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Anybody else ever got hit by the “when are you getting married?” speech?

Did OP's Mom guilt trip him?

  • Yeah, she had fake tears and she pulled the age card on him. OP never stood a chance

    Votes: 79 58.5%

  • Actually, OP's Mom is just being caring and is adding a factor to consider in OP's life.

    Votes: 25 18.5%

  • I rather not answer because I don't wanna see OP and his mom fight

    Votes: 31 23.0%
  • Total voters
    135
Mediking

Mediking

Final Fantasy Best Boy (Grip)
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,912
St. Louis City, Missouri aka Persona 3's Dorm
So, yeah. My family unleashed a "when are you getting married?" combo on me last night.


Yay.


It was myself, my mom and my older sister all in the car. We were going to a family gathering. It was going good until my older sister brought up how a very close family friend (let's call him… Alex) had recently got engaged and was planning marriage. Alex had love at first sight with a woman. I'm actually a romantic and I genuinely wanna see my friends happy so I'm very happy for Alex. Alex and I are the same age and we've known each other since teens.


Outta nowhere, my older sister says "So when you gonna get married, little bro?" Bam. The question that changed the entire mood. I quickly explained that I wanna get married someday and have kids. I'm just waiting for the right person. I got hit with the "you're 24. Time is running out." I laughed and claimed 24 wasn't old at all. Then they said time is moving fast and that they at least wanna see me in a serious relationship sometime soon. I had to take the L there. I haven't had a real serious relationship in forever so I groaned and face palmed.


Then Mom decided to drop the biggest hit ever. She hit me with the Spirit Bomb. A One for All. She picked up Kratos' axe and threw it at me. She sent me to the Shadow Realm.


My mom said that she was getting older and that she wants to see me in love and have kids before she passes away. There were tears in her eyes and everything. Instantly, I felt a blow to my chest. I sank lower in my seat. I love my Mom and the fact that she is getting older is a real reality. I really don't even like the thought of losing my mom. So what did I do? I swallowed and promised that she would see me in love and with kids.


Anybody else ever had to go through their family or friends asking about marriage or a serious relationship?


Heck, anybody else thinking about marriage? Wanna talk and see if any chemistry is there? No? Online dating is all the rage, I hear. Still no? Greeaaaaaattttt.
 

Deleted member 33515

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 17, 2017
528
wait until you get "so, when are you going to give us a nice little kid?"

edit: should have read more carefully - you're already there!
 
weemadarthur

weemadarthur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,606
Uh huh. How older is "older"? If she is in her 40s she can shut the hell up.

Family pressure leads people to have UNhappy relationships, just to get people off their backs.

On the other hand, maybe they know some people with nice daughters and they can introduce you. If they don't wanna participate in looking, they can butt out entirely.
 
Smurf

Smurf

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,585
My family knows what's up, but I get that speech sometimes from friends and extended family.
 
WrenchNinja

WrenchNinja

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,745
Canada
I'm South Asian, so literally every interaction at an event devolves into this questioning

My mom literally asked me about this yesterday
 
Ultima_5

Ultima_5

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,673
my folks don't do it at all.

ive gotten it a bit from coworkers around my age which is fucking weird. just cuz you got married in your early twenties doesn't mean I wanna fucking do that.
 
Anth0ny

Anth0ny

Member
Oct 25, 2017
47,044
i get it nearly every day despite telling them "i'm never getting married" for the last 3 years
 

Deleted member 17402

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,125
That and "when are you having kids" frustrate me. It's this presumed way of living your life that others automatically assume you want or need to have in order to be normal. Should you disagree and say you're ready for neither or may never want to get married or have kids, you're met with contempt.
 
Pilgrimzero

Pilgrimzero

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
8,129
My dad once asked me if I was gay, due to not being in a relationship/married at that point in my life.
 
OP
OP
Mediking

Mediking

Final Fantasy Best Boy (Grip)
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,912
St. Louis City, Missouri aka Persona 3's Dorm
weemadarthur said:
Uh huh. How older is "older"? If she is in her 40s she can shut the hell up.

Family pressure leads people to have UNhappy relationships, just to get people off their backs.

On the other hand, maybe they know some people with nice daughters and they can introduce you. If they don't wanna participate in looking, they can butt out entirely.
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LOL. This made me smile. My mom is in her mid 50's. And thanks for the advice.
 

Deleted member 42105

User requested account closure
Banned
Apr 13, 2018
7,994
Lol, before it was everytime I visited my grandma, now its everytime I visit my mom. I always joke about it with them.
 
Poppy

Poppy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,273
richmond, va
blah my parents gave up on that when i was 16 and stopped with this hetero nonsense

if my mom got teary eyed on me over me having kids i would have several things to say in quick succession why that aint gonna be a thing, also my mom lost her ability to guilt me because i realized it was just selfish manipulation my whole life

plus both my parents have other kids that already have children and they barely have an urge to see them anyway
 
nanskee

nanskee

Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 31, 2017
5,071
Sympathies to all of you, since I just turned 24 the closest I've got is "when are you going to bring a girl over for dinner"
 
Mona

Mona

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
26,151
not really the speech, but ive been with my gf for almost 12 years, and a few months ago my grandma asked, "so when you guys getting married?"

the average length of marriage in the US is 8.2 years, so what we have is apparently already better than a marriage, anyone who would ask me to get married is basically saying "you guys should break up"
 
Nakenorm

Nakenorm

The Fallen
Oct 26, 2017
22,342
Yeah I've gotten both the marriage and kids question plenty of times. Always just shrug it off.


nanskee said:
Sympathies to all of you, since I just turned 24 the closest I've got is "when are you going to bring a girl over for dinner"
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24? You'll be there soon. My mom and sister has been on me for probably 3 years now, and I'm "only" 27.
 
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TheRightDeal

TheRightDeal

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,591
I've been dating my girlfriend for six years, this comes up pretty often from pretty much everyone in our lives.
 
hamboner

hamboner

Member
Oct 30, 2017
35
That's the worst, but it's your life. and 24 is very young. Don't rush into anything on account of family pressure. Tell your mom that while you understand her desire to see you start a happily ever after situation, it's not always in the cards at your age.

For instance: I'm 34 and at 3 months in the longest relationship of my life. My mother died a few years back (fuck breast cancer), but I'm sure she would have preferred I continued to look/wait for the right person than rush into a hasty marriage with someone.

There's reasons divorce rates in the states are so high and I feel like societal pressure to marry young and get families started is one of them.

Live your life, be kind and take care of yourself.
 
The Great Khali

The Great Khali

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
3,005
User Banned (2 Weeks): Sexism. History of severe infractions.
I know this might be a controversial opinion. But I think getting married before you hit 32 is advantageous.

I've noticed all the decent looking women are taken up before they hit 30. So when your looking to pair up with a woman and you old and you can only attract other older women there are alot of leftovers.

Also having kids early on is also advantageous if you are financially capable of course. Just don't like the idea of being a old man while my kids are still young.

But if course this is just a opinion every one has their own aims and different ways of happiness. But I know for certain I have a family member who is 38, he states he doesn't want to get married for years but then recently he wanted a partner but he is finding it more difficult finding someone as he is old. So now he pretty much stays in his room all day looking depressed. His parents just say we told you to try find someone ages ago now it's harder.
 
BAN PUNCHER

BAN PUNCHER

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
4,945
eqZ3F3g.jpg
 
Raptomex

Raptomex

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,249
My mom hints at it sometimes. I think she really wants grandkids. My parents tried having the sex talk with me when I was 25. It was both amusing and awkward.
 
Mona

Mona

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
26,151
KALOSMANI said:
I know this might be a controversial opinion. But I think getting married before you hit 32 is advantageous.

I've noticed all the decent looking women are taken up before they hit 30. So when your looking to pair up with a woman and you old and you can only attract other older women there are alot of leftovers.
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that has nothing to do with marriage, im not married and i dont have that problem
 
TrueSloth

TrueSloth

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,067
Thankfully my mom doesnt care. She told me she doesn't want to be a grandmother until I'm at least in my 30s. Which I'm hapoy about.
 
BlueBadger

BlueBadger

Member
Oct 26, 2017
936
As a gay guy from a traditional Italian family, I got that question endlessly when I was still closeted. Thankfully, coming out years ago made that come grinding to a halt.
 

Deleted member 11413

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
22,961
KALOSMANI said:
I know this might be a controversial opinion. But I think getting married before you hit 32 is advantageous.

I've noticed all the decent looking women are taken up before they hit 30. So when your looking to pair up with a woman and you old and you can only attract other older women there are alot of leftovers.

Also having kids early on is also advantageous if you are financially capable of course. Just don't like the idea of being a old man while my kids are still young.

But if course this is just a opinion every one has their own aims and different ways of happiness. But I know for certain I have a family member who is 38, he states he doesn't want to get married for years but then recently he wanted a partner but he is finding it more difficult finding someone as he is old. So now he pretty much stays in his room all day looking depressed. His parents just say we told you to try find someone ages ago now it's harder.
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It's a 'controversial' opinion because its fucking sexist bullshit. Talking about women like they are apples at the goddamn supermarket, smh. "Gotta get there early to grab the good ripe ones, otherwise the old, shriveled up ones will be the only ones left."
 

_jnup

Member
Oct 30, 2017
157
My mom thinks me and my GF will break up because we haven't gotten married yet despite only dating for about a year and a half.
 
CatAssTrophy

CatAssTrophy

Member
Dec 4, 2017
7,621
Texas
It's unfair for anyone, even family, to guilt you into doing anything you don't want to. There's nothing selfish about waiting (or even not wanting) to hey married and/or have kids.

It's your life- not your mom's.
 
The Great Khali

The Great Khali

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
3,005
Lord of Ostia said:
It's a 'controversial' opinion because its fucking sexist bullshit. Talking about women like they are apples at the goddamn supermarket, smh. "Gotta get there early to grab the good ripe ones, otherwise the old, shriveled up ones will be the only ones left."
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Na same with men too to be honest.

Please do not put words in my mouth and state I am being sexist. It's my opinion if I think the better looking folks find their partner earlier.

If you are good looking, the chances are you will find your partner early on.
 
Andy Mac

Andy Mac

Banned
Jun 28, 2018
217
Mediking said:
Anybody else ever had to go through their family or friends asking about marriage or a serious relationship?
Click to expand...
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Yup. Also most of the other stuff you posted rings true as well.

Honestly, I wouldn't let it get to you. I think for a lot of people love and marriage followed by kids and family is the single most important thing in the world to them.

You know what people are like when they discover an awesome game? Kind of the same right? You NEED to try this marriage thing it's like the best most amazing thing ever.

There's always gonna be some folks who are like "yeah I tried it but it was just meh" or "worst life experience ever" too.

I always felt a little sorry for people who saw their wedding day as the best day of their lives. Shit, if i was in a situation where one of the most contrived and controlled and rehearsed (and fucking expensive) days of my life was the BEST day of my life? Dammit, that's just sad.

When faced with this kind of comment "when are you going to give us our big day out" (wedding) or "when are you going to give us some grandkids" or even just "when are you going to settle down" I think there is an instinct to act all defensive or to get quite annoyed. I always thought it's better to say "I never really think about it".

Letting it really get to you can lead to bad dating experiences when you do meet someone nice as you really can end up missing the journey because you are focused on the destination.

I would say just let it go.
 

Deleted member 11413

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
22,961
KALOSMANI said:
Na same with men too to be honest.

Please do not put words in my mouth and state I am being sexist. It's my opinion if I think the better looking folks find their partner earlier.

If you are good looking, the chances are you will find your partner early on.
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I'm not putting words in your mouth, you literally referred to women over 30 as "leftovers".
 
Trace

Trace

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,691
Canada
KALOSMANI said:
I know this might be a controversial opinion. But I think getting married before you hit 32 is advantageous.

I've noticed all the decent looking women are taken up before they hit 30. So when your looking to pair up with a woman and you old and you can only attract other older women there are alot of leftovers.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

You might wanna reevaluate your outlook on life if your reason for getting married is "if I don't get married now all the hot ones will be taken".

KALOSMANI said:
Na same with men too to be honest.

Please do not put words in my mouth and state I am being sexist. It's my opinion if I think the better looking folks find their partner earlier.

If you are good looking, the chances are you will find your partner early on.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Oof.
 
CreepingFear

CreepingFear

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
16,766
Nope. Also, my mother was very supportive in me getting a vasectomy. I feel sorry that some of you that have selfish parents.
 
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