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Deleted member 1635

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,800
Instead of being educated, I was told to fuck off in a time where transgenderism is not widely understood and therefore created more of a disconnect between a community I want to know more.

This is my issue, the witch hunting makes all of this so much worse.

I don't know man... Trap is obviously horribly hurtful and dehumanizing of transgender people. It makes them out to be some kind of treacherous people trying to get one over on straight/cis people when in reality trans folks are just other people. I can't imagine that any transgender person is legitimately trying to trick people into sexual intercourse with them rather than simply trying to pursue a relationship and having trouble opening up about their being trans due to the awful stigma associated with it and fear of retaliation, especially from someone they genuinely care about.
 

Jam

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,051
The same forum that bans me for being transphobic even though I have transgender friends.

Progressive, maybe. Misguided, for sure.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/is...xually-attracted-to-transgender-people.31971/

Pretty sure that ban is related to you commenting on being confused why 'trap' is a negative word. It's negative because it boils down to thinking a trans person is trying to trick you into having sex with the opposite sex.

Tip: They're not.

I've seen trap used endearingly but generally it's a straight up slur that attacks Trans people's identity and intentions.

'I have ____ friends defence' is stupid. There's no verification whatsoever, and having friends doesn't negate you from making transphobic statements. Fair enough you might not dislike trans people, but that doesn't mean you can't possibly say something transphobic.

There's loads of high profile cases of people using racial/homophobic/transphobic slurs that weren't actually representative of their beliefs that were either unintentionally offensive, or used to attack that respective minority despite not actually disliking that minority. E.g. Luis Suarez calling Patrice Evra negro - is Luis Suarez actually a racist? I don't believe so, but he used a racial slur with the intention to offend that particular person and should be punished as if he was racist because he acted like one. That context applies with your post.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,259
Well, no one in that thread told you to fuck off, they explained what the problem with your post was and you chose to double down. Thats not a witch hunt...
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.
 

Grim

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,036
London, UK.
You didn't address that the example you used/person you're defending didn't just have a 'different opinion' though, you've outright ignored multiple people showing you receipts that thread wasn't just 'asking the question' and he didn't just say 'no'.

1. Considering I've just responded, in quick concession to Samoyed I'm in the middle of actually reading the posts following my initial one.
2. Nobody has shown me anything directly.
3. At the time of my post nobody post checked the dude and responses to his post werefor the most part "You have elsewhere to go" until Enduin called it out and then 4859 came with direct links on page 30.

The poster lying doesn't change the point of my post. And don't assume I'm sat here refreshing the thread obsessively, thanks.
 

excelsiorlef

Bad Praxis
Member
Oct 25, 2017
73,325
Instead of being educated, I was told to fuck off in a time where transgenderism is not widely understood and therefore created more of a disconnect between a community I want to know more.

This is my issue, the witch hunting makes all of this so much worse.

I defended a horrible slur and no one held my hand and now that I got banned I'm here to talk about how really I'm the victim here
 
Oct 30, 2017
707
I can't speak for the gaming side because I never look at it, but anyone under the impression that the off-topic side of resetera is not an extremely progressive website is not actually looking at the context which most discussions on this website are held in

Contrary to popular belief, neogaf (and now resetera) didn't cultivate a broad reputation for liberal dogpiling because it was a made up phenomena that never happened. Yes, you can find posters expressing conservative/racist/bigoted viewpoints on a website with 30,000+ members, but they are almost universally shouted down by most of the rest of the posters who go on to shape the regular discourse of the site.

It's like if you and five other people went on 4chan or RPGCodex and made posts about how "maybe minorities don't want to eat all the white babies" - and after being met by thirty howling troglodytes screechingly calling you a kike-loving libtard until you finally gave up and left, some guy rolled up and said "wow, when did our community become so LIBERAL"

It's just a totally absurd viewpoint. It's like getting the sum of an equation wrong because you went through it in the wrong order - the only reason it's such an explosive event when non-progressive thoughts on this website are shared is because this website is already really progressive, and people fight to keep it that way.
 
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uzipukki

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,722
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.
It seems you're still not understanding why you were banned.
 

excelsiorlef

Bad Praxis
Member
Oct 25, 2017
73,325
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.

50$ an hour and I'll help you.
 

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,114
So this thread is now just going to be an outlet for people complaining about their rightful ban?

And how is it possible that everytime it happens they leave a huge fucking part of what they originally posted?

Is it because deep down they know?
They can't accept their faults. Small individuals who need ResetEra. They got not much else out there.
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,927
Lots of good posts in this thread. And it's worth brining them up, not just because they are right, but because it sets a precedent and a standard for how people are treated in this community. Remaining silent, not speaking up and challenging people who say bigoted things can cause things to fester and get worse until a powder keg erupts. And, it's usually the bigots who end up winning and the good people moving on either to a new place or dispersed and dejected.

I think the basic answer to why some men don't develop empathy is simple. You don't develop a muscle you never have to use. Women go through a gauntlet of judgement every day. Understanding others' perspectives is a tool for self-preservation.

This is a good post but I'll just single this part out as a reason why if you care about these issues it's good to listen when others speak, not be dismissive, and lend a voice when appropriate.
 

Deleted member 1635

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,800
Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Why do you think this, or your ban, is about that? I thought you were interested in learning. If so, at least pay attention to the responses you're getting.
 

Alexhex

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,881
Canada
Yes yes yes. I like to hole up in speculation theads where I mostly know everyone and it feels like every time I branch out I'm immediately hit with content that makes me too exhausted or uncomfortable to dig into.

If we're legit having talks about stricter moderation, please consider it. I'm all for trying to educate folks, and there are a lot of great posters who continually do a stellar job with this, but when the bans are too leanient it comes at the expense of those who get targeted
 
Last edited:

Dmax3901

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,872
Instead of being educated, I was told to fuck off in a time where transgenderism is not widely understood and therefore created more of a disconnect between a community I want to know more.

This is my issue, the witch hunting makes all of this so much worse.

Stop. You are the problem here. You are at fault. Accept it, learn from it, and be a better person.
 

Mass_Pincup

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
7,128
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.

Who you talk to is irrelevant, you've been banned because of the "trap" part of your post as explained by multiple people in this thread.
 

SweetNicole

The Old Guard
Member
Oct 24, 2017
6,542
This thread is not about transgender people and dating. Please do not derail the thread with such conversation. Further posts along this line will be warned or banned for thread derailment.
 

Laiza

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,171
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.
Let me put it this way:

If you find someone 100% physically attractive (note: I assuming they had surgery here) and the ONE thing, the ONLY thing, that puts you off is the knowledge that they were born with the wrong set of gonads... that's unambiguously transphobic.

If, on the other hand, you're just not attracted to the person in question... we're fine. That's fine. But making it all about that one aspect is when things start to cross the line.

Edit: Posted this before reading the thread warning. Nevermind me.
 

Kinsei

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
20,526
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.
For someone supposedly interested in learning you sure do like cherry picking responses that you can misrepresent as an attack on your sexual preferences instead of actually listening to what people are telling you.

EDIT: Whoops posted this before I saw the warning.
 

corasaur

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,988
it's definitely super disturbing that a huge number of the replies in threads about social issues amount to "pain that i cannot relate to is stupid and doesn't count."



I think you got it. But it takes a lot of energy. So many things go towards minimizing women's presence in gaming, and on the board. I don't think it's possible to solve without more decisive banning. Reality: someone is silenced either way. You either make the board more welcoming for vulnerable people or you give 200 people the ability to come back next week "just asking questions" about whether, right at this very moment, women are going through linkedin to target a wealthy white guy for their false rape allegation. How many women want to stick around, seeing that kind of shit? You think we don't each know a dozen women who were raped and never reported it, and the one that did because the asshole filmed it didn't have a strong enough case? There is nothing to be gained here, and sanity to lose. I would hope there would eventually be a tipping point where enough women participating would shift the culture of the board. Even then, mods would have to decisively bail to keep afloat in the sewage of gaming culture. I don't know if most of the people in here are talking about American standards, but if someone were to walk into my workplace and say stuff I read on this forum, they'd get side-eyed and people would revise their opinion to "ignorant asshole". What this forum finds reasonable is a far cry from what's acceptable in real life.

I think this is obvious, but maybe it isn't to everyone: a lot of women members don't want to get into the trenches. Entering those discussions is like a protracted gish gallop against "just asking questions". Frankly, it's depressing, and it erodes my faith in humanity. I'd rather discuss gender issues with random people on the street. I don't have the fire or self-hatred required. They are all the same. I see them: designs for female characters, arena net, any trans thread, men and empathy... I open them and hope to be surprised and want to say something, but I will bail by page two. If someone has metrics concerning activity for people on this site who identify as women I would not be surprised to see a tendency to lurk. I'm grateful for those who have the energy to keep establishing super basic shit for the j.a.q.offs. I admire women who throw their hats in. We all have a mental timer until some chucklehead types that their girlfriend/wife agrees with him, in an attempt to invalidate women who actually posted.

Privileged men, though, they've got a stockpile of excuses as to why they are always the ones who matter. In gaming, straight white guys are the majority so everything should be for them... what? Straight white males are not the majority demographic group of the world? Well, they are the most 'core,' legitimate group that everyone should be trying to sell things to, and women aren't even interested anyway, they just want to play candy crush! What, the wii happened and women also play 'core' games and actually spend money on shit? Well, uh, that was a piece of junk, clearly it's not a 'core' device. But let's talk about artistic integrity. Men don't try to censor devs' artistic vision by insisting that male characters shouldn't be dressed like strippers. Clearly men are the patrons of ART and FREEDOM, not those jealous women who can't stand seeing t&a! Oh, wait, men kicked up some huge fuss about that final fantasy mobile game guy not wearing enough clothes and it was changed?

I think the basic answer to why some men don't develop empathy is simple. You don't develop a muscle you never have to use. Women go through a gauntlet of judgement every day. Understanding others' perspectives is a tool for self-preservation. There's always a reason that it's only men at the table. It's natural! Due to merit! It's market forces! Women should be making people, not money - and preferably male people! All evil came out of Pandora's vagoo! Eve ate the apple! You don't have souls!

There's always a reason for everyone else to be grateful for scraps. Resetera being the "most progressive" of gaming sites, that's definitely a scrap.

signal-boosting cause this is better than anything i could write on the subject.

edit: i see i'm person number 500 to do this. no regrets.
 

AuthenticM

Son Altesse Sérénissime
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
30,066
I think you got it. But it takes a lot of energy. So many things go towards minimizing women's presence in gaming, and on the board. I don't think it's possible to solve without more decisive banning. Reality: someone is silenced either way. You either make the board more welcoming for vulnerable people or you give 200 people the ability to come back next week "just asking questions" about whether, right at this very moment, women are going through linkedin to target a wealthy white guy for their false rape allegation. How many women want to stick around, seeing that kind of shit? You think we don't each know a dozen women who were raped and never reported it, and the one that did because the asshole filmed it didn't have a strong enough case? There is nothing to be gained here, and sanity to lose. I would hope there would eventually be a tipping point where enough women participating would shift the culture of the board. Even then, mods would have to decisively bail to keep afloat in the sewage of gaming culture. I don't know if most of the people in here are talking about American standards, but if someone were to walk into my workplace and say stuff I read on this forum, they'd get side-eyed and people would revise their opinion to "ignorant asshole". What this forum finds reasonable is a far cry from what's acceptable in real life.

I think this is obvious, but maybe it isn't to everyone: a lot of women members don't want to get into the trenches. Entering those discussions is like a protracted gish gallop against "just asking questions". Frankly, it's depressing, and it erodes my faith in humanity. I'd rather discuss gender issues with random people on the street. I don't have the fire or self-hatred required. They are all the same. I see them: designs for female characters, arena net, any trans thread, men and empathy... I open them and hope to be surprised and want to say something, but I will bail by page two. If someone has metrics concerning activity for people on this site who identify as women I would not be surprised to see a tendency to lurk. I'm grateful for those who have the energy to keep establishing super basic shit for the j.a.q.offs. I admire women who throw their hats in. We all have a mental timer until some chucklehead types that their girlfriend/wife agrees with him, in an attempt to invalidate women who actually posted.

Privileged men, though, they've got a stockpile of excuses as to why they are always the ones who matter. In gaming, straight white guys are the majority so everything should be for them... what? Straight white males are not the majority demographic group of the world? Well, they are the most 'core,' legitimate group that everyone should be trying to sell things to, and women aren't even interested anyway, they just want to play candy crush! What, the wii happened and women also play 'core' games and actually spend money on shit? Well, uh, that was a piece of junk, clearly it's not a 'core' device. But let's talk about artistic integrity. Men don't try to censor devs' artistic vision by insisting that male characters shouldn't be dressed like strippers. Clearly men are the patrons of ART and FREEDOM, not those jealous women who can't stand seeing t&a! Oh, wait, men kicked up some huge fuss about that final fantasy mobile game guy not wearing enough clothes and it was changed?

I think the basic answer to why some men don't develop empathy is simple. You don't develop a muscle you never have to use. Women go through a gauntlet of judgement every day. Understanding others' perspectives is a tool for self-preservation. There's always a reason that it's only men at the table. It's natural! Due to merit! It's market forces! Women should be making people, not money - and preferably male people! All evil came out of Pandora's vagoo! Eve ate the apple! You don't have souls!

There's always a reason for everyone else to be grateful for scraps. Resetera being the "most progressive" of gaming sites, that's definitely a scrap.
+1
 

CynicalSyndie

Member
Apr 16, 2018
524
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.

You're being obtuse. You're not required to be attracted to everyone. You are required to be accepting of other's gender identity.

Edit. Didn't see the above post
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,259
It seems you're still not understanding why you were banned.
I defended a horrible slur and no one held my hand and now that I got banned I'm here to talk about how really I'm the victim here
I defended a slur I never knew the proper usage of because it never came up before, and my definition apparently isn't correct.

I only didn't know this because I can't say I ever in my life have been a bigot to somebody else, it was to my knowledge a purely sex based term, not a slur used negatively.

I'm not a victim, not at all - I'm simply upset the community was so quick to dismiss a valid question on sexuality that is genuinely a tough topic but not one that should be shoved under the rug.
 
Nov 1, 2017
1,141
I can't speak for the gaming side because I never look at it, but anyone under the impression that the off-topic side of resetera is not an extremely progressive website is not actually looking at the context which most discussions on this website are held in

Contrary to popular belief, neogaf (and now resetera) didn't cultivate a broad reputation for liberal dogpiling because it was a made up phenomena that never happened. Yes, you can find posters expressing conservative/racist/bigoted viewpoints on a website with 30,000+ members, but they are almost universally shouted down by most of the rest of the posters which shape the regular discourse of the site.

It's like if you and five other people went on 4chan or RPGCodex and made posts about how "maybe minorities don't want to eat all the white babies" - and after being met by thirty howling troglodytes screechingly calling you a kike-loving libtard until you finally gave up and left, some guy rolled up and said "wow, when did our community become so LIBERAL"

It's just totally absurd
How many progressive spaces do you know of that women exodus en masse?
 

StoveOven

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,234
Instead of being educated, I was told to fuck off in a time where transgenderism is not widely understood and therefore created more of a disconnect between a community I want to know more.

This is my issue, the witch hunting makes all of this so much worse.
If you want to know more why don't you go ask all those trans friends that you have? For instance, they might be able to tell you that "transgenderism" isn't a term they use. Or you could not bother them with questions they're probably tired of answering and instead just google it.
 

Laiza

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,171
it's definitely super disturbing that a huge number of the replies in threads about social issues amount to "pain that i cannot relate to is stupid and doesn't count."
Yeah, that's really what a lot of this boils down to. This is the exact reason why all the posts along the lines of "your argument was not sound enough and could not convince me" feel so incredibly hurtful to me. It's obvious that they have serious issues with empathy generally if they're trying to "logic" their way into feeling for people.
 

RedMercury

Blue Venus
Member
Dec 24, 2017
17,655
Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.
How come the option "don't say anything, listen" never comes into play. If you're confused, tell us about all the conversations you have had with your trans friends and all the time you've spent researching to clear up the confusion. It sounds like you want to stay confused.

Edit: Sorry, I was typing as the mod message came up, I'm dropping it.
 

Dmax3901

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,872
Finally up to date with this thread.

Lots of stuff has already been covered, but I want to address all the posts saying if ResetEra isn't progressive, then what is?

If women and minorities on this forum are leaving and/or not posting due to the behaviour of other members on this forum, it doesn't matter what the the rest of the internet is like in comparison: that is not good enough.

To me comments like that ring of "women can vote, what are you complaining about?" or "a black man was president, racism is dead".

Just because things are generally better here than other places doesn't mean we just stop thinking and talking about it.
 

4859

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,046
In the weak and the wounded
Finally up to date with this thread.

Lots of stuff has already been covered, but I want to address all the posts saying if ResetEra isn't progressive, then what is?

If women and minorities on this forum are leaving and/or not posting due to the behaviour of other members on this forum, it doesn't matter what the the rest of the internet is like in comparison: that is not good enough.

To me comments like that ring of "women can vote, what are you complaining about?" or "a black man was president, racism is dead".

Just because things are generally better here than other places doesn't mean we just stop thinking and talking about it.

Well said.
 

Jam

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,051
1. Considering I've just responded, in quick concession to Samoyed I'm in the middle of actually reading the posts following my initial one.
2. Nobody has shown me anything directly.
3. At the time of my post nobody post checked the dude and responses to his post werefor the most part "You have elsewhere to go" until Enduin called it out and then 4859 came with direct links on page 30.

The poster lying doesn't change the point of my post. And don't assume I'm sat here refreshing the thread obsessively, thanks.

At the time of your posts he was already banned and people already called him out for lying.

People literally quoted your post, giving you notifications, telling you what the situation really is.

Nobody assumes you're 'obsessively' reading this thread. You're happy to take whole hog his word, yet happy to deny the multiple people telling you his story his false and giving you evidence.

And how doesn't it change the point of your post? Please link me to a post of a user being banned for saying JUST they don't want to sleep with a trans person. Hell, show me a post of a user being banned for having JUST a different opinion that isn't a racist/transphobic/homophobic or any other kind of offensive opinion.

Edit: Nevermind don't, admin post stopping this derailment.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,259
User Banned (Permanent): Tripling down on prior transphobia, ignoring mod post, thread derail.
Let me put it this way:

If you find someone 100% physically attractive (note: I assuming they had surgery here) and the ONE thing, the ONLY thing, that puts you off is the knowledge that they were born with the wrong set of gonads... that's unambiguously transphobic.

If, on the other hand, you're just not attracted to the person in question... we're fine. That's fine. But making it all about that one aspect is when things start to cross the line.

Edit: Posted this before reading the thread warning. Nevermind me.
This will be my last post on the matter - apologies to staff, any TG people on here and people involved in the conversation.

I don't agree with the first statement - personally, as it's a psychological barrier I try my best to not get in the way, but does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? We really don't know, sadly.

I'm heading back to fetlife now because this is the last time I try to ask any questions like this here, I'll stick to games, sorry.
 

ThLunarian

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,547
I'm on the OP's side. The brogressive trend is troubling and I wish the mods would be more diligent in keeping that shit in check.

I miss a lot of the offensive posts because of the threads I pay attention to, and it's always disappointing when trends like this are brought to my attention.

This place may be better than most of the internet on the whole, but that's no excuse to slack off. We can always do better.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,018
Finally up to date with this thread.

Lots of stuff has already been covered, but I want to address all the posts saying if ResetEra isn't progressive, then what is?

If women and minorities on this forum are leaving and/or not posting due to the behaviour of other members on this forum, it doesn't matter what the the rest of the internet is like in comparison: that is not good enough.

To me comments like that ring of "women can vote, what are you complaining about?" or "a black man was president, racism is dead".

Just because things are generally better here than other places doesn't mean we just stop thinking and talking about it.

It's kinda like how getting kicked in the balls once is better than getting kicked in the balls twice.
 

Adventureracing

The Fallen
Nov 7, 2017
8,034
The same forum that bans me for being transphobic even though I have transgender friends.

Progressive, maybe. Misguided, for sure.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/is...xually-attracted-to-transgender-people.31971/

You can't be serious with this right? This is the first defence of all bigots. I don't hate gays my best friend is gay. I don't hate blacks I have a black friend. I don't hate women, just ask my wife and daughter.

If you're seriously using that as a defence you need to seriously step back and look at yourself in the mirror.
 

Border

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,859
People crying about 3-5 day bans, yeesh. Back in the day it was a month at the very least......likely 3-6 months.
 

Huey

Member
Oct 27, 2017
13,185
I think you got it. But it takes a lot of energy. So many things go towards minimizing women's presence in gaming, and on the board. I don't think it's possible to solve without more decisive banning. Reality: someone is silenced either way. You either make the board more welcoming for vulnerable people or you give 200 people the ability to come back next week "just asking questions" about whether, right at this very moment, women are going through linkedin to target a wealthy white guy for their false rape allegation. How many women want to stick around, seeing that kind of shit? You think we don't each know a dozen women who were raped and never reported it, and the one that did because the asshole filmed it didn't have a strong enough case? There is nothing to be gained here, and sanity to lose. I would hope there would eventually be a tipping point where enough women participating would shift the culture of the board. Even then, mods would have to decisively bail to keep afloat in the sewage of gaming culture. I don't know if most of the people in here are talking about American standards, but if someone were to walk into my workplace and say stuff I read on this forum, they'd get side-eyed and people would revise their opinion to "ignorant asshole". What this forum finds reasonable is a far cry from what's acceptable in real life.

I think this is obvious, but maybe it isn't to everyone: a lot of women members don't want to get into the trenches. Entering those discussions is like a protracted gish gallop against "just asking questions". Frankly, it's depressing, and it erodes my faith in humanity. I'd rather discuss gender issues with random people on the street. I don't have the fire or self-hatred required. They are all the same. I see them: designs for female characters, arena net, any trans thread, men and empathy... I open them and hope to be surprised and want to say something, but I will bail by page two. If someone has metrics concerning activity for people on this site who identify as women I would not be surprised to see a tendency to lurk. I'm grateful for those who have the energy to keep establishing super basic shit for the j.a.q.offs. I admire women who throw their hats in. We all have a mental timer until some chucklehead types that their girlfriend/wife agrees with him, in an attempt to invalidate women who actually posted.

Privileged men, though, they've got a stockpile of excuses as to why they are always the ones who matter. In gaming, straight white guys are the majority so everything should be for them... what? Straight white males are not the majority demographic group of the world? Well, they are the most 'core,' legitimate group that everyone should be trying to sell things to, and women aren't even interested anyway, they just want to play candy crush! What, the wii happened and women also play 'core' games and actually spend money on shit? Well, uh, that was a piece of junk, clearly it's not a 'core' device. But let's talk about artistic integrity. Men don't try to censor devs' artistic vision by insisting that male characters shouldn't be dressed like strippers. Clearly men are the patrons of ART and FREEDOM, not those jealous women who can't stand seeing t&a! Oh, wait, men kicked up some huge fuss about that final fantasy mobile game guy not wearing enough clothes and it was changed?

I think the basic answer to why some men don't develop empathy is simple. You don't develop a muscle you never have to use. Women go through a gauntlet of judgement every day. Understanding others' perspectives is a tool for self-preservation. There's always a reason that it's only men at the table. It's natural! Due to merit! It's market forces! Women should be making people, not money - and preferably male people! All evil came out of Pandora's vagoo! Eve ate the apple! You don't have souls!

There's always a reason for everyone else to be grateful for scraps. Resetera being the "most progressive" of gaming sites, that's definitely a scrap.

This is just a great fucking post.

All I would add is... please hang in there :| There's lots of us that support you and really want to see the same diversity - on every level, be it race, sexual orientation, gender identity - that society at large is trying to move towards (despite obstacles). It is getting better - I've been following this medium for over 30 years and it is definitely get better, certainly in terms of positive representation - but that's really not saying very much, and we need outspoken women to keep the pressure on. All the male allies in the world just won't cut it.

Am I reading it wrong or unless you are a non conservative you are not welcome here?

There are plenty of reasonable conservatives. Social conservatism, which in 2018 simply equates to excluding someone from something? No, that can fuck off, from here and from humanity in general. It will too, the last 100 years tell us that plainly, we just need more time.
 
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Punished Goku

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
9,952
Finally up to date with this thread.

Lots of stuff has already been covered, but I want to address all the posts saying if ResetEra isn't progressive, then what is?

If women and minorities on this forum are leaving and/or not posting due to the behaviour of other members on this forum, it doesn't matter what the the rest of the internet is like in comparison: that is not good enough.

To me comments like that ring of "women can vote, what are you complaining about?" or "a black man was president, racism is dead".

Just because things are generally better here than other places doesn't mean we just stop thinking and talking about it.
Nicely said.
 

Ogodei

One Winged Slayer
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,256
Coruscant
Can we at least all agree that Oliver Cromwell was shit?

Arguably he helped accelerate the end of absolutism in the UK. Helps parliament realize that a republican body can supplant the king, and then when the king gets grabby in 1689, there's your Glorious Revolution.

The long term issue is balancing the fact that the gaming focus of the community is going to draw in a lot of people who are in that stereotypical gamer mindset of (at least) mild sexism and who prioritize their world over others. For instance, the backlash that criticism of sexualized women designs I'd argue comes not from a place of active misogyny, but more people who enjoy T&A and feel offended by the criticism. There's a learning process there for people who aren't shitheels but just don't know any better.

At the same time, it shouldn't be the job of the women here to do that educating, and should just be able to participate without having to be evangelists for basic decency.

I feel like the solution we have is pretty good. I think the community might stand to have a higher barrier to entry (GAF making you wait 1-6 months to get your account approved was dumb, but banning free email addresses was a good idea), which would stop the problem of burner accounts from wretched hives, but in terms of people who aren't here to start trouble, you're going to have to strike that balance to not burn out people who are just ignorant while continuing to create a welcoming environment for women (and other non-white-cis/het-males besides).
 

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,114
I think the best way to handle criticism is don't take it personally. If women have issues with being called females then do what y'all do with your buddy Matt who doesn't want to be called Matthew, call him Matt.

A lot of men have trouble with feedback, criticism, etc because they can't stand being wrong or just not on the right side. They'll make a change but on their own terms.

Kind of saddening personally seeing it happen almost daily.
 

corasaur

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,988
Yeah, that's really what a lot of this boils down to. This is the exact reason why all the posts along the lines of "your argument was not sound enough and could not convince me" feel so incredibly hurtful to me. It's obvious that they have serious issues with empathy generally if they're trying to "logic" their way into feeling for people.

yep. when a thread starts with "xyz really seems to indicate a fundamental lack of respect for women," it feels like there's a demographic with an ironclad belief that sexism doesn't exist, or if it does exist then men have problems too and those problems take priority. who then use those thoughts as justification to argue relentlessly that the OP & allies are just oversensitive or dumb.

even some of the people who are less aggressive about the gaslighting still seem to approach those issues with a mindset of "convince me you matter." the mindset of "everyone who has problems different from mine is a liar or crybaby" is so common among the young guys that make up so many modern fandoms that it even bleeds here despite mods that seem to mostly want to have a functional community of decent people.

i guess i think the mods need to have an itchier trigger finger for banning people with a history of arguing in bad faith.
 

Border

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,859
Indeed. While I'm somewhat new here, I'd be all in favor of stricter bans and moderation.
Well my point is more that with a short ban, someone should just shrug their shoulders and get over it......(s)he shouldn't still be grinding an axe months later.

I'm not sure if harsher bans/moderation will fix that much, just because there's a revolving door of people floating in and out of here.
 

D i Z

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,085
Where X marks the spot.
Double down?

Am I obligated to be sexually attracted to every living thing ever? Biologically I can't do that. I love everybody, though no one here will admit that want to fuck everybody, sexuality doesn't work like that.

Do I literally have to post messages of me speaking to a TG woman about a possible date to prove I'm not transphobic or do I need to say I want to fuck everyone need to be okay? This is so confusing.

Triple density! Read what you replied to again. This time, take your dick out of the equation.

Edit: Behind on the warning.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,771
Well my point is more that with a short ban, someone should just shrug their shoulders and get over it......(s)he shouldn't still be grinding an axe months later.

I'm not sure if harsher bans/moderation will fix that much, just because there's a revolving door of people floating in and out of here.

This is a super good point.

You offended someone or multiple someones deeply and your punishment was that you can't post on a forum for a few days? Please tell me more about how you're being oppressed. Willywonka.jpg
 
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