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How did you get over your first committed relationship breakup?
- Thread starter Halcy Caritas
- Start date
Can't deal with committed breakups if you've never had a relationship.
You're a Mega Man fan. You probably have great advice on dealing with heartbreak.
:p
Never really got over my first love (and it was nine years ago), but it got much better with time and dating other people. Life just asks you to pay attention to other things that it can't stay on your mind 24/7. I think what makes it particularly hard is the failure. If you're not used to failing at stuff, it hits you like a truck and leaves permanent damage. But everybody was scarred emotionally at some point in their life. You just learn to live with it.
Time is really the only thing, friends help a lot but they can't be with you 24/7. It's gonna be hard when you're alone but try and keep yourself busy. Took me a year and a few months to get over it. The first 2 months after the break up I kept trying to get her back. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for years and it started affecting our relationship. I became super insecure, and with that comes jealousy, and with jealousy comes controlling issues. I never physically abused her but emotionally, yea, I got pretty bad. After the two months of trying to get her back, I started self loathing, and felt like complete shit for how I treated her. All that led to alcohol and it got pretty bad for about a month and a half. After realizing being self destructive wasn't helping, I fully acknowledged my depression (didn't fully, before) and started to really work on that. Looking back to where I was at that time after the break up and where I am now, I can't help but be proud of myself. I'll always love her but if she came back to me today, I wouldn't do it. At least not right now. I'm grateful for all the memories we've had together, good and bad, and everything else post break up. I grew and learned from it and have gotten to know more about myself. I still have trouble opening up to women fully, but I'll get there eventually. Have met a few potential girlfriends but I just can't fully commit. Right now I'm completely content on just having flings but I know I'll eventually want something serious and real.
Take your time OP. Don't avoid being alone by yourself; those are the hardest moments but I feel like they're also crucial. Spend time alone and learn more about yourself. Traveling helped me, and I'd suggest it. You won't realize how strong you can be until you have to be.
Take your time OP. Don't avoid being alone by yourself; those are the hardest moments but I feel like they're also crucial. Spend time alone and learn more about yourself. Traveling helped me, and I'd suggest it. You won't realize how strong you can be until you have to be.
I left my first real girlfriend after 2 years of dating and immediatly started dating her best friend. Never really spoke again afterwards.
Then I broke up with the best friend. Got back together. Broke up again. Got back together. Now married for 8 years with two kids.
Life is a trip, LOL.
Then I broke up with the best friend. Got back together. Broke up again. Got back together. Now married for 8 years with two kids.
Life is a trip, LOL.
I floated around in depression during the first few weeks, but after that:
- Started a pushups & sit-ups routine that built my then-scrawny body to something more respectable. That instilled some self-confidence back after losing a lot of it during the relationship.
- Picked up several hobbies again. Piano, gaming and photography in particular were activities that really lifted my spirits and helped me channel my frustration, anger and sadness out.
- Reconnected with old friends. They eventually lead to meeting new people and keeping the feeling of loneliness at bay.
The momentum keeps rolling and eventually, you come out way stronger than you were, even before the relationship. Good luck!
- Started a pushups & sit-ups routine that built my then-scrawny body to something more respectable. That instilled some self-confidence back after losing a lot of it during the relationship.
- Picked up several hobbies again. Piano, gaming and photography in particular were activities that really lifted my spirits and helped me channel my frustration, anger and sadness out.
- Reconnected with old friends. They eventually lead to meeting new people and keeping the feeling of loneliness at bay.
The momentum keeps rolling and eventually, you come out way stronger than you were, even before the relationship. Good luck!
I'm white and she was Chinese-American and, long story short, her parents were every negative stereotype you can imagine for Asian parents on top of being massive assholes. They never liked me solely because I was an artist and not a doctor or a lawyer. Like, when we'd go to visit her parents they would openly mock me in Mandarin in casual conversation because I couldn't understand them, and my girlfriend would get into arguments with them over it (again, in Mandarin). though that was something i didn't find out about until my girlfriend told me after we'd broken up. After we'd been dating for a year, because they were paying for my ex's college tuition, they threatened to cut her off financially completely if she didn't break up with me. This is despite the fact that I was always completely respectful towards them and her, and we were a great couple. It didn't matter, because I didn't fit the image they had in mind for her future husband, I was out.
It was just about the shittiest way a first break-up could have gone. We both cared about each other but were forced to end it. The worst part was we had a ton of classes together (same major) so I would see her multiple times week. Took me nearly two years to get over the whole thing for that reason.
Honestly, the best thing that happened was when i just started putting myself out there again. Meeting new people was the best way to get over her.
It was just about the shittiest way a first break-up could have gone. We both cared about each other but were forced to end it. The worst part was we had a ton of classes together (same major) so I would see her multiple times week. Took me nearly two years to get over the whole thing for that reason.
Honestly, the best thing that happened was when i just started putting myself out there again. Meeting new people was the best way to get over her.
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I dunno, this is awkward for both of y'all but I think the best advice is if there is a way to block seeing your ex's posts, I'd do that. Seeing them around the same virtual sphere is only going to hurt. Also clearly they're processing and everything, let them do that and everything on their own, etc.
I mean, in my experience it helps if you can avoid each other. Take some time for yourself, and create some space from your ex, until you're ready to get out there and meet someone new. Keeping in close proximity could lead to awkward moments and needless arguments, so maybe put each other on ignore for a bit.
Really? Only one person said gym in the first page? Wth man, we are losing our touch.
But srsly, time is the remedy for any pain. And also I know thinking to good old moments feel good and all but fuck em if they are gonna slow down your progress in life. That person gave up on you and moved on, you should do the same, don't think about your good memories, recall those moment you hated, the hurtfull pain that was left in you and as time passes you'll come out a stronger person who learned to love himself more than anyone else. The one who dumped you learned that before you.
But srsly, time is the remedy for any pain. And also I know thinking to good old moments feel good and all but fuck em if they are gonna slow down your progress in life. That person gave up on you and moved on, you should do the same, don't think about your good memories, recall those moment you hated, the hurtfull pain that was left in you and as time passes you'll come out a stronger person who learned to love himself more than anyone else. The one who dumped you learned that before you.
Time, Long Island ice teas, loose women and Gamecube games. Might not work for most people and its probably not great advise however it's the absolute truth for me.
A kindred spirit indeed!
I would never skip over the intro, because the theme tune seemed to have an effect on me. I've set it as my alarm now, it makes me wake up immediately, it's very peculiar.
Time and realizing only you can make yourself happy. Once I realized I am responsible for my own happiness life got better.
The first one is arguably the worst. As time goes on if and when it happens again you know that you were strong enough to get over it before so you'll have no problem getting over it then. Time really helps though, and keeping yourself busy.
Take the time to find the beauty in your independence, fall in love with how awesome you are and then share that awesomeness with a couple of new "friends". Decide from there if another relationship is what you want. The vacation from relationships is one of the most awesome and freeing feelings as long as you have the right mind set about it. Use it to try something new in life and reevaluate and your standards for a partner.
Awkward...
First public breakup of ERA members.
My advice would be: She timed this very poorly as "your best friend". I'd cut all contact at least until finals are over.
There are loads of interesting, beautiful, people out there that you can share your life with. Might feel terrible now but it will all turn out great in the end.
First I tried a lot of stupid things like going to Sagrada Familia on acid and inviting everyone that posted in the "lost category" on the spanish version of craig's list to my home. All of them turned out to be guys that were depressed or believed in aliens since they didn't get to sleep with girls.
I had no idea what I was doing so I created this points system and my apartment became the base of a pick-up society. Things escalated quickly and to get out of the situation I had to learn ninja techniques like jumping between balconies, wall climbing and silent assasinations. One day a ninja recruiter saw me and signed me to a contract as a full time ninja. *
*Alternative ending, I disbanded the pick up society after a year, changed country for the third time since the break up, dated three times a week until I found the right one. Lived happily every after.
The breakup coincided with me getting a new job at the time. I made a bunch of friends there that kept me from falling too deep in a hole. Plus I bought a 360, and a big-ass RPG helps.
Well, since the chance that op is gay is somewhere between 1% and 10% my guess is that he didn't.
Anyways, to op, all gay people I know go on a sex spree when they break up and they usually find someone new during it.
Cried a lot. Stopped going out altogether. Not sure how I managed to find strenght to go to the gym and lose some 20kgs. Got obsessed with some games, I literally started waking up at 7-8am (was unemployed at the time) so I get more time to play. I also started following more TV shows than ever, there was a point I was probably watching 22-24 different on-going series, and I was able to keep up. I don't suggest going down this route, but it's what happened to me.
What I actually suggest is not following my example (except maybe for the gym - being able to like yourself if you don't already is an important step), but trying to focus on yourself. Be a little selfish, try and have fun, spend money on what you like and enjoy. Try new hobbies if you feel your time is empty. Be open towards new ideas or activities, keep your mind constantly occupied with things that satisfy you so that the negativity won't prevail. Try meeting your friends more. Try reshaping things for a better future: gym, driving license, new hobbies as I said, anything that makes you "better". In order to be truly over it you need to be satisfied with who you are right now and what you are doing. Only then I think you have truly moved on.
What I actually suggest is not following my example (except maybe for the gym - being able to like yourself if you don't already is an important step), but trying to focus on yourself. Be a little selfish, try and have fun, spend money on what you like and enjoy. Try new hobbies if you feel your time is empty. Be open towards new ideas or activities, keep your mind constantly occupied with things that satisfy you so that the negativity won't prevail. Try meeting your friends more. Try reshaping things for a better future: gym, driving license, new hobbies as I said, anything that makes you "better". In order to be truly over it you need to be satisfied with who you are right now and what you are doing. Only then I think you have truly moved on.
Spent a lot of time single. It took about three years for me to feel strong enough about someone like that again.
I went on a lot of dates and kept an open mind, though. No real harm in trying. Just be honest when you have doubts.
At some point I found it unnecessary to tell dates/partners about me getting out of a long term relationship. It becomes something in the past and you realize the relationship didn't define you and your worth.
Basically, it takes time.
I went on a lot of dates and kept an open mind, though. No real harm in trying. Just be honest when you have doubts.
At some point I found it unnecessary to tell dates/partners about me getting out of a long term relationship. It becomes something in the past and you realize the relationship didn't define you and your worth.
Basically, it takes time.
This.
Gf of 3 years hit me with the "I want time to work on myself" drab. I just looked at her bare faced and said "cool". Multiple times I've reassured her that she's fine as is and there's nothing wrong with her.
Last time I checked people in a relationship were also supposed to grow together, but 3 years of my life were wasted. She's never made sacrifices for me during that time period....which I was ok with...but I made them for her, which again I was fine with because I loved her and she loved me.q
I phoned her 3 weeks later to let her know I didn't believe her. That's all I really wanted to say, but she ended up crying and pouring her heart over the phone. By this time I was already pretty apathetic because while was initially really hurt....I can't forgive the time I've put in and the sacrifices I've made for her that obviously weren't respected. I acted as the sympathetic ear for the sake of not being a douche though.
Got a new one.
The way I got over the 2nd one was time and a new one.
I still haven't gotten over the 3rd one, but time has helped a lot.
None of them were relationships though. They were all more than friends, but less than official relationships. I've never had a proper relationship.
Lol. Not at all. People are supposed to break up because of something they don't talk with the other partner about and don't try and work through together. Because you know, DATING.
Probably my bitterness showing a bit there, but I've had the misfortune of getting with girls that aren't as commited as me and the ease with which they leave me astonishes me. How can you initiate an intimate relationship with someone and then just easily withdraw from it? I'd feel horrible and dirty doing that. And I'm a guy ffs haha.
The way I got over the 2nd one was time and a new one.
I still haven't gotten over the 3rd one, but time has helped a lot.
None of them were relationships though. They were all more than friends, but less than official relationships. I've never had a proper relationship.
Lol. Not at all. People are supposed to break up because of something they don't talk with the other partner about and don't try and work through together. Because you know, DATING.
Probably my bitterness showing a bit there, but I've had the misfortune of getting with girls that aren't as commited as me and the ease with which they leave me astonishes me. How can you initiate an intimate relationship with someone and then just easily withdraw from it? I'd feel horrible and dirty doing that. And I'm a guy ffs haha.
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You just need to do stuff to keep your mind off of them, OP. I was a shy 22-year-old new to the working world at the time, so I just spent my free time catching up on my gaming backlog and hanging with friends, but after a while I decided I wanted to start dating and that's what I did. You'll soon forget them when you start meeting more cool and interesting people.
