Self-improvement may be saving my marriage

Here's something that I'm not sure anyone's asked but...

OP, why should she be with you?
What are you giving her that no other person cannot?

If you say "well we've been together 8 years so..." that's not a good answer because one can be together longer with her and she'll enjoy it better. From what I'm seeing there's nothing you're doing that others can't do.

Why does it matter how they met?

ironjoe said:

For the record, this is OP's competition. Not sure if its going to work out.

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Lol

Coolwhip said:

Why does it matter how they met?

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Because given OP's past discussions on the topic and piecing together the information we know it's starting to sound like this was some kind of arranged marriage.

Yooooo people in here are fucked up.

Anyone congratulating the OP for basically forcing his "wife" and I use that term loosely to stay married to him is twisted.

Ya'll saying fight for your marriage/etc is great if both people are fighting side by side, this is not that at all.

Op is straight scum and a shitty person and I really want to know how they met and what OP looks like...

Commedieu said:

This thread seems like it's going to get a terrible update one day.

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not this thread. It will end up getting locked again after the mod reading it is done downing their bottle of scotch

if the OP sticks to his routine we'll get an update in the next thread in a few weeks time

Beefy said:

Why do I think this is a troll thread?

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That is where I am at. It's either a troll thread or an incredibly sad story. I choose to believe the former. As soon as I started reading the OP I was like...no way it's this dude again. It was this dude again.

Is this the same guy from GAF who shipped his kids off to China and complained about no time? I don't know if I am getting people mixed up.

Transistor said:

It says a lot about their relationship. If they met online or at a coffee shop is one thing. But if it's a mail order thing or an arranged thing, it's something different.

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It also says a lot about OP's expectations. If he views his relationship as mutual respect and love, or a transaction.

edit- 2nd thought don't want to be involved.

Coolwhip said:

Why does it matter how they met?

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I think people have their suspicions on the back of her family being back in China and her English not being great that it's a mail order or arranged thing. OP apparently dodging the question is making it even more suspect. If it is an arranged or mail order thing then that affects what kind of advice you'd give.

Big-E said:

Is this the same guy from GAF who shipped his kids off to China and complained about no time? I don't know if I am getting people mixed up.

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Wait...what?

Wait wait wait.

What is this?

Marjorine said:

As soon as I started reading the OP I was like...no way it's this dude again. It was this dude again.

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Hah, my same reaction. Like oh man, here we go again.

OP it sounds like you are trying to do all these things to make HER happy instead of yourself. I am glad you are doing things to help boost your confidence levels. Putting work into yourself is always a good thing, I just think you are doing it for the wrong reasons. I've been in this position before and once a person is ready to move on all you are potentially doing is delaying the inevitable. Do you want to force this relationship to go little further because of guilt? Sometimes being able to let go is required if you love said person. It doesn't even mean it's forever. Sometimes a break/space does the trick. Sometimes it doesn't and you both move on. But for your own personal growth you HAVE to be willing to let go. It's going to hurt like hell but it will also make you stronger. Then you use this experience to help make a better version of yourself. This is a part of life and emotional maturity. You will look back at this and be glad you did. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is guilt her into staying in a relationship she is not happy in. If she ends up cheating on you the pain will be a LOT worse.

Transistor said:

Mail order brides don't speak English, usually.

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Now think about the autonomy his wife has when she hasn't managed to really master the language in 8 years.

CurseVox said:

OP it sounds like you are trying to do all these things to make HER happy instead of yourself. I am glad you are doing things to help boost your confidence levels. Putting work into yourself is always a good thing, I just think you are doing it for the wrong reasons. I've been in this position before and once a person is ready to move on all you are potentially doing is delaying the inevitable. Do you want to force this relationship to go little further because of guilt? Sometimes being able to let go is required if you love said person. It doesn't even mean it's forever. Sometimes a break/space does the trick. Sometimes it doesn't and you both move on. But for your own personal growth you HAVE to be willing to let go. It's going to hurt like hell but it will also make you stronger. Then you use this experience to help make a better version of yourself. You will look back at this and be glad you did. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is guilt her into staying in a relationship she is not happy in. If she ends up cheating on you the pain will be a LOT worse.

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He doesn't care i'm sure it's an arraigned marriage or mail order bride situation and he could care less about her or his kids

Big-E said:

Is this the same guy from GAF who shipped his kids off to China and complained about no time? I don't know if I am getting people mixed up.

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Same guy. On the gaming side, he's also the guy who justified hoarding Nintendo Switches and selling them at a premium as "just doing business." Ugh.

WoahW said:

He doesn't care i'm sure it's an arraigned marriage or mail order bride situation and he could care less about her or his kids

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yikes.. uh yeah. I have no tips for that situation. :o

Well if OP hasn't killed himself yet hopefully he'll come back and give some more details about this. I'm waiting anxiously.

Hey OP just how slick is this haircut? Can I see it? I wanna see how stylin it is.
I definitely need a haircut right now but I'm sort of having fun with the longer look.

CurseVox said:

yikes.. uh yeah. I have no tips for that situation. :o

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This is the same guy that shipped his kids off to China and complained about not having time with them

Then he tried hocking artwork because he blew money on a scooter and begged for people to buy his shitty artwork.

Still reading this I have a constant WTf going on in my head.

You're still okay with her seeing other people....what the fuck lol

That's not okay.

Reenactment of OP meeting wife:

Psychocrasha said:

No
When I upset her with my negativity (because I have too many negative thoughts, but I know how yo manage that now), she tells me she doesn't want it anymore. Other times, she says shes not sure and just to give her time to think.

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I feel so sad for her...

OP please let her be.

Ehoavash said:

Still reading this I have a constant WTf going on in my head.

You're still okay with her seeing other people....what the fuck lol

That's not okay.

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He doesn't, he wants her to try so he can blame her for everything.

Flabber said:

I think people have their suspicions on the back of her family being back in China and her English not being great that it's a mail order or arranged thing. OP apparently dodging the question is making it even more suspect. If it is an arranged or mail order thing then that affects what kind of advice you'd give.

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Well that seems like pretty shitty justification. My wife isn't a native English speaker and her family doesn't live in America either, so somehow that means I paid for her to marry me?

WoahW said:

This is the same guy that shipped his kids off to China and complained about not having time with them

Then he tried hocking artwork because he blew money on a scooter and begged for people to buy his shitty artwork.

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"We have not dated forever since we had kids. We just can't get time"

Marjorine said:

That is where I am at. It's either a troll thread or an incredibly sad story. I choose to believe the former. As soon as I started reading the OP I was like...no way it's this dude again. It was this dude again.

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Yeh if it real dude seems umm...

Since no one else is saying it, I'll state it outright:

This whole thing was a loveless marriage from the start, brought forth by the OP who fetishizes SEA women and so wanted one for himself like a goddamn prize.

Explains so much why his language has been so abusively possessive, and why he refuses to recognize the irreparable emotional damage he's caused.

We need an epic summary

WoahW said:

This is the same guy that shipped his kids off to China and complained about not having time with them

Then he tried hocking artwork because he blew money on a scooter and begged for people to buy his shitty artwork.

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Lol. This guy murder your family or something? I get that he's fucked up greatly throughout the past couple years but you make it seem like you have a personal vendetta against him or something.

I found the last thread questionable enough, but I feel confidant in calling these stories fake now after this latest one.

TheBryanJZX90 said:

Well that seems like pretty shitty justification. My wife isn't a native English speaker and her family doesn't live in America either, so somehow that means I paid for her to marry me?

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If someone asked how you met would you dodge the question like a dozen times?

not sure what's up with the mail order bride discussion or him forcing his wife to have children. Seems like far-reaching speculation based on the fact that his wife is Chinese and stuck in an unhappy marriage that she wanted to end years ago

what we know is that OP seems to be emotionally detached from his wife and children to some extend or another, going by earlier threads. And it seems that his wife lacks autonomy because of their financial situation, physical illness, depression and not having worked for a long time

TheBryanJZX90 said:

Well that seems like pretty shitty justification. My wife isn't a native English speaker and her family doesn't live in America either, so somehow that means I paid for her to marry me?

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I mean you're not denying it!

Jk.

I think people just pointing it out it introduces the possibility of that scenario, since they're trying to figure it out and he won't divulge even a clue.

This thread makes me nauseous :(

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Dead Guy said:

Lol. This guy murder your family or something? I get that he's fucked up greatly throughout the past couple years but you make it seem like you have a personal vendetta against him or something.

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Nah just a scumbag who is holding his wife and kids hostage, you know that type of thing that people shouldn't be happy or proud about

I legit expected a positive first post.. not a continuation of a very sad post.

WoahW said:

Nah just a scumbag who is holding his wife and kids hostage, you know that type of thing that people shouldn't be happy or proud about

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Sure. You just seem ridiculously angry at something that has nothing to do with you though is all I'm saying.

This thread is legit the darkest on Era...

Dead Guy said:

Sure. You just seem ridiculously angry at something that has nothing to do with you though is all I'm saying.

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I'm pretty angry for the sake of OP's wife. I keep imagining her side of the story. Who knows what he isn't telling us, if everything he's willingly telling us is already fucked up?

Advance.Wars.Sgt. said:

Since no one else is saying it, I'll state it outright:

This whole thing was a loveless marriage from the start, brought forth by the OP who fetishizes SEA women and so wanted one for himself like a goddamn prize.

Explains so much why his language has been so abusively possessive, and why he refuses to recognize the irreparable emotional damage he's caused.

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Yep. OP seems incredibly self important and abusive. What the hell. And he makes these threads to pat himself on the back.

Dead Guy said:

Sure. You just seem ridiculously angry at something that has nothing to do with you though is all I'm saying.

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It's called empathy

It doesn't seem like anything productive will come from this thread, so it has been locked. We will be reviewing its contents.