This Is What The Life Of An Incel Looks Like (VICE News)

BossAttack · Aug 2, 2018

I saw this pop-up on the VICE News channel and figured it would be of interest over here. Honestly, I wish they took a deeper dive into this toxic culture than this short little video, but from just this little glimpse you see a lot about these "men" and their pathetic, sad little lives. Clearly Joey has a warped view regarding women, regular men, and dating culture. And, he and others like him simply blame women for their problems.

But, what truly struck me is how seemingly self-aware he appears to be about his problems. He and others calls themselves incels (involuntarily celibate) without a hint of shame. He understands that his personality and mental issues makes it hard to be around people and thus contributes to intense feelings of loneliness. He understands that these intense feelings of loneliness can lead to anger and in certain cases cause individuals to lash out violently. Yet, he stops just short of realizing the behavior and symptoms are the result of his choices and not the result of women and the standards society places on men.

They also all fail to see how their "outrage culture" as a means of coping with their loneliness doesn't seem to be making things any better.

Joey: "Watch this guy shit his pants. So funny."

Reporter: *eyes staring widely* "Mhmmm, funny..."

Thatonedice1 · Aug 2, 2018

Craziest thing is I think the dude would do alright if he just got out more. He talked just fine to the camera and to her. Sometimes just talking is better then anything. It's clearer now then ever that incel culture is dangerous to everyone involved.

Asbsand · Aug 2, 2018

This makes me wonder what these guys would've been like if they lived before the internet. I can see how people end up in this situation where they look for people who are like themselves on the web, but it's led to this post-truth place where they all feed each other lies about the real life and externalizing their low self esteem with hate.

It's definitely clear to me that if they didn't have this safe space they would be confronted more with reality and learn the hard way instead of this... rabbit hole.

ElectricBlanketFire · Aug 2, 2018

I remember when incels used to be called misogynist assholes.

Maneil99 · Aug 2, 2018

I remember when the incels first started talking, there was a lot less hate. I mean at a base level it's a problem society has and it's not something to ignore. It's a shame it's become so hateful and misogynistic and a self pity contest. There is a real underlying issue but it's hard to even talk about when you have the vitriol coming out of the same corner.

Rackham · Aug 2, 2018

Every time I see an incel who can be considered handsome, I get confused. I don't think I'm handsome and I do pretty ok

I Don't Like · Aug 2, 2018

Yikes.

If you want to be really depressed: [Mod Edit: Do not link directly to hate sites]
First post:

I wake up, sit on my chair and browse 4chan/incels.me/reddit for 12 hours straight then go to bed. I don't shower, change my clothes, or brush my teeth. I have one meal a day which is always frozen premade food. It wasn't always like this, but my predicament is self fulfilling because my motivation is 0 as a result of shut out from normal life experiences and constant real life reminders that i'm inferior. This should weed out the truecels from the frauds. I'm going to post a thread of every negative memory i'm constantly having flashbacks of tomorrow, and you will understand why your incel larp is an insult to people like me who have negative value as a human being. Not sure how much longer i can sustain this lifestyle. SOON

Quinton · Aug 2, 2018

Asbsand said:
This makes me wonder what these guys would've been like if they lived before the internet. I can see how people end up in this situation where they look for people who are like themselves on the web, but it's led to this post-truth place where they all feed each other lies about the real life and externalizing their low self esteem with hate.

It's definitely clear to me that if they didn't have this safe space they would be confronted more with reality and learn the hard way instead of this... rabbit hole.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Serif · Aug 2, 2018

It's too bad genuine discussion about body dysmorphia and self-image issues in men can't be had when self-branded incels are seeped in constant racism (including self-hatred), threatening physical violence, and misogyny.

SecondNature · Aug 2, 2018

How does one fall so far into a rabbit hole.

AlsoZ · Aug 2, 2018

ElectricBlanketFire said:
I remember when incels used to be called misogynist assholes.

A lot of incels might end up as misogynistic assholes, but most misogynistic assholes are not incels.

Deleted member 2809 · Aug 2, 2018

ElectricBlanketFire said:
I remember when incels used to be called misogynist assholes.

Misogynist trash is EVERYWHERE
Incels are less common and are way more insane

Parthenios · Aug 2, 2018

Asbsand said:
This makes me wonder what these guys would've been like if they lived before the internet. I can see how people end up in this situation where they look for people who are like themselves on the web, but it's led to this post-truth place where they all feed each other lies about the real life and externalizing their low self esteem with hate.

It's definitely clear to me that if they didn't have this safe space they would be confronted more with reality and learn the hard way instead of this... rabbit hole.

I was one of these people (or, at least, fit all the typical traits) and I've often thought about how much shittier of a person I would have been if I was just 5 years younger and been in high school when social media was a thing. Like, the loneliness and self-loathing was there, but nothing to push me to the conclusion that it was other people's fault and not my own.

danowat · Aug 2, 2018

SecondNature said:
How does one fall so far into a rabbit hole.

A complete lack of mental health care, in many developed countries, doesn't help matters.

AliceAmber · Aug 2, 2018

That reporter is so brave. Even with a camera crew I wouldn't be comfortable meeting one in their bedroom.

Kaako · Aug 2, 2018

Fucking yiiikes. That mentality is spoiled rotten.

DeeDogg · Aug 2, 2018

PlayALLTheGames said:
Yikes.

If you want to be really depressed: [Mod Edit: Do not link directly to hate sites]

First post:

That can't be real lol

Deleted member 7051 · Aug 2, 2018

PlayALLTheGames said:
Yikes.

If you want to be really depressed: [Mod Edit: Do not link directly to hate sites]

First post:

...if you don't even try to engage with other people and refuse to take proper care of yourself, how can you blame the rest of the world for your feelings of "negative" self-worth?

Also why do so many incels seem to be unemployed?

Jessie · Aug 2, 2018

This guy is cute as fuck, what the fuck. I think it's a good example that becoming an incel is absolutely about mentality.

Jokab · Aug 2, 2018

Rackham said:
Every time I see an incel who can be considered handsome, I get confused. I don't think I'm handsome and I do pretty ok

I think it rarely has anything to do with looks for these people - anyone can get laid if they are not an asshole. Which most of these people probably are because of varying reasons.

Aang's_Bae · Aug 2, 2018

Winny（๑•̀ㅂ•́）و said:
...if you don't even try to engage with other people and refuse to take proper care of yourself, how can you blame the rest of the world for your feelings of "negative" self-worth?

Also why do so many incels seem to be unemployed?

Would you hire a dude with that attitude?

Thorn · Aug 2, 2018

Parthenios said:
I was one of these people (or, at least, fit all the typical traits) and I've often thought about how much shittier of a person I would have been if I was just 5 years younger and been in high school when social media was a thing. Like, the loneliness and self-loathing was there, but nothing to push me to the conclusion that it was other people's fault and not my own.

Yep, same.

Its how they recruit. Find people at their lowest and push a convenient excuse onto them.

Beartruck · Aug 2, 2018

Rackham said:
Every time I see an incel who can be considered handsome, I get confused. I don't think I'm handsome and I do pretty ok

It's not a physical thing, it's mental. Lots of beautiful people treat women like garbage.

Tapeworm · Aug 2, 2018

Smoking is bad for your health.

I Don't Like · Aug 2, 2018

Winny（๑•̀ㅂ•́）و said:
...if you don't even try to engage with other people and refuse to take proper care of yourself, how can you blame the rest of the world for your feelings of "negative" self-worth?

Also why do so many incels seem to be unemployed?

I think many don't even attempt to get a job because they don't want to be in the real world and be "reminded" of everything they're missing when they see normal people having normal lives, despite the fact that having a job and socializing is one of the things sort of necessary to have a normal life.

Some are deeply depressed and probably have temper issues so are basically unemployable.

I'm sure many have been fired for a host of reasons including acting out at coworkers or exposing their absurd attitudes towards women.

Pepito · Aug 2, 2018

Finally some representation!

For real, the degree of self-loathing is insane. Shitting yourself in a group video chat on the reg as a joke. And then what happens to that guy after. Wow.

LegendofJoe · Aug 2, 2018

Alice Malice said:
That reporter is so brave. Even with a camera crew I wouldn't be comfortable meeting one in their bedroom.

She was in Charlottesville too, her name is Elle Reeve. And yes she is an incredibly courageous person.

Serif · Aug 2, 2018

Rackham said:
Every time I see an incel who can be considered handsome, I get confused. I don't think I'm handsome and I do pretty ok

It's body dysmorphia. These communities delve deep into psueudoscientific and excessive scrutiny over physical appearance, believing that physical attraction is everything. It's an unhealthy response to rejection, not being noticed, or being bullied.

Glasfrut · Aug 2, 2018

Winny（๑•̀ㅂ•́）و said:
Also why do so many incels seem to be unemployed?

This will sound glib but: he can't even go outside, what job is he going to be getting?

Nerdyone · Aug 2, 2018

I don't get it. Where were the parents when these kids were developing? What kind of environment were they raised in?

BLEEN · Aug 2, 2018

Fucking sad. The PUA stuff was at least slightly trying to help people with goals in mind. This is a whole new level of fuckin' worthlessness.

marrec · Aug 2, 2018

Rackham said:
Every time I see an incel who can be considered handsome, I get confused. I don't think I'm handsome and I do pretty ok

It's mostly about their personality and self-hatred than any outward appearance.

Ugly dudes who are genuinely normal decent people have healthy relationships all the time.

"Incels" are just entitled assholes.

deepFlaw · Aug 2, 2018

ElectricBlanketFire said:
I remember when incels used to be called misogynist assholes.

I mean, I agree it's thrown around as an insult now when it's sometimes inaccurate/misleading and obscures that actual blunt point, yeah.

But this is about someone who self-identifies as one and is in intel communities, right?

LegendofJoe · Aug 2, 2018

Winny（๑•̀ㅂ•́）و said:
...if you don't even try to engage with other people and refuse to take proper care of yourself, how can you blame the rest of the world for your feelings of "negative" self-worth?

Also why do so many incels seem to be unemployed?

They have major mental health issues that's why. The fact that they also sequester themselves away in dark rooms leading to decreased vitamin D in their bodies makes their issues even worse. They need to get the hell off their computers, spend some time in the sun, and talk to professional counseling.

HamSandwich · Aug 2, 2018

Geez this thread put me into the deep rabbit hole of r/braincels

Stouffers · Aug 2, 2018

Am I alone in not knowing what terms like incel and cis mean?

Ashby · Aug 2, 2018

These guys are just American hikikomori huh

Pepito · Aug 2, 2018

HamSandwich said:
Geez this thread put me into the deep rabbit hole of r/braincels

Oh no... Why did I have to look?

Deleted member 7051 · Aug 2, 2018

Aang's_Bae said:
Would you hire a dude with that attitude?

That's... not really the point.

If they're not working and someone else, presumably their parents, are paying all their bills for them, it feeds into their warped expectation that they deserve everything they want without personal effort and if they don't get it the world is trying to screw them over.

OnionPowder · Aug 2, 2018

Stouffers said:
Am I alone in not knowing what terms like incel and cis mean?

Involuntary Celibacy and Cisgender is your sexual identity matching your sex at birth.

Knight in Shining Armani · Aug 2, 2018

Stop your shitty habits like smoking
Get a tan
Start working out
Lower your expectations a bit

Would probably fix like 95% of the incel community if this guy is anything to go by.

shintoki · Aug 2, 2018

Nerdyone said:
I don't get it. Where were the parents when these kids were developing? What kind of environment were they raised in?

Most likely they are the biggest cause of it. A combination of abuse, no support, and largely just apathy on their part.

Beartruck · Aug 2, 2018

Stouffers said:
Am I alone in not knowing what terms like incel and cis mean?

Cis is basically straight white male(I think?)

Chopchop · Aug 2, 2018

It's pretty depressing. These people start off as people who are depressed and lonely because they feel like they can't get a girlfriend. Those are common and perfectly understandable problems, and it's not uncommon that people may eventually become self-loathing because of them. There are real social issues and pressures that contribute to these feelings. There are understandable problems, social pressures, and bad experiences that could leave someone feeling worthless and lonely.

I think the incel mindset takes these understandable frustrations and encourages people to channel them into completely undue hatred and violence towards people who have nothing to do with these problems. Incel communities violently wrench totally understandable feelings of frustration and loneliness towards a mindset of hate and violence that makes no sense at all. When people take on that mindset of hate and violence, they become a danger to society, and stopping that danger obviously takes precedence over dealing with the underlying (and much more sympathetic) social problems that led to that point.

I think people who feel lonely and frustrated with dating are worth sympathy and can be helped. The problem is that going down the incel path leads those people to a point of no return when you become too brainwashed in hate to listen to reason. People can't help you if you're too far gone.

Snack12367 · Aug 2, 2018

Incel just reminds me too much of right wing shit. It's never your fault that x happened, it's always y. It's a refusal to acknowledge the need or desire to self-reflect. Self-reflection is so important it might as well be a survival technique. Avoiding it is just going to lead to more pain down the road. It's also a concept that can't really be taught, but without it, I would argue that there is no way you have matured into an adult. It's sad that the internet in someways has become an obstacle to people's development instead of an aid is really depressing.

Rinse Bassfunk · Aug 2, 2018

Stouffers said:
Am I alone in not knowing what terms like incel and cis mean?

Google is a thing, as I'm sure you're aware

Jessie · Aug 2, 2018

These people are the other side of Millennials/Gen Z burned by the recession and left behind in the bootstrap society created by Boomers.

But for some reason they support politicians that will only make their lives harder.

Deleted member 198 · Aug 2, 2018

Asbsand said:
This makes me wonder what these guys would've been like if they lived before the internet. I can see how people end up in this situation where they look for people who are like themselves on the web, but it's led to this post-truth place where they all feed each other lies about the real life and externalizing their low self esteem with hate.

It's definitely clear to me that if they didn't have this safe space they would be confronted more with reality and learn the hard way instead of this... rabbit hole.

They would have been serial killers.
And I'm not really joking much either, I've been binging Last Poscast on the Left and a LOT of killers fit the profile we would consider to be an "incel".

HamSandwich · Aug 2, 2018

Stouffers said:
Am I alone in not knowing what terms like incel and cis mean?

You should know what a gigachad is.

Creatchee · Aug 2, 2018

There seems to be a huge component of anxiety and depression when it comes to incels (vs your garden variety red pillers and other misogynist classifications). With as much sympathy and demands for understanding that those conditions get on this board, it's funny to see how symptoms determine whether or not people are "deserving" of our concern.

It's a shitty mentality to be sure, but it appears to be the effects of mental disorder and condition rather than some rational choice. However, the company they keep and the sources of their information do not help.

Chopchop said:
It's pretty depressing. These people start off as people who are depressed and lonely because they feel like they can't get a girlfriend. Those are common and perfectly understandable problems, and it's not uncommon that people may eventually become self-loathing because of them. There are real social issues and pressures that contribute to these feelings. There are understandable problems, social pressures, and bad experiences that could leave someone feeling worthless and lonely.

I think the incel mindset takes these understandable frustrations and encourages people to channel them into completely undue hatred and violence towards people who have nothing to do with these problems. Incel communities violently wrench totally understandable feelings of frustration and loneliness towards a mindset of hate and violence that makes no sense at all. When people take on that mindset of hate and violence, they become a danger to society, and stopping that danger obviously takes precedence over dealing with the underlying (and much more sympathetic) social problems that led to that point.

I think people who feel lonely and frustrated with dating are worth sympathy and can be helped. The problem is that going down the incel path leads those people to a point of no return when you become too brainwashed in hate to listen to reason. People can't help you if you're too far gone.

Also this.

This Is What The Life Of An Incel Looks Like (VICE News)

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