'll be drinking Mai Tais for two since she can't...

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The lists they give you are absurd. I understand the need to be cautious to a degree, but they just lump everything on a 'danger list' if there's even the tiniest chance a problem might happen. It's like they're trying to make an already tough time even more joyless. -_- I don't want to encourage you to take unnecessary chances (like eating some back-alley poke), but if you go for a second, you'll might find yourself rolling your eyes at all the restrictions you followed during round one. Just use common sense and avoid the bigger problem foods, I say*.


*I've been known to eat questionably fresh things without noticing and have a cast iron stomach. Take with a grain of salt.

EDIT to add: Sushi is back on the OK list, btw. It's all flash frozen in the states, so parasites are killed off. Just make sure you get it from a decent/clean-looking place.

At the hospital for what appears to be a false alarm. My wife is 35 weeks pregnant and thought her water might have broke. Feel like it was a good dry run because even though we took a hospital tour 2 weeks ago we got lost a couple times finding the birthing unit. I guess things look different at night. Waiting for the doctor to see her but I'm pretty sure things would be more intense if this was the real deal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kid woke up crying in the middle of the night but refused his night bottle, even though we think he was hungry. Wouldn't go back to sleep. I wound up spending most of the night cuddling him in a rocking chair, because that was the only way he would stop crying and calm down. Refused the bottle in the morning again and we were like wtf I hope his feeding issues aren't coming back.

Then an hour later, we try again. He acts like nothing was wrong the entire night and drains the entire bottle.

*throws everything out window*

H.Protagonist said:

The lists they give you are absurd. I understand the need to be cautious to a degree, but they just lump everything on a 'danger list' if there's even the tiniest chance a problem might happen. It's like they're trying to make an already tough time even more joyless. -_- I don't want to encourage you to take unnecessary chances (like eating some back-alley poke), but if you go for a second, you'll might find yourself rolling your eyes at all the restrictions you followed during round one. Just use common sense and avoid the bigger problem foods, I say*.


*I've been known to eat questionably fresh things without noticing and have a cast iron stomach. Take with a grain of salt.

EDIT to add: Sushi is back on the OK list, btw. It's all flash frozen in the states, so parasites are killed off. Just make sure you get it from a decent/clean-looking place.

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The lists do err way on the side of caution. I think they aim to minimize the risk of food poisoning as much as possible so that no one can go "you said this food was okay!" if anything goes wrong. Things like deli meats and sushi are discouraged because of the slightly higher chance of food poisoning, even though you could (and many have) likely eat them occasionally and still turn out okay. It's just a "better safe than sorry" thing for the most part, which is understandable when you want to keep the pregnancy as safe as possible.

Our OB said sushi was okay (which disagrees with some doctors), as long as it came from a restaurant that we trusted. But we still avoided it just to be safe.

Having said that, some stomachs already do get shaken up quite a bit when eating food abroad, even for people who aren't pregnant, so I'd avoid anything weird while traveling.

As vegetarians the hard sell for us was listeria around cheeses like feta, which we consume in significant quantities, especially in the summer when greek salads are a mainstay.

Oh yeah, we were told to avoid soft cheeses, though we were also told that it was okay to eat them as long as they were made with pasteurized milk.

Chopchop said:

Kid woke up crying in the middle of the night but refused his night bottle, even though we think he was hungry. Wouldn't go back to sleep. I wound up spending most of the night cuddling him in a rocking chair, because that was the only way he would stop crying and calm down. Refused the bottle in the morning again and we were like wtf I hope his feeding issues aren't coming back.

Then an hour later, we try again. He acts like nothing was wrong the entire night and drains the entire bottle.

*throws everything out window*


The lists do err way on the side of caution. I think they aim to minimize the risk of food poisoning as much as possible so that no one can go "you said this food was okay!" if anything goes wrong. Things like deli meats and sushi are discouraged because of the slightly higher chance of food poisoning, even though you could (and many have) likely eat them occasionally and still turn out okay. It's just a "better safe than sorry" thing for the most part, which is understandable when you want to keep the pregnancy as safe as possible.

Our OB said sushi was okay (which disagrees with some doctors), as long as it came from a restaurant that we trusted. But we still avoided it just to be safe.

Having said that, some stomachs already do get shaken up quite a bit when eating food abroad, even for people who aren't pregnant, so I'd avoid anything weird while traveling.

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I mean, I know all that since I've carried two babies to term. I'm just annoyed as the one subjected to these lists by both doctors and the general public. The looks I'd get for buying cheese or ordering a steak medium rare to say nothing of the actual comments you get. Like I said, I understand why they give you these lists (why wouldn't you try to minimize as many risks as possible?), but I personally find them over the top. Your likelihood of getting a dodgy cheese is certainly far, far less than your chance of getting into a fender bender (in terms of death you are 126x more likely to die in a car accident this year than you are to die of Listeriosis, apparently). They'll be jamming pregnant women in stasis tubes next to minimize all the risks soon :P.

Additionally, as you said, advice varies from doctor to doctor. My Australian midwife even recommended beer every now and then if I felt like it. I think the info is great to have, but the fear mongering that comes with it is all a bit much. It made for a stressful and un-enjoyable pregnancy on top of everything else for me with my first one. I was quite a bit more relaxed with #2 when it came around. But, of course, I'd only recommend people do whatever makes them comfortable. I wouldn't want anyone getting sick because I encouraged them to eat some parma ham.

Nephtes said:

Nearing the end of the first trimester...and we're going to Hawaii for 7 days for a trip we had scheduled/paid for long before we found out we were pregnant...

So... I understand my wife can eat some fish, but not all fish?
Pretty much all there is to eat on the islands is poke', spam, and lava right?
Is poke' on the list of acceptable fish?
What to women who live on the islands even eat when pregnant to avoid all the fish?

Suggestions?

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We went to Maui for a babymoon and accidentally ate some swordfish. It was fine, but be sure to ask what type of fish you're going to get if you're concerned. Remember that the higher up the food chain you go, the higher the concentration of mercury could be in the fish, so maybe avoid apex predators like shark and swordfish.

H.Protagonist said:

My Australian midwife even recommended beer every now and then if I felt like it.

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Cultural differences like that are the most amusing; a few friends from Basque country who were adamant the mother should be having a glass of wine at an event we were at. I don't remember if my wife did; she certainly would now, nothing gets that wine drinking urge going like having two kids...

Nephtes said:

We actually went to the doctor yesterday and she was all, "yeah, no poke. It's raw. Cooked fish only. No tuna."

She gave us a list of things my wife can't eat, drink, or do in Hawaii and then said, "have fun!"

Not sure how much fun she's going to have, but I guess I'll have fun... After all, I'll be drinking Mai Tais for two since she can't...

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Oh, you were serious...

Sorry for the flip answer I gave earlier...it's just that the premise (the only thing to eat in Hawaii is fish) was so ridiculous I wasn't sure if you were serious, although I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.

Everyone gave you pretty much the correct answer about whether fish is safe, etc. My wife tried to stay away from raw fish but since we took our babymoon in Tokyo she felt that if you're gonna "cheat" then getting sushi at Tsukiji was going to be the right place to do it....

There are lots of things aside from fish that you can eat in Hawaii, so if you want to avoid fish you don't need to worry, she'll be able to get whatever she wants.

So my wife wants to send our 6 year old daughter to her friend's house on a play date. We dont know the parents and my wife thinks it's perfectly fine to drop her off, chit chat we with them for 5 minutes and leave. I think it's a terrible idea, especially since the mom is a cop so I know there is a gun in the house. What say you, era?

Can anyone share their experiences with their kid teething? How did it affect the kid's demeanor and feeding habits?

Mest08 said:

So my wife wants to send our 6 year old daughter to her friend's house on a play date. We dont know the parents and my wife thinks it's perfectly fine to drop her off, chit chat we with them for 5 minutes and leave. I think it's a terrible idea, especially since the mom is a cop so I know there is a gun in the house. What say you, era?

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My kids aren't that old yet, but I feel like that depends on your wife's and daughter's ability to judge character. You can't police your daughter's social interactions too much without being overbearing, so at some point you do need to let her go a little and trust that she'll be okay. The gun in the house is definitely a concern, but as long as they aren't irresponsible with the gun, then it should be okay.

Your wife will need to decide if the friend's parents are trustworthy from those 5 minutes of chit chat. If your daughter gets along with her friend enough to do a play date and your wife doesn't pick up any red flags from the friend's parents, I think trusting them with the play date is okay. You can also ask your daughter if she liked her time there afterwards, and whether anything weird happened.

It's a tough situation to think about, because it becomes a difficult slope--do you ask all potential friends parents if they have firearms? If they have a pool? If their pets are well trained/behaved? Their driving record?

Ostensibly you'd think being a police officer would put one higher on the scale for safe storage of firearms. The allergy angle is the socially acceptable one these days, could always try the old "My child is allergic to gunpowder residue" chestnut...

BriareosGAF said:

Cultural differences like that are the most amusing; a few friends from Basque country who were adamant the mother should be having a glass of wine at an event we were at. I don't remember if my wife did; she certainly would now, nothing gets that wine drinking urge going like having two kids...

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Haha, yeah. I imagine French moms are having waaaay more fun than the rest of us. And I'm so with your wife. I rock up to our local tap house and they're like, "Full pint, not half, right?" :D

Chopchop said:

Can anyone share their experiences with their kid teething? How did it affect the kid's demeanor and feeding habits?

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Mine wasn't/weren't too bad. We got the red cheeks, sleeping tons, and not wanting to eat much variety, but #1 slept fine with the occasional Calpol dose before bed on really bad days. For eating, cooled sweet potato/purees seemed to work best.

My sister-in-law's daughter went the full gamut with throwing up, high fever, red cheeked, super irritable, not eating, though. Child seemed down right demonic sometimes. She used a lot of fridgable teething necklaces to help. Is yours mot wanting to eat quite a bit?

BriareosGAF said:

The allergy angle is the socially acceptable one these days, could always try the old "My child is allergic to gunpowder residue" chestnut...

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haha that one probably doesn't work so well

just ask if they have a gun at home, and how they store it, rather than dancing around it. She's a cop, she's used to talking about her guns, and hopefully handles them responsibly. Gun should be safely stored in a case and ammo kept separate

H.Protagonist said:

Mine wasn't/weren't too bad. We got the red cheeks, sleeping tons, and not wanting to eat much variety, but #1 slept fine with the occasional Calpol dose before bed on really bad days. For eating, cooled sweet potato/purees seemed to work best.

My sister-in-law's daughter went the full gamut with throwing up, high fever, red cheeked, super irritable, not eating, though. Child seemed down right demonic sometimes. She used a lot of fridgable teething necklaces to help. Is yours mot wanting to eat quite a bit?

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He's been starting to fuss on the occasional feed, even at times we expect him to be hungry, so we think teething might be one of the possible causes.

Roughly every other feed these days, he acts normal when he sees a bottle, but then would either refuse to open his mouth when the bottle gets close, or he would open his mouth to let the bottle in, suck once, then break away from the bottle and cry. But sometimes, when we offer again 5 minutes later, he'd take the bottle and just down the whole thing calmly. Other times, he just takes the bottle normally and calmly with no fuss. There seems to be no real pattern as to when he'll fuss at the bottle and when he won't. He seems okay with his usual solids so far (fruit purees and the like), though we only give him a little bit once a day.

No fevers, usually fairly happy outside of feeds, though he has occasional fussy/cranky moments. We've given him a few teething toys, but he either doesn't realize he's supposed to chew on them, or isn't interested. He used to be okay with his mom putting fingers in his mouth to clean his gums, but seems irritated when she tries it now.

He has a history of non-teething related feeding issues, and every time he had trouble feeding in the past, people have suggested teething when it turns out he wasn't, so this is a "boy who cried wolf" situation for us. We know that teething could cause feeding issues, and that his recent refusals really might be teething this time, but honestly we don't know for sure. No teeth have actually showed up in his mouth. He sometimes chews lightly on his fingers, but we don't know if that's him self-soothing his teething or him just chewing on his fingers.

My son was sleeping through the night for the past month, but has now decided to get a cold and cut 2 teeth at once. The past week has been less than good for our ability to sleep.

I'm looking for a bit of advice for a long car journey. We've got two girls, one is 2 and a bit and the other is just over 9 months old. We're planning a trip at the end of this month which involves a ~450 mile drive. Last weekend we did a trip of just over 200 miles which went reasonably well. Took lots of breaks so they could get out of the car seats and stretch their legs, had plenty of snacks and drinks, and tried to time it so the start of the journey was around their first nap time so they slept the first hour or so. Even with a couple of good long breaks and plenty of snacks, they still started to get pretty fractious towards the end.

For the next trip, we're probably going to try to leave around 3AM so they'll hopefully sleep a good portion of the trip. We really want to get the drive done in a day if we can do it without losing our sanity.

First problem - the older girl has figured out how to escape from the straps on her car seat. They're shoulder straps and she can slip her hands underneath them and get her arms out no matter how tight they are. We tried an anti escape system like this one -

http://www.halfords.com/kids-zone/c.../child-safety/5-point-plus-anti-escape-system

- but she figured out how to get out of that fairly quickly. She also figured out to keep quiet when she does it so she can stay free for as long as possible O_O Have read that a houdini clip works well, has anyone tried one of these? Or any other suggestions for stopping her from escaping?

The next problem is keeping them entertained. We're probably going to take an iPad with a couple of films on it that they can watch during the trip (we do usually keep their screen time to a minimum but for a long journey like this we'll take all the help we can get). We've also tried to check out places we can stop along the way. Service stations are OK for a quick break and some fresh air but they're not great. Is it better to do lots of small stops or a couple of longer ones to break up the journey?

Has anyone attempted a similar trip to this? Any advice?

Took a 300+ mile journey last week. We stopped in a town mid-way for a picnic and they had a great play area for the kids to run around in and punch themselves out. We also had the iPad for the eldest so he could watch a movie. It worked pretty okay. Planning is everything!!! We looked into where we could stop, made sure we had the right movies downloaded and made sure the timings were right ahead of time.

The youngest napped on both legs of the journey - we started a little before his first naptime. The eldest napped after the park so it was quite an ok journey.

Alas I don't have any advice for the escapist, we had a few instances of that but he understood quite quickly the dangers and knocked it off (also the iPad helped immensely with this :D ).

Hamrub said:

I'm looking for a bit of advice for a long car journey. We've got two girls, one is 2 and a bit and the other is just over 9 months old. We're planning a trip at the end of this month which involves a ~450 mile drive. Last weekend we did a trip of just over 200 miles which went reasonably well. Took lots of breaks so they could get out of the car seats and stretch their legs, had plenty of snacks and drinks, and tried to time it so the start of the journey was around their first nap time so they slept the first hour or so. Even with a couple of good long breaks and plenty of snacks, they still started to get pretty fractious towards the end.

For the next trip, we're probably going to try to leave around 3AM so they'll hopefully sleep a good portion of the trip. We really want to get the drive done in a day if we can do it without losing our sanity.

First problem - the older girl has figured out how to escape from the straps on her car seat. They're shoulder straps and she can slip her hands underneath them and get her arms out no matter how tight they are. We tried an anti escape system like this one -

http://www.halfords.com/kids-zone/c.../child-safety/5-point-plus-anti-escape-system

- but she figured out how to get out of that fairly quickly. She also figured out to keep quiet when she does it so she can stay free for as long as possible O_O Have read that a houdini clip works well, has anyone tried one of these? Or any other suggestions for stopping her from escaping?

The next problem is keeping them entertained. We're probably going to take an iPad with a couple of films on it that they can watch during the trip (we do usually keep their screen time to a minimum but for a long journey like this we'll take all the help we can get). We've also tried to check out places we can stop along the way. Service stations are OK for a quick break and some fresh air but they're not great. Is it better to do lots of small stops or a couple of longer ones to break up the journey?

Has anyone attempted a similar trip to this? Any advice?

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My family lives over 500 miles away and we can't afford airfare so we end up driving at least twice a year. What we've found to work for us is leaving early, we try to leave at 5:30, but our kids tend to sleep in later than most everyone else's so it works for us. They end up sleeping a fair amount which is nice. Since it's such a long trip we try not to make a lot of little stops, instead we stop at the occasional rest area for about fifteen to thirty minutes and let the kids run around there. We've tried stopping at restaurants but unless you happen to know where a McDonalds with a play place is or something like that you end up taking lots of different exits and wasting time. A sit down restaurant is nice in theory but it doesn't give the kids a place to stretch their legs. Rest areas work because there is normally a lot of grass and room to play and if you pack a lunch you end up saving money and can do a picnic. It's not really restful for Mommy and Daddy since you do want to keep a close eye on them there, but it works.

My oldest is 4 and she has her own kindle for my sanity, I try to make sure a variety of stuff is downloaded but I wait to pull this out until she's getting restless. She has actually made the entire drive before without needing it. My youngest is fifteen months, our last trip I purchased a Velcro thingie to put on the back of the seat that I could put an older kindle on, when he'd reached his limit and was refusing to nap, I turned on Toy Story and he finally passed out, he doesn't normally watch TV so this was just a hail Mary that worked wonderfully.

I try to keep various snacks on hand and ready to give them as well. When they get restless I offer food and sometimes that helps.

They both travel really well at this point, but it's because they're used to it, however, they both had a trip where they hit a wall and nothing you could do would make things better. Our only option was to let them cry. It sucks, and if it sounds like they're going to make themselves sick obviously pull over and try and console them, but sometimes they just have to cry.

The most recent trip we went on I did it with just the kids, my husband wasn't able to get time off, and both ways we ended up only stopping twice for thirty minutes both times. It's a brutal trip and I try not to have them in the car the day after or the day before we leave for any length of time so they get some time off from car travel.

I don't really have advice on your child that is slipping free. Our daughter has done it a few times, but not frequently and each time I try to stress that she's wearing it to keep her safe and that Mommy and Daddy are wearing theirs so keep it on, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I just try and keep checking on her.

My 7.5 month old said his first words during Mother's Day dinner yesterday. He finally said mama, then decided to repeat it over and over and over again for the next 45 minutes. I'm so proud of him, but it was a heart stopping moment for me since I really wasn't expecting him to form words until 10-12 months. But of course not every baby develops at the same time.

We travel at night for a combination of kids as well as traffic, for our twice a year 480mi journey to visit my parents. One thing I remember is that around two years old we started letting our eldest play DS. It was pretty amazing how quickly they picked up and understood the stylus interface, and games have a way of keeping them even more locked in than movies. If you don't have a DS it should be pretty cheap to get one, super cheap games, etc., so you don't have to worry about an ipad getting broken or anything.

I also remember on our first trip to England, on the return flight my youngest watched Tom & Jerry's Wizard of Oz at least three times in a row...

Three week check in: babies are weird, and create a time warp effect where every day goes by pretty quickly but trying to think back even a couple weeks seems like a year ago. I assume this'll go away somewhat when I go back to work next week and have to keep a normal human schedule.

Seriously, though, we're having a great time, even if it's occasionally frustrating. No matter what happens, one little smile, or one moment of recognition when she looks at her black and white shape book...basically anything where I can see her personality even 1% just puts me over the moon.

The one concern I have is that she loves to go from just laying on my chest asleep to randomly flinging herself in one direction or another with little time to actually catch her.

Anno said:

Three week check in: babies are weird, and create a time warp effect where every day goes by pretty quickly but trying to think back even a couple weeks seems like a year ago. I assume this'll go away somewhat when I go back to work next week and have to keep a normal human schedule.

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Wait until she's about two years old. The stretch from lunchtime to bedtime feels like it lasts about 12 years some days :)

Kid just developed separation anxiety. He went from obediently going to sleep when you put him in his crib, to crying as soon as he realizes you're walking away from the crib. Yaaaay.

So it's time to sleep train him now. We tried the chair method last night (https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/5-sleep-training-methods-explained/) and it seemed to go well - he didn't cry as continuously (only the occasional call out) and fell asleep in about 10 minutes. Hopefully it gets better from there.

Chopchop said:

Kid just developed separation anxiety. He went from obediently going to sleep when you put him in his crib, to crying as soon as he realizes you're walking away from the crib. Yaaaay.

So it's time to sleep train him now. We tried the chair method last night (https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/5-sleep-training-methods-explained/) and it seemed to go well - he didn't cry as continuously (only the occasional call out) and fell asleep in about 10 minutes. Hopefully it gets better from there.

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How old is he? Have you tried any of those soothing musical toys for babies at bedtime? Our son had a similar issue, and after we bought him this https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Soothe-and-Glow-Giraffe/dp/B00IWPJZKQ we had no more issues.

Violence Jack said:

How old is he? Have you tried any of those soothing musical toys for babies at bedtime? Our son had a similar issue, and after we bought him this https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Soothe-and-Glow-Giraffe/dp/B00IWPJZKQ we had no more issues.

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Aww, that giraffe is very cute. We don't have one of those, but we could try getting one if the current sleep routine doesn't work. Both my wife and I have been reluctant about getting sleep toys, because we suspect it might distract and stimulate him rather than making him go to sleep.

He's a little over 6 months. His sudden clinginess seems to line up fairly well to the wonder week chart.

Has anyone here tried the Ergobaby 180 stroller?

https://ergobaby.com/180-reversible-stroller-black

Really like the features and its compact size. We can get one for $300 right now thanks to a google express 25% coupon. Any thoughts?

Parents, here's a question for you.

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

I have a relative who won't let her children (ages 5 and 7) have any toys whatsoever. No books, no stuffed animals, no video games, nothing.

If a relative buys toys for the children she throws the toys in the trash. She tried to bully the rest of the family into not having any toys in their own homes and we collectively told her to get fucked. So now when the kids go anywhere that actually has toys they immediately start playing with toys.

All she lets the children do is watch television and YouTube videos on her ipad.

I think she is seriously fucking these kids up and she doesn't give a shit.

But I don't have children of my own, so maybe I am totally out of line.

PixelParty said:

Parents, here's a question for you.

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

I have a relative who won't let her children (ages 5 and 7) have any toys whatsoever. No books, no stuffed animals, no video games, nothing.

If a relative buys toys for the children she throws the toys in the trash. She tried to bully the rest of the family into not having any toys in their own homes and we collectively told her to get fucked. So now when the kids go anywhere that actually has toys they immediately start playing with toys.

All she lets the children do is watch television and YouTube videos on her ipad.

I think she is seriously fucking these kids up and she doesn't give a shit.

But I don't have children of my own, so maybe I am totally out of line.

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It's definitely not a thing I've ever heard of. That sounds awful. Has she said why?

PixelParty said:

Parents, here's a question for you.

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

I have a relative who won't let her children (ages 5 and 7) have any toys whatsoever. No books, no stuffed animals, no video games, nothing.

If a relative buys toys for the children she throws the toys in the trash. She tried to bully the rest of the family into not having any toys in their own homes and we collectively told her to get fucked. So now when the kids go anywhere that actually has toys they immediately start playing with toys.

All she lets the children do is watch television and YouTube videos on her ipad.

I think she is seriously fucking these kids up and she doesn't give a shit.

But I don't have children of my own, so maybe I am totally out of line.

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Yeah.... Never heard of this. I get wanting to not have a lot of toys, or clutter around the house. But none at all really messes with imaginative play.

skeptem said:

Yeah.... Never heard of this. I get wanting to not have a lot of toys, or clutter around the house. But none at all really messes with imaginative play.

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Yeah. Are they in front of the TV/iPad all the time? Does she just want to keep them quiet?

PixelParty said:

Parents, here's a question for you.

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

I have a relative who won't let her children (ages 5 and 7) have any toys whatsoever. No books, no stuffed animals, no video games, nothing.

If a relative buys toys for the children she throws the toys in the trash. She tried to bully the rest of the family into not having any toys in their own homes and we collectively told her to get fucked. So now when the kids go anywhere that actually has toys they immediately start playing with toys.

All she lets the children do is watch television and YouTube videos on her ipad.

I think she is seriously fucking these kids up and she doesn't give a shit.

But I don't have children of my own, so maybe I am totally out of line.

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No, not a thing at all. Children need toys and especially books for developmental purposes. By taking them away, they are holding that kid back. Did she give a reason for doing that?

PixelParty said:

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

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Yes and no. There are proponents of having only self-made "toys" (e.g., making a rattle with beans in a container, allowing children to craft a toy robot or vehicle out of recycling materials), but those proponents are also very anti-iPad/tech and pro-playing outdoors.

PixelParty said:

Parents, here's a question for you.

Is it a "thing" to not let your children have toys now?

I have a relative who won't let her children (ages 5 and 7) have any toys whatsoever. No books, no stuffed animals, no video games, nothing.

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Um, no. I've never heard of this. While there's a debate going on about how much technology to expose to kids and at what age (like TV, tablets, etc.), I've never heard of anyone wanting to ban all simple toys.

Toys are an important part of child development. At an early age, they learn things like cause and effect from them (push toy > toy falls/rolls away, etc), and it's also one of the ways they learn basic coordination with their bodies, such as tracking moving objects with their eyes, and grabbing things with their hands. At older ages, toys are a way for kids to learn about concepts like sharing.

Keeping kids away from all toys and parking them in front of TVs/tablets all day sounds like the worst possible combination for them, development-wise. You're denying them the benefits of normal toys, AND possibly making them socially and developmentally inept because all they do is passively stare into screens all day.

I don't know of any school of thought that doesn't encourage books. I've heard of limiting toys, cycling out toys so they don't grow attached, and only handmade toys but I've never heard no toys. That seems really damaging to development, especially for younger kids.

And just like that, I'm forced to resign from Parent ERA... 8 weeks in and my wife and I suffered a miscarriage.
Crushed isn't the right word.
I don't have a word for this.

It happened so fast.
One minute you're happily picking out baby names with abandon and imagining 7 months from now... The next watching your dreams crumble before you while you're forced watch your friends and family pop out kid after kid... seemingly without issue.

It feels like the universe is telling me I'm not dad material, which is kind of ridiculous, the universe clearly doesn't have time to tell me shit.

Oh shit man I'm sorry to hear that is absolutely terrible.

If you need anything just ask any of us here.

Nephtes said:

And just like that, I'm forced to resign from Parent ERA... 8 weeks in and my wife and I suffered a miscarriage.
Crushed isn't the right word.
I don't have a word for this.

It happened so fast.
One minute you're happily picking out baby names with abandon and imagining 7 months from now... The next watching your dreams crumble before you while you're forced watch your friends and family pop out kid after kid... seemingly without issue.

It feels like the universe is telling me I'm not dad material, which is kind of ridiculous, the universe clearly doesn't have time to tell me shit.

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I know exactly how this feels man. It happened to us around that time, too. It was downright deflating. We had already thought of names and my wife even bought maternity clothes. It's hard for a little while, but don't let it get to you. Don't start thinking about fate and shit like that. Somewhere between 10 and 20 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and somewhere around 80% of those happen before 12 weeks. What happened to your wife is completely normal. It's horrible we don't seem to talk about this largely shared but secret experience, but know that there are and were a lot of people in that same boat. As you said, your family and friends pop out kid after kid seemingly without issue. The truth is there are a lot of issues happening, they just don't get shared to facebook or even talked about very much in private settings.

We got back on the horse, as it were, and my wife is now 27 weeks pregnant with everything looking really good.

My condolences, Nephtes .I know there are no words, but I hope you will feel better eventually.

So sorry to hear that, man. Stay strong.

Nephtes said:

And just like that, I'm forced to resign from Parent ERA... 8 weeks in and my wife and I suffered a miscarriage.
Crushed isn't the right word.
I don't have a word for this.

It happened so fast.
One minute you're happily picking out baby names with abandon and imagining 7 months from now... The next watching your dreams crumble before you while you're forced watch your friends and family pop out kid after kid... seemingly without issue.

It feels like the universe is telling me I'm not dad material, which is kind of ridiculous, the universe clearly doesn't have time to tell me shit.

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My condolences. It's hardly comforting that it's very common. Remember to talk about it. Don't shy away from taking the time to process this so you can move on and try again. Don't give up.

We will be supplementing formula for our 7 month old son soon. Any suggestions? (In the US)

Not in the US, but we started with concentrate and then switched to powder, eventually low iron. The contents are probably fairly well regulated by the FDA, surely.

We just buy the grocery store brands, but I am 99% sure they're both the same and made by a major brand.

Formula smells terrible and remarkably similar going in as coming out.

This has not been a great 3 weeks. My son has given us 3 colds, and currently has conjunctivitis. This morning he woke up at 5 with a high temperature...so he's probably coming down with something else, and we may have contracted another cold from somewhere, while my wife is recovering from gastro.


I just want a single week of health. Is that too much to ask?

CrudeDiatribe said:

Not in the US, but we started with concentrate and then switched to powder, eventually low iron. The contents are probably fairly well regulated by the FDA, surely.

We just buy the grocery store brands, but I am 99% sure they're both the same and made by a major brand.

Formula smells terrible and remarkably similar going in as coming out.

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Awesome, can't wait to try. She picked up some generic to start that a NICU nurse friend recommended, Similac advanced.

So, we just had our first emergency trip. Wife placed our 7 month old in the middle of the bed and then turned to change shirts to nurse. Of course, somehow from the middle of a queen bed, he gets to the edge and falls just under a meter to the wooden floor. In like the two seconds she turned. He immediately starts crying (good sign, means he didn't lose consciousness) and nose is bleeding.

Called our regular doc and they suggested we go in because of the height and bleeding. Turns out, hitting his forehead was the best thing that could have happened. He's fine, we were more shaken up than anything.

She gave us this, which is a good ref for parents:

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Harry also got Hand foot and mouth diseasew from daycare and proceeded to give it to all of us, which starts with a fever (mine was the fam record of 103F woot) and ends with sores on hands, feet, and of course, the interior of the mouth. Not fucking fun. We are in the blisters phase of it. Everyone keeps saying that adults shouldn't be getting it, but guess what, we got the badass strain. Doc did say that we would be immune to the same strain after this.

So I feel you DrSlek, this fucking sucks.

Oh, and when we went to the doctor to get medical certificates for work sick leave, we discovered that our son also has a heart murmur. The Doc says it may be caused by his heart pumping faster while he's fighting off these illnesses and it may go away when he recovers. He has another appointment for next week when he'll theoretically no longer be ill to see if the murmur is still present after he's recovered from all these viruses.

My wife isn't concerned, and I'm mostly not...except when a stray thought creeps into my head and I lay awake at night wondering "What if?"

We got a little pool for Logan this past weekend and let him play around in the water. One day he enjoyed it and was splashing all the time. The next day he was done after 10 minutes and wanted me to pick him up. He also got a smash cake and he had no idea what to do.

Highly reccomend you guys avoid this hand foot and mouth disease.

For babies, not so bad. For adults, it's like entering the gates of hall. My feet are on fire.