When Asian Women Are Harassed for Marrying Non-Asian Men (The Cut Article)

Goodstyle · Oct 12, 2018

Interesting article from Asian author Celeste Ng (Everything I Never Told You).

https://www.thecut.com/2018/10/when-asian-women-are-harassed-for-marrying-non-asian-men.html

The men who harass me know three things: I'm Chinese-American, my husband is white, and our son is multiracial. You hate Asian men, they insist; you hate your own child. You hate yourself. I once received 27 tweets — calling me everything from "irrelevant" to "liar" to "coward" to "neglectful gaslighting mother" — in 48 hours, from one person. I save these messages in a folder on my computer to document the abuse. Whenever I upgrade my laptop, I copy them over, little packets of poison I must keep and carry forever.

This is a whole thing that Asian women constantly have to deal with. I know this anecdotally as well. The article does sympathize with the men at some points though, pointing out it's extremely tough for Asian men when society constantly denigrates their masculinity and self-worth. The main message though, is that trying to control women is not the answer.

swimming · Oct 12, 2018

Lmfao if Asian men think this is the right way to get Asian women they're going about it completely wrong.

I feel like society is warming up to Asian men w/ the rise of BTS and K-Pop, asian rappers, etc. And there's still a handful of Asian women I know that prefer Asian men. Non-issue and just entitled whiny fucks is what I'm seeing. I don't blame Asian women for going after what they want. Confidence and assertiveness is a huge factor that is typically missing in "stereotypical" Asian dudes

Shinku_King · Oct 12, 2018

I'm black making 40k a year an my fiancée is Asian. Had a big issue with her dad trying to tell me what to do an my family got upset it almost got really really bad. I use to think her dad was bitter because her mom left him an is married with a black guy so I just thought he hated black men, guess it's s combo of both, my fiancé is just kinda tired of the bs. Her mom side is much better so we have no issues. Also my girl is hmong if that matters much.

chefbags · Oct 12, 2018

Lol i saw a whole sub on Reddit dedicated to this shit and it's fucking weird.

Like these Asian men hating on all these Asian women because of who they date is just fucking sad.

JeTmAn · Oct 12, 2018

That bait email subject...masterful hate speech

collige · Oct 12, 2018

There was a really in depth Youtube-sponsored documentary about this a while back:

AuthenticM · Oct 12, 2018

Goodstyle said:
The article does sympathize with the men at some points though, pointing out it's extremely tough for Asian men when society constantly denigrates their masculinity and self-worth.

Asian men don't get a pass for pulling some incel shit just because they suffer from institutionalized racism. Racism does not justify misogyny.

i-hate-u · Oct 12, 2018

In terms of marrying outside of their race, I gotta believe Asian women rank among the highest after White women, no?

The sooner people deal with it the better, this trend ain't going no where.

House_Of_Lightning · Oct 12, 2018

Several times when working back in Shanghai both my wife and I have gotten shit over her being Chinese and me being White. She hasn't said anything about being treated like this in the States though.

Dunno if the "societal denigration" excuse works in China itself. Just seems like unchecked and aggressive bigotry with a side of expecting women to be a commodity and less of a person.

That said, I do understand to some degree and in some circumstances. SE Asian friends of mine, both men and women, with Asian mothers and White fathers have expressed and experienced some ridiculous hardships from their own ethnic communities as well as a dysfunctional home. In some of the men I know who had it particularly rough they've started into what is essentially redpill/incel type behavior.

If you want to read about it, there has been some recent publications on how US soldiers treated Japanese and Vietnamese women (and other countries surely). It's a disappointing and disgusting story.

passepied joe · Oct 12, 2018

Didn't she pull the "Asian guys remind me of my cousins" thing before?

Mobu · Oct 12, 2018

chefbags said:
Lol i saw a whole sub on Reddit dedicated to this shit and it's fucking weird.

Like these Asian men hating on all these Asian women because of who they date is just fucking sad.

r/hapas? Yeah, its basically asian incels

BringBackSonics · Oct 12, 2018

chefbags said:
Lol i saw a whole sub on Reddit dedicated to this shit and it's fucking weird.

Like these Asian men hating on all these Asian women because of who they date is just fucking sad.

It's kind of the same thing with black men and white women, I've saw a ton of praise at places like lipstick alley etc when russell divorces his white wife and married Ciara.

Deleted member 29676 · Oct 12, 2018

i-hate-u said:
In terms of marrying outside of their race, I gotta believe Asian women rank among the highest after White women, no?

The sooner people deal with it the better, this trend ain't going no where.

Yea it isn't even close in the US. Not sure about world wide.

_swee_ · Oct 12, 2018

My sister and a lot of my cousins are married to white people, whether it's male or female.

i-hate-u · Oct 12, 2018

Carth said:
Yea it isn't even close in the US. Not sure about world wide.

Wow, I underestimated Hispanics intermarriages.

Trojita · Oct 12, 2018

chefbags said:
Lol i saw a whole sub on Reddit dedicated to this shit and it's fucking weird.

Like these Asian men hating on all these Asian women because of who they date is just fucking sad.

I saw that subreddit too. It is an incel subreddit for Asian Men. There's a fuck ton of misogyny, racism, and avocation for supremacy on there.

Trojita · Oct 12, 2018

Edit: Double post

HomokHarcos · Oct 12, 2018

Trojita said:
I saw that subreddit too. It is an incel subreddit for Asian Men. There's a fuck ton of misogyny, racism, and avocation for supremacy on there.

I remember the Asian Identity subreddit. It's as bad as Stormfront.

TDLink · Oct 12, 2018

It's not just Asian Women. The majority of any given race/culture (What it's really about) gets upset and weird about someone "betraying" them and dating or marrying someone of a different race/culture. We see it time and time again. You have to remember that interracial anything was extremely taboo even a couple decades ago. It's not surprising that this is so deeply ingrained in society.

Wheatly · Oct 12, 2018

Swimming said:
Lmfao if Asian men think this is the right way to get Asian women they're going about it completely wrong.

I feel like society is warming up to Asian men w/ the rise of BTS and K-Pop, asian rappers, etc. And there's still a handful of Asian women I know that prefer Asian men. Non-issue and just entitled whiny fucks is what I'm seeing. I don't blame Asian women for going after what they want. Confidence and assertiveness is a huge factor that is typically missing in "stereotypical" Asian dudes

Can we not make this into a generalization for Asian men. There are some like this but it's a minority. I mean, there are also cases where white men shit on Asian males dating white females too.

DukeBlue · Oct 12, 2018

Carth said:
Yea it isn't even close in the US. Not sure about world wide.

Damn white people really stick to their own, huh?

Turtleboats · Oct 12, 2018

People can love whoever the fuck they want.

Trojita · Oct 12, 2018

DukeBlue said:
Damn white people really stick to their own, huh?

I mean...... there's way more of them in the country too. Large swaths of the midwest would need to travel miles just to meet a sizable group of PoC.

D65 · Oct 12, 2018

It's such a shame people give a shit. Tho tbh if you're likely to complain and you're single maybe they missed your red flag hmm.jpg

That being said, there's obviously (not on the individual level) something messed up in the media that contributes to this.

Dongs Macabre · Oct 12, 2018

Bookoo · Oct 12, 2018

Dongs Macabre said:
It's funny (sad) how these Asian incel types hate on Asian woman when they date outside their race, but celebrate when a white woman dates an Asian man.

That's ok because the white racists are there to pick up the slack.

Mammoth Jones · Oct 12, 2018

I mean the fuck dudes think they own her reproductive organs? She wants to marry someone and you aren't cool with it take a dose of mind your fucking business.

Phonzo · Oct 12, 2018

why is this even a thread. any interracial couple will get hate.

Trojita · Oct 12, 2018

A lot of the incel Asian subreddits have this weird eugenic belief that White Male + Asian Female = inferior children with mental illnesses while believing that Asian Male + White Female = superior child.

They are literally using beliefs akin to those seen in the 19th century to justify their Stormfront-esque comments.

StrangeRoboMemory · Oct 12, 2018

I'm Hispanic, my wife is Korean/Japanese. This Asian dude in her friend circle was salty when we started dating, talking about "stealing our women" and that kind of shit. He complained 24/7 about having no girlfriend, why aren't Asian women sticking to their roots, race traitors, why can't people stick to their own race, etc. I shut the guy out and eventually everyone else in the circle did as well. Classic simp who feels he deserves certain women and thinks that moaning about it will change the way people feel. You're not single because you're Asian, you're single because you're a miserable and entitled sadsack.

Desi · Oct 12, 2018

Wheatly said:
Can we not make this into a generalization for Asian men. There are some like this but it's a minority. I mean, there are also cases where white men shit on Asian males dating white females too.

Understandable but this article is all about Asian Women and harassment from mainly Asian men. Not a knock against you but just the article subjects.

TerminusFox · Oct 12, 2018

DukeBlue said:
Damn white people really stick to their own, huh?

I'm more interested in how many are genuinely willing to date outside of their race regardless if they end up marrying a white person

Deleted member 1635 · Oct 12, 2018

Wheatly said:
Can we not make this into a generalization for Asian men. There are some like this but it's a minority. I mean, there are also cases where white men shit on Asian males dating white females too.

You could have just written "#notallmen" and saved some characters.

see5harp · Oct 12, 2018

Black women and Asian men certainly have shit to be angry about based on the numbers but I will never generalize entire populations of people. Asian dudes and black women need to just start hooking up and procreating to make the blasians that will take over the world.

Hollywood Duo · Oct 12, 2018

That message in the OP is pathetic. Let people be happy and do be with whoever they want.

DukeBlue said:
Damn white people really stick to their own, huh?

Kind of inevitable based on the population demographics. In many parts of the country you won't even find non-white people.

Deleted member 33533 · Oct 12, 2018

TDLink said:
It's not just Asian Women. The majority of any given race/culture (What it's really about) gets upset and weird about someone "betraying" them and dating or marrying someone of a different race/culture. We see it time and time again. You have to remember that interracial anything was extremely taboo even a couple decades ago. It's not surprising that this is so deeply ingrained in society.

I'm a black male and my girlfriend is white. I've dated other white people in the past too. I've seen what you're talking about in the black community and have had comments of that nature directed towards me. I've seen a little of it here on Era too, though not as blatant.

I do think history probably is a big factor here that magnifies the issue when it comes to specific races and genders matching up. Obviously in America, there is a long history between white people and black people and especially white women dating black men. A lot of issues there. So I feel that definitely contributes to the whole thing. I don't think I'm educated enough on the subject to really say but I think there is some history regarding white men dating asian women. Well I know for a fact that there is an issue with white men who date asian women because they think they're submissive and exotic. Some of my friends who are Asian women have talked about how awful it is to come across people like this. Also, like the article mentions the negative stereotypes of Asian men not being masculine or desirable that are perpetuated in our culture is definitely a factor that magnifies the whole thing. Of course none of that excuses the behavior of the men shown in the article.

Dook's Revenge · Oct 12, 2018

JeTmAn said:
That bait email subject...masterful hate speech

That caught my eye, too. Such skill should be reserved for good, clean lols. It is wasted on hate.

-JD- · Oct 12, 2018

Asian incels are a real work. What is it? Veiled self-loathing?

Deleted member 1635 · Oct 12, 2018

see5harp said:
Black women and Asian men certainly have shit to be angry about based on the numbers

No, they don't. No individual owes anyone else shit just because they share a skin color or very general ethnic background.

Deleted member 1635 · Oct 12, 2018

DukeBlue said:
Damn white people really stick to their own, huh?

It's just the sheer number of white people in our country and the fact that many parts of the country are almost entirely white.

With that said, I imagine most of the interracial marriages in the country are with white people.

It's just when 1 Asian does it and there are only 10 Asians, that makes up a much larger percentage than when 1 white person does it and there are 100 white people.

HomokHarcos · Oct 12, 2018

TDLink said:
It's not just Asian Women. The majority of any given race/culture (What it's really about) gets upset and weird about someone "betraying" them and dating or marrying someone of a different race/culture. We see it time and time again. You have to remember that interracial anything was extremely taboo even a couple decades ago. It's not surprising that this is so deeply ingrained in society.

And it's almost always the women who are looked down on for doing it instead of the man.

House_Of_Lightning · Oct 12, 2018

Some of the incel/redpill type behavior is also rooted in the idea that Asian Men generally have trouble dating White women specifically, outside of their race in general.

rokkerkory · Oct 12, 2018

Asian guy here with asian wife but half of my non asian male friends have asian wives. More power to them!

House_Of_Lightning · Oct 12, 2018

HomokHarcos said:
And it's almost always the women who are looked down on for doing it instead of the man.

YUP.

I've only gotten negative reaction when I've dated black women before. Not Asian, not Latina, etc. And the negative reaction was always directed at the woman, her race, etc.

But white women I've known, when they've dated black men, get the negative racist comments directed towards the men as well as derogatory comments towards them, such as "you've ruined yourself, no one will ever want to date you, etc"

StarStorm · Oct 12, 2018

Dude is salty as fuck, thinking he's entitled to an asian woman. I wouldn't go into r/hapas. Asian incels with some messed up beliefs and misogyny.

Dhaos · Oct 12, 2018

As an Asian man who's been following this issue, I think Celeste Ng has 1. been the subject of really disgusting harassment, but 2. is misrepresenting a lot of her critics with the most extremest examples possible. She became the subject of online contention because of her twitter comments regarding Crazy Rich Asians, where she posted "I do not often find Asian men attractive (They remind me of my cousins)". When dating, Asian men have to face not only racism and prejudice from non-Asians, but internalized racism from Asian women as well. We're not complaining about Asian women who date inter-racially. We're mad when some Asian women have internalized ideas about Asian male unattractiveness, and refuse to date them. We're criticizing Asian Uncle Toms for their behavior, for falling into a sunken place where white is right and other Asians are undesirable. We're not criticizing them for their dating preferences, EXCEPT when their "preferences" lead them to exclude other Asians in a condescending and disdainful manner.

Take a look at this from the dating show Take Me Out in Australia: https://nextshark.com/dating-asian-australia-show-racist-women/
His response is great as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFnpL42KqUE&t=12s

Wheatly said:
Can we not make this into a generalization for Asian men. There are some like this but it's a minority. I mean, there are also cases where white men shit on Asian males dating white females too.

Agreed. As an Asian man who has dated women of all races, I've experienced a lot of backlash as well. It's not a phenomenon that's exclusive to one race.

see5harp · Oct 12, 2018

Zefah said:
No, they don't. No individual owes anyone else shit just because they share a skin color or very general ethnic background.

You don't think there are any reasons for Asian men and Black women to be frustrated? I'm happily dating an Asian woman but you'd have to be ignorant to not notice the shit in this country. I'm not trying to be a victim. I'm stating the fucking obvious. I'm not even showing support for the dumb shit in OP if that wasn't clear.

PSqueak · Oct 12, 2018

If i understand correctly this is less about incel asian men and more about hardcore asian traditions, growing up in city with a significant japanese demographic (as i understand, japanese people who fled the USA during WW2) there was at thing within Japanese families where the first born was basically roped by their family into marrying another full blooded japanese, which i always thought was a really weird tradition for people living abroad.

So when i see this nonsense all i can think is the lingering stench of that sort of traditions.

teruterubozu · Oct 12, 2018

Trojita said:
A lot of the incel Asian subreddits have this weird eugenic belief that White Male + Asian Female = inferior children with mental illnesses while believing that Asian Male + White Female = superior child.

They are literally using beliefs akin to those seen in the 19th century to justify their Stormfront-esque comments.

Wow never heard of this even though I am a product of White Male + Asian Female. I guess Hawaii must be a nightmare for these people.

see5harp · Oct 12, 2018

If this isn't clear fuck these socially inept likely crazy incels. They are a minority and will likely die alone. That part doesn't even need to be said. These are people who probably struggle to even have real relationships with other males outside of the internet. Even if some average Asian girl asked them to pull their penis out, they'd probably have issues. They aren't normal people.

When Asian Women Are Harassed for Marrying Non-Asian Men (The Cut Article)

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