So help

Nilaul · Jul 18, 2018

My sister is an alcoholic, fuck shit is horrible. I am stuck with her in Greece, jobless, unable to escape. Every night she drinks, every day the same. I can not do anything, I can not report her to an agency, she is a very well paid teacher and the sole provider as that would make her lose her only source of income and I don't see the drinking affect the relationship with the students or her teaching performance. She takes out everything on me, every night, I cannot stand it. It is pure mental abuse, that has been going on for ages.

I don't know if there is anything I can do about the drinking problem. Before it was a drug problem, which she thankfully overcame, now it is an ongoing drinking problem that has been going on for a good few years. I can see it on her face, that alcohol isis destroying her, she looks like she was on drugs. I dunno how long her liver could handle it for. She does not seem to want to stop either.

I think the only way to out of this, is to cut her out of my life. Set myself free, possibly move to another country, lose all my friends, relationships and start new. My sister is considering moving to America, but she thinks that I would go with her. There's no way I'll go anywhere with her, that path leads to hell.

Leland Palmer · Jul 18, 2018

there's nothing you can do for her if she doesn't wan't to help herself. as an addict i know. take care of yourself if you can

Sir Guts · Jul 18, 2018

Nothing you can if she doesn't want to help herself. Even if I told you take to therapy she won't even agree. Save yourself

SABO. · Jul 18, 2018

You need to leave and let her hit rock bottom.

BDS · Jul 18, 2018

Your post doesn't have a lot of details about why you need to live with her, job situation, education, etc so it's hard to provide specific advice.

You need to start forming a game plan for getting out. Find a job, get a friend to live with, work on your education. Get out from under her as soon as possible. You cannot make her fix herself. You have to take care of yourself and make sure your own situation is stable, and only then can you begin to work on her life.

I was in a similar situation with my own mother, who was a severe alcoholic and emotionally/mentally abusive. Unfortunately, it ended with her death. You can't always fix people, you have to protect yourself first.

FUME5 · Jul 18, 2018

Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

Deleted member 3815 · Jul 18, 2018

Nilaul said:
My sister is an alcoholic, fuck shit is horrible. I am stuck with her in Greece, jobless, unable to escape. Every night she drinks, every day the same. I can not do anything, I can not report her to an agency, she is a very well paid teacher and the sole provider as that would make her lose her only source of income and I don't see the drinking affect the relationship with the students or her teaching performance. She takes out everything on me, every night, I cannot stand it. It is pure mental abuse, that has been going on for ages.

Her drinking will eventually affect her job, especially if she starts drinking on the job as she has a duty of care to her students.

Nilaul said:
I think the only way to out of this, is to cut her out of my life. Set myself free, possibly move to another country, lose all my friends, relationships and start new. My sister is considering moving to America, but she thinks that I would go with her. There's no way I'll go anywhere with her, that path leads to hell.

Let's be realistic at the moment, you say that you are currently jobless. My question to you is how are you going to afford to move away unless you are currently job hunting or have some savings stashed away?

FUME5 said:
Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

You would make a terrible advice worker.

Deleted member 14002 · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

Greece ain't exactly a booming economy at the moment bud.

Commedieu · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

- a grecian expert.

on topic though,

Thats a tough spot. Moving to another country might lead to a better opportunity. Addicts need to realize they are addicts, in order to get genuine help. Maybe deal with it until you can find a better economy to move to? I don't know about america. How brown do you look?

Can you live with other family/friends for the time being and figure out a goal/plan?

Good luck, I know it means little.

FUME5 · Jul 18, 2018

HeyImNewHere said:
Greece ain't exactly a booming economy at the moment bud.

Commedieu said:
- a grecian expert.

I'm well aware of the financial situation in Greece. However we're only getting OPs side of the story, seems like his sister is providing for him, and while he seems concerned for her health he ends it by saying he's going to cut her out of his life so it doesn't sound like he really gives a shit about her, he just doesn't like her giving him shit because he's jobless, living under her roof and no doubt adding to the reasons she has to drink.

So, excuse my lack of sympathy, cause from that OP it seems he only really cares about himself.

EDIT

OK, so OP's post below shows that he does care to a degree, maybe I was too harsh. I'm kinda baffled how you could get a masters degree in architecture without knowing how to use AutoCAD though.

Nilaul · Jul 18, 2018

Mr-Joker said:
Her drinking will eventually affect her job, especially if she starts drinking on the job as she has a duty of care to her students.

Let's be realistic at the moment, you say that you are currently jobless. My question to you is how are you going to afford to move away unless you are currently job hunting or have some savings stashed away?

I really hope it won't start affecting the students. Every day I'm inching closer to "Fuck it" and calling the helpline for my sister (if it is what I think it is), but like some people said, if someone doesn't want help it won't really do much. I have talked about it during the daytime, where she says she's planning to stop, and in the evening proceeds to downing bottle of cheap wine.

I have got a masters in Architecture, not much, I don't know AutoCAD, which kinda limits me (and I'm trying to learn it). I'm applying to various countries, some companies offer relocation help. It's a long shot, I guess since I might move, I might choose to place that sounds appealing to me. Otherwise, job prospects in Athens (it's a ghost town) during summer don't look too great. I have some cash stashed away, it allows me to be slightly independent, from like one-off jobs, but not enough to move or anything.

Every one right here, my sister is a sinking ship, I can't go down with her. I think I guess need to hear that from more people. No point of hoping that will change. I am kinda torn between on saving myself and trying to help my sister. She is my sister after all and I should try and help her, but I need to consider that my efforts might be in vain.

I am trying to persuade her to go camping with friends in the Peloponnese for an extended period of time, at least she won't have that easy access to wine, and would probably feel too embarrassed to get drunk around them. She cares about her image and her perception of being "high class".

I'm kinda baffled how you could get a masters degree in architecture without knowing how to use AutoCAD though.

Architecture in UK Universities these days has become very much about design and art rather than technical drawings; As long as your elevations/plans, look clear and sensual you pass. It did not need to be done in Autocad, It could have been done in Photoshop/GIMP whatever. They did not really care how you got to produce that image. Now I am playing catchup though.

Deleted member 3815 · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
I'm well aware of the financial situation in Greece. However we're only getting OPs side of the story, seems like his sister is providing for him, and while he seems concerned for her health he ends it by saying he's going to cut her out of his life so it doesn't sound like he really gives a shit about her, he just doesn't like her giving him shit because he's jobless, living under her roof and no doubt adding to the reasons she has to drink.

So, excuse my lack of sympathy, cause from that OP it seems he only really cares about himself.

Again you would make a terrible advice worker as OP stated this;

Nilaul said:
I don't know if there is anything I can do about the drinking problem

Nilaul said:
She does not seem to want to stop either.

The OP is very clearly willing to accept advice on how to help his sister overcome her addiction. But rather than helping him on the matter you just jumped in with your judgmental attitude under false pretenses that you care about the well being of his sister.

Compassion goes a long way and you so far have shown none nor did you take the time to get more information on the matter.

Daysean · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

Lmao

Commedieu · Jul 18, 2018

Nilaul said:
I really hope it won't start affecting the students. Every day I'm inching closer to "Fuck it" and calling the helpline for my sister (if it is what I think it is), but like some people said, if someone doesn't want help it won't really do much. I have talked about it during the daytime, where she says she's planning to stop, and in the evening proceeds to downing bottle of cheap wine.

I have got a masters in Architecture, not much, I don't know AutoCAD, which kinda limits me (and I'm trying to learn it). I'm applying to various countries, some companies offer relocation help. It's a long shot, I guess since I might move, I might choose to place that sounds appealing to me. Otherwise, job prospects in Athens during summer don't look too great. I have some cash stashed away, it allows me to be slightly independent, from like one-off jobs, but not enough to move or anything.

Every one right here, my sister is a sinking ship, I can't go down with her. I think I guess need to hear that from more people. No point of hoping that will change. I am kinda torn between saving myself and trying to help my sister. She is my sister after all.

You have to think about yourself. Shes your sister, but shes also an adult. Maybe get into the Unreal Engine? https://www.unrealengine.com/en-US/studio seems that globally, you can get a foot in the door. Arch Vis seems to be booming a tad with game engines.. Maybe even more so with your background. I'm not even sure if AutoCad is a standard anymore -- but I do VFX work. I'd focus on a skill, trying to ignore her as much as you can, or not be home, or get a lock on your door... hang out with others, hang out in a library, anything. To get yourself in a better position.

You generally can't change people. You can spend a lot of your life trying though.

FUME5 · Jul 18, 2018

Mr-Joker said:
Again you would make a terrible advice worker as OP stated this;

The OP is very clearly willing to accept advice on how to help his sister overcome her addiction. But rather than helping him on the matter you just jumped in with your judgmental attitude under false pretenses that you care about the well being of his sister.

Compassion goes a long way and you so far have shown none nor did you take the time to get more information on the matter.

He didn't ask for any advice to help her in the OP, all he says is the only way out (for him) is to cut her out of his life and 'set himself free'.

Deleted member 14002 · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
OK, so OP's post below shows that he does care to a degree, maybe I was too harsh. I'm kinda baffled how you could get a masters degree in architecture without knowing how to use AutoCAD though.

I'll agree with that.

Commedieu · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
He didn't ask for any advice to help her in the OP, all he says is the only way out (for him) is to cut her out of his life and 'set himself free'.

he also says shes abusing him mentally Fume5. I'm sure there are a lot of shitty people out there, but the OP seems like a genuine ask. Come on...

FUME5 said:
Mate, 'mentally abusing him' could just mean she's always on his back to get a job, help around the house etc...It could also mean that she is genuinely psychologically abusing him. I said earlier that I was maybe being to harsh, but I'm just reacting to what was in the OP.

Yeah.. it could be anything. I would have just dug in some more to figure out if they are a mooch or not.

Ricky_R · Jul 18, 2018

My brother is an alcoholic, albeit a recovered one so far. He hasn't drinked in years now, but he hit rock bottom before getting to where he's at, which is sadly where most severe cases of addiction end up before any semblance of improvement.

I honestly fear you won't really be able to accomplish anything unless she goes through a serious, worrying event that provides her with a harsh reality check or you take the difficult step to help her in a way she will definitely hate you for at first.

Either way, what awaits for you isn't easy op. I wish you the best.

FUME5 · Jul 18, 2018

Commedieu said:
he also says shes abusing him mentally Fume5. I'm sure there are a lot of shitty people out there, but the OP seems like a genuine ask. Come on...

Mate, 'mentally abusing him' could just mean she's always on his back to get a job, help around the house etc...It could also mean that she is genuinely psychologically abusing him. I said earlier that I was maybe being to harsh, but I'm just reacting to what was in the OP.

Deleted member 17092 · Jul 18, 2018

Maybe just like hang out outside pretty late until she crashes? You live in Greece. You might meet some cool friends who you could then maybe crash with here and there. Also while you're out drop applications at bars and restaurants everyday. Hopefully snag something, save up a bit, and find a roommate situation.

Nilaul · Jul 18, 2018

Commedieu said:
You have to think about yourself. Shes your sister, but shes also an adult. Maybe get into the Unreal Engine? https://www.unrealengine.com/en-US/studio seems that globally, you can get a foot in the door. Arch Vis seems to be booming a tad with game engines.. Maybe even more so with your background. I'm not even sure if AutoCad is a standard anymore -- but I do VFX work. I'd focus on a skill, trying to ignore her as much as you can, or not be home, or get a lock on your door... hang out with others, hang out in a library, anything. To get yourself in a better position.

You generally can't change people. You can spend a lot of your life trying though.

I will definitely check out Unreal Studio. Autocad is still basically used everywhere in terms of Architecture.

Nilaul · Jul 18, 2018

Has anyone had any experience with anti-drinking medication? Perhaps something I can put in her wine?

Clydefrog · Jul 18, 2018

FUME5 said:
Unable to escape? How about you get a job and stop mooching off your sister?

oh shit

Nilaul said:
Has anyone had any experience with anti-drinking medication?

I don't think there are pills that can fix alcohol addiction and I think you would be wasting your money on anything that advertises as such. Therapy seems to be the best option.

aerie · Jul 18, 2018

Unfortunately some people will replace one addiction with another, its why some will turn to eating, shopping or things like that when sobering up. Its really good try to reinforce positive habits when people are dealing with addiction issues, and not just with substance issues. Good luck OP, I would say try to be there for your sister, but of course you need to put yourself first if its putting your own well-being in jeopardy.

PhazonBlonde · Jul 18, 2018

Nilaul said:
Has anyone had any experience with anti-drinking medication? Perhaps something I can put in her wine?

Please do not drug your sister without her knowledge or consent. I am fairly certain that it is a crime

Nick Nehidnyk · Jul 18, 2018

Nilaul said:
Has anyone had any experience with anti-drinking medication?

do you live in 2045 or something

Finale Fireworker · Jul 18, 2018

We understand that members might be in difficult situations, but we cannot tolerate asking for advice on how to commit a crime.

So help

Nilaul

Leland Palmer

Sir Guts

Use of alt account

SABO.

BDS

FUME5

Deleted member 3815

User requested account closure

Deleted member 14002

User requested account closure

Commedieu

FUME5

Nilaul

Deleted member 3815

User requested account closure

Daysean

Commedieu

FUME5

Deleted member 14002

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Commedieu

Ricky_R

FUME5

Deleted member 17092

User requested account closure

Nilaul

Nilaul

Clydefrog

aerie

wonky

PhazonBlonde

User requested ban

Nick Nehidnyk

Finale Fireworker

Love each other or die trying.