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Slaythe

The Wise Ones
Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,841
I "get" it but man, some people need to learn how to talk to women...you just be there friend. It's that simple.

Who tells you they want to be your friend though ?

With all the talks of how women dont want to be sollicited by men they dont know, I can understand why you'd feel like falling into sexual harassment if you tried to flirt and it wasnt returned.

And as a "star" If it happens you're done.

You dont really become friends with everyone you want to date you know. Happens maybe because you wanted to date but then you send signals to avoid having a platonic relationship.

Regardless Henry just admits he's currently socially inept and insecure. He is indeed not a bad person and doesn't do anything bad that hurts anyone. So people that are like " wow I'm boycotting MI now" you're kinda pathetic.
 

UltraMagnus

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,670
I have a guilty pleasure for these kind of topics. It makes the forum idiots fall on their sword and thus Era is a slightly better place to be.

Good grief, do some of you honestly know how to talk to a woman? Because some of these responses make me think a conversation goes something like this:

Woman: "It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

Man: "Hold my penis!"

Worried about being falsely accused of rape, are you kidding me? Like somehow, women are not afraid to talk to men despite the much higher chance of being attacked/stalked/harassed/raped. Yet some men act as if every woman is out to get their mediocre ass. Bloody hell, either stop imaging stupid scenarios in your head; Actually stop being creepy, because it's probably is you; Or on the off chance you are constantly in fact falsely accuse you of harassment, find better women to hang out with.

It's an idiotic statement on his part, but conflating that to also imply "most men think like this" is not true either.

Fact is in most cases men know they are the ones that have to approach and talk to a girl (and that's not easy) that they may be interested in, because they're not a movie star who can just have women fawn over them at any party/club/social gathering they go to.
 

Slaythe

The Wise Ones
Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,841
But again, it's not the wording that's the problem. It's the idea that there are masses of women out there just waiting to falsely accuse him if he were to date, to the point that he's scared of dating. That's a very harmful idea regardless of wording that has no basis in reality whatsoever. Him being a star or wahtever has nothing to do with it, because there's zero evidence that it's any more likely to happen to celebrities than anyone else. There's zero evidence of some conspiracy that women are out in mass-force to take celebrities down and falsely accuse people of sexual harassment or rape to the point that anyone should be scared of such a thing.

It's not the wording that's the problem, it's the sentiment behind that wording. And that sentiment is garbage through and through.


He never said women are waiting to frame him, he said his actions or words could be easily misinterpreted and at this point it doesn't matter what his intentions were because if someone feels hurt / harassed then you fucked up. As a star one mistake will be blown out of proportions. Like what's going on right now.

Remember people on this very forum called Adam Sandler a monster because he touched some woman's knee. Yeah.
 
Jun 10, 2018
8,828
Uh, if your approach to woman has you worried about catching a rape accusation, maybe *you're* the problem and not the women calling it out.

Not mention - this line of thinking furthers the very dangerous mindset women are out there - purposefully or otherwise - ruining men's lives.

Just an overall stupid thing to say.
 

Rand a. Thor

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
10,213
Greece
User banned (1 week) Pushing false, fear-mongering narratives that negatively stereotype women.
Why the outrage? I get what he's saying and it makes complete sense. Despite gender equality and all that jazz, their is a certain level of courtship that a man is expected to follow through with, and as someone in the public eye its hard to even begin that. And no I am not saying that their is a witch hunt going on, and I fully acknowledge that their are far too many silenced victims out there that need to be given a voice and platform, but in our day and age I fully understand why he would voice distrust and paranoia. Anything from a simple pick up line to a pat on the back can be legally used against him in a court of law for sexual abuse, and there are far too many assholes out there that would use that leeway for easy cash. I mean is it really hard to understand that much?
 
Oct 25, 2017
20,209
With all the talks of how women dont want to be sollicited by men they dont know, I can understand why you'd feel like falling into sexual harassment if you tried to flirt and it wasnt returned.

.

But its not normal for it to happen that fast. If you're assumption that approaching a woman while out somewhere can possibly go from "hi" to "stop harassing me" that fast than you're just being naive. There's a very big difference between trying to talk to someone, them saying no and it being done and persistent approaching.

Why the outrage? I get what he's saying and it makes complete sense. Despite gender equality and all that jazz, their is a certain level of courtship that a man is expected to follow through with, and as someone in the public eye its hard to even begin that. And no I am not saying that their is a witch hunt going on, and I fully acknowledge that their are far too many silenced victims out there that need to be given a voice and platform, but in our day and age I fully understand why he would voice distrust and paranoia. Anything from a simple pick up line to a pat on the back can be legally used against him in a court of law for sexual abuse, and there are far too many assholes out there that would use that leeway for easy cash. I mean is it really hard to understand that much?

There is no 'courtship', none. You walk up to someone, try to strike a conversation and if they say no you walk away. This goes both ways.

Also don't be putting your hands on people within the first few moments of meeting them. It's just that damn simple
 

Ferrs

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
18,829
What a fucking shitty stupid thing to say. And no, there's "nothing to get" on what he said. It's just stupid and blatant false, just be a regular decent human being towards women and you will have no problems.
 

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,087
It isn't that hard to talk to a woman.

Just don't go for the hug immediately when you've just met on the bus.
 

airjoca

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
805
Portugal
But again, it's not the wording that's the problem. It's the idea that there are masses of women out there just waiting to falsely accuse him if he were to date, to the point that he's scared of dating. That's a very harmful idea regardless of wording that has no basis in reality whatsoever. Him being a star or wahtever has nothing to do with it, because there's zero evidence that it's any more likely to happen to celebrities than anyone else. There's zero evidence of some conspiracy that women are out in mass-force to take celebrities down and falsely accuse people of sexual harassment or rape to the point that anyone should be scared of such a thing.

It's not the wording that's the problem, it's the sentiment behind that wording. And that sentiment is garbage through and through.

Women aren't doing that obviously, but this is Hollywood. Expect at least a certain level of paranoia from a movie star.

Anyway, it's his loss for choosing to live a path of fear.
 

Rand a. Thor

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
10,213
Greece
But its not normal for it to happen that fast. If you're assumption that approaching a woman while out somewhere can possibly go from "hi" to "stop harassing me" that fast than you're just being naive. There's a very big difference between trying to talk to someone, them saying no and it being done and persistent approaching.



There is no 'courtship', none. You walk up to someone, try to strike a conversation and if they say no you walk away. This goes both ways.

Also don't be putting your hands on people within the first few moments of meeting them. It's just that damn simple
I've had several relationships, and all of them started off as friends first. There sure as fuck is a courtship stage between becoming friends and having a relationship, its called dating and seeing if it works.
 

Suicide King

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,018
When you're in a position of power, it's easy to do something that can be consider harassment. If an older white rich producer had a consensual relationship with a very young actress, that would be frowned upon.
 

R0b1n

Member
Jun 29, 2018
7,787
...What's the right way of saying it? There are so, so many of people saying variations of this in this thread, but I don't get it at all. It's not the wording that's the problem here, but the sentiment behind the words--the idea that women who make up false rape accusations are so common and all over the place that he's hesitant to date because, due to how common he thinks those events are, that that's exactly the type of thing that would happen to him if he did date. There is NO good way of wording that. The wording ain't the problem. It's the entire sentiment.
Based on the quote in the OP, I thought he was talking about how he was afraid to date because he was afraid of how the public/ paparazzi interprets it when they find out.
 

liquidtmd

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
6,129
When you're in a position of power, it's easy to do something that can be consider harassment. If an older white rich producer had a consensual relationship with a very young actress, that would be frowned upon.

Lots of old white rich producers DO have consensual relationships with younger women

When this happens legitimately, it tends I find to be the women get shat on more being branded 'gold diggers', 'whores for money' or worse
 

Red

Member
Oct 26, 2017
11,645
There is no 'courtship', none. You walk up to someone, try to strike a conversation and if they say no you walk away. This goes both ways.

Also don't be putting your hands on people within the first few moments of meeting them. It's just that damn simple
You can respect boundaries and still court somebody. That's a weird old-fashioned word but it makes sense in context. If you intend to maintain a long-term relationship with somebody, you show them signs of affection above and beyond what you would show other people. You are more attentive to their needs. That doesn't have anything to do with pursuing somebody who isn't interested. That's a separate issue.

It always feels weird the idea that courtship "is a man's responsibility," and the word is uncomfortable to use because of that. But clearly there is some expectation in place that if people are involved with one another, and seek to be romantic in the future, they are going to pay special attention to that relationship and nurture it so their intentions are clear. That isn't predatory behavior and shouldn't be lumped in with rape and harassment.
 

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
Why risk? If you are doing things right, you aren't risking nothing dude. Girls are smart enough to say what they want and what they don't want. And you have to be some what paranoid or self-centered or some creep to think that any approach to a girl is going to make look like a criminal.

Basic human behavior in a nutshell.
Not all women are the same? I've talked to women that like the chase, I've talked to some that hate it, I've talked to women that despise timid men, I've talked to women that think men should be a lot more aggresive or others who wanted to be courted by flowers and notes. Everyone is different so if he wants to be cautious as a celebrity, then more power to him and it's probably smart.

End of the day you won't know until you try, his fear seems to be that some women may skip rejection and go straight to over reaction that he even attempted to flirt with them and I've seen men on the receiving end of that as well.

What you consider right, a girl may not even perceive as right or attracted to at all. We are all different types of people. Only difference is we don't live under a microscope and worth millions of dollars. Those things do play a part. It's not often that you see celebrities dating nobodies.
 

Visanideth

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
4,771
When this happens legitimately, it tends I find to be the women get shat on more being branded 'gold diggers', 'whores for money' or worse

Check out the Chloe Bennet thread and you'll probably find an overlap between people who call Cavill a barbarian and people who post that Bennet "must love Paul's millions".
 

liquidtmd

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
6,129
Check out the Chloe Bennet thread and you'll probably find an overlap between people who call Cavill a barbarian and people who post that Bennet "must love Paul's millions".

Bingo

Not comparable really but my sister is engaged to a semi famous ex soap TV now theatre / voiceover star who is 15 years older than her and she's heard all sorts about herself from drunk fans. She laughs it off but it's gross and joke is, they aren't loaded in the slightest and most of the year she earns not far off what he does

Negative perception always seems prepped towards women
 

sleepInsom

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,569
I think can understand what he's saying. I've run into women who were upset with me when I wasn't more aggressive when pursuing them, in other words didn't take "no" for an answer. I'm not the type to play those games, but for a lot of people they apparently are. When you have a type of guy that does play those games, is in the public eye, and has seen a few instances of women making false accusations against men, I can understand them taking this stance even though I think it's overly dramatic and paranoid for fear someone will interpret him chasing a women as being overly aggressive.
 

Trafalgar Law

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,683
I think the word he was looking for is harrassment/assault
I think i understand what he meant all in all but so poorly worded
 

Loganclaws

Banned
Nov 14, 2017
384
User Banned (1 Week): Reinforcing harmful narratives about women + accusing women of setting traps
It's getting really tiring to see the outrage on resetera, it's so one sided. Guy is obviously worried about being targeted since he's a celebrity. Maybe he could've phrased his concerns better, but he gets his point across.

A lot of women do expect to be "chased" if they're interested in the guy, and him being in his position can be dangerous because any of these women can easily turn his flirting and his pursuit to something sinister by just posting a sentence or two on Twitter. Doesn't even matter if it's true or not, he'll be burned for it anyway.

I seriously think Era needs to introduce a new rule banning drive-by outrage posts that don't contribute to any form of discussion.
 

Kongroo

Avenger
Oct 31, 2017
2,941
Ottawa, Ontario, CA
Ok but his cowardly mentality only hurts the cause.

Yeah. But it shouldn't. I think many posters in this thread are automatically implying that anyone worried about a false allegation is an enemy of MeToo

It's possible to be an ally while still being afraid. It's not the bravest thing to do but Cavill is certainly human. I know that it would terrify me to be accused of something I didn't do.
 

Philippo

Developer
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
7,903
Come on i get the tension and being cautious, but women are more than 100% open to accept a man flirting when it actually is just that.
 

honest_ry

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
4,288
User Banned (1 Week): Endorsing harmful narratives about women + accusing women of setting traps
It's getting really tiring to see the outrage on resetera, it's so one sided. Guy is obviously worried about being targeted since he's a celebrity. Maybe he could've phrased his concerns better, but he gets his point across.

A lot of women do expect to be "chased" if they're interested in the guy, and him being in his position can be dangerous because any of these women can easily turn his flirting and his pursuit to something sinister by just posting a sentence or two on Twitter. Doesn't even matter if it's true or not, he'll be burned for it anyway.

Totally agree.
 

floridaguy954

Member
Oct 29, 2017
3,631
200w.gif

C'mon Henry, I didn't understand anything you said here.
 

Biggersmaller

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,966
Minneapolis
Some men don't seem to understand that most women don't want to be perused on first sight. It's not that chivalry is dead or some bullshit, it's that most every woman hates being hit on by total strangers, unless maybe it is someone they find really attractive.

So go ahead and try. Just understand everyone will likely openly or passively turn you down. If you aren't an idiot and take your rejection without internalizing some red pill MRA bullshit about a courtship process that only existed in movies the last 30 years - then you will be fine.
 

Deleted member 283

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,288
I think it's understandable for people in the public eye to be afraid of false allegations. That's all he's saying.
...Is it though? Is there some sudden spike in them or something? Why does it make sense to be afraid of them, regardless of whether you're in the public eye or not? It's just not something that happens anywhere near enough to be fearful of it whatsoever, and perpetuating the idea that it is is itself the kind of thing that does real harm to women (and male victims) of sexual harassment/assault due to being exactly the type of thing that makes people skeptical about believing victims in the first place.

Just, the question is, why is that shit on his mind in the first place? It happens, yeah, but it's rare, and it's nowhere near as common as actual cases of sexual harassment and assault, so why is it on his mind in the first place, nevermind to the point of it making him hesitant to date period. Like yeah, it's the type of thing that if it did happen, of course it would be terrible, but it's so unlikely that it's like, being afraid of the Yellowstone supervolcano exploding on a day-to-day basis (or if you don't like that, then the idea of the US getting into a nuclear war with North Korea or something). 'Cause yeah, that too would be something that would be terrible if it did happen, but it's very unlikely to happen on any given day so it doesn't make sense to constantly be thinking about it or letting it influence you're life or anything. If it does happen we figure out what to deal about it then, but at any given time when it's incredibly unlikely? Doesn't make much sense. Same deal here--that yeah, it happens, but incredibly rarely, so why would that be on your mind and affecting things like you think it's the other way around and it's some kinda inevitability or something?

So what's understandable about him being so obsessed with something that's so fringe that's nonetheless affecting his thoughts to that extent? And in doing so, whether intentionally or otherwise, naturally raising the questions of well, why does he think that is so common as to be a concern anyway? What exactly does he think about stuff like #MeToo? Is his default that women are just making stuff up and there's actually nothing to those claims? And if not, why is he worried about being the rare exception and actually get false accusations out of nowhere? Why would that ever happen in the first place, and why is that on his mind?

Nothing's understandable about that at all, and it doesn't make much sense at all unless one either has very misguided views of how common that stuff actually is, regarding the nature of #MeToo and those that make sexual harassment/rape claims and the veracity of their stories, if not both.

TL;DR--It's an absolutely ridiculous fear and should be called out as such.
 

Fruit&Nut

Using an alt account to circumvent a ban
Banned
Mar 16, 2018
520
And no, no man is accused of rape for simply talking to a women. It's so ridiculous it's kinda funny. Also the saying there is something wonderful about a man chasing a woman. LOL. Such a poor choice of words. It's all pretty funny.
 

Visanideth

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
4,771
It's getting really tiring to see the outrage on resetera, it's so one sided. Guy is obviously worried about being targeted since he's a celebrity. Maybe he could've phrased his concerns better, but he gets his point across.

A lot of women do expect to be "chased" if they're interested in the guy, and him being in his position can be dangerous because any of these women can easily turn his flirting and his pursuit to something sinister by just posting a sentence or two on Twitter. Doesn't even matter if it's true or not, he'll be burned for it anyway.

I seriously think Era needs to introduce a new rule banning drive-by outrage posts that don't contribute to any form of discussion.


It is however an absolute priority that we don't let the "outrage culture" become the scapegoat for not rooting for the right causes.

It's a slippery slope, because it starts with "Have you seen the guys getting outraged at Cavill? They're total nutjobs for equating his words to being an enemy of #MeToo!" and it ends with "#MeToo is something that only nutjobs believe in", and at that point we've fucked up things for the victims and people who were getting results in a legitimate way.

One of my best friends (the kind of guy who's hardcore left wing and who's pretty much the equivalent of what Americans call "Antifa") often says something along the lines of "If we keep calling everyone a Nazi, eventually we'll normalize the actual Nazis" and I honestly think he has a point. Being horribly outraged at anything isn't problematic because it risks offending the precious feelings of someone who puts his foot in his mouth and maybe deserves to be called out for it, but because it blurs the difference between blunders and actually toxic and dangerous thoughts, and in the process it validates those ideas, because people start to think "If I'm as bad as that bad guy, maybe he's not so bad after all".

And then someone else is going to pay the price of us being so trigger-happy with judgement.
 
Oct 25, 2017
20,209
I've had several relationships, and all of them started off as friends first. There sure as fuck is a courtship stage between becoming friends and having a relationship, its called dating and seeing if it works.

Becoming establish friends and then exploring a relationship is different from the context of when people say "courtship" or responding to "no". At least to me when I hear courtship I think of the people who say things like "she said no but I kept persisting and trying to win her over".
 

Deleted member 7051

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,254
Is he trying to say "hitting on woman that don't want to be hit on in public" and instead said "rapist"?

I'm not exactly sure what he's saying...

I think he's saying it just isn't worth the risk. If he has sex with a woman who later calls him a rapist, it won't matter if he didn't actually rape her because his career will be over regardless.

Nobody would believe him, either, because it would always boil down to he said she said and if a woman says she was raped by a big Hollywood celebrity folks will tend to believe her and even if he's later acquitted the damage will have been done.

As far as I'm concerned, though, this is acceptable. If even super attractive men like Henry Cavill are sitting there, second guessing and doubting their every word and action while trying to pick up a date, then they're starting to see what it's like for women.

Dating is a fucking minefield for us. The wrong guy, the wrong signals, even the wrong clothes, and being accused of rape would be nothing compared to the consequences.

So I agree with Henry Cavill - dating really isn't worth the risk.
 

acheron_xl

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,448
MSN, WI
Well, that's an incredibly revealing thing to say. I wonder if he was always a shithead, or if it was brought on by fame-induced paranoia?
 

fertygo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,558
Outrage? I will just say it calling someone stupid for saying stupid shit that deserve to be called out because the sentiment behind it does hurt good cause.

I think someone in first page ovvereact with associate him with red pill but most of post that frustrated with bad sentiment behind this post is justifiable. Its another public figure that yell "What about lying women!?" for this topic.
 

BlackGoku03

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,272
I think he's saying it just isn't worth the risk. If he has sex with a woman who later calls him a rapist, it won't matter if he didn't actually rape her because his career will be over regardless.

Nobody would believe him, either, because it would always boil down to he said she said and if a woman says she was raped by a big Hollywood celebrity folks will tend to believe her and even if he's later acquitted the damage will have been done.

As far as I'm concerned, though, this is acceptable. If even super attractive men like Henry Cavill are sitting there, second guessing and doubting their every word and action while trying to pick up a date, then they're starting to see what it's like for women.

Dating is a fucking minefield for us. The wrong guy, the wrong signals, even the wrong clothes, and being accused of rape would be nothing compared to the consequences.

So I agree with Henry Cavill - dating really isn't worth the risk.
Then how come all the outrage seen in this thread? I see what he's saying too... It can be perceived he is using his position of power to get with someone. Especially if the woman isn't famous.
 

ronco2000

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
1,705
User banned (1 week): Unfounded fear-mongering about women filing false rape accusations.
The outrage in this board is off the charts. Obviously the guy is paranoid with all these accusation in the entertainment business. High profile celeb must be nerve racking. One accusation against them, unfounded or not, then goodbye career.

Yes, it was poorly worded.
 

Scarecrow

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,511
Not all women are the same? I've talked to women that like the chase, I've talked to some that hate it, I've talked to women that despise timid men, I've talked to women that think men should be a lot more aggresive or others who wanted to be courted by flowers and notes. Everyone is different so if he wants to be cautious as a celebrity, then more power to him and it's probably smart.
.

That's where I am. Literally every single woman I've dated had different expectations on what they desired when being pursued. I'd expect this kind of mentality from a celebrity in the age of internet mob justice.

It's weird seeing all the people angry at Cavill in this thread. I feel like a lot of people don't have much dating experience.
 

Rudolph

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
671
Colorado by way of Louisiana
But its not normal for it to happen that fast. If you're assumption that approaching a woman while out somewhere can possibly go from "hi" to "stop harassing me" that fast than you're just being naive.

I dunno man it does happen like that I saw a GM a Jimmy John's open a door for a lady a ask her how her day was and she wasn't having it. She filed a complaint if the auditor wasn't there he was fired for sure. I mean I personally just don't date.
 

Ryder9

Alt account
Banned
May 26, 2018
652
It's weird seeing all the people angry at Cavill in this thread. I feel like a lot of people don't have much dating experience.

neither do you then, almost like it's possible to date women without raping them (and it's not very hard to do)
take this bullshit self-victimizing somewhere else