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I've just been told she faked most of her orgasms
- Thread starter Zen
- Start date
My ex-wife never did that, and I appreciated it and got used to it. A few weeks ago I slept with a girl and she kept making these porn noises all the time, and I mean all the time, like even whe she was going down on me, and it was freaking annoying. If she'd become a regular I would tell her to stop that crap, it's a turn off.
There are lots of tools at your disposal.
My wife enjoys using a bullet during sex to help her climax. She can get close to orgasm through penetration, but she can't get over the peak (so to speak), so she uses a bullet vibrator on her clit and it's worked great so far.
Be thankful that your partner is telling you and not slowly becoming more resentful and frustrated that she isn't orgasming, that shit destroys relationships.
My wife enjoys using a bullet during sex to help her climax. She can get close to orgasm through penetration, but she can't get over the peak (so to speak), so she uses a bullet vibrator on her clit and it's worked great so far.
Be thankful that your partner is telling you and not slowly becoming more resentful and frustrated that she isn't orgasming, that shit destroys relationships.
This.
To me, the best part of sex is watching the girl orgasm. If she's faking and not trying to help you get there, it's her fault then.
This is about penetration. Learn how to properly do oral, and you'll be fine
Being good at oral is always a good thing, just know it's not a sure thing for every girl. (Just like not all guys enjoy oral) Past two gf's have had it easiest when getting penetrated and stimulated by hand at the same time.
Being good at everything is basically foolproof.
I basically need to be Octodad with my wife, she has so many different points but no one point is 'the one', needs to build up and keep it varied. Pretty much she'll only orgasm through foreplay - if I try penetration I can't keep all the other plates spinning so she'll lose sensation.
Which is fine - we use foreplay mainly, my wife gets off on that and I get horny seeing her reaction, then I'll finish after with penetration.
I would say that this is way more common than many men would care to admit.
There is a bit of a masochistic thing of "man I can crush puss and make her cum just by railing her dude", real life just ain't like that.
Men are bell ends on the whole when it comes to macho BS.
Like others have said, ask her and see what she likes, ask her not to fake it and if you need direction, ask what feels good during and then do it.
The reason a lot of older women have told me they don't want to sleep with younger guys "Their whole technique is to just to it as hard, fast and as long as they can and that just hurts".
I always find topics like this fascinating 'cause no matter how progressive the people are giving advice it always still sounds like it's the guy's fault. And I mean, it certainly can be. But only if you ignore what your partner's saying. But if your partner's saying jack-shit, then I don't know what you're supposed to do about it. When woman orgasm it isn't as "obvious" as a man (most of the time, at least lol), so it's not like you're going to automatically know. But regardless, this comes about from a failure to communicate. Now, if the dude fails to listen, then it's 110 percent his fault. You have to get over your ego and accept that sex is not like porn, and smacking away at the vagina with your penis like it's a PS2 era DBZ game and you're trying to win the beam spam contest ain't gonna do it.
Ego is irrelevant, and I'm fairly certain women will have a better opinion of you if you're an attentive listener than if you're trying to do things your way. Even if it doesn't get her the elusive "O" you're after, she'll likely enjoy sex with you much more in general and you'll be closer emotionally and physically. ...But none of that can happen if there wasn't any communication in the first place, lol. So I guess my point is don't sweat it OP, and with your next partner just try to be more inquisitive.
Ego is irrelevant, and I'm fairly certain women will have a better opinion of you if you're an attentive listener than if you're trying to do things your way. Even if it doesn't get her the elusive "O" you're after, she'll likely enjoy sex with you much more in general and you'll be closer emotionally and physically. ...But none of that can happen if there wasn't any communication in the first place, lol. So I guess my point is don't sweat it OP, and with your next partner just try to be more inquisitive.
I'm more old than young but I'm lucky enough my girlfriend is very sensitive and can have orgasm also in non-intrusive ways
So when I'm not fully operational I can make her quasi-happy nonetheless
This was to say: there are many conventional and unconventional ways to make her happy. Just talk to her and give alternatives a chance
So when I'm not fully operational I can make her quasi-happy nonetheless
This was to say: there are many conventional and unconventional ways to make her happy. Just talk to her and give alternatives a chance
omg dead lol
Part of the problem that because of culture being what it is (especially in really religious communities), women are taught from a young age they'e not supposed to really enjoy sex because if they do that makes them a slut or something. It totally is on her if she's never communicates, but sometimes you really have to pry that shit out of a woman and let her know a hundred times over it's ok to communicate and it's ok to feel pleasure and find out what your body needs. Some of it is absolutely a mental block where they don't even allow themselves to relax enough to feel an orgasm.
So on that note, buying your partner toys and encouraging her to masturbate if she doesn't do it regularly will also help.
User Banned (Permanent): Misogyny
If she can't make herself - its her problem. It's not your fault by any means. All normal people should be able to orgasm after some time of intercourse. An hour of the old "in-out in-out" action should be plenty for any normal person, man or a woman, to cum. So if she's having problems, that's her problem. So i wouldn't worry about myself much if i were you. Try giving her ques next time. Perhaps, a signal like, tell her "i'm going to soon baby or some shit like that" Slap her ass or something, or let her play with her clit while your tapping it. My fucking girlfriend comes like crazy, and i couldn't care less if she's faking it or not, as long as im not being selfish, i try to pleasure her as much as i can, and pleasure myself as well.. just be decent like.
EDIT: all in all, the older i get the more i start to hate women in general. Every time you meet someone new you think, OH we have something special here, she's different etc etc. Some time later you realize that she is just another woman. They're all the fucking same.
EDIT: all in all, the older i get the more i start to hate women in general. Every time you meet someone new you think, OH we have something special here, she's different etc etc. Some time later you realize that she is just another woman. They're all the fucking same.
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I'm sure you'll last long here!
Edit: Dammit, I couldn't even finish my post. ><
Oh for certain. I'm not saying the conversation will be easy, and it'll probably be awkward at first, but it's necessary for a guy to try if they actually care. Granted, I never thought the term "slut" was a bad word to begin with, but that's neither here nor there.
And the bolded is 100 percent true. If she's uncomfortable or ashamed getting there on her own then that's the first block you have to work through. Guys start messing around down there so quick after puberty they should all be told to lock the door to their room from their thirteenth birthday on 'cause you never know what you might walk in to, lol. But I've spoken to so many women who find the very idea of masturbation gross and that's a problem, because no one should know your body as well as you do. Not even for the sake of your partner, but for yourself.
I never thought slut was much of a bad word either. I'm lucky enough that my mom and aunt's created a pretty open, sex positive environment for me growing up; so I'm kind of an anomaly in that I started messing around down there at like 10. So I'm constantly shocked through my life meeting women in their 20's who've never masturbated or even had an orgasm. Learning how to give yourself an orgasm is definitely the first step; you can't really expect someone to know how to do something you yourself don't even know how to do.
Yeah, a fair amount of women that I've dated have never masturbated which I always found kinda shocking. The only problem with that is that a few of them had a reliance on men for this reason. One specifically always had to have a boyfriend because she couldn't get off without one. I tried to help her on that front, but she wasn't too interested. It seemed a little unhealthy to me to rely on having a significant other, because I believe having your independence is super important but in the end that was her decision.
Also "slut" is totally a good word if used right. Depends on the person, though... some can find it incredibly offensive, others can find it incredibly hot in a dom/sub environment.
what is 'different' about the lucky few that can get off from penetrative sex? are they more sensitive/receptive, or have they been fortunate enough to run into some master swordsmanship? both, neither?
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You know that kid in school who would bullshit about all those girls he's been with?...
Take out your tape rulers and measure...
not your dick. Measure the distance between the woman's vagina and clitoris.
The threshold measurement you're looking for is 2.5 cm
In general, that's the maximum distance between clitoris and vagina that seems to facilitate enough indirect clitoral stimulation for orgasms to happen via vaginal intercourse alone.
http://www.latimes.com/health/la-hew-ordistance11feb11-story.html
Just like most men need their cocks stroked to come, the overwhelming majority of women need their clitorises directly stimulated for orgasm to happen. Whether orgasm via vaginal penetration alone is possible is largely a function of a woman's anatomy and has nothing to do with a dude's dick game. So all the misplaced ego, pride, disappointment around whether vaginal orgasms are happening or not needs to be dropped. It's counterproductive.
Men, try an experiment. Hold your hand flat on your lower abdomen about 3 cm above your penis. Now, keeping your hand pressed against that abdomen, move your hand up and down vigorously a few inches in each direction. Be as vigorous as you want, but don't touch your penis directly. Now, how many of you are gonna be able to orgasm from this movement alone? If you aren't able to orgasm from this distant indirect manipulation of your penis, does that mean you've failed in some way? If your partner is involved, does that mean they've failed? Of course not. So, no need to work yourself into a fuss if a woman doesn't happen to come from vaginal stimulation alone.
Because a woman orgasming in your presence has almost nothing to do with your cock but, instead, is all about the authentic care and mindset you both bring to the encounter. If you expect/demand she come in order to affirm your own sexual prowess - even if that expectation isn't outright spoken - that toxic energy floods the space, and she's way less likely to come. Because the man there is making it all about his ego/insecurity and not her. It's no wonder so many women fake orgasms based on how despondent men get over these situations.
P.s. even if it doesn't lead directly to orgasm, vaginal sex can still be glorious, ecstatic, sublime, etc. Seriously, it feels amazing. It just - by itself - can't peak most women over the ledge to orgasm.
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I can't read the link unfortunately because the Tronc group aren't complying with GDPR, guess I need to find a free and safe proxy. But I appreciate the rest of your post, it was educational and I'll bear it all in mind
I posted the article in reply to your post, but then I got carried away elaborating. The elaborating part, I was talking to the thread in general. I didn't mean it as an exclusive reply to you, as in: Bobson Dugnutt, this is opinion/info for you in specific and in particular. I didn't mean to make it like that. I should've made it clearer that I was speaking generally. Thanks for being gracious in your reply.
Good on you or helping her to get some orgasmic indepence! :) It is unhealthy to not be able to orgasm without a partner, I couldn't even imagine how hard that life would be.
I didn't take it as an individual call out or anything like that, don't worry. It was just good stuff and I wanted to say so. Good to know straight up vaginal sex isn't a complete waste of time lol even if it needs to be complimented with other things to ensure more satisfaction
My gf can't orgasm from just penetration at all, so far as we know. It absolutely has to come from clitoris stimulation, which was a first for me, since my previous partners could orgasm just from penetration.
This threw me for a loop at first. We had a lot of open communication, and I asked if during foreplay I could just focus on her clit to see if I could get her there. It took some experimentation, but after a few sessions she got there, and then I could fairly consistently get her there whenever she wasn't sore from the last time or something else was going on. Some time later I tried stimulating her clit to orgasm while penetrating, which was a first for her, and she loved it. Now she wants that all of the time. It's still all clit play, but she says she enjoys clamping down on me while orgasming, so we make it work.
I've noticed it also had the benefit of increasing the amount of times we have sex, so it's smiles all around.
This threw me for a loop at first. We had a lot of open communication, and I asked if during foreplay I could just focus on her clit to see if I could get her there. It took some experimentation, but after a few sessions she got there, and then I could fairly consistently get her there whenever she wasn't sore from the last time or something else was going on. Some time later I tried stimulating her clit to orgasm while penetrating, which was a first for her, and she loved it. Now she wants that all of the time. It's still all clit play, but she says she enjoys clamping down on me while orgasming, so we make it work.
I've noticed it also had the benefit of increasing the amount of times we have sex, so it's smiles all around.
Just make sure you make a facebook post before you go shooting up a coffee shop
This should be standard practice IMO. This is how my girlfriend orgasms.
OP
OP
I have done it a few times and I always have trouble balancing my thrusts with the movement of my fingers. Like the lateral momentum of my hips doesn't jive with the circular motion of my smaller appendages. I end up moving my fingers the same direction as I'm thrusting. And my fingers tend to cramp after a few minutes of it
She doesn't need the penetration at all in order to orgasm - she just prefers it at this point.
And yeah, sometimes my fingers and wrists get sore. You think Mario Party minigames can be rough on your joints? Try getting your gf off when she's having a slow day.
Tried this for the first time 16 years ago. We got married 3 months later, and are still happily married.
