I'm Narcissistic. How the hell do I combat it?

Cut your face up

See a counsellor.

Hey OP, sorry you're wrestling with something so difficult at the moment. I would strongly recommend getting some therapy to figure things out. It helps everyone. Give it time and be open to it and I have faith you'll be able to sort everything out.

How old are you?

100% see a therapist. What is good is you recognize that you're a narcissist. Most narcissists will never admit to it. But you were able to recognize it, so now is the time to get help.

Embrace it and force people to succumb to your will.

Try to do one thing at a time which isn't narcissistic. Like help somebody anonymously and without getting anything back in return.

Yeah, you should probably see a counselor, and follow that up with one of the behavioral therapy regimens that exist. Something like cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy. There's homework, and months of it, but it's mostly journaling-- so the toughest obstacle to deal with is yourself making excuses for why you shouldn't or resisting change.

Yeah you should see a counselor/therapist, if possible, and one that works well for you which can be tough to find.

It's weird. I thought (and still do in some ways) that I was a sociopath and/or narcissistic person, someone who was mostly indifferent to the needs, thoughts, and considerations of others but who primarily took action out of my own individual preference, needs, and desires. Then I got into a serious relationship with someone I'm pretty sure (though I'm no clinical psychologist/therapist), was a malignant narcissist/had Narcissist Personality Disorder.

From trying to understand that person by reading about narcissism in individuals, people who are so narcissistic it causes them legitimate dysfunction in their lives have no means to truly "fix" it. Talking/talk therapy with a counselor/therapist I believe is the main method of "treating" it in order to help those who have this personality be more cognizant and self-reflective of it.

I think the majority of people alive today have varying degrees of narcissism beyond just simple, healthy narcissism/self-love and appreciation.

As a narcist myself, I recommend you try new things. Whether its physical activities, new job, or a math/science/technology discipline. You will either:

1: be humbled and realize you're not all that (most common outcome)
2: get ticked off at your incompetence and try harder to overcome the obstacle because you know you can do it
3: be surprisingly good at it and it will only reinforce your confidence

All 3 are good outcomes.

The good news is, you are on your way. One of the things that defines narcissism is the inability to acknowledge a problem. Just keep doing the introspection. Keep it real and be honest about your thoughts.

Tethered Penguin said:

16

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you might just not be done learning empathy yet. i was a pretty selfish dick as a teen until i went through enough garbage to rough my ego up.

if you're harming relationships and seriously hurting people by making exceptionally self-centered decisions or failing to recognize them as independent beings with feelings and goals separate from yours, then therapists can help you take that mindfulness work up a notch. you don't have to tell the internet what past behaviour you're worried about. just keep in mind there's a difference between "i was a selfish dick a few times" and "i routinely make others feel awful by disregarding their personhood."

the real extreme narcissists can't perceive that they have flaws or bear to admit to possible ones in public. if you're capable of asking "am i effing up? " then you're off to a good start.

Just accept it OP. It's part of who you are. It's ok to love yourself. It's ok to want attention. You be you and don't change.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_egoism

What's interesting is I don't believe a true narcissist can admit to being a narcissist. So while you make a thread about it, it is indeed only for attention and you will detach it from yourself.

Look in a pool of water.

You'll be so enamored with yourself that you won't do anything! Problem solved.

But, on topic, I'd say, just keep monitoring yourself. Whenever you make a decision, just think about it a bit longer. You've done the hard part which is realizing you're self-centered (you're also a teenager so comes with the territory tbqh), now its just developing who you are as a person and being more generous.

Narcissism runs down the paternal side of my family. I'd suggest seeking therapy ASAP. You're on the right path by acknowledging that you have a problem, go to a threapist so you can do something about it.

Try starting with the man in the mirror.

At 16 you're a clueless moron, most everyone is, forget about it and go have fun.

The only correct answer anyone can give here is try and seek professional help. If you live in a place where you can't get it easily, check your school. They often have counselors and they may be able to help you out in the interim.

Don't chase 'likes'

And remember:

Read some stoic philosophy to hide it better.

Also your life and humanity is ultimately meaningless.

Go to a therapist. Especially before it gets worse or you discover that it's actually an inferiority complex you have. Narcissism is often a symptom of a larger inferiority complex. And before you say but wait wouldn't a Narcissist have a superiority complex, no. Some one who truly feels themselves superior wouldn't be a narcissist. There would be no need to, narcissism is a show for other people and a superiority complex doesn't care about other people's opinions.

Literally everything you said in the OP could be turned around to make you feel inferior to others and I'd say highlight some insecurities you potentially have. And as you said you posted for attention, but it could be for affirmation that these things you want to believe are true.

You're 16, if we lean on Erickson you're developing your sense of self, and this absolutely isn't a road you want to go down be you simply narcissistic or using it as a cover for something deeper. Seek help.

Tethered Penguin said:

16

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To be honest, it's hard to tell at that age. Studies of empathy consistently show that teenagers have it less than any other age group. That level of empathy would be concerning in an adult, but in a few years you might be very different.

That said, whether it's genuine narcissism or just a phase, being aware of it makes a huge difference. My dad has been a lifelong narcissist and ended up ostracized from the family as a result. He won't admit it, of course, and has continued digging the hole deeper.

There are a lot of good resources online that can help you learn more about the condition and make conscious efforts to practice empathy. A good therapist can be extremely helpful as well, if you think you can get access to one.

Good on you for staying on top of this. I wish you the best of luck.

Sub Level said:

As a narcist myself, I recommend you try new things. Whether its physical activities, new job, or a math/science/technology discipline. You will either:

1: be humbled and realize you're not all that (most common outcome)
2: get ticked off at your incompetence and try harder to overcome the obstacle because you know you can do it
3: be surprisingly good at it and it will only reinforce your confidence

All 3 are good outcomes.

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uh what about
4. be understandably bad at it but remain unable to accept it due to delusions of grandeur

True narcissism makes it incredibly difficult to accurately assess yourself and likely that you'll only continue to reinforce your own self destructive and outwardly toxic behavior. Finding a good therapist will do much more to help than finding more ways to feed into your own ego.

Counseling is a fine recommendation. Be advised that it takes time to find the right counselor/therapist, someone you can have an honest rapport with. If you don't feel truly comfortable to be honest with a person, there's nothing wrong with saying 'I want to try someone else'. Any decent person will understand.

The only reason I say that is it took me about five tries to find someone that actually seemed like they could help. There was a lot of 'I'm so proud of you for seeking help', from random strangers that I met five minutes ago. You seem fairly savvy so I expect you'll pick up on the lazy frauds, just move on from them.

Look at Donald Trump every day and tell yourself that's how people will see you.

There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting attention, narcissistic traits are only an issue when you find yourself manipulating people.

Just read this OP:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat_death_of_the_universe

Nihilism always makes me feel better.

Non-professional advice: Be mindful of how often you use the word "I". If someone asks what the weather is like, instead of saying "I think it's great outside", say "It's supposed to be in the low 70's all day". That way, instead of assuming someone wants your subjective personal opinion right away, an objective answer gives them definite, useful information.

Obviously you know yourself the best but be wary of not overthinking things too much, which leads to the same advice anyway which is to go have a chat with your school counselor.

I was raised by a hardcore narcissist and am a former (hopefully!) narcissist myself.

It's a crazy fucking complicated mindset because you're convinced you have to be hot shit because if you aren't your self esteem instantly crumbles.

The biggest thing for me was getting away from other narcissists. They excesserbate your behavior by either making you feel inferior when you fail or making you an extension of their ego when you succeed. Taking a look at a complex subject matter I knew nothing about but was interested in helped too. Reading about physics, Briane Greene specifically in my case, made me realize there were people obviously way more intelligent than me. No shit, but it specifically made me understand why. I was simultaneously humbled but felt like I was improving myself and loved the subject matter. That made me enjoy confronting it. I hadn't really felt that way before and just approached things I was already good at, or quickly picked up. I dropped things that were hard to understand previously, with the attitude that they were a waste of time. Having decent reading comprehension in high school is almost a curse because it means you can breeze through almost everything without really ever having to understand anything you don't care about.

The good news is you realized it while you're young, there's a shit ton of time to turn it around. I know people who are in their 50s who can't admit it and it destroys them because their ego is protected by a hair thin membrane.

All that said, I'm not a professional in any capacity, it's just my experience. Take it with a grain of salt.

Like other people suggested, therapy or counseling is good. I should have done that when I was younger.

I'm a pretty different person now in my late twenties than I was as a teenager. If you are unhappy then maybe get some help, but also remember that people change, and you have a long way to go ahead of you.

I think gaining humility is a challenging and lifelong process, at least it has been for me, but it's rewarding in that anything else isn't really knowing who we are, so much as knowing a story about who we are that we would only have be true. And without that self-intimacy, we must be profoundly alone, being cut off from a whole world of self-understanding and self-acceptance that can see us through all those things that threaten the integrity of our person.

That fact you are acknowledging your problem is a big step in the right direction. Next you must seek professional help.

Read the book "You are not so smart" and the sequel after it. Helped me alot.

I don't think you fully grasp how little the average person thinks of you.

Stop thinking about it and be someone people want to pay attention to.

Plus, you're 16. You haven't even lived yet.

Tethered Penguin said:

My apologies for bumping the thread. I just feel the necessity to update this thread, because I'm a dickhead for abandoning this thread without a peep.

Thursday morning I set up an appointment with my school counselor (as of now she is the only individual I can go to for this "problem" of mine.)

I did not talk to her until today. She told me that all of this is simply a phase, "Nothing will come of it," she said. Pointing to studies that demonstrate that teenagers are simply incapable of being empathetic.

I'm extremely doubtful of it, but if she says so, I guess I'll move on.

I'm well aware that simply relying on others to deal with my Narcissism, won't end well (obviously.) So I'll have to do something on my end as well, so I've taken up nihilism.

If any mods or admins feels the need to lock this thread, you are more than welcome to.

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Listen, a lot of people (including the posts when you originaly made the thread) confuse characters traits with full on pathology. These traits can be sort of enhanced in puberty(all the hormones and stuff), so when you are young its harder for some conditions to be given a diagnosis.

Is your narcisism having a negative impact on your life? A real one? Does it constantly weight on you and sour personal relationships? Then regardless of what the counselor has said to you, you still should look into therapy. It doesnt really matter if its a phase or whatever, but the effects its having in your life is real and if you have a proper outlet and support system for you to deal with it you will be better off.

Most everyone is somewhat self centered/ self absorbed. Don't beat yourself up too much.

Stop sharing on the internet.. only share in real life when asked or prompted. Volunteer at soup kitchens/ your town's homeless food pantry A LOT.. at least a few times a month. Don't ever tell anyone you're doing it.

16? You straight up don't have full empathy developed in your brain yet.

Adolescents' brains work particularly hard on perspective-taking; teens make heavier use than adults of the medial prefrontal cortex, says Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London. That may be because understanding others' viewpoints takes more conscious effort for teens, while it becomes automatic for adults, Dr. Blakemore says. Perspective-taking continues to develop through age 21.

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There are numerous articles on adolescent development and not having fully cognitive development in many domains until 24ish.

This isn't a pass, but it helps to be aware of the fact that you're changing still and it's going to get easier if you cultivate practices now. The fact that you're even admitting it is very good and self-aware. Don't get full of yourself though - you'll likely lapse back in more social adolescent situations.

My best suggestion: start volunteering somewhere where you just serve others. Tutor a kid, do a mentoring program, serve at a shelter. Commit to doing this regularly and for an extended period of time (e.g. Once a week for 6 months). Practicing humility and empathy is better than just trying to rewire your brain through thinking differently.

A big thing for me and my own tendencies (aside from therapy which has been mentioned already) is being open about it to others. If other people know that you have this struggle, it helps them understand if/when you act on it, and also gives an opportunity for others to provide insight that might be beneficial to you. Like this thread :)

It's hard, though. I deal with a lot of paranoia and shit due to my anxiety and depression, and much of what keeps me level is having good friends I can hit up and just say "my brain is at it again; can I vent to you about it?" knowing they will listen and provide what guidance they can.

Also, when I was your age (I'm almost 30 now) I dealt with much of the same internal dissonance. Was always criticizing myself saying everything I did was out of selfishness and that I wasn't sincere with anyone. If you keep an eye on it, and focus on what you really feel is a healthy way to be, and show that voice that it's full of shit, over time it's likely to shut up and let you be you.

Fine to be concerned, but as others have already said, teenagers have brains that are still forming

Not to take anything away from what you're going through, but aren't all teenagers narcissists?

I know I was a way different person at that age. Staggeringly so

5 stages of grief. Last stage.

Acceptance.

Why fight it? Loving thyself isn't wrong.

lordlad said:

5 stages of grief. Last stage.

Acceptance.

Why fight it? Loving thyself isn't wrong.

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It's healthy to accept that you have those tendencies, but you can develop methods with which to combat their negative aspects and work better with others as a result.

Though OP is still developing, so as long as they're honest with themself I think they'll be alright.