Dear lord you are doing fine if you've already arrived at this point at the age of 20. Capacity for self reflection will take you far. It may not feel like things are getting better but your perspective will eventually clear up and you'll look back and say "remember when I was like THAT?"
Oh...you have a long journey of maturity ahead of you. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape, you just need to learn to accept the fact being good at video games (or board games) is not an important life skill and nobody but you cares about how good you are.
Drawing, but like I said I tend to turn everything into something I have to win. I started drifting away from it because I kept comparing my art to that of those who are way more skilled and even younger and then I just end up feeling like shit
I know, and that's probably I put myself down so much. Because I'm failing at the things I expect myself to do well at.
I thought locals were more fun to go until I reached the point where I realized I was the worst person there and me being there was just holding some people back
Ok. But what others have said is still true, it's really completely meaningless if your good at games, sure it gives a nice feeling - but basically it's like a drug in itself (dopamine kick) and doesn't improve you're every day life.
Alright, I just booted up Bloodborne and let myself get killed right away, now what?
Dude, you're way too hard on yourself. Your art is much better than you're giving yourself credit for. You've got talent, don't go squandering it by giving up!
If you are allowing it to happen, then it isn't really a loss right? If you want to confront the frustration then bringing it out is important. I suppose earlier I should have said I meant putting yourself in a situation where you will rarely win, and try as hard as you can regardless, rather than losing on purpose, which isn't frustrating.
What if you don't have time to get good at anything? That was my problem for a long time.
Welp, I'm back after losing a number of sets in DragonBall Fighter Z. I just feel like garbage and I couldn't enjoy it all. The few times I won felt great, but everytime I lost that fun felt invalidated. The worst part is when people send me messages saying I was really good, even though I lost, which feels so condescending and backhanded. A lot of times I also end up crying because I keep losing to my stupid fucking mistakes and I know they're my own fault.
This isn't normal behavior for an adult, but it's good that you at least recognize that and are looking to improve.
I end up crying because I know my losses are a direct reflection of my value as a person.
I think this is honestly what I should do. I just have trouble quitting. I know I wont be the best so the fact I'm putting effort towards this is embarrassing
