I had a realization on the toilet the other day. All in all, I've been frequenting message boards since around the age of 16 (Wrestlingfaqs > Gamefaqs > 1up > Vesti > GAF > Resetera). So over half of my life. This was a daunting realization and one that still sits with me as I write this.
I made the decision to quit NeoGAF maybe 5 years ago or so. I had gotten yet another ban for arguing with someone over basically nothing and I realized what it was doing to me. I'd become negative, quick to judge, argumentative. And I noticed that this bled into my normal life. When I say "quit" mind you I mean I just stopped posting. I still browsed daily. Read through the weekly MoS threads thinking about all of the ways I would respond to some of the things being said. Even finding other avenues to scratch this itch. There's not much of a difference between browsing vs. posting to be honest. You still find a way to engage.
I've recently been browsing Resetera and some people have said things that have stuck with me. One person said that they often visit NeoGAF and Resetera out of habit. Often without realizing it. It was said as a joke but the implications here are staggering. Another person said that "no one takes arguing on the internet seriously" which, for most people, is just flat out wrong. There's a reason that certain threads go on for 20 pages. We like to categorize this as something innocent or dismissive like "a way to waste time" but there's more to it than that. These threads almost always center around arguing about something. People trying to "win". Often with the same people. Often about the same thing. Often having the same argument over and over again. Often about not allowing someone to have the opinion they have. There's a reason why only threads around "discussion" (arguments) go on the longest here.
It's my belief that this board, NeoGAF, and others like it create a culture of negativity. One that is hard to escape and one that, again, bleeds into your everyday life. I've been arguing on the internet with anonymous people for almost two decades. To think that this hasn't had a very direct effect on my overall personality and mental health would be naïve. We are a simple species. The negativity here is cyclical. It's constant. Every day here I'm reminded that the thing I liked and enjoyed might actually be terrible. Every day here I'm reminded that my opinion is wrong and I could be silenced (aka banned) for it. And browsing here as a black man is even worst because every day here I'm reminded I'm not worth shit (there are two threads about the word NIGGER on the first page as fucking usual).There's rarely anything positive here and when there is, it doesn't tend to last very long.
So getting back to my overall point: I don't think you should be here.
Over the last few years I've gotten very deep into meditation, yoga, and general self-care. It's been a journey. These practices make you much more aware. Aware of yourself and your actions. Aware of your suffering and pain. Where it comes from. I essentially joined Resetera just to post something like this and leave but I stayed around for God knows what. I noticed myself feeding into this negativity again today. There's been a shift. I've also been noticing just how much of a hold these places had on me. It's been eye-opening. This is why I'm here.
So here's what I'm NOT saying:
Everything here is negative
Nothing here is ever positive
You should definitely leave this place before it's too late
My goal here is not to clear out Resetera. I'm not aiming to have you all quit this place forever to live bigger and better lives. My goal is to bring some awareness to your, likely, daily visits here. Not "awareness" in that I want you to become aware of the fact that you're here so much. But awareness to what it may (or may not) be doing to you. If this place is a genuine source of happiness and joy for you then, of course, continue. I'm just trying to make you aware of the fact that there's a chance that it's not. And that it's a source for some of the pain you may be feeling. I can't/won't believe that I'm alone here. I feel that this post will reach who it will reach and will be ignored by those who feel it's irrelevant to them. I'm simply stating my truth for those who may see/feel some overlap here. One thing I've learned is that sometimes bringing happiness and joy into your life is less about what you choose to do and more about what you don't.
So that's that. Hopefully some of you will take something away from this. Most of you will not but that's ok. But I hope to never see any of you again.
(obviously asking for a perma)
I made the decision to quit NeoGAF maybe 5 years ago or so. I had gotten yet another ban for arguing with someone over basically nothing and I realized what it was doing to me. I'd become negative, quick to judge, argumentative. And I noticed that this bled into my normal life. When I say "quit" mind you I mean I just stopped posting. I still browsed daily. Read through the weekly MoS threads thinking about all of the ways I would respond to some of the things being said. Even finding other avenues to scratch this itch. There's not much of a difference between browsing vs. posting to be honest. You still find a way to engage.
I've recently been browsing Resetera and some people have said things that have stuck with me. One person said that they often visit NeoGAF and Resetera out of habit. Often without realizing it. It was said as a joke but the implications here are staggering. Another person said that "no one takes arguing on the internet seriously" which, for most people, is just flat out wrong. There's a reason that certain threads go on for 20 pages. We like to categorize this as something innocent or dismissive like "a way to waste time" but there's more to it than that. These threads almost always center around arguing about something. People trying to "win". Often with the same people. Often about the same thing. Often having the same argument over and over again. Often about not allowing someone to have the opinion they have. There's a reason why only threads around "discussion" (arguments) go on the longest here.
It's my belief that this board, NeoGAF, and others like it create a culture of negativity. One that is hard to escape and one that, again, bleeds into your everyday life. I've been arguing on the internet with anonymous people for almost two decades. To think that this hasn't had a very direct effect on my overall personality and mental health would be naïve. We are a simple species. The negativity here is cyclical. It's constant. Every day here I'm reminded that the thing I liked and enjoyed might actually be terrible. Every day here I'm reminded that my opinion is wrong and I could be silenced (aka banned) for it. And browsing here as a black man is even worst because every day here I'm reminded I'm not worth shit (there are two threads about the word NIGGER on the first page as fucking usual).There's rarely anything positive here and when there is, it doesn't tend to last very long.
So getting back to my overall point: I don't think you should be here.
Over the last few years I've gotten very deep into meditation, yoga, and general self-care. It's been a journey. These practices make you much more aware. Aware of yourself and your actions. Aware of your suffering and pain. Where it comes from. I essentially joined Resetera just to post something like this and leave but I stayed around for God knows what. I noticed myself feeding into this negativity again today. There's been a shift. I've also been noticing just how much of a hold these places had on me. It's been eye-opening. This is why I'm here.
So here's what I'm NOT saying:
Everything here is negative
Nothing here is ever positive
You should definitely leave this place before it's too late
My goal here is not to clear out Resetera. I'm not aiming to have you all quit this place forever to live bigger and better lives. My goal is to bring some awareness to your, likely, daily visits here. Not "awareness" in that I want you to become aware of the fact that you're here so much. But awareness to what it may (or may not) be doing to you. If this place is a genuine source of happiness and joy for you then, of course, continue. I'm just trying to make you aware of the fact that there's a chance that it's not. And that it's a source for some of the pain you may be feeling. I can't/won't believe that I'm alone here. I feel that this post will reach who it will reach and will be ignored by those who feel it's irrelevant to them. I'm simply stating my truth for those who may see/feel some overlap here. One thing I've learned is that sometimes bringing happiness and joy into your life is less about what you choose to do and more about what you don't.
So that's that. Hopefully some of you will take something away from this. Most of you will not but that's ok. But I hope to never see any of you again.
(obviously asking for a perma)
