Introvert ERA: How do you cope with your personality?

I've embraced it.

I'm very social for the introverted types and have friends normally misread that as me becoming more extroverted.

There's a difference in being introverted and being shy. So I always make the point that even though I started being more with them social recently, I still need my own space to recharge.

We live in a society that values extroversion above introversion and I think that makes a lot of introverts feel like they're doing something wrong. When in reality they simply look at life from a different angle.

I used to resent my personality, but I've learned to accept it. I'm quiet, that's just the way it is. Doesn't matter what people think about it.

I'm totally fine one on one with someone, but whenever there are group dynamics it's hard for me to speak up and I become introverted.

Maybe I should do something like toastmasters? Fear of groups?

I don't think I do, I barely have friends and the very few people with whom I enjoy spending my time with, they usually end up vanishing entirely from my life after a while because I barely try to keep in touch with anyone. Thinking of it, If I went missing, I don't think anyone would notice outside of my close relatives,

I've been able to train myself to be extrovert when needed. I need time to prepare for that and it exhausts me most times after but I can essentially "act" that way.

When I'm not that though, I just don't care what people think. Not my problem if someone expects me to constantly engage at every beck and call. I'll sit there and drink and daydream while others do whatever at a party.

Nothing to cope with really. I like who I am.

It's okay to not talk much in social settings. Just don't be awkward about it and nobody will care/they'll accept you for being a quiet person.

I'm pretty loud/social around the people I'm closest too though. It just takes a while for me to be close with them (I'm talking at least a year) but once I am, it's always a pretty solid relationship where I can talk whatever with them.

By being a yes man. Anytime you get invited to anything, take it. It means a lot to the other person and gives me a reason to leave the house and put myself in situations I never would have before.

I also balance that with video game time. I need to be alone in the quiet too.

Tbh I'm not sure I really buy a lot of the introvert/extrovert thing, but I've definitely found I get a lot less stressed if I schedule in some time to just chill out and relax on my own, even turning down social events to do so.

'Cope' phrasing makes introversion read like an affliction. It ain't. I'm content af, and have been since shortly following high school.

Fuck high school, though.

You don't need to force yourself to become an extrovert. I think though you should try to find a select number of good friends who are accepting and that is fine.

That being said... You should get used to putting on the GAME FACE for the moments in life when you need it. These moments are temporary but sometimes its pretty important to have this skill.

Practice makes perfect.

I can "flip the switch" so to speak, but I'm exhausted afterwards.

Edit: the post above me has the right idea. Sometimes you just gotta put on your face and get out there.

I just try and fake it I guess. It does become a problem when I'm in a busy public place for a while though. I get really irritated after a while and can act like an asshole because of it which obviously turns a lot of people off. I've been trying to get better about it though.

Nightmare scenario are job interviews though. Absolutely hate them and they stress me out to no end. Since almost every recruiter wants someone who works well with people I pretty much have to fake my entire personality in order to do well.

It's caused problems at work too because I tend to avoid people until I get to know them. This makes a lot of people think I'm stuck up and think I'm better than anyone else and it's really hard to explain what's actually going on.

Yep, the world is definately not for us introverts at all.

Sounds like a lot of you are confusing being socially awkward with being introverted.

constant battle

Not that well, to be honest. I isolate way too much and look for ways to get out of social invites.

Weird as I was just thinking about this. It can be hard but you have to enjoy yourself. I'm married with three kids man which makes it harder. Social family functions are not my thing and can be awkward at times. Learn to live with yourself and be ok with not being perfect.

Introversion shouldn't be something you consider as having to 'cope' with. The world is not inherently extroverted, but if you perceive it that way and mull over your shortcomings due to being an 'introvert' it's never going to get easier. Measuring satisfaction in life by an extravert's ruler means you're never going to be satisfied. Also, having difficulty with those social things you describe aren't innate to being introverted. Ikuu is a little harsh but from one introvert to another, they're not wrong. Reassess these perceptions and you'll start to find your inner-introvert peace.

Being an introvert is not the same as being quiet or shy.

I have to put myself in situations where it impossible to back out without unbearably sizable repercussions

Social shields. More extroverted friends, steering towards safe conversations, an activity (pub quiz rather than just drinks) being the one to ask questions, escape routes...
Whatever makes things less draining.

It's pretty hard for me. Socially it's whatever but I want to work in the world of film, a world that requires networking and good lord does it give me overwhelming anxiety.

Once I realized that it was a thing I just accepted it. Previously I had tried to force myself to be very social and outgoing which worked in the sense that I don't have much trouble socializing. But I used to beat myself up if I got tired of being around people. I used to go to parties and simply fall asleep from exhaustion after a while. Now that I know why I get tired I simply plan around it and I'm much happier for it. It does sometimes cause some trouble with my partner since I want to be alone a lot of the time but we just talk about it compromise. I also just gave up being social at work and would actively avoid having lunch with my coworkers since that was my only alone time during the day.

I try to have a weekend where I can de-stress. Recharge where I will do nothing with anyone, but my wife. I won't go outside except if it's to go to the shops or gym. Rest of the time it's just me and her. It feels good. Those are the weekends I live for.

Embraced it or stopped caring many many years ago. If there is nothing to talk about i will comfortably stay quiet... even on online forums lol. I will admit that sometimes there is an urge to spew some nonsence but that urge is usually quickly fulfilled and forgotten.

Work has helped as well as having outgoing friends. I work as a trainer so I have to be more social that I actually care to be outside of work. I've grown a bit because of it so I am grateful for that. Also my wife makes me go outside. Given the choice though I'd much prefer to stay home during my free time.

I don't.

It's fine.

I hate talking in a group situation and 95% of the time just end up listening and nodding. I can't talk more than a few minutes at a time. It gets awkward quick. So you are not alone op.
People eventually "get" me over time and hopefully value my contribution in non-speaking ways.

Gunblade47 said:

I've embraced it.

I'm very social for the introverted types and have friends normally misread that as me becoming more extroverted.

There's a difference in being introverted and being shy. So I always make the point that even though I started being more with them social recently, I still need my own space to recharge.

We live in a society that values extroversion above introversion and I think that makes a lot of introverts feel like they're doing something wrong. When in reality they simply look at life from a different angle.

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I'll have to watch this video but I wantd to bold that on ebit because I think the term of introvert has been lost. Not talking in social situations is not being an "introvert".

Dereck said:

Being an introvert is not the same as being quiet or shy.

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DING DING DING

Social anxiety != introversion. Introvert can do fine in social situations but often reach "breaking points" and need to be in their own space to recharge.

hippopotamus said:

I shave my head so that I don't have to make small talk with a barber.

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Lol. I bought the Remington hc4250 and learned how to cut my own hair. Can't stand feeling like a hostage. Same with dentist visits.

adj_noun said:

By faking extroversion.

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Yep. Friends and acquaintances are surprised to learn I'm introverted, and that everything I ever do for fun with them feels like it's taking years off my life.

Once at a party, during a truth or dare session, I sprayed whipcream on a friend's arm and licked it up in a single lap.
Cut to a week later, another friend who witnessed my dare was blown away when I turned down an invite to some party because I said it'd be too wild for me. I had to explain how much energy pretending takes.

Being forced out of my comfort zone. Even though I disliked my time working in prison, corrections was 99% communication. It helped me become comfortable with who I am. However, I felt drained at the end of most days and needed to get away from everyone.

I cope by just accepting who I am. 'Introvert' has a bad connotation but it just means you have a different personality. If people will judge you for that, that's on them.

I have trouble talking to and meeting new people and it has been this way for me forever. I haven't made any new friends since college but I try to cling to the ones I have. It takes me nearly a year at a job for me to feel comfortable talking to and joking around with coworkers

I just go on. I don't know how much I'll endure this, but my introversion led me to live nearly in complete solitude, for me it's pretty normal. I had many occasions in my life in which I could improve my social status, all of them have gone to waste. I don't even look at them with regret any more, I just don't care.

I just focus on my work.

Once I realized that I was not only introverted (it took me almost 35 years to figure it out, woo), but very introverted, I resolved to keep people around me informed about this so that they have the right expectations. It's not necessarily easy to tell that I'm introverted since I can be quite outgoing among friends and tend to talk a lot. I'm considered a funny guy among those who know me, so I joke around a lot too. Knowing my own strengths and weaknesses goes a long way towards coping with my introvertedness. I cope by recharging my batteries at home in the evenings, and by using noise-canceling headphones at work that let me disappear into my own head if I need to.

I make sure the people who are closest to me, including my closest colleagues, know why I withdraw early from social gatherings. Being so forthcoming about all of this has made it clear that I'm far from the only introverted person in my circles. This kind of mutual understanding has helped other people around me relax a bit too.

I moderate my own expectations of life around it.

I wish I could have the answer, OP! (for you and me both). I learned to not hate (and even like) this aspect of my personality - and it was hard - but over time I realized even if it's tougher, this is how I am and I wouldn't change it even if I magically had the opportunity. It still difficult but I agree with some posts here, my job (moderately social position in an open office) helped me a lot to develop the social skills necessary to survive. I can engage in small talk and communicate well about professional matters too, but sometimes is hard to find common topics, since I work with people with a lifestyle very different from my own (in average 10 years older than me or people my age but already engaged in having kids, marrying etc). Some things still are a bummer (like people attributing the ''shy'' label - I'm not shy, I just don't want talk to you all the fucking time) but I found this a great way to improve.

The hardest part is this ''curse'' a lot of people say that you won't make new friends after your high school/college. I went through a moment in my life when I had to decide between keeping some toxic friends I made back then or cut them off and keep my sanity. I can't say I regret what I've done but it seems it has some truth in it since I didn't make nearly as many friends since (I'm in my early 20's now). Maybe because people, in general, are far less social than most introverts think - I notice that many people start turning to family (both relatives and making their own) and work friends at this age, and that's about it. But I hope there's still a way to sort this out too.

I'm very open about the kind of person i am and what i want from others.

I've accepted my more introverted nature, mainly as I've worked in customer service jobs so I try to be ultra pleasant to the point of sounding robotic at times and I'm often surprised when extroverted people are quick with me, like they want conversations to be over with. It's like "Dude, I thought you liked to talk! I'm making this as easy and as clear as possible don't get angry with me!"

I have my good days and my bad days, but I always get that anxious feeling of whether I am boring the people I am with in a social gathering. If there was a task we were working towards, even just something like winning a game, then great! But if you ask me to come and just have a chat and chill I go "Oh crap I have nothing to say!"

I'm happy with who I am. My only problem with my introversion is that after a day of work (which isn't even that social) I don't want to talk or see anyone, aside my SO (and on some days, I may ask for alone time when I get home). It's basically made it impossible for me to make friends. I just feel too drained.

Don't really have a problem with it.
When some acquaintances/extended family members/co workers start the "it's so quiet" talk, often mistaking my quietness for being shy (for reasons I can't understand) and I'm sitting there thinking "start talking then, tf?", that could get annoying.
You'd think some can't live without small talk, lol.

Apart from minor annoyances like that,I'm just chill about it. I am who I am.

Very hard in the corporate world, which prizes expressiveness, thinking on your feet, and dominance.

I got a job that made me talk to people all day. Now I can at least hold a normal conversation and walk into a room with confidence.

Tron1 said:

Weird as I was just thinking about this. It can be hard but you have to enjoy yourself. I'm married with three kids man which makes it harder. Social family functions are not my thing and can be awkward at times. Learn to live with yourself and be ok with not being perfect.

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This was what I came here to find out more about. I turned 40 this year, am definitely introverted but am socially able, dating etc. I could definitely benefit from the advice from various quarters in this thread about extroversion not being better, a default, or 'easy mode' or any of the rest of it. Sometimes it's hard not to look at the world and feel fundamentally incompatible.

But one thing I'm particularly wondering about now is how this plays into starting a family. I truly love people, love children, and love the noise made by a full, active house. However I also know it's not something I can constantly occupy a role at the heart of, as things stand. Can a parent be a functioning introvert? Is that just about better management of inner states and energy levels?

A different job would really help. A few people have mentioned having jobs that require lots of interaction. Is there any reason we fall into these roles? In my case I think it has a lot to do with having expectations that life in general and work in particular are just supposed to suck. On the other hand, maybe it's also a healthy attraction towards a path of difficulty and spiritual growth ...

It's feels like it's getting harder to be an introvert, in that society seems more extroverted and Type-A than ever.

badly

entremet said:

Very hard in the corporate world, which prizes expressiveness, thinking on your feet, and dominance.

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Damn, glad that's not my world.

I've learned to live with it and accept that I will never have friends like I did in college where the sheer number of people around me forced me to get involved socially. I get some pretty bad anxiety just being in a group of people with no one to talk to, I was at a social gathering for work a couple weeks ago and basically buried myself in the corner because there is nothing more terrifying to me than feeling like I'm the only one in a group of 30 or so people just milling about who isn't having a pleasant time. I'm happy to have lots of conversations with the people I like or work closest with, but beyond that I've accepted that I'll never have much in the way of a large social network. It mostly just sucks knowing that there are so few opportunities for me to meet new people, especially since all the social life here is around bar culture which I am not interested in at all.

I don't, everybody knows I'm abnormal and I really don't care if they accept it or not.