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ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping
- Thread starter Hollywood Duo
- Start date
In addition to my human children we recently had two goat kids born:
You haven't lived until you've watched a goat eat her afterbirth on the security cam you installed in the goat shed...
Awwwwwww...
Ewwwwwww...
Baby's sleeping great so far. After a very rough first and 3rd night home, we're into a good schedule now. I'ms ure it'll get blown up randomly, but so far it's been pretty good. We're both crashing at 9PM or so, and then baby sleeps until midnight, then we wake & feed & change (if needed), then baby sleeps again till about ~3:30am then wake/feed/change, then she's basically good until about 7:30 or 8am, which is great. Like... we're both relatively well rested.
Smmething tough to adjust to with a new baby and that there's really not a lot to do just yet. Having watched about 10 straight episodes of Queer Eye I'm ready to get the f out of the house.
Yep, I kind of want to write an anonymous Medium post called "So Your Best Friends Just Had a Baby..."
Like yesterday my wife's aunt and her adult adolescent cousin came over at 5:45 and stayed till 7PM last night... and I was just like "chrissstt.... do you not think we should eat dinner??" My wife is just too nice to say no to someone "stopping by." Drives me nuts when they're lingering, plus I'm on dog duty.
I'm sure it'll get better though.
Smmething tough to adjust to with a new baby and that there's really not a lot to do just yet. Having watched about 10 straight episodes of Queer Eye I'm ready to get the f out of the house.
Yep, I kind of want to write an anonymous Medium post called "So Your Best Friends Just Had a Baby..."
Like yesterday my wife's aunt and her adult adolescent cousin came over at 5:45 and stayed till 7PM last night... and I was just like "chrissstt.... do you not think we should eat dinner??" My wife is just too nice to say no to someone "stopping by." Drives me nuts when they're lingering, plus I'm on dog duty.
I'm sure it'll get better though.
Baby just started crawling. One day he's just flopping forward a few inches at best, and the next day he was crossing the whole goddamn room because we lured him with a laptop. It's adorable and scary at the same time.
The next day, he saw me eating something, crawled all the way over, and started pawing at my leg until I gave him a piece.
And apparently he wasn't teething after all? His feeding issues went away after a week, and now he's back to drinking lots of milk. Still no teeth. Weird kid.
The next day, he saw me eating something, crawled all the way over, and started pawing at my leg until I gave him a piece.
And apparently he wasn't teething after all? His feeding issues went away after a week, and now he's back to drinking lots of milk. Still no teeth. Weird kid.
We've gotten used to saying something like "okay, so we're going to do x with the baby now", and thankfully friends tend to recognize that's their cue to go.
We went through our final embryo transfer a week ago. Started seeing positives on pregnancy tests.
Looking forward to many, many more sleepless nights around April next year with baby #2...for which we have no name we can agree on.
Looking forward to many, many more sleepless nights around April next year with baby #2...for which we have no name we can agree on.
If it makes you feel any better, my wife and I drew blanks on names all the way until maybe a month before due date. We went through so many name lists where nothing seemed right.
But I was amused one time I opened a name book and found "Goku" as a suggestion.
But I was amused one time I opened a name book and found "Goku" as a suggestion.
We eventually found an app named Kinder, which is basically Tinder for naming your baby. It helped a lot just to have my wife and I spend a few days swiping through it and seeing where we matched.
We're about to hit the 39 week mark this Sunday, so we might be days (or hours!) from our little one arriving into the outside world. It's a weird feeling, knowing everything will change and that you'll be kind of away from things for a bit but not knowing when. It's been hard planning for my work absence.
My wife and I have been having a lot of fun with this today. Many thanks.
Awesome! Hope you can decide on something. We didn't settle on a name until the day before we went into the hospital to be induced, so it's not at all uncommon.
We've been trying to decide on a name for #2 for over 5 years. We sometimes agree on one, but then a year later we've gone cold on it.
Josie waited until right when I put her down on the changing table to finally roll over for the first time all the way. Fortunately I was already messing around trying to find the straps so I caught her. Guess we have to unzip her little arm wings from her swaddle bag now.
We ended up changing #1's name when she was about 5 months old. We really struggled to find a name we liked before she was born and hoped it would be easier once she arrived, but if anything it was harder. Eventually we picked a name when she was about 3 weeks old, but it never felt right. We persevered with it for a while, hoping it would start to "fit", but eventually we realised we hardly ever used the name and it just wasn't ever going to be right. So we changed it. Made for some quite awkward phone calls when we told family and friends, but 2 years later, it was definitely the right thing to do.
Fortunately we had a much easier time naming #2.
Just became a dad 5 and a half hours ago. Wife was a bit worried about some discharge and got it looked at when she went in for a routine visit yesterday. They couldn't tell if it was amniotic fluid so we got sent to the hospital. It was. They gave her pitosin and she went nuts. Went from 3cm dialated to 9 in an hour. Had to get an epidural. Then over three hours of pushing. Got him out with a helluva fight. She's doing well and I've had him sleeping in my arms for a bit this morning. We've been up for like 27 hours straight now so soon we might nap.
He's so amazingly cute.
He's so amazingly cute.
Congrats! Try to get some sleep, even if you have to ship him off to the nursery for awhile. Take advantage of that offer while you can.
I don't think that's an offer here? Dunno, they never mentioned that or anything and I think prefer you to spend time and get to know your new little one.
I've slept about 4 hours in the last 64. I'm fucking dead. Couldn't get any sleep here. We tried a few times but a nurse or pediatrician or someone would always pop in within like 10 minutes. We even tried the "mom is sleeping" sign and that didn't work. My wife is completely broken. She couldn't move from the bed at all. She thinks there may be really torn ligaments or something they don't know about. She finally got a walker late tonight so she can get to the bathroom without me. So I've had to do all diaper things and soothing that needs walking around and getting things like her pills. I also have to make trips home to take out our dog and feed our cats. It's been pretty hell. I broke down into tears at one point but for the most part I'm doing alright mentally.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything is getting better and your wife gets the treatment she needs to get back on her feet.
They did an x-ray on my wife. Basically her pelvic bones are separated much further than they should be and she's going to physical therapy tomorrow. We're joking that the division of labor right now is anything that requires a boob is on her. Anything that requires feet is me. I've done every diaper and changing since he's been born. I have to help get him to the basinet and back. I'm also getting her food and pills and such. It's been a strain. I'm up to at most 7 hours of sleep now since I woke up early Friday. I also have to start keeping up with my work stuff tomorrow, too. I'm not fully off. Need to kind of keep some background tasks in the air while I"m kind of off since we have no real replacement for me. I'm really trying to take him as long as I can and occupy him as best I can so she can sleep and recover more than me. It doesn't amount to much. She probably had 3 or 4 more hours of sleep than me at most.
We also came home today. We have a two story house and can't have my wife go upstairs so we had to haul our futon and basinet to the main floor and rearrange all the furniture. Aside from the new baby, the animals are super confused.
This really isn't going as planned at all. But he's cute and I love the little guy. We're trying to stay high in spirits.
We also came home today. We have a two story house and can't have my wife go upstairs so we had to haul our futon and basinet to the main floor and rearrange all the furniture. Aside from the new baby, the animals are super confused.
This really isn't going as planned at all. But he's cute and I love the little guy. We're trying to stay high in spirits.
We had our first birthing class last night. The instructor still uses a video on VCR so that was interesting.
Seeing if anyone has advice. My youngest was put on a high calorie diet because shes losing weight. Shes always been a teeny thing, but her new medicine is making it worse; she doesnt want to eat. The doctors instructions are insane, like 'avoid water and juice' and 'add half and half to everything' 'encourage sweets'
Doing that but she is still not eating regularly. The medicine, an ADD med, is amazing and she went from crying after trying to write one sentence to finishing all her work correctly over night. Its changed her life and she said she never wants to go back to how she was before.
Is anyone else dealing with something like this, or have dealt with add meds personally?
Doing that but she is still not eating regularly. The medicine, an ADD med, is amazing and she went from crying after trying to write one sentence to finishing all her work correctly over night. Its changed her life and she said she never wants to go back to how she was before.
Is anyone else dealing with something like this, or have dealt with add meds personally?
I've only got literally a few more hours of sleep since my last post. Maybe 12-13 hours total in the span of 6 days. I really don't know how to make this work. It's fucking impossible to raise a baby the right way it seems. Can't doze off with it in your arms or something. Obviously can't cosleep. Well then when the shit am I supposed to sleep? I realize I'm in a weird situation with a significant other than both can't walk and is on oxycodone so it's unsafe for her to be up with him alone during the night. Under normal circumstances I guess we'd take turns but with the injury we can't. Anyway, back to my little rant. My parents generation had it easier it seems. Bottles were scientifically fine, and dozing off with the baby was cool. My wife's mom was on the phone with her the other day and she mentioned that the baby was asleep so her mom was like "Oh, I should get off the phone so you can maybe get some sleep with him on your lap" and my wife's like "Holy shit no."
Does anyone have any tips whatsoever for getting a baby to sleep in a bassinet? This kid can be completely 110% passed out but the second he's placed in there he flails around like a goddamned madman and won't stop until he's worked himself up to a massive fit. We've tried swaddled and unswaddled. Middle of the day or middle of the night. It doesn't matter. He DOES NOT want to be on his back in the bassinet where it's safe and where we could get some fucking sleep.
Does anyone have any tips whatsoever for getting a baby to sleep in a bassinet? This kid can be completely 110% passed out but the second he's placed in there he flails around like a goddamned madman and won't stop until he's worked himself up to a massive fit. We've tried swaddled and unswaddled. Middle of the day or middle of the night. It doesn't matter. He DOES NOT want to be on his back in the bassinet where it's safe and where we could get some fucking sleep.
This sounds like what I went through with my middle son. I barely remember that first year I swear he was hungry every 30 minutes.
Basically swaddling. You can also try the car seat method. Put him in the car seat and drive around for a bit, then take him in still in the car seat.
Does he use a binky? My doctor recommended those. Of course it's been nearly ten years since mine were babies so things might have changed.
Good luck. You will get through this even though it seems like you won't right now. You'll look back and wonder how the hell you did it.
Yeah he's hungry as fuck all the time so far.
He still flips out in a swaddle, too. Car seat makes him fall asleep but just while he's in it. Take him out and put him in the bassinet where he should sleep and bam he flips out. The issue isn't getting him to sleep. I can do that without fail. It's getting him to sleep in the bassinet so we can also sleep for even just a freaking hour.
He does. The pediatrician at the hospital recommended it. Thing is that it only calms him for a bit while it's in his mouth, and it inevitably falls out. So you literally have to be awake and putting it back in every time if you want him to sleep. So in the bassinet it falls out and he flips out after about 4-5 minutes every time.
Leave him in the car seat man. Get an hour or so sleep while they sleep it's grand.
Or if you can ask someone to take him for an hour.
Man this is bringing back some memories. Our first wouldn't sleep on his own for maybe nine months? My wife would have him during the day and he would only sleep on her chest. I would get home, have dinner and then she'd go to bed for five or six hours if she was lucky and he didn't need a feed, while he slept on my chest until I couldn't stay awake any longer and then she'd take over. He had a really bad case of colic and this continued until he could roll over and sleep on his front and even then he needed constant soothing so while we were getting more sleep it was still broken as he'd need soothing a lot during the night. This was worse for me as I was getting my sleep interrupted rather than a solid block. We tried a pacifier but he just spat it out and would only sleep when we comforted him.
Obviously your situation sounds way more complicated than my own, and you have my deepest sympathies. The best thing I can say is that... it will pass. He's now an amazing sleeper (I mean, he's four now so thank fuck for that) and has been that way for 3+ years. You're a god damned super hero, so stay strong - we're always here to listen.
Apologies if this is incoherent, it is 6am—
I would lay down on the couch with my new born chest-down on my chest and we would both conk out and it was fine. You probably won't easily sleep through their terrifying breathing pattern, at first, though. I missed her sleeping on my chest when she stopped tolerating it at 3 months.
I managed to get my sleeping baby from my arms into the bassinet once without her waking up— so we ended up doing co-sleeping and longer than we planned.
So long as both of us knew there was a baby in the bed before we went to sleep no babies were crushed. Anxiety over baby's breathing also applies here, but for both parents at once. Fun! I recall several times poking a not-obviously-breathing-sleeping baby just to cure this anxiety with their irritation.
She also hated being swaddled and a soother wasn't helpful— every child is different.
Forget the 'supposed to' and do whatever it takes so you all survive.
I would lay down on the couch with my new born chest-down on my chest and we would both conk out and it was fine. You probably won't easily sleep through their terrifying breathing pattern, at first, though. I missed her sleeping on my chest when she stopped tolerating it at 3 months.
I managed to get my sleeping baby from my arms into the bassinet once without her waking up— so we ended up doing co-sleeping and longer than we planned.
So long as both of us knew there was a baby in the bed before we went to sleep no babies were crushed. Anxiety over baby's breathing also applies here, but for both parents at once. Fun! I recall several times poking a not-obviously-breathing-sleeping baby just to cure this anxiety with their irritation.
She also hated being swaddled and a soother wasn't helpful— every child is different.
Forget the 'supposed to' and do whatever it takes so you all survive.
Thanks all for the assurances and tips. I got my wife enough sleep that she felt confident with him for two hours last night, so I slept that much. Longest I've slept since Friday and it felt fucking amazing. Hilarious that the lead up to this birth was like "Oh, waking up every two to three hours will suck, but we can do that" and now I'd fucking kill for two or three hours total sleep during a night.
Thanks a ton. I was actually just talking to a friend yesterday and admitted just that. I do feel like a damned super hero / rock star wife and husband which is good and fuels me, but holy shit it's been rough. I think our situation is just so ridiculous that it's put me in decent spirits so I can almost laugh at ourselves and it. Having to turn our living room into a makeshift nursery and bed room with clothes and pills and shit strewn about is just so beyond what either of us could have ever expected, but I suppose that'll be parenthood. I can also assure myself that it will have to get better because my partner will be able to put in so much more once she can walk and ease up a bit on the pain meds.
Thanks a ton. I was actually just talking to a friend yesterday and admitted just that. I do feel like a damned super hero / rock star wife and husband which is good and fuels me, but holy shit it's been rough. I think our situation is just so ridiculous that it's put me in decent spirits so I can almost laugh at ourselves and it. Having to turn our living room into a makeshift nursery and bed room with clothes and pills and shit strewn about is just so beyond what either of us could have ever expected, but I suppose that'll be parenthood. I can also assure myself that it will have to get better because my partner will be able to put in so much more once she can walk and ease up a bit on the pain meds.
What type of swaddle(s) are you using? Just the wrap up type? My daughter hated those immediately and would struggle until she got her arms freed up. The bag-style swaddles that let her move her arms around she loved, though.
The main ones we use are wraps at the top and then kind of a sack at the bottom. He struggles until he gets his arms loose, which is understandable in a way. He spent most of his time in the womb with his hands by his face, so I think he probably wouldn't like that. We did try cloth wrapping like the hospital but I'm painfully fucking terrible at that to the point where it might honestly be dangerous for him to sleep with that on him (always gets bunched up near his chin). We haven't tried the fully bag style ones though.
My wife did order some other ones that should get here later today that we can try.
Most of the time he sleeps fine without the swaddle. When he's with us he doesn't wear it. We have these My Brest Friend nursing pillow things that I use with him, too. It acts as a nice flat shelf on my lap, so I let him sleep there on his back so at least he's getting some back sleeping in. He sleeps really well there without a swaddle. Currently he's pretty zonked out with one hand at his side and the other on his chin like he's thinking. Someone needs to invent a shelf like this that you can have a newborn fall asleep on near you and then transfer the entire thing to a bassinet somehow without having to physically take him off. Now that would get some fucking money from me.
have ya tried getting a bouncer thing? like https://www.smythstoys.com/ie/en-ie...cker-napper-baby-seat-grey-turquoise/p/162784
Thing is that infants are not supposed to sleep in stuff like this. From everything we've seen/read/been told by experts gadgets like this are fine for an hour or so max in a day but absolutely should not be used for sleeping.
Granted, sleeping cuddled up to us also probably isn't great for development either.
I feel like there need to be consultants much like my wife is getting for breastfeeding. It'd be nice to talk to someone about in depth strategies like that. The hospital and stuff seem to just kind of push the safest options, (that they should always sleep on their back in a crib or bassinet) without any thought to the realistic scenarios that come up and strategies to even try to make that best scenario work.
my kid hated the bassinet, LOVED the rock and play
wouldn't startle himself in there so he slept, and he was safe since he couldn't move out of it, plus no extra bedding etc
we set a hard limit of when he starts rolling to put him in a crib in a different room, arms out of his swaddle (he loved having his arms in)
the crib and arms out all at once was a big transition but we let him cry when we knew he wasn't hungry and he got used to it after a weekend.
wouldn't startle himself in there so he slept, and he was safe since he couldn't move out of it, plus no extra bedding etc
we set a hard limit of when he starts rolling to put him in a crib in a different room, arms out of his swaddle (he loved having his arms in)
the crib and arms out all at once was a big transition but we let him cry when we knew he wasn't hungry and he got used to it after a weekend.
Unfortunately pediatricians seem to almost unanimously say that Rock 'n Play is very bad for unattended sleep and increases risk for deformities and SIDS.
ah don't mind that shit. You'll find 6 doctors/experts that say its bad for them then 6 more that'll say it's perfectly fine
they're essentially a cot that can rock itself.
edit: should point out i meant get one that goes flat down so the baby isnt at an angle like Anno points out below
I think anything where they sit up like that introduces a(n incredibly tiny)chance that they slouch down in such a way that they can't breathe.
As you said above, though, at some point you have to wrestle with the fact that the best thing for your baby is you to get some actual rest, however that needs done. Everyone cheats somewhere. Our baby fortunately never had a problem sleeping on her own but she needs her little (very thin) blanket with her to give her something to self-soothe with.
As you said above, though, at some point you have to wrestle with the fact that the best thing for your baby is you to get some actual rest, however that needs done. Everyone cheats somewhere. Our baby fortunately never had a problem sleeping on her own but she needs her little (very thin) blanket with her to give her something to self-soothe with.
This is definitely something we're grappling with. Nothing is 100% perfect and we'll have to make some decisions here that can have consequences but may also have some upside. Need to be realistic somewhere.
Kind of same with the pacifier we already introduced. It could make him worse at breast feeding. But it does help me to be able to sooth him and get him to sleep at other times. Luckily it hasn't affected breast feeding but that risk was there when we made that decision. Being bad at breast feeding, while bad, still isn't quite as frightful as SIDS or something.
Citation? I mean, long-term, obviously you don't want them to acclimate to *only* sleeping that way, but you know what's also bad for kids? Parents out of their mind from not sleeping. We'd put our daughter in one of these and get an hour to refuel during the mid-afternoon. And of course car seat is a huge thing, we'd do the same thing there, I'd drive her back and forth on the 210 in Los Angeles between Sunland and Pasadena, and then when she'd conk I'd get off and head back to the house and carry her in and just leave her in it.
But the struggle to get them into the crib is real and probably the worst daily nightmare of the new parent. I would swaddle, then bounce on a ball until she fell asleep, and after ten minutes my back would start to ache, my ears hurt from the sussuration of going "shhh, shhh" while bouncing. Then you'd put on your bomb squad mentality and slowly stand up, walk over to the crib, lean over, back still aching, gingerly let her down onto the pad. Then start the slow, specific act of getting your arms out from underneath their head without waking them, deftly using each remaining finger to keep the head propped up and then slowly lowered down. Tuck little rolled up blanks on either side to keep her from moving side to side, and tip toe out, waiting, fearing that piercing wail, and have to go in and do the whole thing over for that little fucker.
This is asking the obvious, but no parents nearby? Other friends with kids? I remember around start of week three when we finally ducked out for two hours to see a movie, it was the best movie I had ever seen in my life. Two hours alone, oh man.
Doesn't fit the American Academy of Pediatrics Guidelines.
This pediatrician goes into some detail:
CanDoKiddo goes into it, too. She's a Pediatric Occupational Therapist. She's against it for these reasons:
I wasn't talking about getting away in that particular musing. I was talking about getting expert opinions and strategy tailored to your child and how it's doing. I do know parents, but a lot of parents will use dangerous shortcuts possibly without even knowing. Real life support is good, but experts are experts for a reason.
lol I am a pediatrician
I told my coworker that I had a dirty little secret and my kid was sleeping in a rock and play, and he said all 3 of his kids slept in rock and plays
I haven't heard or read anything particularly bad about it, any links to what you're talking about?
we're not suggesting putting the baby in it constantly but like an hour or 2 to catch up on your own sleep
Also look beyond the Rock 'n Play, there's so much more products out there that are better
Nations in which cosleeping is common practice have lower rates of SIDS than the US. The vast majority of cosleeping deaths in the US are tied to parents who are drunk, drugged, morbidly obese, or have other sleep-affecting disorders. Babies naturally want to sleep with/on their parents.
US pediatricians are going to provide the advice that's least likely to lead to a malpractice suit. Same deal with the Rock 'n' Play.
That's true, and something we've contemplated but overall it feels like a small bandaid with the potential to snowball. That's kind of the issue. 2 hours to catch up on sleep would be fucking amazing right now and I'd probably go for it if we had one but it doesn't solve the larger issue of how to get him to sleep for the next 2 hours or the 2 hours after that or after that. And if one thing like that works I think that's where people lean on it like an amazing crutch and soon enough the baby is in there for 10-16 hours. Obviously you can put a hard line on it but that's on you.
Interesting. Is there a link to research on that?
My wife has done cosleeping once, and only because I was wide awake and literally on the couch across from her watching to make sure he could always breath.
Also interesting. I posted some links above, and along with that our hospital, the classes they make you take, and his new pediatrician all basically repeated the American Pediatrics guidelines and said to only use a crib or bassinet for unattended sleeping.
I didn't mean to have your parents or friends give you advice, but to hang out at your house and watch your kid so you can sleep.
I know I'm not the only pediatrician who thinks that the AAP guidelines are overly heavy handed and unrealistic. Give the bassinet or crib a good go of it, but you also need to get sleep. There are other options out there where if you optimize the environment, you could feel reassured that your child would be safe.
Your child is almost certainly less safe being in a parents arms who have slept for 2 or 3 hours per night for a week straight.
Your child is almost certainly less safe being in a parents arms who have slept for 2 or 3 hours per night for a week straight.
It does seem a bit weird how hard-lined it is. I was comparing it to breast feeding consultations and it's night and day. They talk about best practices but also give alternatives down the line so you can succeed. But with sleeping it seems to be crib/bassinet or gtfo.
in regards to those links you posted, some good points some not so good points. obviously it shouldn't be marketed as a sleep device, and that insert should go nowhere near a sleeping child.
but limb injury? that's crazy, some babies are swaddled arms in. I really don't see what they're talking about.
back to sleep in general has gone along with a much higher rate of plagiocephaly and torticollis, I wouldn't say rock and play is worse than any other device in that regard. sleeping on any firm surface would result in that.
at the end of the day its whatever makes it work. baby blues is a real thing, and lack of sleep definitely contributes to depression and anger towards your baby.