ParentERA: How many activities are your kids in?

BringBackSonics · Aug 1, 2018

during the summer? During the school year? How do you determine how many is too much, versus having more downtime so kids can just be kids without a schedule?

Some parents line up their kids so they are busy 5-6 days a week. Others none at all?

I'm trying to find the right balance. Wife feels our kid is in way too many activities. Currently (Summer) he has Taekwondo 3 time's a week and swimming on Sunday (although this is sort of a family activity, as his toddler sister is swimming at the same pool at the same time.) we have 1-2 Scout optional events during the summer.

Come the school year it will be a bit more of a challenge add to the above. Scouts: 2 den meetings (lasting about an hour) and 1 pack meeting (lasting about 1.5 to 2 hours). This doesn't include semi optional things like Scout hikes, pinewood derby, community service.

Just want to hear other parents perspectives and how (if?) they juggle schedules and how they make it work

Lady Catherine de Bourgh · Aug 1, 2018

Both kids have one activity outside of school and none in vacation time. I see how they really need their downtime to recharge. When we have really busy activity packed periods like December or the end of the school year they just fall to pieces.

But I figure it is really down to the individual characters of different children. I know children who flourish with lots of activity and who feel bored and unhappy when being on their own for to long.

MrKlaw · Aug 1, 2018

When ours were smaller we'd try and so maybe 1-2 weeks at a camp or similar organised activity away from home, sontheyre occupied but also with some of the fun of being away from home. Then we'd take time off work for day/weekend trips etc but nothing too organised.

During term time both were in cubs (junior scouts) which was once a week with field trips a few times a year, and a sports activity once a week after school

One of our friends has almost a military rota and that seems to much to me - less enjoyable and more like an extension of school. But I can see how they might help their kids be more open to new things and making gen most of each moment. Just not our preferred approach

Tranquility · Aug 1, 2018

Eating, sleeping, crying, being grumpy, being happy.
I guess that is 5 activities.

He turns 8 weeks today and I love him to bits <3.

Deleted member 1726 · Aug 1, 2018

Both my kids go to a local Go Kart club once a month.

echoshifting · Aug 1, 2018

One physical exercise activity and one art activity has always worked well for us year-round (sometimes with summers off for the latter), but we only have one kid.

She is going into middle school this year and wants to do more - drawing, martial arts, cross country and student council. I'm apprehensive, but it was her decision and I don't want to discourage her from trying some new things.

I'm a stay-at-home parent so the scheduling is no big deal. Cross country and student council are at the school right after class, they won't be a problem on my end either. We used to do scouts, but nobody liked how much it encroached on the ol schedule

Deleted member 31133 · Aug 1, 2018

My 10 year old son plays football three times per week.

Training is on Monday and Wednesday, with matches being played on Saturday. When it's outside the season, Saturday games are replaced with a three hour training session.

It costs me a three figure sum per month, but it's worth it.

Awesome Wells · Aug 1, 2018

I try and balance to two activities outside of school each week. Currently, daughter eldest dances and has trombone lessons (dear god help me) and daughter youngest has violin lessons. She used to ice skate but got bored of that.

I prefer to avoid things that take place on the weekend as, having shared custody, weekends are very precious family time.

Takuhi · Aug 1, 2018

For the summer, we try to do something every day. Summer camps or classes, or going out as a family. Otherwise they just veg out in front of the TV and don't sleep well. During the school year, pretty much nothing outside of one or two hours of week of extracurricular stuff. School + homework is tiring enough as it is.

H.Protagonist · Aug 1, 2018

I've wondered this too. I see tons of moms with toddlers online doing gymnastics, swimming, music lessons, sports, crafts, baking 24-7, having themed parties, etc. and I have my 2.5 year old doing...half days at nursery for free play/socialization in the afternoon. In my defense I have an 8 month old too, but it looks exhausting. We'll probably have her do swimming with her dad one day on the weekend soon, but other than that I just don't have it in me right now. I don't remember my mom doing any of this stuff. :/

Deleted member 41300 · Aug 1, 2018

Read PanteraERA. Exit due to no children.

H.Protagonist · Aug 1, 2018

Patashnic said:
Read PanteraERA. Exit due to no children.

I want to see what kind of advice we'd get from PanteraEra too.

Stop It · Aug 1, 2018

Tranquility said:
Eating, sleeping, crying, being grumpy, being happy.
I guess that is 5 activities.

He turns 8 weeks today and I love him to bits <3.

Aww.

Snap on the 2nd one as we have an 8 week old also.

The first little one is approaching 2 and usually goes to at least 4 activities a week. Music lessons, singing and signing, general play groups etc. During summer there's less groups however.

Cosmonaut X · Aug 1, 2018

Patashnic said:
Read PanteraERA. Exit due to no children.

PanteraERA not to be confused with PantERA, where British and US members argue about whether pants are what you wear under your trousers or what you wear over your underwear.

Deleted member 20284 · Aug 1, 2018

Weekly for our two:

Son, just 9:
1x swimming lessons - all year.
2x tennis (competition and coaching) - all year
2x afl football (competition and training) - half yearly
1x piano lesson - school times, all year

Daughter, bit over 6:
1x swimming - all year
4 x dancing (classes) - all year
2 x netball - half yearly
During dancing competition time add 1-2 extra dance events per quarter.

So yeah we are in the 6 days per week realm. Wife and I couldn't imagine it any other way. Kids are well adjusted, occassionally get cranky but overall are advanced and happy with their passions. Swimming is mandatory, 1 sport they pick and one we choose to round them out.

Our kids have multiple circles of friends in and out of school and both have advanced a full year ahead of the normal school grade they are in to do specialist classes etc.

We take them out of school and activities once per year and do a massive trip for 2-4 weeks travel too.

In the case of my daughter she wants that dancing committment, she found her passion at the age of 3 and we've given her all she can handle. She is way more driven than my son. My son is naturally gifted academically but lacks the inner fire she has.

We don't miss family or friends events hardly ever, we are usually first to raise our hands, our kids just help and rarely have a bad teacher or coach issue etc. They play video games, have sleepovers and hit silly time too.

My wife and I look at our childhood and remember activities, friends and school or parties or competitions. We believe in giving every experience we can while we can. The kids love new things and having a go, from new cuisines and new places to sharing stories and just chilling with family night.

We understand this isn't for every family or budget but it works for us.

H.Protagonist · Aug 1, 2018

Ozzy Onya A2Z said:
Weekly for our two:

Son, just 9:
1x swimming lessons - all year.
2x tennis (competition and coaching) - all year
2x afl football (competition and training) - half yearly
1x piano lesson - school times, all year

Daughter, bit over 6:
1x swimming - all year
4 x dancing (classes) - all year
2 x netball - half yearly
During dancing competition time add 1-2 extra dance events per quarter.

So yeah we are in the 6 days per week realm. Wife and I couldn't imagine it any other way. Kids are well adjusted, occassionally get cranky but overall are advanced and happy with their passions. Swimming is mandatory, 1 sport they pick and one we choose to round them out.

Our kids have multiple circles of friends in and out of school and both have advanced a full year ahead of the normal school grade they are in to do specialist classes etc.

We take them out of school and activities once per year and do a massive trip for 2-4 weeks travel too.

In the case of my daughter she wants that dancing committment, she found her passion at the age of 3 and we've given her all she can handle. She is way more driven than my son. My son is naturally gifted academically but lacks the inner fire she has.

We don't miss family or friends events hardly ever, we are usually first to raise our hands, our kids just help and rarely have a bad teacher or coach issue etc. They play video games, have sleepovers and hit silly time too.

My wife and I look at our childhood and remember activities, friends and school or parties or competitions. We believe in giving every experience we can while we can. The kids love new things and having a go, from new cuisines and new places to sharing stories and just chilling with family night.

We understand this isn't for every family or budget but it works for us.

You sound kind of defensive(?) in the it sounds like you're forced to justify it a lot kind of way. Do people give you grief for having them do so much or something?

philipnorth · Aug 1, 2018

Daughter 8:
1x swimming lessons, year round
2x field hockey, september-june

Son 5:
1x swimming lessons, year round
1x additional swimming lesson, only temp
2x field hockey, sept-june

Both have 1 additional activity during school year, but those are variable. School offers various activities 4x per year for a 6-8 week period. Varies between crafts, sports, other skills, age dependent.

Personally I think this is enough. 2x a week they Also go to after school daycare thing so with these activities they're busy enough imo.

Both do want to do more though, but we told them they need to finish swimming lessons first.

Deleted member 15737 · Aug 1, 2018

Almost 5 and 3, they both take a swim class and a dance class on the weekends.

I was way too busy as a kid, hope I don't over compensate too much.

Zoc · Aug 1, 2018

Daily:

1 hour Switch
1 hour PS4
1 hour Xbox

We want her to be well rounded

Deleted member 20284 · Aug 1, 2018

H.Protagonist said:
You sound kind of defensive(?) in the it sounds like you're forced to justify it a lot kind of way. Do people give you grief for having them do so much or something?

Yes that happens sometimes, some comment on cost or time involved.

Zip · Aug 1, 2018

My parents forced me to play a sport I was no good at, and then dropped everything once they relented on forcing me to embarrass myself regularly.

Sounds like you guys have your kids in a ton of stuff. Now I wonder how much is normal.

Hollywood Duo · Aug 1, 2018

Just a once a week music class at the moment. He gets 5 days full of activities a week at daycare.

H.Protagonist said:
I've wondered this too. I see tons of moms with toddlers online doing gymnastics, swimming, music lessons, sports, crafts, baking 24-7, having themed parties, etc. and I have my 2.5 year old doing...half days at nursery for free play/socialization in the afternoon. In my defense I have an 8 month old too, but it looks exhausting. We'll probably have her do swimming with her dad one day on the weekend soon, but other than that I just don't have it in me right now. I don't remember my mom doing any of this stuff. :/

It's all too much honestly. Kids need time to just be kids. Women of our generation are going to have some Pinterest PTSD in like 15 years.

BringBackSonics · Aug 1, 2018

Thanks for everyone for the responses! I guess when it comes down to it, the best schedule is works best for your situation and the family.

We might likely bounce out of Taekwondo once the school year starts, but out of all the classes etc, Taekwondo is the one that he really enjoys. It is also the most expensive, so costs start to become an issue.

My toddler loves to sing and dance, I have a feeling she will enjoy dance class.

Mammoth Jones · Aug 1, 2018

Just swimming lessons right now during the summer. Once a week for X weeks. I really want my daughter to know how to swim. Just as a basic life skill. I have a bunch of friends that can't swim and one that nearly drowned.

Not a fan of full itineraries for kids. Let em play.

Mathieran · Aug 1, 2018

We try to keep it simple for everyone's sake. Like 1-2 activities. Anything more than that is overkill. It also makes them have to learn to make decisions and stick with it.

Our daughter was in Girls on the Run and choir last year, nothing going on during the summer. Our son is 3 so he's not doing anything yet.

Thurston Last · Aug 1, 2018

Let kids be kids, don't overload them with too many activities IMO.

One sport at a time, or one musical lesson at a time.

Letting kids plan their own play activities gives them more agency and helps them develop their own interests. It also leaves it to themselves to develop their emotions and relationships with other kids, instead of adults doing that for them. Of course, one of the biggest reasons for this today is that most families have two working parents, this leaves parents with less time to allow free play. They need childcare and activities to keep their kids occupied and safe. Also, people are much more worried about letting their kids roam the neighborhood unsupervised, even though studies show that crime rates have dropped and we are safer than it was in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. You also have to consider other parents nosing into your business and calling the police on unsupervised children they feel are unsafe. It is really a societal problem on many levels. Families need two working parents to get by, where in the past you could do with just one. And we are way too concerned about unsupervised children being abducted or something.

Of course, if they just choose to watch videos on an iPad all day, you need to limit that. Make them get creative in entertaining themselves.

Tebunker · Aug 1, 2018

We did 5 alternating weeks of Summer Camp for the oldest this year and will do it for both next year.

Youngest liked tee-ball this summer so we may kee that or go to soccer.

Still trying to find an activity for the 8 year old. I think he'd like basketball, but we also have debated piano lessons and other stuff. He says he'd like a kids chef class too. So we'll see.

We will probably do a maker space camp for him or something like Eager Engineers which is like once a week during the school year.

I feel like Parents who pile shit on are missing the point. When they get to highschool there is so much homework and shit it is pretty much beneficial to pick 1/2 and become a leader in those activities.

KaladinSB · Aug 1, 2018

Elementary school age let them experience as many things as possible and then let them choose their favorites and whittle it down as they get older. I loved sports so that's where most of my activities were focused.

As a kid I was pretty fortunate. Spring and summers were golf, tennis, soccer and baseball. Fall and winter was football, basketball, wrestling and competitive swimming.

As I got later into middle school and high school I narrowed it down to my favorite for each season.

Soapbox Killer · Aug 1, 2018

Does Fortnite count? If so, were are great parents.

Captain N. Tenneal · Aug 1, 2018

I'm not planning on putting my child in too many activities. I'm a firm believer in a physical activity for health and something creative or mind stimulating and that's good. School, homework, friends, exploring interesting ideas and hobbies, enjoying their time as kids with unscheduled time is key to healthy development in my opinion. I know a few parents who have their kids doing constant activities 5+ days a week and they're all frazzled to shit and miserable in their over-scheduled little pinterest bubble.

Big-E · Aug 1, 2018

Son and daughter play in the park daily. Son is in soccer, baseball in the spring, day camp type stuff a few weeks in the summer. He is also in swimming lessons sporadically throughout the year. Kind of choose those when they are convenient. Might start up some music lessons for him as he seems interested in guitars and drums.

My daughter just turned two and she isn't in anything.

bionic77 · Aug 1, 2018

8 year old twins.

3 days of JEI (its kind of like Kumon), 60-90 minutes each time with homework. They hate it.

Bike riding every Saturday morning (me and the wife hate it). 90 minutes.

Karate 3 times a week. Hour each time.

Swimming lessons 5 times a week. Hour each time.

Tennis 2 times a week. Hour each time.

They did a science summer camp for a week and we are trying to get the energy to put them in a drama camp for a week. The camps are for the entire day.

It's way too much for me and the wife. The kids love everything so far except the schoolwork at JEI. No idea what the right balance is.

Rotkehle · Aug 1, 2018

This whole activity thing must be an American thkng.

Can't this children just go out and play? What I'm reading here sounds like a nightmare.

Raptomex · Aug 1, 2018

Axolotl said:
This whole activity thing must be an American thkng.

Can't this children just go out and play? What I'm reading here sounds like a nightmare.

I'm an American. As a kid, I only joined a few things but quit them all. Organized functions was never for me. I always wanted to do my own thing. I was usually outside riding my bike or playing with friends. Sometimes I hear parents talking about how their kids are in all these different things and that's cool but I always wonder if the kids were forced into them or they genuinely wanted to participate. I never say anything, not my business. My parents would have signed me up for anything if I wanted to join.

Ensoul · Aug 1, 2018

My daughter is 10 and she has Dance 5 days a week from September to May. during the summer it's not quite as much but it's a couple days during the week and a week of dance camp. I personally think it's too much dance but she loves it and she's on the dance team so it's a commitment.

My son is 13 and he is currently playing in a summer league basketball team. In the fall stats flag football and aau basketball. In the winter it's travel basketball in townIn the fall.

I'm putting them in activities they enjoy so they're having fun. On the other hand it's a lot of work for me and my wife because we have to drive him everywhere.

it can be a lot for them because of school but they do it pretty good job keeping their grades up as well.

RadzPrower · Aug 1, 2018

Axolotl said:
This whole activity thing must be an American thkng.

Can't this children just go out and play? What I'm reading here sounds like a nightmare.

It is, but I buck the trend. My son's in zero "activities".

Yeah, he gets together with other kids, does the school and church kids stuff, but no organized sports or dance or any of that junk. He wants to play or do one of those things, I'll be happy to let him, but I'm not making him do anything because I went through that and it sucked.

Rotkehle · Aug 1, 2018

RadzPrower said:
It is, but I buck the trend. My son's in zero "activities".

Yeah, he gets together with other kids, does the school and church kids stuff, but no organized sports or dance or any of that junk. He wants to play or do one of those things, I'll be happy to let him, but I'm not making him do anything because I went through that and it sucked.

Thank you.

Those kids should just play or be bored. Let them have time to have some free time. Their future will be regulated enough.

evrythngwastakn · Aug 1, 2018

Just daycare. We're teachers but we can't pull him it just for the summer without losing our spot and I ain't paying $1150 a month for nothing. So he goes 2-3 days a week and we do stuff as a family the other days and weekends.

H.Protagonist · Aug 1, 2018

Ozzy Onya A2Z said:
Yes that happens sometimes, some comment on cost or time involved.

If they're enjoying it and are thriving, good on you. Sounds like they're getting exposed to a wide variety of things. I'm not sure mine will do as much, but I like the mixing of physical and arts activities. Are you finding that having them enrolled in both has any kind of synergistic effect?

Hollywood Duo said:
Just a once a week music class at the moment. He gets 5 days full of activities a week at daycare.

It's all too much honestly. Kids need time to just be kids. Women of our generation are going to have some Pinterest PTSD in like 15 years.

It does seem to work for some, but I feel drained just contemplating going to the park (the fact that I don't drive but haul the kids everywhere might contribute to that somewhat). #1 is only just 2.5, so I hope I'm not doing her a disservice or something by not having her in something else. She can read a bit and (almost) write her name, so I don't think we're lagging too far behind, but if I went by FB/other moms I've run into, she should be in a min of 3 'clubs' and I should have scrapbooked it all. I know a lot of these parents are going for overkill, but I honestly can't tell what's 'normal' anymore. I don't think my mom did anything like that. We got dropped off at a neighbors house to be babysat while my mom worked and...? I did T-ball when I was 8, I think? Ugh. I feel like such a bad parent sometimes but then sometimes I make giant Lindworms out of Mia's books to surprise her in the morn and feel like a badass. I don't know. I'm making her a spaceship out of boxes tonight. That's got to count for something right? Like .4 of a piano lesson?

BringBackSonics · Aug 1, 2018

Soapbox Killer Returns said:
Does Fortnite count? If so, were are great parents.

If we didn't have our kiddo in Taekwondo, our son would be insufferable begging to ply fortnite out of scheduled times. He spent his allowance on the wingman package.

BringBackSonics · Aug 1, 2018

bionic77 said:
8 year old twins.

3 days of JEI (its kind of like Kumon), 60-90 minutes each time with homework. They hate it.

Bike riding every Saturday morning (me and the wife hate it). 90 minutes.

Karate 3 times a week. Hour each time.

Swimming lessons 5 times a week. Hour each time.

Tennis 2 times a week. Hour each time.

They did a science summer camp for a week and we are trying to get the energy to put them in a drama camp for a week. The camps are for the entire day.

It's way too much for me and the wife. The kids love everything so far except the schoolwork at JEI. No idea what the right balance is.

This JEI, is it because they need extra help? Trying to get ahead?

bionic77 · Aug 1, 2018

BringBackSonics said:
This JEI, is it because they need extra help? Trying to get ahead?

Trying to get ahead.

Jag · Aug 1, 2018

Soapbox Killer Returns said:
Does Fortnite count? If so, were are great parents.

Both my kids are iphone gamers, especially Fortnite. I can't get them to touch the console or PC. They have shamed me.

My older son is busy 24/7, but that's his choice. Between sports 5 days a week, working as a referee on weekends, lifting and trying to get into an Ivy, he's busting his ass. I couldn't care less what school he goes to, but he's pretty self motivated and has his own car. So very little for me to do at this point except support him. I monitor him to make sure he doesn't burnout.

Soapbox Killer · Aug 1, 2018

Jag said:
Both my kids are iphone gamers, especially Fortnite. I can't get them to touch the console or PC. They have shamed me.

My older son is busy 24/7, but that's his choice. Between sports 5 days a week, working as a referee on weekends, lifting and trying to get into an Ivy, he's busting his ass. I couldn't care less what school he goes to, but he's pretty self motivated and has his own car. So very little for me to do at this point except support him. I monitor him to make sure he doesn't burnout.

5 kids from 5 to 17 and its either Fortnite or Roblox with 2k and Madden sprinkled in. My oldest is allergic to brooms mops and dish soap so there is that. The others well there is still hope...

Spenny · Aug 1, 2018

Sportswise the boy plays travel basketball and the girl isn't interested in anything. I'm trying to get her into basketball or volleyball because she's tall (5'2" at age 9) but she just doesn't care.

Science/technology wise they're both enrolled in after school robotics classes and both also dabble in astronomy.

For reference these are my siblings not my children. My SO and I take care of them because my mom is useless.

Deleted member 20284 · Aug 1, 2018

H.Protagonist said:
If they're enjoying it and are thriving, good on you. Sounds like they're getting exposed to a wide variety of things. I'm not sure mine will do as much, but I like the mixing of physical and arts activities. Are you finding that having them enrolled in both has any kind of synergistic effect?

Yes on both having positive effects. We always have music on though, everyone loves picking a song.

Honestly my biggest go to is being there and present with them, do that and you're a good parent mate. It does not matter where or what, do their homework with them, take time to eat dinner together and just be interested in what they like to do.

Every kid and parent is different, what is normal varies wildly.

Wood Man · Aug 1, 2018

My daughter did 2 weeks of golf camp and we took a vacation to Washington D.C. Other than that she stayed home, having a couple play dates with friends every week. Pretty much going to the pool every day.

For next year we signed her up for a 3D printing class. Wish we had this when I was a kid.

QuantumZebra · Aug 1, 2018

Both my daughters are in Martial Arts (Hapkido) ... currently Orange belts (3rd GUP). Age 5 and 6. They love it and I really am excited as a parent to see how far they will (hopefully) go.

Briareos · Aug 5, 2018

Both are in ballet four-five days a week during the school year. Eldest will be going to high school this year and we expect something to break as she's elected for a bunch of honors classes but has weak study discipline; will be interesting to see. Youngest is also in 4H, meets once a week every few weeks, barn work here and there, ;ovestpcl shows here and there. Youngest also has flute practice once a week private, then in-class flute. Eldest bounced off clarinet after seventh grade.

This summer they both did three weeks of ballet intensive, the eldest going away for the first time. Went well, happily, she really enjoyed it. Otherwise they're chilling right now.

I don't believe in scheduled weekend activities at all, so sports are pretty much a no go. I make an exception for things we can all do, like ballet rehearsals, as my wife and I are often in the shows too.

One Eyed Willy · Aug 5, 2018

Lots, I have 2 kids... 5 and 8.

Son : Flag football, soccer, cub scouts
Daughter : Soccer, dance, girl scouts

Our week looks like this...

Monday : Soccer (daughter)
Tuesday : Soccer (son), Scouts (daughter, twice a month only)
Wednesday : Football (son)
Thursday : Soccer (son), Dance (daughter), Scouts (son, twice a month only)
Friday : Football game (son)
Saturday : 2x Soccer games (son & daughter)
Sunday : Nothing

My wife and I were both very active athletes and involved in music and scouting growing up and we absolutely saw the value in all of it. It mostly kept me out of trouble all my childhood, busy, occupied and out of trouble as a teenager too. My wife and I see that in our 30s, we've had our shot at life for lots of things and we're very focused on our kids now, its their turn. Wouldn't have it any other way, but this is just our style and I understand not everyone parents the same.

Axolotl said:
This whole activity thing must be an American thkng.

Can't this children just go out and play? What I'm reading here sounds like a nightmare.

My kids both play outside every single day, evening riding bikes, scooters and playing tag with neighborhood kids. We also have a pool and we're it in about 4 days a week. My son also plays a lot of overwatch and fortnight (as long as he's in 2 active sports in a season, and has grades up). These things are not mutually exclusive.

Our family is just active and very busy. I can't tell you the last weekend where we were just at home for hours at a time. Weekend comes, the house is awake by 5-6AM, eating breakfast and we're out the door doing "something".

ParentERA: How many activities are your kids in?

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