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Sex Ed Era: Judgement-free zone for questions
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Exceptions exist but I would agree with this for the most part. There are studies out there which suggest that many young women feel like it is expected of them and don#t tell their partners that they do not like it. This is due to porn.
Goddammit, sounds like I just need to nut up and stop masturbating.
I was a 26-year old virgin before my current relationship and all I can say is don't be too afraid of performing poorly or of your partner being turned off. I told my current girlfriend on the third date, after we had already done handjobs/fingering, that I was a virgin and she wasn't turned off at all. In fact, she was more scared that I'd judge her for her count than that she was thinking of mine. A girl I almost hooked up before that also didn't care about my lack of experience. So while I don't think you are required to tell your partner that you're a virgin, I do believe clear communication works best.
As for your performance, read up on r/sex and other such places to get some general tips and just try to go into things without any expectations. Not being able to get hard, having trouble finding the right position/hole and not cumming/cumming too quickly are all things that might happen so be prepared to roll with it. I couldn't get hard the first time we tried vaginal sex but we still had a great time and she definitely enjoyed herself. Listening to your partner, taking things slow, focusing on making out and foreplay are all things I've heard a lot of women say they appreciate. Nothing is liked by all women obviously but by taking the slow route you leave enough room for her to tell you what she likes.
I was a 26-year old virgin before my current relationship and all I can say is don't be too afraid of performing poorly or of your partner being turned off. I told my current girlfriend on the third date, after we had already done handjobs/fingering, that I was a virgin and she wasn't turned off at all. In fact, she was more scared that I'd judge her for her count than that she was thinking of mine. A girl I almost hooked up before that also didn't care about my lack of experience. So while I don't think you are required to tell your partner that you're a virgin, I do believe clear communication works best.
As for your performance, read up on r/sex and other such places to get some general tips and just try to go into things without any expectations. Not being able to get hard, having trouble finding the right position/hole and not cumming/cumming too quickly are all things that might happen so be prepared to roll with it. I couldn't get hard the first time we tried vaginal sex but we still had a great time and she definitely enjoyed herself. Listening to your partner, taking things slow, focusing on making out and foreplay are all things I've heard a lot of women say they appreciate. Nothing is liked by all women obviously but by taking the slow route you leave enough room for her to tell you what she likes.
In my experience, a once or twice off, it's not a big deal, usually transition to some cuddling, and try again another time.
As something that happens regularly... I always found it really demoralising, despite being reassured that it was how it had always been for that guy. It really hit my self-confidence in the bedroom, and going in to my next sexual partner I was really convinced that I was just terrible in bed
Question for Guy-ERA.
I'm an asexual guy who has no interest in having sex. Do I need to shave off any hair in my lower areas for health reasons or is it not necessary?
I know ERA had a similar topic awhile back, but I was under the impression that was in regards to people having sex.
I'm an asexual guy who has no interest in having sex. Do I need to shave off any hair in my lower areas for health reasons or is it not necessary?
I know ERA had a similar topic awhile back, but I was under the impression that was in regards to people having sex.
This is a thread where we try to be judgement free. We're all different. I haven't had that many sexual partners but one of them was really into anal. Like, she fucking loved it and it was always at HER request. Not that i had problems with it (:P) but she was always the initiator for anal. People are different. The sooner as you realize that, the sooner we will have a slightly better world.
Yeah i was in that thread. It was some years ago. I'm still having issues with it. It probably comes from the same place but it's definitely a bit different imo. And i also think it's REALLY hard to reproduce in a testing setting. The women i've experienced this with were really in the Zone, so to speak, when it happened. Almost in a fuck-trance and they didn't even know what came over them (it was bot their first squirting orgasm and both were riding me when it happened. It even kinda feels like having to pee. But both said it was not exactly like that. Maybe they were ashamed but i don't really think so. It was hot as fuck though so i don't care much either way.
Anyway, if or when that ever happens, it's always the result of some awesome sex and her really being into the moment so enjoy and never orgasm-shame her if you think it's incontinence. It's not i think. But maybe women on here can react. They know best. Well, only those who have experienced it, of course. Not interested in opinions and wild guesses.
Those who experienced it first hand.
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I'm scared to bottom for the first time... I really don't know what to expect other than people always saying "it's gonna hurt"
i echo this sentiment. started having sex a bit later than the average guy and I had the same problem with death grip after dry masturbating my whole life. Stopped masturbating for about two to three weeks and i could finish without any problems. In my case at least I could still masturbate afterwards but I think you need to have sex and masturbate in equal amounts otherwise the problem will come back.
all the hair that exists on your body is there for a reason. unless you prefer it for aesthetic reasons no need to bother shaving.
you know, if the hair there would've been bad for your health, it wouldn't still be there after hundreds of thousands of years of evolution
I am curious about the demographics of someone that would make a statement like this. Are you male/female? How old are you? What sort of life experience have you had that makes you come to this conclusion?
Yes, 1000 times yes. And it's awesome.
The real question is "is squirting pee?".
TBH even if the answer is "yes it's 100% pee", I do not care and still love it.
You leave it how you want. But you also don't need to go all the way to shaving, you can also trim.
I don't drink. But yeah, I've thrown in the towel plenty of times. Doesn't matter though, having sex still feels great, doesn't matter if I bust a nut or not.
In this case it was more like 1,5h. It was round 2 and just one of those days.
Nope, no SSRIs in my case. It just really be like that sometimes. But yes, at a certain point it can get frustrating.
I guess I just really need to stop doing kegels while sitting around at work.
You really don't know the right women
No. Giving birth requires 9 months of preparation by the female body. And it still hurts like hell. EDIT: I mean, every penis might eventually fit, but as far as pleasure is concerned ...
I'm a dude, but no. Childbirth not only hurts, and causes swelling and bruising, it's been known to tear the vagina open, including tearing the clitoris in severe cases, or making your butthole and vagina one single hole.
Additionally, much like there's different penis sizes, women don't have all the same length of vagina, the average depth of a vagina is around 4". Also, there are things like vaginismus which can make even using tampons impossible, let alone getting a penis inside.
I'm male, and had many female partners who completely refused even a finger on their anuses. I'd be like, "even the pinky?".
Looking at the OP, I'm reminded that there's a lot of information out there about how to better stimulate a woman sexually but not so much for men. I feel like most people see the male orgasm as something that is simple and easy to achieve while the female orgasm is more complex and so I've always found it difficult to find any extensive information on how to better stimulate a man.
I started having sex much later than most and the advice I always heard was as a guy, I would cum super quickly my first time and so I should focus on getting the girl to climax first. But the first time I had sex, I couldn't cum at all and it really confused me. In fact, I've never been able to have an orgasm (during intercourse) since then. I wonder if the fact that I can't get an orgasm means I don't actually know my body well enough. I say that because my girlfriend knows what she likes and so after she told me, I got good enough at it that I can easily get her off in a few minutes if I want to. On my end though, I can't really think of a specific thing I could tell her to do to me for the same result. I can easily get an orgasm if I'm masturbating by hand (dry or wet) or with a fleshlight but if I masturbate with my girlfriend present it's much more difficult to just straight impossible sometimes. Based on that, I feel like it's a mental block which is just way more frustrating than something physical. Like if it was a deathgrip thing, I could just stop but a mental block? I don't even know.
It's not that I don't enjoy sex, it feels good but it's like I'm capped if that makes any sense and it's frustrating to deal with. Looking at the thread, it seems I'm not the only one who has had issues with it which is a relief to hear (I didn't know men could have this problem at all in the past). If anyone has advice on this, it would be appreciated.
I don't think it's worth being scared of herpes though, there's a big stigma around it which is not entirely justified especially considering most people have it. If you've been tested for STDs, it's very unlikely that you're tested for HSV-1 or HSV-2 unless you specifically ask for it. I think they do that because most people have it and they would just be freaking a lot of people out especially because it's easy to get a false negative or false positive if you're not symptomatic. Just practice safe sex by using protection or if you forego that at least make sure it's with someone you trust and you can both get tested.
Of course, I'm not a doctor so if I said anything wrong, someone please correct me.
I started having sex much later than most and the advice I always heard was as a guy, I would cum super quickly my first time and so I should focus on getting the girl to climax first. But the first time I had sex, I couldn't cum at all and it really confused me. In fact, I've never been able to have an orgasm (during intercourse) since then. I wonder if the fact that I can't get an orgasm means I don't actually know my body well enough. I say that because my girlfriend knows what she likes and so after she told me, I got good enough at it that I can easily get her off in a few minutes if I want to. On my end though, I can't really think of a specific thing I could tell her to do to me for the same result. I can easily get an orgasm if I'm masturbating by hand (dry or wet) or with a fleshlight but if I masturbate with my girlfriend present it's much more difficult to just straight impossible sometimes. Based on that, I feel like it's a mental block which is just way more frustrating than something physical. Like if it was a deathgrip thing, I could just stop but a mental block? I don't even know.
It's not that I don't enjoy sex, it feels good but it's like I'm capped if that makes any sense and it's frustrating to deal with. Looking at the thread, it seems I'm not the only one who has had issues with it which is a relief to hear (I didn't know men could have this problem at all in the past). If anyone has advice on this, it would be appreciated.
Asymptomatic viral shedding is something that can happen, so it is possible for someone to pass on herpes even when they aren't having a visible breakout. Of course it's much more contagious if there's an open sore but I believe most herpes infections are passed on by people who aren't even aware that they have it. A lot of people don't know that cold sores are herpes, for example.
I don't think it's worth being scared of herpes though, there's a big stigma around it which is not entirely justified especially considering most people have it. If you've been tested for STDs, it's very unlikely that you're tested for HSV-1 or HSV-2 unless you specifically ask for it. I think they do that because most people have it and they would just be freaking a lot of people out especially because it's easy to get a false negative or false positive if you're not symptomatic. Just practice safe sex by using protection or if you forego that at least make sure it's with someone you trust and you can both get tested.
Of course, I'm not a doctor so if I said anything wrong, someone please correct me.
Might want to start with a modest massage (while having sex doggy style, for instance). Firm but tender to see if that has any effect. Just on the outside. And never dry. Nobody initially likes the idea of something going against traffic in their ass. But the ring/ rim is filled to the brim with nerve endings so it's not weird at all to experience pleasure there. Even the massage approach can lead to enhanced orgasms. Not for all though. Some really don't like it. And it would be a shame if she would do it just for your enjoyment. I never liked that idea.
Oh I do, it just seems like both genders are kind of fronting if the statistic holds true.
Yup, that is indeed the case
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530
And, it's not that penetration feels bad, it's just not enough for most women to come with alone. A lot of the posturing about it seems to come from ingrained expectations and trying to not hurt the other party.
There's alsow women who can but don't want to, because clitoral orgasms feel better for them. Someone once told me she can't orgasm from penetration, a few weeks later she came hard riding me and I ask her, and she was just "yeah I can, it just doesn't happen very often" and clitoral orgasms feel better because she can actually go on after that. Because the night was practically over after that, she was too sensitive.
Wait what the fuck? Making your vagina and butthole one single hole??? I don't even have words.
But for real though, I thought vagina's stretched? So dudes with big D's will permanantly have a hard time finding a girl who enjoy having sex with them?
I just want to pause and promote this product:
This or the generic store brand equivalent are exactly what you should be using to wash your genitals or anus. It is dermatologically-formulated for sensitive skin areas. It was hailed by my dermatologist to use on private parts. If you're uncircumcised, using other harsh soaps on your penis can dry or irritate the area. This is the ideal soap for washing the anus and penis before and after anal sex because it will not irritate the sensitive skin there. This soap is the key to not getting UTIs or itchy butt after anal sex.
Always pee after sex, even if you're a dude. The chances are smaller than for women, but UTIs can still happen. Especially if you perform anal sex. Peeing + cetaphil and you'll always be clean and UTI-free.
Google perineal tear
This or the generic store brand equivalent are exactly what you should be using to wash your genitals or anus. It is dermatologically-formulated for sensitive skin areas. It was hailed by my dermatologist to use on private parts. If you're uncircumcised, using other harsh soaps on your penis can dry or irritate the area. This is the ideal soap for washing the anus and penis before and after anal sex because it will not irritate the sensitive skin there. This soap is the key to not getting UTIs or itchy butt after anal sex.
Always pee after sex, even if you're a dude. The chances are smaller than for women, but UTIs can still happen. Especially if you perform anal sex. Peeing + cetaphil and you'll always be clean and UTI-free.
Google perineal tear
Depends on the girth I guess, and the woman of course, but yes. Big dicks can hurt like hell, some women seem to really like them though.
Damn that sucks! I don't know why but I Always thought they stretched out so the girl gets used to it (girth). And there's no solution for this?
No, not at all. That'd burn, lol. Doing regular enemas will take care of the inner works. The double clean is for the outer area. Being thorough never hurts in these situations lol. And I've always used just regular body wash for it with no issues. Body lotion is great for a nice scent for whoever is getting their face up and close, so I'd keep doing that.
I am hoping we can stay true to judgment free zone because it's taking a lot for me to post this. I did not have sex ed in school so I don't know much at all about this type of stuff.
I didn't really keep good track of how this happened so the dates are going to be very vague. In spring through winter 2015, I hooked up with three guys individually, two more frequently than the other guy who was an ex-bf. Sometime in 2016, I noticed a whitish bump or two on my scrotum. I tried to remove them myself and ended up with more growing back. Tried to remove those myself and even more grew back. In 2017, it had turned from 2 to about 4-5 spots in very close quarters. I went to my general practitioner, he told me it was probably a rash or something similar and sent me to a dermatologist.
The dermatologist is very expensive and has to be paid upfront. The first time I went, he snipped one off and tested it. The one he snipped off grew a couple more around it. He confirmed it was HPV / genital warts. I was asked to return for removal and he used some type of chemical that essentially uses chemical burn to kill them. This did not work and even more grew after this. By now, there is a mass covering the front right side of my scrotum, they're starting to shift left and they're also growing in the area where my dick runs to my ass, primarily one big one and others starting to grow.
I go back to the doctor and he uses a freezing technique. They got even worse after this, they started growing in the side crevices from the "gooch" area in relatively large masses, there has to be about 20-30 individual bumps at this point that can be tiny or a large mass of wart.
I did not go back after this because it did not seem to be working. I haven't had sex since all of this happened, I'm way too afraid of the judgement I'll get, the idea of spreading it makes me feel like a fucking monster, and I am so lonely because I gave up on pursuing relationships with girls/guys completely. I don't even go out of my house really because of how much it's affected me. It's making me fucking miserable. I think about it most of every day for the past 3+ years, about taking painkillers and removing them all myself, about how they're continually spreading while I can't figure out a solution (I now have one on my shaft and they're starting to move to the left side of my scrotum and "gooch" and moving closer to my anus. I think about committing suicide a lot because of it because in my mind I can't see ever being in a relationship again and the older I get the more depressing it becomes, while my peers are still dating, fucking, and having the time of their lives. I see commercials about how the HPV vaccine would have worked for me but I didn't know it was a thing and my parents had no interest in talking to me about anything like this. They still don't, my mom is the only other person besides doctors who knows and the look on her face when I told her scarred me. She looked so fucking ashamed and refused to say much at all.
Does anyone know what the heck I can do or have any suggestions about how to move forward? I'm at my wit's end. If there is no answer, I just don't want to be here because it makes me hate myself.
I didn't really keep good track of how this happened so the dates are going to be very vague. In spring through winter 2015, I hooked up with three guys individually, two more frequently than the other guy who was an ex-bf. Sometime in 2016, I noticed a whitish bump or two on my scrotum. I tried to remove them myself and ended up with more growing back. Tried to remove those myself and even more grew back. In 2017, it had turned from 2 to about 4-5 spots in very close quarters. I went to my general practitioner, he told me it was probably a rash or something similar and sent me to a dermatologist.
The dermatologist is very expensive and has to be paid upfront. The first time I went, he snipped one off and tested it. The one he snipped off grew a couple more around it. He confirmed it was HPV / genital warts. I was asked to return for removal and he used some type of chemical that essentially uses chemical burn to kill them. This did not work and even more grew after this. By now, there is a mass covering the front right side of my scrotum, they're starting to shift left and they're also growing in the area where my dick runs to my ass, primarily one big one and others starting to grow.
I go back to the doctor and he uses a freezing technique. They got even worse after this, they started growing in the side crevices from the "gooch" area in relatively large masses, there has to be about 20-30 individual bumps at this point that can be tiny or a large mass of wart.
I did not go back after this because it did not seem to be working. I haven't had sex since all of this happened, I'm way too afraid of the judgement I'll get, the idea of spreading it makes me feel like a fucking monster, and I am so lonely because I gave up on pursuing relationships with girls/guys completely. I don't even go out of my house really because of how much it's affected me. It's making me fucking miserable. I think about it most of every day for the past 3+ years, about taking painkillers and removing them all myself, about how they're continually spreading while I can't figure out a solution (I now have one on my shaft and they're starting to move to the left side of my scrotum and "gooch" and moving closer to my anus. I think about committing suicide a lot because of it because in my mind I can't see ever being in a relationship again and the older I get the more depressing it becomes, while my peers are still dating, fucking, and having the time of their lives. I see commercials about how the HPV vaccine would have worked for me but I didn't know it was a thing and my parents had no interest in talking to me about anything like this. They still don't, my mom is the only other person besides doctors who knows and the look on her face when I told her scarred me. She looked so fucking ashamed and refused to say much at all.
Does anyone know what the heck I can do or have any suggestions about how to move forward? I'm at my wit's end. If there is no answer, I just don't want to be here because it makes me hate myself.
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This isn't so much as a question but more of a "hot take":
"NoFap" and all variants of it (including the "porn is a health hazard and causes ED" crowd) are total bullshit and actually harmful to society. Every time I see these brought up, they're obviously linked to the subreddit for it, and the sites I see are always "Your brain on porn" and "fight the new drug", both of which have no real scientific credibility, not even mentioning the fact that the claims they make about them are extremely ridiculous. I know some of the "superpowers" thing is a bit of a joke and exaggeration, but people actually believe the "it makes you more attractive to women" and other ridiculous components of it and that just irritates me to no end. It's honestly like anti-vaxxers, the difference being it's not as bad as it doesn't spread deadly diseases. The concept of "rebooting" is so ridiculous.
This extends to the "porn is a public health hazard" sentiment too. It's just puritan sex-negative bullshit that has zero basis in fact or science. I'm not going to sit here and deny the fact that someone can have compulsive behaviors like porn and masturbation where they're doing that all the time and skipping out on things in the rest of their life, but saying it's harmful period is downright disingenuous. These issues almost always come from a mental illness such as depression (which "NoFap" does not cure).
I thought of this because last night I saw someone retweet something from a porn site's twitter where they started a #YesFap hashtag and another similar one basically pointing out this same thing, and they got tons of death threats saying that pornographers should be killed because of "how they harm the world". The fact that stuff like "NoFap" breeds shit like that is very similar to the alt-right, and honestly it would not surprise me if "NoFap" has some basis in the alt-right, I have zero proof of that though.
The bottom line is if stopping consuming porn and masturbating actually somehow helps you, good for you, but saying it's just "harmful" full stop is ridiculous sex-negative bullshit.
"NoFap" and all variants of it (including the "porn is a health hazard and causes ED" crowd) are total bullshit and actually harmful to society. Every time I see these brought up, they're obviously linked to the subreddit for it, and the sites I see are always "Your brain on porn" and "fight the new drug", both of which have no real scientific credibility, not even mentioning the fact that the claims they make about them are extremely ridiculous. I know some of the "superpowers" thing is a bit of a joke and exaggeration, but people actually believe the "it makes you more attractive to women" and other ridiculous components of it and that just irritates me to no end. It's honestly like anti-vaxxers, the difference being it's not as bad as it doesn't spread deadly diseases. The concept of "rebooting" is so ridiculous.
This extends to the "porn is a public health hazard" sentiment too. It's just puritan sex-negative bullshit that has zero basis in fact or science. I'm not going to sit here and deny the fact that someone can have compulsive behaviors like porn and masturbation where they're doing that all the time and skipping out on things in the rest of their life, but saying it's harmful period is downright disingenuous. These issues almost always come from a mental illness such as depression (which "NoFap" does not cure).
I thought of this because last night I saw someone retweet something from a porn site's twitter where they started a #YesFap hashtag and another similar one basically pointing out this same thing, and they got tons of death threats saying that pornographers should be killed because of "how they harm the world". The fact that stuff like "NoFap" breeds shit like that is very similar to the alt-right, and honestly it would not surprise me if "NoFap" has some basis in the alt-right, I have zero proof of that though.
The bottom line is if stopping consuming porn and masturbating actually somehow helps you, good for you, but saying it's just "harmful" full stop is ridiculous sex-negative bullshit.
Well, I guess the vagina accomodates to some extent. But if you're a horse, you're a horse.
Friend of mine has an ex, she always says she loves big dicks but could only fuck him if she was at least slightly drunk because he was so big. Otherwise there was at least some pain involved.
I'd strongly recommend seeing a urologist. That you were sent to a dermatologist is baffling to me. It sounds like HPV, but your GP kind of sounds like a derp so I'd get a second opinion from a peener specialist.
I don't buy into the bro-science aspect of NoFap but there's absolutely concern that excess porn can ingrain some pretty unhealthy/mysoginistic attitudes and expectations about real sex, especially for teens.
I get your point there, and that's fair, but I also think that this is yet another reason we need better sex education as well as teaching children not to be mysoginistic. The porn industry has issues with mysoginy, no doubt, but I think it's sex-negative to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I think pointing out the issues with porn is fair and warranted, but claiming it's a "public health hazard" is dangerous and does more harm than good.
any advice for more sensation when wearing condoms? my last gf and i didn't use condoms (neither of us liked them) but also there was no birth control or any sort of other contraceptive involved. Always pulled out but lucky she didn't end up getting pregnant.
anyways condoms pretty much kill all sensation for me but i def dont want to get anyone pregnant so wondering if there's a way to make it feel even a little better
anyways condoms pretty much kill all sensation for me but i def dont want to get anyone pregnant so wondering if there's a way to make it feel even a little better
I'll echo the other reply suggest visiting the GP again and go to another one than the one who diagnosed you before. There's little you can do on your own that won't make it worse, I imagine. Definitely don't try to remove them yourself.
As a regular bottom, the key is to practice with smaller toys first and work your way up to being able to have penile insertion slip in easily without any pain. (With appropriate lube. I cannot stress using appropriate lube enough)
There are multiple different plug kits out there that will help do this, or if you're not in a position to have those, use your well washed fingers. If you start fingering yourself regularly and work your way up to multiple fingers without feeling any pain, your first experience with an actual penis should be pain free. Your partner should also be aware that you've never bottomed before and go slow during initial penetration so you can guide them.
A bottom should control things, not the top, so you definitely need a partner who understands they can't drive into you all at once. If you take your time and do the necessary prep work beforehand and have a sexual partner who understands you control the speed, bottoming results in some of the most intense pleasure I've ever experienced.
OP
OP
We do not stretch out. Otherwise, every woman who's given birth would never be able to enjoy penetration again. We stretch, but it goes back to the original size eventually. Big girth means lots of lube and bing careful.
oh neat! I use this exact same thing for my face, but never down there, I'll start trying that
tho i do generally moisturize after a shower anyway, prolly doesn't hurt
Make sure you're wearing ones that work best for your size.
You could try getting thinner ones or ones that are textured to help.
Luckily I've never had that problem. It feels good covered or not covered.
My go to are Skyn. They're non latex based either so no allergy issues to be had.
Moisturizing after a shower is how I treat myself.
Continuing this thought:
Is there a difference between an "orgasm" and "cumming"? Someone told me this recently and it blew my mind.