I never said Nan was in the spider ep.
Best case, it's a missed opportunity for more story telling. She's given Yaz the watch, says we'll talk about it when you're older, then sees Yaz's hands have the design on them. This is all a great setup for her to wink and say, "Thank you for being there." or something to indicate she knows, and obviously she's been keeping that secret. It's a perfect time to add some story there. A missed opportunity.
You said you didn't understand how she didn't recognize the group in her kitchen as the group who attended her wedding. She's never seen them in the present.
And for what it's worth I much prefer how the story panned out as opposed to some wink wink "she knows" thing at the end. This was all about her story, her life and the secret pain she's had to hide her life. In the end, Yaz lets Nan "keep" the story instead of having to tell it. She knows how painful it was to her. Much like how in Rosa they never had Rosa involved in any time travel hijinks it would have done the emotion of the story a disservice.