Being accepted as a game player by your significant other.

If only games were less exclusionary, with dudes in game stores not doing their best to assure any female visitor is immediately deterred, people like OP would have way less trouble. :P
Turns out such stuff does have negative consequences as a whole, and especially on the outward perception of the medium.

That aside, among the people that plays games, men only make up slightly more than half. The idea that women (or "most women") don't is just silly. I don't know a single woman that doesn't play games (and if I include board games, none doesn't play games). More queer circle, sure, but still.

Amevila said:

It can also be a pitfall to just expect women to not be into games. What I mean don't ever start it from the angle that you feel like you have to explain to her what video games even are.

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And then there's this. Any dude that tells a woman that does like games about games as if he's explaining fire safety to a five year old summons eyerolling. For good reason.

Chromhound said:

She hate video games... She's the reason i didn't buy a console yet :(

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Why does her dislike of video games mean you can't play them?

Pagoto93 said:

Why does her dislike of video games mean you can't play them?

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She probably thinks video games are a waste of life.

if they don't accept you because of things you enjoy then they aren't right for you. wouldn't waste my time trying to convince them.

Thankfully my gf grew up gaming. She still owns a N64 and a gamecube.

She even bought me a PS4 Pro for my birthday.

She doesn't like it when I play all day but I shouldn't be doing that in the first place.

Introduce her to anime

Firemind said:

She probably thinks video games are a waste of life.

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Yea but why would her views prevent him from playing. Sounds like a pretty strange dynamic if one partner is preventing the other from following a hobby.

You should see some of the crap my gf watches on TV. If she ever ragged on me about playing videogames, I'd serve it up to her big time.

Just be open about it? If you find it "embarrassing" yourself, it shows and reflects. I always say that it's my primary hobby and no one cares really. My SO of 5 years doesn't play at all and has no issues whatsoever with me gaming. Like I said, it's a big part of me so it came up naturally when we talked about our hobbies and that was it about it really. I obviously showed her a bit and try to make her understand why XYZ is important to me or why I'm hype but that's natural when you talk about your passion. The same goes when she talks about stuff that is interesting to her.

It's such an innocuous hobby that if anybody is having issues with that isn't worth dating anyway.

I know gaming culture and gamers in general can be absolute scum but people should really be open minded.
"Oh you play video games? How lame!" Yes, after 9 hours of grueling work I like to unwind with some games, dunno why that is such an alien concept

Should have played an instrument instead right? That's a great substitute for an actual personality.
Can you imagine if folks did that with other shit? "Oh you volunteer at the soup kitchen?" *eye roll* "grow up!"

Mr_Moogle said:

You should see some of the crap my gf watches on TV. If she ever ragged on me about playing videogames, I'd serve it up to her big time.

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This is me lol. My wife is not in a position to talk shit about me playing videogames because of this. That said she will still play the odd game with me, she loved until dawn and we have a great time playing some couch co-op games together.

OP, it sounds like your GF might not be the one you are looking for if this is important to you.

DeathyBoy said:

She rolled her eyes at being asked to play a game, no where does OP say she's drawing a line in the sand.

Not every activity needs to be shared with your partner.

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Yeah, this is kinda what I was thinking. My wife has no problem with me playing games, but she has no interest in playing them herself (grabbing the mic in Rock Band being the sole exception).

bllymcixi said:

if they don't accept you because of things you enjoy then they aren't right for you. wouldn't waste my time trying to convince them.

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This. Find someone who accepts you for who you are.

Videogames can be seen by some women as competition for attention. Which is likely the reason she scoffed at the idea.

Like when OP was discussing horror movies, I'm guessing she had it in her head he was suggesting something like an interactive movie they could both watch while snuggling close to one another or sharing a laugh/comment about the film. Or, in other words, putting the two in a more intimate atmosphere bringing them closer than before. In contrast, even with the offer of co-op, the prospect of actually playing a horror game likely communicated to her that gaming was first and her presence was second, which went against what she envisioned.

There's an old board game adage that goes something like "its easier to make friends out of gamers than friends into gamers"

Same goes for significant others.

Machachan said:

If only games were less exclusionary, with dudes in game stores not doing their best to assure any female visitor is immediately deterred, people like OP would have way less trouble. :P
Turns out such stuff does have negative consequences as a whole, and especially on the outward perception of the medium.

That aside, among the people that plays games, men only make up slightly more than half. The idea that women (or "most women") don't is just silly. I don't know a single woman that doesn't play games (and if I include board games, none doesn't play games). More queer circle, sure, but still.



And then there's this. Any dude that tells a woman that does like games about games as if he's explaining fire safety to a five year old summons eyerolling. For good reason.

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Yeah, it feels very self defeating how many guys treat fellow female gamers. And movements like gamergate really didn't help either.

It's not like I would condemn all guys who say they are gamers by default but I certainly would feel I have to make sure they are not one of the bad ones even if it's just about being friends. My personal experience interacting online also has been a very mixed bag.

It went something like this OP

Hwy_61 said:

That's where I'm kinda at with this. Like, even though I don't do it a lot, it's the principle that matters to me. I'd never shame someone for being into something I wasn't. Also, we're talking about video games, which in my opinion are as mainstream as movies FFS. I may be wrong about that though.

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I think you should just play the games you want and don't overthink it, if she has an issue with it she'll express it to you. But it should be fine if she isn't interested as long as she doesn't try to stop you from playing or criticize you anytime you do.

Ideally it's best to find someone who is a gamer as well but sometimes that doesn't happen. Your OP said nothing about her try to prevent you from plying it just seems she might not be interested in engaging in gaming with you. Only you know how important that aspect is though.

DeathyBoy said:

She rolled her eyes at being asked to play a game, no where does OP say she's drawing a line in the sand.

Not every activity needs to be shared with your partner.

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This. My wife doesn't game at all. She also doesn't remotely care that I game. We have plenty of things we do together and spend plenty of time together. We're both introverts who deal with a lot of people at work and need our alone time. Gaming is usually my alone time activity.

I think it's really only an issue for people trying to date someone who looks down on gamers as losers, manchildren etc, or for obsessive gamers who spend nearly all their free time gaming and don't have time for other hobbies to share with a nongamer partner.

I'm going to have a gamer reveal party. It will be like a gender reveal party but instead of having pink or blue inside, the cake will be filled with Doritos.

Mine games more than I do at this point. She even had a small moment and beat Persona 5 in a month lol. I practically play through her at this point.

I really need to get back into it. I miss it.

Firemind said:

She probably thinks video games are a waste of life.

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Lol...she's not wrong

Shadybiz said:

Yeah, this is kinda what I was thinking. My wife has no problem with me playing games, but she has no interest in playing them herself (grabbing the mic in Rock Band being the sole exception).

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This

It's nice when you have something just for yourself...especially when you have kids

My girlfriend does not play video games. She does not understand them pretty much at all or have any appreciation for them. That being said, she loves me and and understands how important they are to me. Since we first started dating (3.5 years ago), she has warmed up to me unwavering passion for the medium. I think she just realizes that its something I greatly enjoy and she likes seeing my care so much about something.

OP your mistake was offering to bring over your console to play at hers. Thats a bit different from offering to play it at your place. Its just a bit much, especially for a non gamer. Bringing toyr system over and setting it up is also a bit of a commitment to something that she might not enjoy at all. Gaming can be technically challanging for non gamers which could be the opposite of fun for some people. So while you are thinking this will be a great co op experience, they may be thinking this will be stressful and unfullfilling.

If you want to get a non gamer to try gaming with you, suggest it when you at your own home. You can turn it on try out a few games, see if anything clicks and if not turn it off an do something else, no pressure.

JB1981 said:

If my gf wanted to watch Real Housewives or the Bachelor I'd roll my eyes at that shit too.

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Would you roll your eyes at her for wanting to watch non specific television?

Leithkorias said:

Would you roll your eyes at her for wanting to watch non specific television?

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Pardon ?

FeliciaFelix said:

Cuz Until Dawn, a game of ultraviolence zombie shit, is the wrong game to start. As a woman, I've had almost every console ever, and it's not that women hate games ... only hate games that clearly appeal to 12 year old boys. That's what makes a 30 year old look like manchild and explains the eyeroll. Ultra violent games in an attempt to look mature end up looking like pimply teenagers. So it's not a leap that a 30 year old playing it looks weird to the uninitiated.

So unless your girl is a natural lover of scary movies and slashers, that's a no.

(Also a no-no: your living room decorated with Zelda posters and an Amiibo shrine in plain view.)

You want a girl to game, you start with the usual suspects like Animal Crossing or Mario. Both are on phones now, so you don't need a switch.

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ZackieChan said:

Lol, 100% on point.

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No it's not. It's garbage stereotypes.

Seirith said:

Why do people assume all girls like the Sims? I never liked the Sims, I always thought it was boring.

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Seriously. Fuck the Sims :P

Sorry OP, but if your significant other disrespects you like that merely for having a hobby, she is not worth having.

It's a huge red flag.

An ex of mine had the idea that video games were for losers and children. Which she let me know the first time I played my 3DS in front of her. She didn't want to do anything that day and so we were just laying in bed as she browsed Facebook and looked at cute animal videos on her phone. We were both on our phones, actually, just having periodic conversation. It wasn't until I put my own phone down and picked up the 3DS that she had a problem. This was like 2-3 months into our relationship and I must have mentioned that I played games once in passing prior to that, mainly because I was worried about that exact thing happening.

OP, I would not date a person who makes you feel like a loser for doing something you enjoy and makes you feel like you have to hide it. Of course I would talk to her about it to really see how she feels but based on your description she sounds like the type of person who would get mad at you for playing video games at all.

My current girlfriend isn't really that into games but she plays games on her smartphone occasionally and has played Mario Kart, Overcooked and Puyo Puyo Tetris with me. The key for me was that when I mentioned the idea of possibly playing games together, she was excited to try them despite not being super into games because she liked the idea of seeing the things I enjoyed. It wasn't a default "ugh games are for losers". She didn't know if she would like it but she didn't immediately shoot it down. She's always been curious about what I like and is supportive about it. That's how I am with her too. I'll try anything she likes with her and be open minded about it. Even if I don't end up liking it, I respect the things she enjoys. That's really what you should look for.

God knows what kind of women you're into but I've never had to be "accepted" for playing games.

No more than I've had to be accepted for going gym or having a job or owning a white car.

It's just something I do, theres no stigma around it

FeliciaFelix said:

(Also a no-no: your living room decorated with Zelda posters and an Amiibo shrine in plain view.)

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It's funny you say this cause I have a Zelda and Link figure, a Pokémon figure and a framed Final Fantasy artwork in my apartment. I have game consoles, my games and also some game art books that are out and visible.

I don't know, I used to buy into the whole "hide all your game/nerd stuff or no girl will ever like you" mentality but I realized I was just buying into dumb stereotypes and it was also just counter productive cause eventually she was gonna find out I like video games and she was either gonna be ok with it or not.

My girlfriend has never had an issue with any of the game stuff I have. She asked me what the figures were of once and I explained it. A girl that I dated before her was like "Is that's Zelda? My brothers always played that when we were growing up."

Of course, maybe don't go crazy overboard and make your place look like a mini convention but I think it's fine to have game stuff out in the open. If anything, it serves as a great litmus test if a person you're dating is gonna be judgemental or not.

I introduced my husband to games.

He doesn't like first person shooters because they give him a headache. Most of my girl friends like video games. I adore horror games. I'm a 36 year old woman, and now work at a top video game company.


Some of the comments in this thread are kinda upsetting :(

My girlfriend is 23, I'm 24, and despite not playing much in the past, she plays a good amount of stuff with me. She really likes Overcooked and Puyo Puyo Tetris, and she plays Minecraft on her brother's Switch every now and then. There's a lot she can't handle though. Shadow of the Colossus specifically made her really sick, even in 60fps. For some people it's just kinda trial and error, but they have to be open to it at the very least.

Rival said:

God knows what kind of women you're into but I've never had to be "accepted" for playing games.

No more than I've had to be accepted for going gym or having a job or owning a white car.

It's just something I do, theres no stigma around it

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Yeah this has been my experience throughout life. I've dated girls who were really into games and some who never touched a controller and quite a few in between. None have given a shit.

Glad 2 b a chick cuz i got 0 problems w this ever. If anything me playing games sometimes is a bonus lmfao

This thread is wild.
Asking a girl if you can bring your console round for a gaming night is the stereotypical equivalent of a girl asking a guy to come shopping for makeup with her.

As a "console gaming 30+ female" I hate spending date night watching my boyfriend play games.

Anecdotally, those nights end up being 90% me sitting there bored while the dude has all the fun, and 10% him yelling at me to "git gud". How anyone can't see why this chick was rolling her eyes at the suggestion is beyond me.

My last three relationships were w women who already loved video games. I guess I attract a type. They've also all been tattooed bisexual vegans who are rly into astrology.

JB1981 said:

Pardon ?

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Your comparison wasnt equal. I was suggesting one that was.

I've literally never had a bad reaction to Overcooked. That game is money.

If she really likes you, she'll accept it and just move on. You shouldn't hide your hobbies from anyone.

Up until my current girlfriend I never dated anyone who had any real interest in gaming. They had zero interest in games but they were all still more or less supportive of my hobby. If a girl tries to make you feel shitty for your hobbies she's probably not the one.

My girlfriend now is a greenhorn to gaming but she really enjoys it, enough that she bought her own PS4.

My girlfriend knows I play games but I don't play when shes around really. Generally we planned to do something else and don't need to play lol. I do wonder if we get married that she knows I'm into games and won't not be if we get married and have kids ect. If I wanna sit down and roll deep in Persona for a 4 hour session (I usually don't play super long times in general in one sitting definitely, but over a whole free day...)

Yeah my gf seems ok with games and sometimes even curious about them. She and her friend came over once to play a few rounds of games like Mario kart and what not on their idea knowing I had games. Though... they kinda invited themselves haha.

I would say anyones SO needs to be ok with their hobbies if the other person is not into them at all. But demanding you give up a hobby (that is not affecting your normal life) is a big red flag to dump them.

First time my wife visited me, our relationship started as a long-distance one (Florida-Massachusetts), the E3 press conference happened to be on in the background as we were relaxing and she works in the history field as soon as she saw some clocks in AC Unity she yelled out "Those are the wrong clocks for that time period!" She doesn't play games, but there have been a few here and there she has had interest in based on a historical context, such as Battlefield 1 and AC Syndicate. I'm hoping she will show an interest in RDR2 as she is a big horse and cowboy enthusiast (She rode horses in Jumping shows and likes to watch Equestrian games and rodeos/PBR on TV).

She will voice her displeasure if I am playing games too much though and letting my chores around the house slide, so that is when she has a real aversion to them. I don't get much time to play them anyway as is, being married nowadays, so I sometimes play a bit too long.

I think you need to introduce her to the right kind of games. Plants vs. Zombies are is a great starter game.