ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

MrLuchador said:

Man that sucks to hear H.Protagonist have you spoke to the landlord about your situation, to see if they can give you some sort of extension (especially over the Christmas period too).

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No dice. We found out on Friday and wrote immediately, but the agent (the owners are in Australia) said that the owners have already made their plans and bought tickets, etc., so they don't think any extension would be a possibility. How "unfortunate," they can help us set up viewing appts/find suitable options, etc. (for a fee, of course)... Basically, we're on our own. :P

Hollywood Duo said:

What a nightmare, hoping for the best for you and your family.

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Thanks, yo. We'll manage (we're international/moving pros), but I think my husband is going to have a panic attack. If I have any complications like a C-section, then I'll join him, but for now I'll just tell myself it's a chance for a better kitchen. Or something. Makes Japan look really appealing right about now, though.

Fable said:

That's awful, definitely try speaking to your landlord if you can. If not, just take everything one step at a time. Reach out to any friends or family that can help if you're able to. Wish I was there to help hugs

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That you, Soul (name change?)? 'Preciate the kind thoughts. No friends (being a preggo who has a kid and can't drink has not been a great selling point in finding friends) or family to speak of, sadly. Husband's family is in Australia, mine's the states, and we're in England. My mom IS coming over for ~2ish weeks for the birth, but she's quite frail, so heavy-lifting/packing might be beyond her. Good thing I've been doing my daily squats, eh? Fly you over for some beers and we can lock the kids in the backyard?

Damn H Pro. That sucks. Did the owners know you're pregnant? Because that's a total dick move.

Is everyone's kids back to a sleep schedule after Daylight savings time? Mine are finally back on schedule. Twice a year it messes us up.

H.Protagonist said:

for now I'll just tell myself it's a chance for a better kitchen

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Also, with any luck the mystery milk won't follow you.

What a mess!

H.Protagonist said:

No friends ([...]) or family to speak of, sadly

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If you got desperate, you may be able to find helpful people through FB— friends-of-friends is a huge net these days especially since you probably know people that know people all over.

zbarron said:

Is everyone's kids back to a sleep schedule after Daylight savings time?

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Ha, schedule. It is an aspiration.

zbarron said:

Damn H Pro. That sucks. Did the owners know you're pregnant? Because that's a total dick move.

Is everyone's kids back to a sleep schedule after Daylight savings time? Mine are finally back on schedule. Twice a year it messes us up.

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Yeah, it's pretty lame. Can't say they knew, though I doubt that would make much of a difference, tbh. Since they're overseas and removed from it all, so to speak, it's all been very impersonal/business-like. I don't mind that, but it does leave the impression that our circumstances wouldn't mean much to them since they have their own family/international move to worry about.

As for sleep schedules, we're still chugging along (knock on wood) with the sleep schedule I put in place following the 6 month training. 7-7, sometimes 7-8 if we're lucky. The time change only seemed to throw me and my husband off. I just reset Mia's by half hour increments until we were back on track and nothing changed, thank goodness. Can't say the same for naps, though. While I can basically get her to literally put herself to bed (I started a new routine a month ago where she sits on a chair and drinks a mug of milk, then we walk upstairs together since I can't carry her in my state, she turns on her rain app, then I drop her in bed) she hasn't really gone to sleep. She'll sit and chat to herself despite going in rubbing her eyes and declaring "IN THE BED" like a dictator. Dunno. Think I've pretty much lost them for good. Is 20 months like some kind of cut off for naps? I though I'd get these till she was at least 3 or something... :(

CrudeDiatribe said:

Also, with any luck the mystery milk won't follow you.

What a mess!



If you got desperate, you may be able to find helpful people through FB— friends-of-friends is a huge net these days especially since you probably know people that know people all over.



Ha, schedule. It is an aspiration.

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That was some high quality milk, though! But, yeah. It's kind of a mess. However(!), the husband just sent me a really awesome-looking place that he's booked for a viewing tomorrow. It's in some random village at the edge of Cheshire (aka, nowhere near our current place), but it's got 4 bedrooms, is detached, AND has a kitchen island all for just a bit more than we're paying here, so fingers crossed. If for some magical reason it checks out and accepts pets, maybe I'll be excited instead of exhausted.

Hopefully, you get everything squared away, H. Protagonist.

Also, I've finally become a parent. Last night I said, unironically, "Come on, mister. It's past your bedtime" and meant it.

Hope the place is a go, H. Pro! That sucks so much about the owner. My mom's previous neighbor, who'd been renting that house for like 25+ years, had to move out this year because the owner's daughter wanted the house for herself. I can't even imagine how shit that situation is if you as the pregnancy.

But that new kitchen is going to be so sweet once you get that new place!

I believe my girlfriend is taking Logan next month since he'll be turning six months.

Hollywood Duo said:

So when did everyone take their kid to the dentist the first time? I'm debating whether to get dental coverage for Pete this coming year.

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I want to say it was around when he was 8 months. I'm actually taking him for his second visit in December, which should be roughly a year later.

My hygienist told me to take a cloth and wipe out my kid's mouth even before she has teeth? Did anyone do that? I'm also told to floss regularly...

Oh, I meant flossing my teeth, as an example of things my hygienist tells me to do that I may not do with the dedication demanded. My kid has no teeth (but still chomps down hard on my fingers).

Hollywood Duo said:

So when did everyone take their kid to the dentist the first time? I'm debating whether to get dental coverage for Pete this coming year.

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CrudeDiatribe said:

My hygienist told me to take a cloth and wipe out my kid's mouth even before she has teeth? Did anyone do that? I'm also told to floss regularly...

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Our little one had to have substantial dental work done @ ~22 months because of bad habits (lax brushing + nursing/taking a bottle to bed). Since then, we've been brushing properly and consistently (even when sleepy/fighting) along with flossing (using floss picks/handles) every so often, and the follow-up(s) have been good.

Hollywood Duo said:

Can you elaborate on the dental work? That is if you are ok sharing? You have me worried now!

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I felt cavities near the gumline on the front teeth, which is what led me to the dentist in the first place. Our little one didn't seem to be in pain, but they were obviously really deep (some other teeth also had cavities, but not as bad). The dentist originally stated that we might have to consider extracting the teeth altogether, but when we put the kid under full anesthesia and cleaned them up, it turned out that they could be saved using bondings and composite fillings. All in all, it was a pretty traumatic experience for us as parents (although our little one was a trooper). Our regular health insurance picked up the tab for the hospital expenses, but the dentist's bill still came out to around $2K out of pocket.

Our errors were threefold:

1. Using non-fluoridated "children's" toothpaste
2. Letting the little one nurse/bottle to sleep
3. Not thoroughly brushing/cleaning the mouth on a daily basis

Maybe we could have gotten away with one or two of those mistakes, but all three in combination were untenable. Going to a dentist earlier would have allowed us to correct course earlier, and my spouse and I do our part to remind new parents of those three points.

Hollywood Duo said:

Wow ok. Thanks for sharing. I'll be checking Petes toothpaste as soon as I get home. Do you have any brands you can recommend?

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Any real toothpaste should be fine. We are using Tom's of Maine children's toothpaste now (we were using Babyganics previously).

As first-time parents, we were hypersensitive to topics like fluorosis and so wanted to stick with non-flouridated training toothpaste until our little one was able to properly spit out toothpaste instead of swallowing it.

The NY Times ran a story on this situation a few years back (that we missed until after the fact): https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/12/dental-group-advises-fluoride-toothpaste-before-age-2/

Hollywood Duo said:

Hm, Pete is 21 months old and he's never been. I don't even know how you'd get a proper looking in that kids mouth, lol.

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Yeah, it's definitely time to go. We waited until he had pretty much a full set of teeth, but the dentist actually said we should have gone earlier. If possible, try to find a dentist that specializes in pediatric care; it was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.

CrudeDiatribe said:

My hygienist told me to take a cloth and wipe out my kid's mouth even before she has teeth? Did anyone do that? I'm also told to floss regularly...

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Yeah, we were also told we should have been doing that, but of course we had no idea, so we didn't do it. Whoops.

The dentist did say that we need to be brushing his teeth regularly, with toothpaste, though.

Hollywood Duo said:

Wow ok. Thanks for sharing. I'll be checking Petes toothpaste as soon as I get home. Do you have any brands you can recommend?

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We have Crest for Kids or whatever it's called. Brush twice a day with about a rice grain's sized amount of toothpaste. Dentist recommended morning brushing after breakfast (so the fluoride lasts longer), and don't let him fall asleep with a bottle in his mouth, as the milk can leak onto his teeth and cause problems. Breastfeeding he says is also not okay, but we kind of didn't listen. Some online research indicated that it might actually be okay, since the nipple doesn't leak unless it's being suckled.

There are also two important sources for fluoride: topical and systemic. Topical is from brushing with fluoride toothpaste, and systemic is from fluoridated drinking water. Be aware that reverse osmosis water filters will remove fluoride, so that's something you might want to check. Our system is RO, so I'm a little concerned that he isn't getting enough systemic fluoride, which plays a role in growing healthy teeth.

Rob said:

Hopefully, you get everything squared away, H. Protagonist.

Also, I've finally become a parent. Last night I said, unironically, "Come on, mister. It's past your bedtime" and meant it.

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Thank ya. It's kind of do or die, but I hope whatever desperate choice we make here is a halfway decent one. Rushing into longterm lets never turns out well, though. :/

Congrats on pulling out the "adult" voice. How old is your kiddo?

Septimus Prime said:

Hope the place is a go, H. Pro! That sucks so much about the owner. My mom's previous neighbor, who'd been renting that house for like 25+ years, had to move out this year because the owner's daughter wanted the house for herself. I can't even imagine how shit that situation is if you as the pregnancy.

But that new kitchen is going to be so sweet once you get that new place!

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Thanks, Sept. It's definitely a bummer, but I guess at least we always did anticipate moving not too long in the future. Hugely pregnant or not, I couldn't even imagine living somewhere 25+ years and then being told to leave. That would just be a blow to your core that I'm not sure you could come back from. Makes me really sad to hear that. :(

But, yes! Must focus on the kitchen and the little island it has. C'mooooon, random place in random village!

Hollywood Duo said:

So when did everyone take their kid to the dentist the first time? I'm debating whether to get dental coverage for Pete this coming year.

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It was suggested to me that I should have Mia tag along whenever I went so she could get used to the idea and the place, but I haven't been myself in...5(?) years... No one mentioned when I should start bringing her, but I was thinking around the 2 year mark because she has some teeth now. Kind of relieved you haven't yet either, tbh. ^_^;

emag said:

Our little one had to have substantial dental work done @ ~22 months because of bad habits (lax brushing + nursing/taking a bottle to bed). Since then, we've been brushing properly and consistently (even when sleepy/fighting) along with flossing (using floss picks/handles) every so often, and the follow-up(s) have been good.

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OK, now I'm scared... We use children's toothpaste (not sure if there's flouride or not), but she tends to just suck or chew on the brush half the time. Every now and then I flip her upside down and give them a good proper brush, but hadn't been fussing too much about it. She only has her top front and bottom four atm, and they look fine, but... -_-

H.Protagonist said:

It was suggested to me that I should have Mia tag along whenever I went so she could get used to the idea and the place, but I haven't been myself in...5(?) years... No one mentioned when I should start bringing her, but I was thinking around the 2 year mark because she has some teeth now. Kind of relieved you haven't yet either, tbh. ^_^;

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You should both probably go soon. =\

Septimus Prime said:

You should both probably go soon. =\

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I haven't had cavities since I was...12(?), so aside from a cleaning every now and then because of insurance stuff (lack there of a lot of the time) in the states, I just never went. It's been a bad tendency that's carried on into late adulthood even when I have insurance/money now, I guess. Like with hospitals, I've just never gone unless I couldn't stitch it up myself. :( But, how does one go with a kid? She can't sit in my lap while they do their thing. Do people hire a babysitter for an hour or something or to join them at the office...?

Hollywood Duo said:

Septimus Prime emag appreciate all this great information. I think the space ship themed dentist 2 towns over is getting a call tomorrow morning.

H.Protagonist yours is probably in better shape than mine. Pete has all his teeth already.

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Maybe. :/ She has been having that mug of milk every day before bed lately now, though. Ugh. I don't even know how any of this works in the UK. By the time I figured it out in Australia we moved. Time to do what you're going to do and call around, I guess. All I want to do is sleeeeeeeeeeeep. Good luck to us both. Keep me posted on how it goes for you. If #2 will just wait a bloody week, maybe I can get us both taken care of while my mom is here.

H.Protagonist said:

Congrats on pulling out the "adult" voice. How old is your kiddo?

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Well, he's only five months. He was getting fidgety and then I saw it was late so I went to go put him to bed. He still fought it and needed a bottle before bed.

H.Protagonist said:

That you, Soul (name change?)? 'Preciate the kind thoughts. No friends (being a preggo who has a kid and can't drink has not been a great selling point in finding friends) or family to speak of, sadly. Husband's family is in Australia, mine's the states, and we're in England. My mom IS coming over for ~2ish weeks for the birth, but she's quite frail, so heavy-lifting/packing might be beyond her. Good thing I've been doing my daily squats, eh? Fly you over for some beers and we can lock the kids in the backyard?

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It is I! I changed my name for some reason, but kept my avatar for now. I would totally fly over to help and lock my kids somewhere, though can I have a hard cider instead of a beer?

Hollywood Duo said:

So when did everyone take their kid to the dentist the first time? I'm debating whether to get dental coverage for Pete this coming year.

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My pediatrician and dentist told us not to worry about taking our daughter until she was 3. The pediatrician would look at her teeth every time we went and didn't see a problem. We go to the dentist twice a year and they kind of glanced at her teeth before that but nothing ever seemed wrong.

H.Protagonist said:

I haven't had cavities since I was...12(?), so aside from a cleaning every now and then because of insurance stuff (lack there of a lot of the time) in the states, I just never went. It's been a bad tendency that's carried on into late adulthood even when I have insurance/money now, I guess. Like with hospitals, I've just never gone unless I couldn't stitch it up myself. :( But, how does one go with a kid? She can't sit in my lap while they do their thing. Do people hire a babysitter for an hour or something or to join them at the office...

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What we do is schedule all three appointments for the same day, back to back. I normally go first and my husband watches the kids. Then my daughter goes and one of us is in there with her while they clean her teeth. Then if we came in separate cars I go home or if we came all together I watch the kids while my husband gets his teeth cleaned. Unless you want to get a babysitter that's honestly the only way I know how to do it. My dental hygienist understands what we're doing and sometimes has to correct the schedule cause the front desk can't seem to wrap their minds around it.

Thought I'd be joining you guys here in July next year, but it looks like my wife had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) this time. We got a bit overzealous/happy and told siblings and parents and now have to awkwardly tell them the bad news. We're pretty bummed today because of it, but I guess we'll just try again.

RDreamer said:

Thought I'd be joining you guys here in July next year, but it looks like my wife had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) this time. We got a bit overzealous/happy and told siblings and parents and now have to awkwardly tell them the bad news. We're pretty bummed today because of it, but I guess we'll just try again.

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Hopefully everything works out for you guys.

In regards to cleaning teeth, we gave our little one kid's toothbrush as a toy when he was little, and brushed out teeth in front of him. I wouldn't say his toothbrush is his favourite toy, but he sure does like playing with it now and again. He'll brush his teeth and brush his toy's teeth haha

Yeah I think it's pretty normal. I wouldn't read too much into it. Story time at bed is definitely a Mom job, while Dad is the person of choice for things like Mario, or tickles or rough housing. I'm sure Pete prefers you for some activities.

Understood. Been there myself. While I say they prefer some activities with me and some with my wife, there are times when they just want me or just want her. For a while whenever Gabe was sick all he wanted was his mom and Dad just wouldn't do. That felt bad. It did pass though.

I kind of got around it by just reading a lot faster. I guess it makes storytime more action-packed.

My daughter refused to call me mama when she was a baby for 18 months. She knew that was my name and for a week used it so we knew she could, she just preferred to call me dada. She still prefers him, except when she's hurt or needs something and then it's me. It used to really hurt my feelings, especially after all I have to do for her, but I'm mostly used to it at this point. So far my son is a Mama's boy and I'm excited about that, hopefully it lasts lol

Housing update: Looks like we may have found a place! It's pretty far from here, but it's everything we've wanted from a place, minus the extra commute. Just waiting to see if our application checks go through. If they do, we're planning on moving...in the next 2 weeks... Guess it's time to buy a baby wrap to strap kid #2 to my back. :P

Sept! Kitchen islaaaaand!

Fable said:

It is I! I changed my name for some reason, but kept my avatar for now. I would totally fly over to help and lock my kids somewhere, though can I have a hard cider instead of a beer?

What we do is schedule all three appointments for the same day, back to back. I normally go first and my husband watches the kids. Then my daughter goes and one of us is in there with her while they clean her teeth. Then if we came in separate cars I go home or if we came all together I watch the kids while my husband gets his teeth cleaned. Unless you want to get a babysitter that's honestly the only way I know how to do it. My dental hygienist understands what we're doing and sometimes has to correct the schedule cause the front desk can't seem to wrap their minds around it.

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Book your ticket now. Cider will be served~

Hmmm, well, that involves the husband which is part of the problem. It'd be no issue if I could wrangle him in, but he's even worse than me when it comes to doctors or dentists, plus his job is super high pressure and time off is incredibly difficult to wrangle. He's really done their heads in refusing to travel internationally right now. :P That's why I was wondering about a 'solo' parent attempting this. My mom made it here in time (after missing her flight...), though, so maybe I can schedule the check-up while I have an extra pair of hands.

RDreamer said:

Thought I'd be joining you guys here in July next year, but it looks like my wife had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) this time. We got a bit overzealous/happy and told siblings and parents and now have to awkwardly tell them the bad news. We're pretty bummed today because of it, but I guess we'll just try again.

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Sorry to hear that RD. It's tough not to share the news when it happens. We had a similar thing with our first go, although we'd warned family it might not stick. Was still a shock when it actually didn't. :( Drop in any time if you want to talk about it more. It's something a lot of us have gone through, so you're among like company.

Hollywood Duo said:

Anyone ever deal with their kid overly favoring your partner? Lately Pete has been shoving me away when I try to read him a bed time story and only wants his mom to do it. Feels bad :(

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My husband has and it made him pretty sad. He knows it's because I'm with her 24-7 and he only sees her briefly in the morn and at night/weekends, but I can tell it hurts him pretty bad sometimes. It's just one of those time things. It'll pass, but in the meantime, you can try and just carve out "Daddy" things if you have the time. Mine does the teeth brushing and grocery shopping with her now. That seems to have helped a lot.

That's a good looking kitchen! Glad things are working out

H.Protagonist That kitchen looks sooo good! Congrats on the place!

LanceX2 said:

Ill have to post my baby girl soon.


Does anyone elses toddlers love scary movies??my girl loves Halloween and Jason and Ghostbusters and Scream. I know they are gory but she loves it. Every night she asks for scary mask movies.

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Yep. I used to watch The X-files before bed. One night, my toddler sat up and said, "Is that Mulder's baby?" That was one of her first complete sentences.

Endless Learning Academy (by Originator) -- has anyone used it? The little one's enjoying the trial version and it seems to be solidly educational, but I'm not sure if there are better options. I'm also hesitant to shell out $120 when the majority of the current application can be had in the older Endless ABCs/Numbers/Reader/Wordplay apps, bundled together at half the cost.

Aquavelvaman said:

That's a good looking kitchen! Glad things are working out

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Hollywood Duo said:

H.Protagonist nice looking kitchen, hope all the paperwork goes through successfully

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Septimus Prime said:

H.Protagonist That kitchen looks sooo good! Congrats on the place!

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Thanks, guys. Paperwork just cleared and the contract is signed! We move...in 4 days. I'm still hauling the bowling ball. My due date is today. Doesn't feel like anything internal is moving at all, though. Hahahahaha...ha... We are so fucked. :D

Hollywood Duo said:

Anyone have any experience dealing with grandparents being a bad influence on their kid? My wife's parents are constantly laughing whenever Pete does something bad and its clearly sending him the wrong message. It's even worse that its my inlaws since I can't really say anything directly.

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A bit. We had 'electronics' issues where instead of reading or playing or engaging with Mia, they had a tendency to just whip out their phones and show her pictures even though we'd made a point of trying really hard not to have people do that. They've pretty much had to be the second parent to my sister-in-law's kid, though, so I think they're just fried on kids at this point, but it was still kinda bad. So, what I did to make it not be me telling them to stop their behavior was to frame it like we'd been bad and we needed their help to remind us not to do it. That served to warn them that they shouldn't do it either without making it weird. Seemed to work. Maybe try that kind of reverse tactic?

Parents,

What are you getting the kiddos for Christmas? I'm looking for ideas for an 8 and 4 year old girl. My 8 year old wants a trampoline but am thinking of compromising and getting a bouncy house (less expensive , dangerous and prone to getting hot in TX heat).

Got all the little stuff out of the way (clothes, shopkins, monkey finger things, etc)

We got our 4 year old a 2 DS cake slice, a book, and a dinosaur model. Our ten month old got a bookcase and a couple little things.
Regarding grandparents being a bad influence, my in-laws disregard pretty much any rule we have. They feed her nothing but sugar and keep her up until she passes out. I HATE letting her go to their house. It takes us weeks to get it all out of her system and for her to not act like a complete monster. Thankfully we live five hours away and visit once or twice a year and let her stay with them for a week during the summer. I would love not to let her go though. They fill her head with stuff I don't like, my sister-in-law told her if she didn't let her put her hair up she wouldn't be pretty. Honestly I'm just waiting for them to do something horrible one day and I'll end up snapping. It's almost happened once already.

I wonder, though (as a pattern send to be emerging in the last few posts), if the actual problem is that we perceive our in-laws to be bad influences moreso than we do our own parents.

Are we the baddies?