Hi. I'm non-binary, trans... something. From birth, everybody said I was a girl/woman, but that never felt right. About the only thing that felt right was wearing skirts because skirts are awesome. When I got into tech, I thought I wanted to be a man, and even my internalized view of myself was as a man; but in the end, this did not fit either. In the end, I was rejected by most women because I had a romantic attraction to women and/or was too male (lack of make-up, lack of clothing sense, programmer); and I was rejected by most men because I had a romantic attraction to men and/or was too female (based on my unfortunately-for-dysphoria boobs and wearing of skirts).
People say maybe I'm genderfluid, but that's not right either. I don't ever think of myself as a woman or as a man anymore, and definitely not sometimes one/sometimes the other. I don't feel like I'm even in that "male to female" spectrum. I feel completely apart from that. I think the closest is probably that I identify as agender? But more closely is that I identify as a gender, it's just that it only has me in it. Sound selfish of me, I think.
My gender ambiguity, or maybe my "mehness" about gender, even expresses itself in my choice of pronouns. I've tried many pronouns, but none fit. Only "aj", which needs no change despite its grammatical usage, works. I gave up looking for other options after exhausting like 20?
I hoped that being gender-meh would mean maybe the dysphoria wasn't real, but unfortunately it is. It's just my boobs though. Everything else is fine. My boobs are what folks have called "well-endowed" and they cannot be bound. It's really not fair. The best I can do is not to wear bras and treat them as "man boobs" which is slightly better to think about, even though I don't identify as a man. I cannot afford top surgery.
Anyways that's where I am.