As someone who is in a gay relationship, I wish spontaneous sex or sex without prep work was possible. It's so annoying
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Sex Ed Era: Judgement-free zone for questions
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Also protip: if your woman is into a vibrator being used on them especially a Magic Wand, put the vibrator between you while in missionary or while she's on top, right on top of her clit/top base of your penis and press it into her body as you push in. It may help to ease into it by having them use the vibe on themselves while you thrust at first.
I've have two of my partners react with "wait wtf you can do this? HELL YES" and the third one loved it because she had always wanted to do it but lots of dudes are insecure about involving a vibe in sex. Don't be afraid to involve a vibe in sex.
Plus the vibe will act as boop protection for the cervix.
I've have two of my partners react with "wait wtf you can do this? HELL YES" and the third one loved it because she had always wanted to do it but lots of dudes are insecure about involving a vibe in sex. Don't be afraid to involve a vibe in sex.
Plus the vibe will act as boop protection for the cervix.
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How long does the prep work takes for you? I've never had to do much prep other than a lot of foreplay (as in, a lot of fingers and such to loosen everything up.) - But that's pretty much the same with hetreosexual sex, most of the time you can't just ram it in there.
If you're referring to enemas - As I said, most sources I've read online always claim enema is not necessary and doesn't have any real benefit beside personal preference, and that has been my personal experience has well (I've never been with anyone who did an enema before fun times begun.)
Get on the metamucil/psyllium husk powder train, my man. I stopped prepping with enemas years ago (partially because I always ran into issues where I wouldn't ever completely expel it which meant a nice watery surprise later on when I was getting dicked down), if you have a good diet and supplement with some fiber powders you have really clean bowel movements that don't leave a lot (or really any) debri in your rectum. It's a personal preference I guess, but as the other guy mentioned long-term use of enemas aren't really that good for you, and for me personally I've had way fewer issues since I stopped doing them. It's also great because it actually does allow you to have spontaneous sex.
Even better, you can get cock rings that have a small vibrator attached so neither of you have to hold onto it.
The day I got one of those I felt like I leveled up. You last longer and your partner gets the vibe too.
As a man with a penis that curves up, while I love the views Doggy presents it often isn't the most comfortable for me. Personally my partners and I have enjoyed missionary or cowgirl / reverse cowgirl the most because it hits the sweet spots.
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Yeah, a lot of foreplay as well. I will say that I definitely fear NOT being clean down there so it can take me out of the moment out of fear something will happen lol. I definitely agree with you on enemas - I was on antibiotics for about two months, so between that completely destroying my gut bacteria, I'm definitely not fucking it up more by using an enema all the time. There is a fiber supplement called Pure for Men that's specifically for anal sex that keeps you clean (which I'm sure is just similar to any other fiber supplement), but it was too much and too expensive to keep it up (you had to take 6 pills a day).
You don't have to prep and there doesn't have to be any kind of mess. Lube is usually needed but not always.
I always hear about gay couples who don't have sex unless they eat a certain way and enema and spend a long time prepping and I'm like wtf
Having a lot of experience to where you can control your sensations and muscle movements I think is key.
My husband and I have never done an enema and we are verse.
There is very, very rarely any visible poop. In fact I can't remember the last time there was. Maybe a couple of months ago when we moved into this new place, and we have sex multiple times a week. If there is any it's usually caused by something unusual. It's usually not there if you have a bowel movement earlier in the day and you shower. Even if you don't, practice and experience can help you feel when you need your partner to exit so that there is little risk of that kind of contact even in an emergency situation.
Idk YMMV. I honestly wouldn't bother with sex if it was as complicated and messy as needing an enema each time.
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I haven't tried sensory deprivation. There are times were I naturally will close my eyes during sex but never any sort of conscious thing.
I'll try closing my eyes more but I'm really not into wearing a blindfold since it puts me in a submissive role. I will say that my girlfriend enjoys doing cowgirl which definitely lets off the pressure a bit when it comes to erections but as far as being able to climax, I don't think I've ever gotten close that way even though I do enjoy it a lot.
I don't know how to describe the performance anxiety. It's like, I feel calm. I don't feel like I'm having anxiety or anything but it just doesn't work. It's like if I'm in the bathroom with my girlfriend, I actually can't pee unless I really need to. She'll walk out and I'll go no problem. I wonder if it's the same kind of thing. Sometimes we will masturbate together and I have a hell of a time getting myself off but if I was alone, it would be so simple. I'm physically doing the same thing to myself but it's so different. It's not like I'm uncomfortable around her or anything and we've had sex plenty of times so it's not like it's new to me. I really am having trouble nailing down the source of the PA.
Yeah it seems like just the act of doing those things with someone else is what's bringing it up. Not necessarily the fact that you aren't comfortable with her, but that something is triggering when you've got your dick out lol.
If you're having trouble staying erect, I highly suggest a cock ring. You can get some really cheap silicone ones on Amazon and I recommend them to everyone. Just don't keep it on too long.
There is no "one size fits all" for all this anal sex prep talk. Everyone has different bowel habits and patterns and that will be your roadmap. My wife has never prepped once. Ever. And we have never had a poop experience in over 15 years of regular and intense anal sex. I listen to her when she says "not tonight" for anal. I don't even want to know why, but I can assume it is a nice nondescript way of saying that she dos not feel clean/empty. Another nice way for her to say it without saying it is that she wants me in her pussy tonight, or something like that. Basically saying anal is out.
For people taking up the ass, take a look at a stool chart. If you have softer stools, you'll likely have to prep. If you tend more towards harder, smaller stools you will have a much easier go of things. One of the interesting things about the ass is that when you insert something into it, the colon walls retract a bit and pulls stuff back up into the colon. This is one of the reasons it is so difficult to remove things that get inserted objects out of people's asses. (Use flared bases people!) The vast majority of your poops will be on the other side of your colon. Poop only descends into the sigmoid colon when it's actually time to shit, and everyone on this planet knows when they need to shit. Don't do butt stuff until the bowels are vacated.
And as always, remember that the butt's primary purpose is to shit. Try not to be super shocked or embarrass your partner if, god forbid, there is ever any sort of accident.
For people taking up the ass, take a look at a stool chart. If you have softer stools, you'll likely have to prep. If you tend more towards harder, smaller stools you will have a much easier go of things. One of the interesting things about the ass is that when you insert something into it, the colon walls retract a bit and pulls stuff back up into the colon. This is one of the reasons it is so difficult to remove things that get inserted objects out of people's asses. (Use flared bases people!) The vast majority of your poops will be on the other side of your colon. Poop only descends into the sigmoid colon when it's actually time to shit, and everyone on this planet knows when they need to shit. Don't do butt stuff until the bowels are vacated.
And as always, remember that the butt's primary purpose is to shit. Try not to be super shocked or embarrass your partner if, god forbid, there is ever any sort of accident.
Yeah I should mention that this has been a problem even with other partners. So it's definitely based around the idea of there simply being someone there no matter how comfortable I am with them, which sucks because I thought it would eventually go away after having sex with the same person for a certain amount of time. The first time I had sex I was really confused and thought something might have been wrong with me since pretty much everyone tells you that the first time you have sex (as a guy), you won't be even last a few pumps. So I went in expecting that but it didn't feel anything like I thought it would and I didn't climax at all. I guess unmet expectations can really mess you up.
And I have heard of cock rings but they seem dangerous? I guess you've had a good experience with them?
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The two concerns with cock rings are Discomfort from using one too small which you can remedy by buying a three pack on Amazon and picking the one that fits the best, and Keeping it on for too long and then it gets uncomfortable. I typically keep it on for 30-45 minutes at most and I've had no issues.
Here's the set I have:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B017IQ8YRO
I met Beto when he was in town. I'm 90% straight and I would've been okay if he took me home.
As far as I can tell, there's almost no "objectively best" anything when it comes to sex. Some people absolutely love things that other people hate, and there's no way to really know what's good for you and your SO until you try it.
Yeah, that's a thing. I've also had those arch foot cramps too on occasion
I, for one, am not a fan of ranking positions - They all have their place and time. So Doggy is up there - but I wouldn't say it's objectively the best. One criminally underrated position, though, is the Folded Missionary. Much less chance to "boop the c" than doggy as well.
I personally really love penises. The sight of an erect penis is incredibly arousing to me, both in art and photographic form... In the right context. If I get unwanted dick pics or some hentai penis pops up on my dash when I ain't tryna look for porn, it's awkward. If it's offered, or I'm seeking it out or otherwise receptive. Heck yeah. Naturally being attached to an attractive person helps but I'm somewhat fine with cropped penis pics.
I'm a cis dude and I've had this happen after a particularly powerful orgasm, tbh.
Fiction Not sure if there's any value to this, but thought I'd mention it:
There's a Dick Hygiene Thread, which whilst not being specifically about sex, is related (kinda?). Maybe worth talking to the OP of that and linking to it in the first post in this thread? Up to you, just thinking that it might be useful for some of the guys here (if they're not already Watching the thread, that is). :)
There's a Dick Hygiene Thread, which whilst not being specifically about sex, is related (kinda?). Maybe worth talking to the OP of that and linking to it in the first post in this thread? Up to you, just thinking that it might be useful for some of the guys here (if they're not already Watching the thread, that is). :)
Well this tweet is certainly awkward after recent events...
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My friend says she is lesbian, but says she loves giving blowjobs/handjobs/other jobs to guys. No vaginal penetration.
Does this make her bi?
Does this make her bi?
If she identifies as a lesbian, she's a lesbian. If she enjoys being with a man every once in a while, that's her thing.
My bestie is gay and has slept with women on occasion, he still won't ever date one and he clearly enjoys men more.
No personal explanation to that, but rather a scientific one:
The "morning wood" is scientifically called nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) which usually occur during the rapid eye movement (REM) phase of the sleep. During the REM phase you tend to dream more vividly, your muscles may even be "active" and so does your penis. This means that this does not necessarily mean that one is aroused when waking up, but simply implies that the last REM phase of the sleep was shortly before waking up. Of course, one can be aroused in the morning.
The same thing also occurs with the female body, only that it is called "NCT". The clitoris sweels mostly during those REM phases and the blood flow in the vagina is increased which may cause lubrication as well.
Interesting side information: This knowledge is used to determine wether a erectile dysfunction has psychological or physiological origin. If you do not have an erection during the REM phase at all, it is suggested that it has physiological causes. If it occurs during your sleep, it rather has psychological background.
Sorry if I bored you with that science stuff, but I recently read the Wikipedia article about REM sleep when searching for sleep tracker and intelligent alarm clocks... you never know when something is useful to know haha
This is simply untrue.
I've had plenty of anal sex, giving and receiving. As long as you have a healthy diet and are pretty "regular" there is no need for an enema whatsoever.
Now, obviously, poop comes out of the butt. If you are going into the butt, you have to go in there with full knowledge that, yes, poop was probably there recently and, yes, poop might be there right now. An enema isn't going to change that. The deepest of deep cleans isn't going to change that.
If you can't handle the thought of poop being places, then man, probably don't go in any public bathrooms.
My cousin just texted me this question so I throw it to you, Era:
"was with my girlfriend (virgin) last night and things were getting hot and heavy in the car and while we didn't smang, my dong's tip touched her lady parts. Am I dad?"
He's freaking out and texting me. I told him I'd ask the internet. I assume he did not ejaculate.
"was with my girlfriend (virgin) last night and things were getting hot and heavy in the car and while we didn't smang, my dong's tip touched her lady parts. Am I dad?"
He's freaking out and texting me. I told him I'd ask the internet. I assume he did not ejaculate.
Or order from a McDonalds Kiosk... (they couldn't find one that didn't have poop on it.).
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Just tell him to wrap it up next time. Neither confirm or deny he is dad.My cousin just texted me this question so I throw it to you, Era:
"was with my girlfriend (virgin) last night and things were getting hot and heavy in the car and while we didn't smang, my dong's tip touched her lady parts. Am I dad?"
He's freaking out and texting me. I told him I'd ask the internet. I assume he did not ejaculate.
I felt it with mine and I wouldn't say I'm like particularly crazy porn star hung or anything. Not that you asked...
If it's fairly new, there's the piece they use when they go to pull it that is more accessible than the device itself... it gets worn down over time and smoother out.
Which is good because it didn't exactly feel great, since I have a pretty sensitive head. Not that you asked about that, either...
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That is something needs to mention to her doctor. So I would let her know
My cousin just texted me this question so I throw it to you, Era:
"was with my girlfriend (virgin) last night and things were getting hot and heavy in the car and while we didn't smang, my dong's tip touched her lady parts. Am I dad?"
He's freaking out and texting me. I told him I'd ask the internet. I assume he did not ejaculate.
Lol. CAN happen, but highly, HIGHLY unlikely. A whole series of things would have to go right (or wrong, depending on your point of view) for that to happen.
I think it something that should be asked directly, because you don't want her to feel pressured or manipulated. Just be direct and honest about what you want and accept and respect her answer whatever it may be.
She's wouldn't need to do anything special, the rectum should be pretty clean unless she's pooping at that very moment.
Chiming in to say that I think people get too intense about prep work for anal. Everyone's afraid they are going to actually diarrhea on someone's dick after sex and that just isn't going to happen. If you feel you have to do some prep work and it relieves that anxiety then you do you. But it's not an actual issue I've ever come across.
Maybe if you have some bowel disease or regularly have runny or loose stool it could be a concern. But for the average person I feel people make a bigger deal out of it than needs to be; and it's grown into some huge myth in the gay community that you absolutely gotta enema and shove hoses up your ass, never enjoy your favorite foods again and in fact don't eat for 48hrs beforehand.
Like if it's a choice between my favorite spicy foods and sex, I'd have to tell my boyfriend it's been fun but nope. xD
Maybe if you have some bowel disease or regularly have runny or loose stool it could be a concern. But for the average person I feel people make a bigger deal out of it than needs to be; and it's grown into some huge myth in the gay community that you absolutely gotta enema and shove hoses up your ass, never enjoy your favorite foods again and in fact don't eat for 48hrs beforehand.
Like if it's a choice between my favorite spicy foods and sex, I'd have to tell my boyfriend it's been fun but nope. xD
My wife enjoys anal sometimes. Usually if she's super turned on I'll do her doggy style and gently press my thumb back there.... She usually says go for it if she's ready. Just use lots of lube/spit and take it slow.
It really gets me turned on when she enjoying her self. I'd much rather her get off then myself.
Its been said a million times but communicating is the key.
It really gets me turned on when she enjoying her self. I'd much rather her get off then myself.
Its been said a million times but communicating is the key.
I'm not sure if this is more sex or relationship related, but I guess I'll post it here anyway.
Is being afraid of any kind of physical intimacy normal?
I've been making a real effort to find people and go on dates as of recent, but when the relationship progresses to the point where physical intimacy just... happens, I'm not sure how I'm going to react.
Is being afraid of any kind of physical intimacy normal?
I've been making a real effort to find people and go on dates as of recent, but when the relationship progresses to the point where physical intimacy just... happens, I'm not sure how I'm going to react.
Everyone's first time kissing/hugging/having sex is awkward, it's normal. Use your instincts and read body language.
Now, if you get to the point where you actively dislike the more intimate stuff, you could be sex-replused, which does not mean you're broken. Some people are just wired like that.
A question for vagina-owners and vagina lovers. It's a vagina-related question in essence.
Has anyone successfully remedied reports of discomfort caused by fingernails?
I really, really love using my fingers on my girl, but some time ago she began to reveal that she found my fingernails uncomfortable. And I get how unpleasant it can feel, if someone brutally mistreats your sensitive parts during what's supposed to be a moment of pleasure.
I'm wondering how to approach this. What she's said is that she now starts getting turned off whenever my fingers get involved, because even if I don't jab her carelessly, she'll worry that I'm going to, so her arousal plummets. Very fair point.
It doesn't seem to make a difference how short my nails are cut. For example, I'd say they're at their best the day after being cut. They're as short as can be, and a day of use will have smoothed off the sharp edges. I can't think of a way of improving this aspect any further?
A lot can be argued for taking a more 'listening' approach, eg going slower, being more careful, learning how she feels and how likes it. I think this is probably the best and only route forward ... but it's not like that isn't already my approach. I'm trying to be absolutely as sensitive and as cultured as I can be. But there's already this negative feedback loop working in the opposite direction. I also feel it's not only down to me - she's moving too and it seems inevitable that there will be some times when she zigs when I zag ...
Which is making me wonder - do other people have this? Are my nails unusually protuberant? Is her pussy atypically sensitive? I don't really think so in either case, so why is this apparently not a common discussion point?
I went as far as buying a rubber glove, which has five rather ridiculous-shaped fingers. She actually loves it, says it feels good and let's her completely relax. Which is truly great ... but it also really hinders me! It's so thick I can't get a sense of how it's going for her, and can't use my fingers anywhere near as effectively as I'd like ...
So I have two answers of my own. To use my own fingers very gently and carefully, keep building up trust and understanding. And to use this glove, and to learn more and more about how to use it. I just wanted to get some outside perspective on this, if possible. Is it common? How else could we approach this?
Has anyone successfully remedied reports of discomfort caused by fingernails?
I really, really love using my fingers on my girl, but some time ago she began to reveal that she found my fingernails uncomfortable. And I get how unpleasant it can feel, if someone brutally mistreats your sensitive parts during what's supposed to be a moment of pleasure.
I'm wondering how to approach this. What she's said is that she now starts getting turned off whenever my fingers get involved, because even if I don't jab her carelessly, she'll worry that I'm going to, so her arousal plummets. Very fair point.
It doesn't seem to make a difference how short my nails are cut. For example, I'd say they're at their best the day after being cut. They're as short as can be, and a day of use will have smoothed off the sharp edges. I can't think of a way of improving this aspect any further?
A lot can be argued for taking a more 'listening' approach, eg going slower, being more careful, learning how she feels and how likes it. I think this is probably the best and only route forward ... but it's not like that isn't already my approach. I'm trying to be absolutely as sensitive and as cultured as I can be. But there's already this negative feedback loop working in the opposite direction. I also feel it's not only down to me - she's moving too and it seems inevitable that there will be some times when she zigs when I zag ...
Which is making me wonder - do other people have this? Are my nails unusually protuberant? Is her pussy atypically sensitive? I don't really think so in either case, so why is this apparently not a common discussion point?
I went as far as buying a rubber glove, which has five rather ridiculous-shaped fingers. She actually loves it, says it feels good and let's her completely relax. Which is truly great ... but it also really hinders me! It's so thick I can't get a sense of how it's going for her, and can't use my fingers anywhere near as effectively as I'd like ...
So I have two answers of my own. To use my own fingers very gently and carefully, keep building up trust and understanding. And to use this glove, and to learn more and more about how to use it. I just wanted to get some outside perspective on this, if possible. Is it common? How else could we approach this?
I've been fruitlessly trying to find information on discarding fetishes. From what I understand, there's little research on the subject, and what has been attempted appears ineffective and some of the methods used unethical. Not unlike conversion therapy. This is about what I expected to find, but it still bummed me out. My paraphilia is neither harmful to myself nor others; but I personally find it repulsive and something I would prefer not to possess. I have no intention of ever accepting it.
I should make clear that my feelings don't extend to anyone else's kinks. (Provided they're practiced by consenting adults and aren't detrimental to their health.)
This isn't even really a question, I'm just not sure where else to vent about it. I guess I could ask if wanting to be rid of a fetish is an unreasonable desire, but I imagine the responses would be that I should embrace this aspect of myself.
I should make clear that my feelings don't extend to anyone else's kinks. (Provided they're practiced by consenting adults and aren't detrimental to their health.)
This isn't even really a question, I'm just not sure where else to vent about it. I guess I could ask if wanting to be rid of a fetish is an unreasonable desire, but I imagine the responses would be that I should embrace this aspect of myself.
So since this thread got updated at just the right time I'll give an update too. I finally had sex for the first time tonight! Granted it was with a prostitute in Amsterdam but I had fun all the same.
Damn it feels good to have this weight finally lifted off my shoulders. I turn 25 in a few days and still being a virgin was always in the back of my head bringing me down. Feels great to finally be past it all.
Damn it feels good to have this weight finally lifted off my shoulders. I turn 25 in a few days and still being a virgin was always in the back of my head bringing me down. Feels great to finally be past it all.
I don't have any experience on the subject of trying to get rid of kinks... I'd imagine your best bet would be to simply try and find something else you like, and spend a lot of time focusing on it.
Did you enjoy yourself or are you just happy the stigma is gone?
