Hmmmmmm, I'll allow it. -w-
I actually remember you joining the old community right after I started taking my feelings seriously and right as I had found my real name. xD
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TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?
- Thread starter SweetNicole
- Start date
- OT
I actually remember you joining the old community right after I started taking my feelings seriously and right as I had found my real name. xD
Thanks! And yeah, it's less about being on or off topic and more about rambling a lot. :P
Changing my name never really sat well with me, though I understand wanting a name more appropriate for your gender... and it is bugging me to see guys with my name. But funnily enough, one of the names I like best is the one that's in my last name anyway, so that's a different spin on "true name." Then there's the online handle, but I think I was drawn to this partially because it actually sounds gender neutral, or at least not heavily masculine.
Just like everything else, it's going to be different for everyone.
For me it was less about my new name 'fitting with my gender', and more about my old name being part of an identity that is no longer mine. Robin just popped into my head and immediately 'felt' right, despite it being a generally uni-sex name and despite all celebrities with the name I can think of being male.
Fun fact; right after I had settled on Robin, but before I had come out to anyone, I was biking through town and a random kid from a larger group shouted 'Are you Robin!?' at me as I biked past them. I hit the brakes and turned around and was like 'What, why?' and he was like 'Well why did you stop then?'. It was probably just some trolling thing, but it kinda freaked me out at the time. xD
Oh yeah, I can definitely see that, and I think the fact such an option hasn't really popped up for me (except maybe if we include my online handle?) is part of why it doesn't gel with me. Also that I have gotten possessive with my name and DO like it usually, and there was one case of a female character having the name in an old movie when I searched for female instances anyway. Then again, I have kind of wished I had a more androgynous name so it'd just flow with either gender.
Congrats! <3
That first coming out is a great stress reliever for sure! Delighted to hear things went well for you. ^w^
Congrats! I'm super happy for you Boddy.
On the name thing, it's one I've had a lot of trouble with for some reason. I've bounced around a lot over time, I definitely don't feel like I need to keep my old name, but at the same time I feel weird about changing something really unique that my parents came up with.
It's a silly thing to get hung up on, especially when I already know what my stance will be in the end.
On the name thing, it's one I've had a lot of trouble with for some reason. I've bounced around a lot over time, I definitely don't feel like I need to keep my old name, but at the same time I feel weird about changing something really unique that my parents came up with.
It's a silly thing to get hung up on, especially when I already know what my stance will be in the end.
Hi everyone. I will answer any questions as well. I transitioned in the '80s so it was all a bit different then. Nice to meet you all.
Congrats! Getting that new driver's license is a GREAT feeling.
Haha I actually haven't changed my birth certificate yet, haven't needed it yet. got my marker and named changed with the DMV and Social Security and was like, eh im good for now. I figure when I need my Birth Certificate for something I'll just walk in and get it.
Hello TransEra!
First off let me apologise if this is in the wrong place, feel free to delete my post, also if I've misused a term please feel free to correct/educate me :)
I'll cut to the chase, I think I'm bigender/genderqueer.
I'm a cis woman, 31, with a boyfriend, but I've always felt uncomfortable with being female and as time wears on it's harder to deny that there's a piece of my soul that I'm covering up. Ever since adolescence I've felt there was a genderless-ness, even 'male-ness' to my personality. I've worked hard for half my life to mimic femaleness and to make myself likeable, as I've always found when I act out my male side I'm punished for it by others.
I don't dislike being female (I love makeup, and I [sometimes] love my long hair), but I do dislike the female aspects of my body and I wish my body was more androgynous. (Possible ED trigger warning?)
I feel awkward and restrained in traditionally female clothing and shoes, like I'm wearing a costume. Basically I feel like I'm both genders, but that my core personality leans more male than female.
As I mentioned, I have a boyfriend, and I've always dated men. I've also been attracted to women, and across genders I'm definitely most attracted to androgyny. This might be TMI so I'll put it in a spoiler,
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, except that I have a strange need to get it off my chest. This is the first time I've communicated these feelings to anyone, and I know if I told my friends and family I'd be shut down pretty hard for it. It's been fairly easy passing as a straight woman for these many years, but I feel a strange kind of…sadness? Loneliness? that can't seem to be satisfied by my relationships or friendships.
This was way harder to write than I thought it'd be. Thanks for listening <3
First off let me apologise if this is in the wrong place, feel free to delete my post, also if I've misused a term please feel free to correct/educate me :)
I'll cut to the chase, I think I'm bigender/genderqueer.
I'm a cis woman, 31, with a boyfriend, but I've always felt uncomfortable with being female and as time wears on it's harder to deny that there's a piece of my soul that I'm covering up. Ever since adolescence I've felt there was a genderless-ness, even 'male-ness' to my personality. I've worked hard for half my life to mimic femaleness and to make myself likeable, as I've always found when I act out my male side I'm punished for it by others.
I don't dislike being female (I love makeup, and I [sometimes] love my long hair), but I do dislike the female aspects of my body and I wish my body was more androgynous. (Possible ED trigger warning?)
I've always wished I had the self control to diet until my body was less female-looking.
As I mentioned, I have a boyfriend, and I've always dated men. I've also been attracted to women, and across genders I'm definitely most attracted to androgyny. This might be TMI so I'll put it in a spoiler,
I have a low sex drive but when I do fantasise, I often fantasise that I'm a man. I have been having trouble with attraction to my boyfriend, and I'm not sure how much of that has to do with us having been together for nearly 6 years, and how much it has to do with what's going on in my head. That being said, I do feel I'm more bigender than male.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, except that I have a strange need to get it off my chest. This is the first time I've communicated these feelings to anyone, and I know if I told my friends and family I'd be shut down pretty hard for it. It's been fairly easy passing as a straight woman for these many years, but I feel a strange kind of…sadness? Loneliness? that can't seem to be satisfied by my relationships or friendships.
This was way harder to write than I thought it'd be. Thanks for listening <3
Hey there! Thanks for sharing! You're in the right place, ;) The only person who can tell you what your gender identity is, is yourself. That being said: if you're having these kinds of questions, most often the answer is that you probably are. A lot of people who find themselves questioning these sorts of identity issues feel like there's an invisible bar to transness, but if you decide you are transgender / have a non-binary gender, you are. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. From there, you can decide if you feel transition is for you or not, some bi-gender / genderqueer people decide to start HRT and seek medical ways for their bodies to feel more comfortable to them, others do not. You may decide you want to come out, or you might not. These decisions are yours to make, and you can tackle them at whatever pace feels most comfortable to you, you know your own situation better than anyone else, and we're happy to talk you through whatever things you may be feeling. Also, you're always welcome to post here regardless of where this questioning takes you. <3
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Kinda unrelated, but I never understood this idea that a thin body is more androgynous than a fat one. the more fat the more equal the fat distribution is =P
very young, very fat, very muscular and very old are the most androgynous a human can be xD
Don't let society expectations of what a woman must be and a man must be makes you decide what you are.
Not fitting in the roles of women and still being cis or trans is common.
The truth is inside you, go seek it =O
very young, very fat, very muscular and very old are the most androgynous a human can be xD
Don't let society expectations of what a woman must be and a man must be makes you decide what you are.
Not fitting in the roles of women and still being cis or trans is common.
The truth is inside you, go seek it =O
Heya, this is the right place indeed. Thanks for sharing! ^w^
Feel free to stick around and share and ask whatever you want whenever you feel like it! Some of the feelings you describe are similar to those I went through when I was trying to figure myself out. I don't have much to add as Robin already said everything I was going to say but better. x3
This is incredibly important advice and something I struggled with a lot while I was figuring myself out and even for a while after I was certain of my own 'transness'. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone, only you can truly tell who you are inside. Remember that, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Just realized I haven't made a post in the thread yet. glad it was made. :)
Hi all o/ I use she/her primarily for pronouns but don't have a problem with they/them
Hi all o/ I use she/her primarily for pronouns but don't have a problem with they/them
This is a good place to look. This used to have a more straightforward URL but some TERF asshole claimed that URL.
My prescription for HRT has been available for pick-up since the 27th, but I keep dragging my feet.
The fear is real. While I know I don't want to live the rest of my life as a man, I'm afraid going down this path will just make things worse.
The fear is real. While I know I don't want to live the rest of my life as a man, I'm afraid going down this path will just make things worse.
Have you considered DIY? The actual costs of Spiro and estrodiol even without insurance are very low. Blood work is the only significant expense.
Also, I don't know how it is in Canada, but here in the U.S. we have informed consent clinics that alliw you to completely bypass the gatekeeping and get on HRT very quickly. Once again, you pay entirelyly out of pocket going this route, but its typically about 300 dollars for the initial bloodwork and then 15-30 a month for the medication. Not unreasonable.
Yesterday I tried on a few clothes of my gf.
The dresses she had with her didn't fit me at all (in more than 1 way), but wearing a skirt for the first time felt awesome.
Hopefully I soon reach the point that I don't have to wear pants ever again
The dresses she had with her didn't fit me at all (in more than 1 way), but wearing a skirt for the first time felt awesome.
Hopefully I soon reach the point that I don't have to wear pants ever again
I've thought about it, but I don;t think my parents would react to it very well. Normally I wouldn't care, but I do rely on them financially.
Unless you're a minor you don't have to tell them. The changes from HRT are slow-developing and fairly easy to hide. Unless you have very aggressive and rapid breast growth they're likely not to notice anything at all, and even that can be easily disguised with a quality sports bra. I'm in a similar situation where I don't plan on coming out for at least another 2+ years, if ever, (although mine is for employment reasons rather than family) but I'm still going to try and start HRT (If I can ever work up the courage to go pickup the prescription....) for the mental health benefits.
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Sometimes I feel that way, but just the same want to try HRT to see how it makes me feel, as "boyish girl" is what feels best to me (which would also explain why I haven't changed my avatar as we're talking about a pretty boy character and not someone who looks obnoxiously macho) and I do have a hormone deficiency anyway so I technically have a problem that shouldn't be ignored... it's a matter of how best to solve it, whether that's T shots or trying E.
Hmm that's interesting, thanks for sharing. When you imagine your hormone options, does one feel more 'right' for you? Like which one would make you feel more at home with yourself? That's usually what I ask myself when I need a compass through my messy feelings.
Honestly? What you think sounds right actually TRYING it are two different things, but I did get a weird bit of elation to know my T was innately low, nevermind other little bits like how my digit ratio is more akin to a woman's than a man's.
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OP
OP
Greetings everyone \o/
Sorry I haven't had a chance to check in. I've had so much going on.
What are y'all's thoughts on a private Discord for TransERA?
Sorry I haven't had a chance to check in. I've had so much going on.
What are y'all's thoughts on a private Discord for TransERA?
Hmm, I dunno... don't underestimate just how different it can make you look, especially if you're in your teens or twenties. The face gains are real!
HRT doesn't change bone structure at all once a person has reached maturity. There are minor changes in soft tissue for people past puberty but it's important to be realistic.
Most of the dramatic before and after transformations are due to changes in hair style, makeup, and camera angle and lighting trickery.
Having high expectations for HRT is a big mistake imo unless you're like 12 or something. It's just setting yourself up for crushing disappointment.
I didn't say anything about bone structure or expecting huge changes. My point was you are underestimating HRT's potential effects. Different people's experiences will vary, of course.
The face changes are not necessarily "minor." The overall effect of numerous subtle changes is often quite substantial. I'd show you pics were I comfortable sharing here. I'm just telling you from personal experience, don't underestimate it.
I don't suggest having high expectations. Have realistic ones. Realistic does not mean "overly negative," which is how your comment reads to me.
Heh, you'll definitely get that. As soon as I started E hrt it felt like I was home - I felt like who I wanted to be. Good luck if you go that route o/
Unfortunately, i know what it's like to have a 4 month hiatus from E. I started off as DIY after having a bad experience with the NHS (uk). First I told my doctor about how i felt (I was already out to parents/colleagues) and asked her to refer me to gender identity clinic. She was pleased for me and said I had to pass a psychiatric evaluation to be accepted. That's where it all went wrong.
I passed the evaluation but it was held in a locked room in a run down secure unit with a very horrible interviewer. I was treated with max suspicion and doubt and was asked the most dumfounding questions:
Interviewer: Why aren't you wearing a skirt? (asked very confrationally with raised eyebrows)
Me: Welll, i Didn't feel like wearing one today-I didn't realise it was a requirement...
Interviewer: When do you want to have SRS?
Me: Can you tell me anything about the procedure?
Interviewer: No. I'm just here to assess your mental health.
Me: Well, i don't have enough information.
Interviewer: I need a time frame.
Me: Two years... I guess...
I came out of there angry, confused and had lost all faith in the system. I wanted help and this didn't feel like help.
I stupidly cancelled my referral, then decided to design my own regime and do my own bloodwork. For over year I was fine - happiest i'd ever been. Then I had a reaction to a batch of spiro from my online pharmacy and ended up in hospital, I had to go back to my doctor and ask for another referral. She told me not take any more hrt until i it had been prescribed by the gender clinic which had a 13 month waiting list.
I lasted 4 months and they were the worst of my life, feeling testosterone flood back into my system, losing the person I was.
I cracked and got back onto my own regime using cyproterone acetate instead of spiro, told my doc who reluctantly supported me (bloodwork, health) and told the clinic what i was doing and they accepted it.
I wouldn't recommend DIY because there are things you cannot plan for. It's best to put up with the idiosyncracies of the system. If anybody does feel the need to go DIY then use an informed consent center. I don't mean to scare anybody, DIY works for many. It's just like my opinion, man ;) Formed from my personal experience.
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I'm from the UK but living in the US. And honestly, hearing what a mess trans-related healthcare currently is back there, I'd be very reluctant to ever move back at this point. The NHS is generally pretty great, but this seems to be a massive, ongoing blind spot for it.
I'm glad the gender care side is better in the US. I've heard good things from other women about the initial contact and consultation phase.
The UK service really does have the most glaring blindspots most of which could be eastily fixed. But apparently the NHS protocols are like the 10 commandments and not easily rewritten. Then they go between saying "Transgender care is in it's infancy still," and "Transgender care has advanced a long way," depending on if something has gone right or wrong. They need to seriously consider what people are going through and how their first contact with the service should feel. Basic stuff.
In the end it is still the safest way to go about transitioning. The support - when you get it - is invaluable. It feels good to have assurances despite the showponying and jumping through hoops. Eventually all the serious DIYers have to report back to the stable anyway ;p
After looking up what's ahead of me and beind very intimidated by it for a while, I now want to get seriously started asap.
I'm very impatient when it comes to this topic. Hopefully trying on a few more clothes of my gf will help me calm down.
Since I don't have to work on monday, I'm going call a few psychologists.
I'm very impatient when it comes to this topic. Hopefully trying on a few more clothes of my gf will help me calm down.
Since I don't have to work on monday, I'm going call a few psychologists.
I was lucky enough to find a doctor who operates under informed consent, and got prescribed hormones the same day as the appointment. Though during the appointment she said something to the effect of: "Hormones work slowly, and almost everyone starts feeling impatient." At the time, I didn't think much of it, but after a few weeks... yep, I was getting impatient.
Part of the reason was that, for the first few weeks, the only noticeable changes were the side effects: mild-but-persistent headaches, dehydration, needing to pee constantly, and occasional drowsiness and dizziness.
After two and a half months, though, I can report the following effects:
My skin is better than it's ever been (though I do need to watch for dehydration, as naturally dry skin + diuretic + desert climate does take its toll a bit)
Emotions are... different, mostly for the better. I'm feeling much more able to think clearly and rationally. I've always suffered with anxiety, and I'm finding that kicks in less often now: something like a busy day at work won't increase my tension levels like it used to. I'm less prone to anger and frustration in general. On the other hand, I feel the urge to cry more often, but even that is liberating in its own way, having been stuck for years with the kind of depression that manifested more as a numb state of emotionlessness than anything else. Actually being able to cry when I'm sad makes me feel a lot less broken.
Boob stuff is happening, mostly invisibly. I was told to watch out for sensitivity, didn't really feel it, and then one day... suddenly, there it was. And it's very much the "arrgh shit ow" kind of sensitivity, as I'm reminded every time I brush up against something in the wrong way, or hug someone, or accidentally punch myself in the boob because I'm apparently that clumsy. Visually, there may not be much change for a while, as I'm on the bigger side generally.
I think my facial hair is starting to get softer, but it's still hard to say. I've been getting monthly laser hair removal treatments since the spring, and after some initial improvements, I seemed to reach a stalemate, with some stubborn bits refusing to acquiesce. Now I think I'm starting to see progress again, so it's possible the hormones are helping out there.
I'm still being read as male mostly, but I'm definitely feeling benefits from the hormones. At this point though, the biggest benefits seem to be mental rather than physical.
Part of the reason was that, for the first few weeks, the only noticeable changes were the side effects: mild-but-persistent headaches, dehydration, needing to pee constantly, and occasional drowsiness and dizziness.
After two and a half months, though, I can report the following effects:
My skin is better than it's ever been (though I do need to watch for dehydration, as naturally dry skin + diuretic + desert climate does take its toll a bit)
Emotions are... different, mostly for the better. I'm feeling much more able to think clearly and rationally. I've always suffered with anxiety, and I'm finding that kicks in less often now: something like a busy day at work won't increase my tension levels like it used to. I'm less prone to anger and frustration in general. On the other hand, I feel the urge to cry more often, but even that is liberating in its own way, having been stuck for years with the kind of depression that manifested more as a numb state of emotionlessness than anything else. Actually being able to cry when I'm sad makes me feel a lot less broken.
Boob stuff is happening, mostly invisibly. I was told to watch out for sensitivity, didn't really feel it, and then one day... suddenly, there it was. And it's very much the "arrgh shit ow" kind of sensitivity, as I'm reminded every time I brush up against something in the wrong way, or hug someone, or accidentally punch myself in the boob because I'm apparently that clumsy. Visually, there may not be much change for a while, as I'm on the bigger side generally.
I think my facial hair is starting to get softer, but it's still hard to say. I've been getting monthly laser hair removal treatments since the spring, and after some initial improvements, I seemed to reach a stalemate, with some stubborn bits refusing to acquiesce. Now I think I'm starting to see progress again, so it's possible the hormones are helping out there.
I'm still being read as male mostly, but I'm definitely feeling benefits from the hormones. At this point though, the biggest benefits seem to be mental rather than physical.
I really don't miss the constant need to pee with spiro :) Cyproterone is better in that respect but makes you more prone to depression and mood swings. But i'm on anti-depressants anyway, so it didn't affect me too much.
I've pretty much experienced everything you mentioned, haha. Mental clarity is the greatest aspect for me. Crying is very liberating, like releasing a pressure valve but i try not to because I'm a snotty crier and it gives me breathing difficulties - not to mention the noises... Boob sensitivity does get better after the first year or two. It's the changes during puberty that are the worst. I'm quite clumsy myself. It's no fun.
Don't get me started on dry skin! E plus nicotine from my sneaky vaping habit would leave me looking like chicken's feet if I wasn't proactive. My skin care routine leaves my arms aching. I'm still having some electrolysis done and I've never reacted well to it. That means aloe vera gel 4 times a day, then night and daytime simple moisturizer. And my hands get super dry in the cold weather which means hand cream three or four times a day.
My voice changed - which was unexpected - and probably can't be attributed to hormones, maybe something psychosomatic. I always pass 100% on the phone which is great. Shame about in person haha. But 'I'm proud of who i am and don't care if people know I'm transgender - this is for myself not for other people who frankly are transitory in my daily life.
Confidence goes a long way to passing. And dressing sympathetically to you bodyshape as it changes. I'm going to need implants to feel happy with my shape. I was hoping to get away with it with hormones alone but it turns out i lose weight from my chest first. Stupid diet. Why can't I lose it from my ass first >:(
Good luck with the hair removal. I wish i'd had laser to whittle my hair thickness down and then electrolysis to kill the folicles. I think it would have been much faster and cheaper than straight electrolysis sessions.
Don't be intimidated. Get the ball rolling and try to enjoy everyday for what it is. I used to have like laser focus on my transition and it drove me bonkers :)
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