I suffer from severe anxiety, and have since I was in middle school. My absolute worst fear for much of my life has been public speaking. In my sophomore year in high school, I actually completely froze during a presentation in my history class - I was looking down at my script and just froze. I couldn't talk, move, or even look up at the audience. I was just standing there, frozen, unable to do anything. After about 6-8 seconds, kids in the class started giggling. After about 10 seconds, the teacher asked if I was OK. And finally about 20 seconds or so later (felt like hours), my teacher finally (I think) figured out what was going on, and came over and told me I could go sit down.
The worsened as I moved on to college. At the beginning of each semester, I would scrutinize the syllabus for each course and would immediately drop any course that required me to give a presentation (even if it was in a group). It became so bad that I eventually reached a wall - there were upper level courses in my degree that required public speaking, and there was no way around it. So, instead of working on myself, my train of thought, and getting my anxiety under control, I continued to run, and actually switched majors to something I didn't want to pursue, and something that would ultimately net me a smaller paycheck after college. All because of my own fear and anxiety.
After two semesters of working of working towards this new degree, I realized that I just couldn't do this. I couldn't waste my life by continuing to run from my own anxiety and mortal fear of public speaking. It was controlling my life, and I knew if I didn't do something then it would limit me and control me forever.
So, I started seeing a psychologist. Over the summer, we worked on CBT techniques, and I also started a low dose prescription of Propranolol, which was only to be used situationally when my anxiety started to peak. I reclassified myself over the summer to my original degree and scheduled the courses I needed to take to finish it out - out of the 5 I was taking for that fall semester, 3 required multiple presentations.
I remember what I felt like the night of the drop deadline - it was absolute fear. I took some Propranolol, and somehow resisted the urge to drop the courses and withdraw from the university. I woke up the next morning frozen with fear. Now, I didn't have a choice. It was either make all of these presentations in all of these courses so that I could pass them, or not show up and fail every single one of them, which would derail my entire career.
I continued to see my psychologist over the next month, leading up to the first presentation that I had to give. The first speech I had to give was about 10 minutes in length in front of 30 people, and I practiced 15+ times per day in the week leading up to it. What happened that sophomore year in high school was still so fresh in my mind, and I was obsessing about not letting such an incident happen again. But, I knew I was merely a victim to my own anxiety, and that no matter how well I knew my speech, a simple anxiety attack could render me speechless in an instant.
On the day of the presentation, I started taking my Propranolol. In fact, I doubled my dose before the class started. I got called up to start, and took my computer and notes to the front of the class and noticed one simple thing - I wasn't nervous. Physically, I couldn't feel a thing. No pounding heart. No sweaty palms. No voice cracking. No butterfly sensation in my stomach. My thoughts were clear, and my physical symptoms were gone. I opened my mouth to speak and said a few sentences. After the first 10 seconds, I started getting excited - because I knew that I could do this. And not just get through it....but I could do it well.
Yes, it was the Propranolol that was masking the physical symptoms. But the CBT had helped as well. Both of these allowed me to get through that semester, and allowed me to ultimately finish my degree. Now, in my job, I have to give presentations on a weekly basis. Do I like it? No. Do I freak out about it still? Not at all. I no longer need the Propranolol (for really significant presentations I still sometimes take half a dose) and stopped going to my psychologist years ago. And I don't just get through these talks now - I excel at them. My coworkers frequently refer to me as an "amazing" public speaker, and often ask what my secret is. I simply tell them it all came down to practice and exposure. I struggled with this more than anyone I know, but I made it through.
I guess my point is that public speaking is an essential human skill. You need to be able to present in front of others and communicate ideas clearly. If you're going to be protected from this in middle school or high school, then you're going to have to do it in college. If you somehow avoid it during college, then you'll have to do it eventually at work. I know more than anyone else how painful and dreadful this can be for someone with anxiety, and can empathize with them in ways that most people can't. It sucks. It absolutely sucks. But you have to do it. I waited way too long to seek out help and it negatively affected me for years. People struggling with anxiety absolutely need to get help - but the answer isn't to let your anxiety control you by avoiding any anxiety inducing situations. I learned that firsthand. Get help for your problems so you can become the best version of yourself.
