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Hallmark Channel's Countdown To Christmas |OT| - Assembly Line Holiday Cheer

DrForester

DrForester

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That's right it's October, and that means it's time for The Hallmark Channel to begin it's countdown to Christmas with 22 All-New, crappy Christmas films.

I love Christmas movies. All of them, good ones, and especially bad ones. And there's no better place for bad ones than Hallmark.

Do you like films about overworked women who learn that real happiness comes from finding a man in the country? If not, maybe you'll like a film about overworked women who learn that real happiness comes from finding a man in the country. Yes, the Hallmark Channel Countdown to Christmas has all that and not much more.

And if you missed any last year, no worries. All day-every day for the next 2 months they'll be showing off their backlog of films with all your favorite actors and actresses. From DJ from Full House, to Daniel Jackson From Stargate SG-1. They're all here!


Tonight kicks off with "Christmas at Pemberly Manor"
digi18-christmasatpemberleymanor-landscape-853x570.jpg


As Christmas approaches, Elizabeth Bennett (Lowndes), a New York event planner, is sent to a quaint, small town to organize their holiday festival. When she arrives, she finds William Darcy (Rady), a high-profile billionaire lacking in holiday spirit, in the process of selling the charming estate she hoped to use as a venue. Determined to make her event a success, Elizabeth persuades the reluctant Darcy to let her hold the festival on the historical estate once known for its holiday cheer. When they wind up working together to arrange the festivities, the unlikely pair begins falling for each other. But when complications arise and the festival is unexpectedly shut down, the couple parts ways and Darcy moves forward with his plans to sell the estate. On the night before Christmas, a wistful Elizabeth hopes for a Christmas miracle to revive the festival, save the estate and rekindle her holiday romance. Starring Jessica Lowndes and Michael Rady.
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There are two channels of 24/7 Holiday Cheer from Hallmark. Full schedules can be found here:
http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/schedule
http://www.hallmarkmoviesandmysteries.com/schedule

Here's the full schedule of new films:
90


90



Let the madness begin!

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bluehat9

bluehat9

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Oct 25, 2017
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I wish there was a channel that could show good Christmas shows, or at least all the weird cartoons that never air anymore. Cant even get Yogi's First Christmas on tv. Or all the old Cartoon Network cartoon's Christmas specials.

Or the claymation Santa show where he has a pet tiger and fights invisible monsters that turn into flowers when killed so he can be granted immortality by the nymphs in the woods. You know, classic Christmas tales.
 
Nikus

Nikus

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I didn't know there could be a thread about this XD
So, I live in France and I realized last year that almost all the crappy christmas TV movies I've watched every year since I was a kid were made by this Hallmark channel. Yeah I love it, I remember one with Carrie Fisher playing the ghosts in a modern Christmas Carol adaptation with an overworked woman who... well you know, she finds a man in the country I think (details are fuzzy, they're all too original).
I wish there was a way to watch this channel from where I am though, I'd leave it running in the background. But there are at least two in the afternoon everyday on the main french channel, starting in november. And yeah in recent years it has started earlier than usual. I even watched some of their Thanksgiving movies even though Thanksgiving is not a thing in Europe. At all. On another channel we have the german equivalent of Hallmark. Pretty good too.
Bless them and their corny shit. People make fun of me every year because I'm overly invested in these but it wouldn't be christmas season without it.
 
Ponn

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My mom used to watch all these. They are the same fucking movies just with different actors. Tough city women returns to small hometown. Meets possibly childhood love interest but always lovable country boy who slowly teaches her the small town country life is better for her and she stays with him.

The End

Occasionally they give the woman a kid to change things up.
 
Shedinja

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Nov 30, 2017
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Ponn said:
My mom used to watch all these. They are the same fucking movies just with different actors. Tough city women returns to small hometown and finds the true meaning of Christmas. Meets possibly childhood love interest but always lovable country boy who slowly teaches her the small town country life is better for her and she stays with him.

The End

Occasionally they give the woman a kid to change things up.
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FTFY. It is, the Christmas season after all.
 
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DrForester

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Ponn said:
My mom used to watch all these. They are the same fucking movies just with different actors. Tough city women returns to small hometown. Meets possibly childhood love interest but always lovable country boy who slowly teaches her the small town country life is better for her and she stays with him.

The End

Occasionally they give the woman a kid to change things up.
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There are some legitimately "WTF" ones.

EHEKfzg.jpg2


Woman long for her old College Boyfriend. Wakes up in an alternate reality where she married him and had a family. Once she starts to love it, she wakes up in her old life and can never go back (she does run into the old boyfriend though)


Or...

rdfZAnp.jpg


Santa is retiring and his son needs to get married. Steve Guttenberg does the most awful ho-ho-ho you've ever heard...

and it got a sequel.
Zjo6fKT.jpg


With Quark as Santa's head-elf.
 

Deleted member 11985

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Are these really all just about hooking up with farmers? I'm intrigued by the Christmas, but realistically, I feel like I'll regret paying for a streaming service for it.
 
Ponn

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DrForester said:
There are some legitimately "WTF" ones.

EHEKfzg.jpg2


Woman long for her old College Boyfriend. Wakes up in an alternate reality where she married him and had a family. Once she starts to love it, she wakes up in her old life and can never go back (she does run into the old boyfriend though)


Or...

rdfZAnp.jpg


Santa is retiring and his son needs to get married. Steve Guttenberg does the most awful ho-ho-ho you've ever heard...

and it got a sequel.
Zjo6fKT.jpg


With Quark as Santa's head-elf.
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I had to sit through that family for Christmas one. The whole time I'm thinking this is just a TV movie version of that nic cage movie Family Man. And I'm pretty sure that one was also a remake of an older movie.
 
Autumn

Autumn

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I love Hallmark and UpTV movies. Although some are hit or miss. The Summer ones were terrible. It really depends on the actors chemistry. One of my favorites last year was
Christmas In Evergreen. Such a lovely movie. It really helps with my depression. They just make me feel better.

I wish Netflix or another streaming site had more of these movies. Netflix is trying with a Christmas Prince but I just want more. I have also seen most of their romantic movies. They lost most of them these past few years. Up had a YouTube channel for 2.99 a month but I finished all their movies. It's gone now, I think they merged with another company.

Hallmark need a paid streaming site with ALL their movies.
 
El_TigroX

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Great game to play? Guess the entire plot by the name of the movie. It's shocking how close you can come sometimes.

I mean, it's not hard when half the plot is an overworked woman in the city finding happiness in the country life.... the real twist is if it's a high school flame she's reuniting with, or the "new guy" in town.

Bonus if the new guy's name is Kringle, or owns a holiday shop of some sort.
 
Lucreto

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Christmas movies have been on for the last two weeks on a channel True Christmas with the classic Santa's Summer House.
 
Spiderz

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Are there any of these movies that try to do something interesting or subvert the tropes in some way?
 
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DrForester

DrForester

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Shedinja said:
I remember one of these where DJ from Full House was a woman from the past who woke up in the present, inside a family's closet or barn? She teaches the family the true meaning of Christmas before wishing upon a star and going back to her time.
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DJ and Winnie are usually in one per year.


Edit: his year is no different.

Candace Cameron Bure is in A Shoe Addict's Christmas on November 25th
Danica McKellar is in Christmas at Grand Valley on November 21
 
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Gaia Lanzer

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Oct 25, 2017
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DrForester said:
There are some legitimately "WTF" ones.

EHEKfzg.jpg2


Woman long for her old College Boyfriend. Wakes up in an alternate reality where she married him and had a family. Once she starts to love it, she wakes up in her old life and can never go back (she does run into the old boyfriend though)
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Ah, yes, that's one of the three MAJOR TYPES of Christmas movies for Hallmark (hell, even Lifetime got in on those types). The three types I've seen tend to be:

1. Alternate Life: Main character successful, wealthy, but lacks a certain something in her life (family and husband). She tends to also have a douchebag boyfriend. Something happens (accident, magical wish) and wakes up in an alternate life "What If" scenario in which she's not wealthy (but Middle Class-wealthy) and lives in a small town with her husband and kids. There always seems to have been a point hin the main characters' past that lead to a fork of life choices, and her choosing work over her college/high school boyfriend lead her to an unfulfilling life, while choosing to be with her college/high school boyfriend lead to a happy, saccharine life of being a happy housewife that loves to bake and shit. There's a sorta inverse movie starring Nicole Eggert where she's a housewife tired of being neglected, crawls through her magical clothes dryer into her alternate life where she's rich and single, then misses her old life.

2. Rags to Royalty in Winter: A maid or waitress crosses paths with royal family and circumstances lead her to spending time with them in their luxurious palace during the holiday season. Eventually she falls in love with a prince, and there's some rivalry between her and another woman of noblity who tries to out her as being a "lowly commoner" during the final ball (because there's always a big royal ball at the end of these movies), but the KING or QUEEN speaks on behalf of the main character and says that it would be an HONOR for such a young woman to marry into their family. Happily ever after... totally a modern fairy tale.

3. Small Town USA > Big City USA: This is probably the most OVERUSED premise of a Hallmark channel Christmas movie and wonder if there is some underlying Conservative agenda snaking through it. Main character is a woman (though, in some cases, the whole gender thing is reversed) from the big city. She's big into business, or a star reporter, actress or something big, but is sent or happens upon a small town somewhere in the armpit of America. These towns all have one similar theme.... they go BATSHIT CRAZY for Christmas. There's like an annual tradition of parades, trees, wreaths, candy canes, Santa and such, but in the recent year, something has happened to put all that on hold (no budget, no tourists, greedy land developer's buying up landmark or shit). Out-of-towner meets potential love interest of opposite sex (and they always tend to be a single parent) and are annoyed at each other at first (She thinks he's a bumfuck yokel, he thinks she's a soulless big city pigeon), but they warm up to each other and she becomes sympathetic regarding the town's plight and uses her connections and skills to make sure the seasonal traditions go as planned. She leaves, her love interest (and his kid) get sad, but lo and behold, she returns and reveals she quit her job in the big city and has moved to the small town after falling in love with the people. Now they can all be one big happy family....

Those tend to be the overused plots in Hallmark holiday movies. I'd also say I've seen a few of the Christmas movies where a guardian angel falls in love with the person they are protecting, then eventually gives up their immortality to become a human and become the lover of that person. Hey, writers, you wanna make a quick buck, take any of these plot concepts, make your own story (could even half-ass one) and pitch it to Hallmark. They might make a movie outta it!!!

hateradio said:
You're not kidding.

Why is there no "White Entertainment Network"? Because it's called Hallmark.
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Pretty much. I'd go to say, Hallmark shows what an "ideal White America that has convinced itself it isn't racist, but kinda is", would look like. There ARE PoC in these movies... but they are at most, the best friends with limited screentime, and at the least, people in the background during scenes on the street or with crowds. I think there were only a few Hallmark holiday movies with PoC as main characters, though I forgot which ones.
 
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DrForester

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Going through the new movie list. There appear to be 3 new films with POC leads. And yeah, they follow the same formulas story wise.

90

Christmas Everlasting - November 24
Christmas is fast approaching and years of long workdays employed at New York's top corporate law firm are about to pay off now that Lucy Toomey (Ali) will be made partner after the New Year. However, when Alice, her older sister with special needs, unexpectedly passes away, Lucy returns back to Nilson's Bay, Wis., to attend the funeral and handle her estate. While Lucy dreads returning to her childhood home, she also feels real sorrow that she was too busy to take her sister's last call. Once back in Nilson's Bay, Lucy meets Peter (Whitfield), her old high school sweetheart and Alice's former attorney, who informs her of the terms of Alice's eccentric will that states in order for Lucy to inherit the family home, she must live there for 30 days through the holidays.
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90

A Majestic Christmas - December 2
Christmas in the charming town of Briar Falls will be bittersweet this year when architect Nell (Hinton) goes back to her hometown having been given the job of turning the historic Majestic Playhouse into a modern multiplex, much to the town's objections. The Playhouse has been home to their annual Christmas tableaux, which will now have to end after a long and historic tradition to the town. This job is Nell's first promotion, and one she wishes she hadn't been chosen for, especially when she meets the new owner of the theater, Connor (Vincent), whose vision and ideas clash with Nell's. Since Connor hasn't had much experience celebrating Christmas, Nell hopes that if she can give him a crash course in Christmas during the town's Twelve Day Festival, that he might just change his mind about modernizing the Majestic.
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90

A Gingerbread Romance - December 15
With Christmas just weeks away, the architecture firm Taylor works for enters her in a contest in which the teams will design and build life sized gingerbread houses. After the contest, Taylor will likely be getting a promotion to a position in another city. The firm teams her up with Annabelle, a renowned French pastry chef with whom Taylor instantly locks horns. When Annabelle backs out, Taylor stumbles into a local bakery and meets Adam, a baker and single dad. In an act of desperation, Taylor convinces Adam to partner with her for the contest, arguing that winning would give the bakery and his designs much needed exposure. For years Taylor has been resistant to call anywhere "home" for fear it will only be temporary. But the time she spends with Adam and his daughter Brook in their cozy home, decorating for Christmas, and exploring Philadelphia at Christmas, fills her with a longing for a place to call home.
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Man, this gave me a hardy chuckle.

This is like my mom's favorite pass time and these descriptions are spot on.

But isn't Lori Loughlin like the queen of these?

MV5BMjZmOGRlZWEtYjIxOS00MWRmLTkwYWEtNjNmYmRjZWQ4ZWIzXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjg5MzE4NTA@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_.jpg
 
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NSA

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My wife is all about this.

Guess that means Hallmark will be on from now till 2019...

I end up usually more into them than her..
 
Claude Augario

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El_TigroX said:
Great game to play? Guess the entire plot by the name of the movie. It's shocking how close you can come sometimes.

I mean, it's not hard when half the plot is an overworked woman in the city finding happiness in the country life.... the real twist is if it's a high school flame she's reuniting with, or the "new guy" in town.

Bonus if the new guy's name is Kringle, or owns a holiday shop of some sort.
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+points if the dude is a widower/single father.
+points if one of the characters hates Christmas and needs the other to show them the true spirit of Christmas
+++++points if they're forced to work on a Christmas project together, it falls apart, they save it at the last minute and end with a kiss/engagement
 

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Alright, I started a free trial of Philo to watch the first movie. The movie from last year that's playing right now is already scaring me a little bit. Everybody's so beautiful and perfect.

This is going to be a major test of my self esteem.
 
Cats

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There was one movie one time on this channel that was actually kind of interesting because it was a ripoff of groundhogs day, and it was kinda cool to see a less 'dark' version of that premise. It was like a highschool guy living the same Christmas over and over. Don't know the name sadly and that was like in 2000... Otherwise, god these movies aren't even funny to watch and laugh at. They are just so stock and boring.
 
mopinks

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countdown to christmas is the worst because it robs me of my precious Golden Girls reruns for two whole months
 

Robdraggoo

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I kinda of love these. My wife loves them. I usually lay down on the couch, watch about 15 minutes, fall asleep, wake up for the last 5 minutes and still feel like I've seen the whole movie. So best 20 minute movies ever
 
dabig2

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I await the Avengers-level tie-in movie with all of these cookie-cutter, wine mom movies. The White Christmas Cinematic Universe.
 

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Autumn said:
I love Hallmark and UpTV movies. Although some are hit or miss. The Summer ones were terrible. It really depends on the actors chemistry. One of my favorites last year was
Christmas In Evergreen. Such a lovely movie. It really helps with my depression. They just make me feel better.

I wish Netflix or another streaming site had more of these movies. Netflix is trying with a Christmas Prince but I just want more. I have also seen most of their romantic movies. They lost most of them these past few years. Up had a YouTube channel for 2.99 a month but I finished all their movies. It's gone now, I think they merged with another company.

Hallmark need a paid streaming site with ALL their movies.
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Hulu has a Shit ton already locked snd loaded . I know my wife is is just waiting in shadows for halloween to be over and then WAMM! it's baking, homemade soups and hallmark Christmas movies up in this house.
 

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I wonder if maintenance guy Santa is going to setup the main character with Mr. Mayor or Mr. billionaire CEO.
 
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DrForester

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compo said:
I wonder if maintenance guy Santa is going to setup the main character with Mr. Mayor or Mr. billionaire CEO.
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The old guy names Chris who looks like Santa? Not a chance. She clearly hates Mr. Billionaire. There's just no way they could end up together.

50/50 Chance that the Mayor ends up with either his assistant, or Mr. Billionaire's assistant. I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen a gay couple in these movies...


Edit: No gay in this movie. Assistant gets with the other assistant.
 
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DrForester said:
The old guy names Chris who looks like Santa? Not a chance. She clearly hates Mr. Billionaire. There's just no way they could end up together.

50/50 Chance that the Mayor ends up with either his assistant, or Mr. Billionaire's assistant. I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen a gay couple in these movies...


Edit: No gay in this movie. Assistant gets with the other assistant.
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I think Hallmark might not be ready for gay relationships yet. It'll probably scare all the old ladies that watch their channel.

But damn, this lady's laying it on real thick for the billionaire. I think Mr. Mayor's about to get friend zoned again.
 
Nikus

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Gaia Lanzer said:
1. Alternate Life: Main character successful, wealthy, but lacks a certain something in her life (family and husband). She tends to also have a douchebag boyfriend. Something happens (accident, magical wish) and wakes up in an alternate life "What If" scenario in which she's not wealthy (but Middle Class-wealthy) and lives in a small town with her husband and kids. There always seems to have been a point hin the main characters' past that lead to a fork of life choices, and her choosing work over her college/high school boyfriend lead her to an unfulfilling life, while choosing to be with her college/high school boyfriend lead to a happy, saccharine life of being a happy housewife that loves to bake and shit. There's a sorta inverse movie starring Nicole Eggert where she's a housewife tired of being neglected, crawls through her magical clothes dryer into her alternate life where she's rich and single, then misses her old life.
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Not by Hallmark, but there's also this one doing the opposite:
s0wabk4.jpg


With Lea Thompson/Lauren McFly. She's a working mother who is tired and annoyed because of her screaming kids and she wakes up in an alternate life in which she has chosen to put her career as a lawyer above everything else, she has no family life but she ends up missing being miserable with her kids.
 
Nikus

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Couldn't they also make corny horror movies for Halloween?
It's almost like they don't like Satan or something.
 
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DrForester

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"It's barely snowing, why haven't we taken off?"

10 min later...

"Our car is stuck in a snow drift!"

I kind of want Santa to drop a few F-bombs...

"you too should have been able to figure this out on your fucking own."
 
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