You ever overestimate your friendship with someone?

[Yinyangfooey]

I've been friends with this girl since freshman year of college (2012), and I called her a harmless teasing nickname in our friends' group chat today. And then she fired back and was like "stop calling me that, we're not that close".

I honestly can't tell if she's kidding or if I'm just reading things wrong.

Ya'll have any stories?

EDIT: The title should be OVERESTIMATE. If a mod could edit, I'd appreciate it.

 

[xxracerxx]

Stop calling her that and apologize.

And I can't tell how close you guys are since all you have said is that you have known here for 7 years. I know people in my friend group for that long or longer that I wouldn't call a name.

 

[Allforce]

Sounds like an overestimate to me.

 

[Vic Damone Jr.]

All my friends since high school, they were just friends of convenience. Now they don't wanna hang or reply to texts.

 

[Yinyangfooey]

Sounds like an overestimate to me.

Click to shrink...

Whoops, I got that flipped lol

If a mod could edit the title, that'd be great!!

 

[Psittacus]

That's overestimating

And yes I chronically overestimate my friendships and its draining as hell

 

[itwasTuesday]

Apologize.

 

[TheAbsolution]

That's overestimating to me.

 

[sph3re]

Overestimate, you mean?

I usually underestimate what people think of me, which probably makes me come off as a cold asshole most of the time.

 

[Verelios]

Yeah, you overestimated how close you were. Embarassing, but just apologize and move on.

 

[Ryengeku]

What's the nickname?

 

[Orochinagis]

Some people are just friends just as long you are close with them then is everyone on their own, I remember there was a girl who keeps calling me after we finished school which annoyed me

 

[Yinyangfooey]

What's the nickname?

Click to shrink...

Let's say for example, her name is Andy. It'd be the equivalent of calling her "Ands".

Yeah, you overestimated how close you were. Embarassing, but just apologize and move on.

Click to shrink...

You'd think after almost 7 years we'd be pretty close...lol but I guess I did

 

[Quantum Leap]

Honestly my ex used to call me a nerd and I hated it with a passion. It doesn't matter how close you are with someone, some nicknames just get people mad.

 

[Stranger Things]

Let's say for example, her name is Andy. It'd be the equivalent of calling her "Ands".

Click to shrink...

your "friend" got mad at you for shortening her name?

sounds like she's just over-reacting to something very harmless

it's like the first day of school : your teacher calls you "tom" when your legal name is "thomas" ... not something to get angry or bitter over at all.

 

[Mona]

i always think im close friends with the Resetera community, but then they turn on me

 

[Shadybiz]

I think I generally have a pretty good idea of where I'm at in closeness.

Let's say for example, her name is Andy. It'd be the equivalent of calling her "Ands".

Click to shrink...

This....doesn't sound too bad. I was expecting something like "I was joking around and called my friend Susan 'Sloppy Sue.'"

But, it seems to have touched a nerve anyway, so it's best to just apologize and try to move on.

 

[doctorcdcs]

One time in my 20s I told someone I had known since the 3rd grade that I considered him my best friend while I was visiting him at his house.

He looked at me and replied, "Well, you're not mine."

With his wife standing next to him. I clearly overestimated the level that friendship was at.

It was for the good in the end though, because it made me rethink my relationships with people and realize he really wasn't my best friend nor should he really have been considered one.

 

[Deleted member 9971]

Actually i overestimated or underestimated pick onde a last friendship with a girl i had turned into a rollercoaster love relationship.

I thought she seemed like a cool lass. So why not date my best new friend we like each other WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Well her true nature showed in the love relationship she was pure cold and selfish and it turned into a its always about me or its over relationship. Like when i told her i had it rough because my dad was DEADLY ill she still was lik but what about me. Like girl please understand i am emotional when my dad can die anytime. Heck i saved the mans life years ago. Hes better now btw thats what keeps me going and realise she was just crazy :) and not worth it.

I am glad its now over thank god blocked and moved on. Like i thought well were best friends how can a love relationship possibly turn her into a bitch?

Well guess some people dont show their true nature untill you open yourself fully :)

Dw it did not taint my trust in people if anything next time this happens ill bail the relationship earlier its a miracle it lasted 8 months tbh. And ask advice from friends, family etc.

My parents and friends already warned me that she was suspicious but love blinds sadly :(

Well atleast i had some fun in england i guess? So its not like it was a time waste just a learning experience :)

Worst is losing your virginity to a person like that tbh XD thats what bothers me more but ohwell past is the past. Might have been more silly of me to try and wait for the right person life is no disney movie and i shouldve realised this couldve been a possibilty of happening.

Anyway i am doing good rn but yea you can understand why i prefer being single for the time being xd that girl was drama for 5 years in stress terms lol.

Just focusing on my dads recovery rn and makin new friends and improvin my own life :) love will come sooner or later again.

But yeah to think your best friend turning out to be your worst nightmare most certainly hurts. Its weird tho that she was so different inside the relationship but ohwell.

Anyway yeah that was quite the wild ride.... literally :) as if my stress with my dads illness was not enough :( i almost was about to cut my wrists back then but i am glad i decided: is a shitty person worth killing/hurting yourself for? Awnser was no. Friends and my family got me through it especially the kidney transplant of my dad and seeing him recober cured me from that whole depression and stress slumb my ex caused.

A manipulative self centric person is not fun to date let me tell ya that.....

 

[Kisaya]

Yeah but I'm pretty careful as an adult. When I was in high school? Definitely overestimated.

 

[applejuice]

People overestimate their relationships with me, more often than not. I assume all hobby, school, or work related friends are just being polite until they make more of an effort to be friends outside of those circles. I'm tired of people blowing up my discord DMs to vent. Eventually it gets tiring and we aren't friends, I'm just a shoulder to lean on. Now when I see certain people's names pop up I feel a sense of dread.

 

[bry]

Nothing immediately comes to mind.
I more or less understand where I stand with a lot of people.

If they aren't reaching out to me to check in or I don't feel compelled to check in on them then we probably don't really have a close friendship.
Also, the time you've known someone isn't really important lol, there's a lot of people who i've known for years and often times the friendships are like surface level.

That being said, her flipping out over a nickname is weird, is it possible she misread something when u called her that


edit:
na i'm bugging one person just came to mind

I just thought we were cooler than we actually are.
But i think it was one of those learning points for me, i didn't see him as a super close friend tho i never confided in him in anything serious but i deff assumed i'd see him a lot after high school and as we got older but that didn't happen lol

 

[Yourfawthaaa]

Yeah sometimes i do.

The people i work with i assume are just being cool because i see them on a everyday basis but other than that none of us speak outside of a few people. High school though? i def did. I speak to none of those people and to think i was really cool with my HS friends.

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Damn, you got called out in the group chat.

With some people, I can tell that I like the person more than they like me as a friend. I have like one friend from high school that I have zero boundaries with at this point, we've been through some shit over and over and I can still cross the line. Though, the last thing she got mad at me for I was totally right about. Just didn't say it in a way she cared for.

With everyone else, they have pretty clear lines. Several of which were learned the hard way.

Just gotta know your audience, see if they respond to certain things well and know when you mess up and know when to say sorry.

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Nothing immediately comes to mind.
I more or less understand where I stand with a lot of people.

If they aren't reaching out to me to check in or I don't feel compelled to check in on them then we probably don't really have a close friendship.
Also, the time you've known someone isn't really important lol, there's a lot of people who i've known for years and often times the friendships are like surface level.

That being said, her flipping out over a nickname is weird, is it possible she misread something when u called her that

Click to shrink...

It's not like you know what the nickname is or the context behind it.

Like how girls named Tori or Victoria really don't like being called Vicky. Of course it's harmless to the person saying it. Person on the receiving end has a different perspective.

 

[viskod]

Yeah a supposedly good friend of mine I'd known since first grade. I came out to him in college and he disappeared almost right after.

 

[Surface of Me]

I have a few times in the past, but I mostly underestimate thinking that no one remembers or care for me at all.

 

[bry]

It's not like you know what the nickname is or the context behind it.

Like how girls named Tori or Victoria really don't like being called Vicky.

Click to shrink...

Yeah deff.
Im in a group chat with people, one of the nicknames my friend gives to this girl is something I probably would never call her lmao, but we're also like surface level acquaintances who i've known for like 3-4 yrs

Idk man, there's levels to being friends on top of the fact you can still just be an acquintance.

 

[jcnet]

I've been friends with this girl since freshman year of college (2012), and I called her a harmless teasing nickname in our friends' group chat today. And then she fired back and was like "stop calling me that, we're not that close".

I honestly can't tell if she's kidding or if I'm just reading things wrong.

Ya'll have any stories?

EDIT: The title should be OVERESTIMATE. If a mod could edit, I'd appreciate it.

Click to shrink...

She's probably shallow and if you had 6 pack abs she would give you a pass on whatever you said to her. Make her apologize to you then block her IMO.

 

[saint]

lmao she seems like a good time

 

[windfishballad]

One time in my 20s I told someone I had known since the 3rd grade that I considered him my best friend while I was visiting him at his house.

He looked at me and replied, "Well, you're not mine."

With his wife standing next to him. I clearly overestimated the level that friendship was at.

It was for the good in the end though, because it made me rethink my relationships with people and realize he really wasn't my best friend nor should he really have been considered one.

Click to shrink...

Haha, that is fucked up. What kind of cold-hearted bastard drops a bomb LIKE THAT?

 

[siteseer]

lower your expectations. i went from thinking i had a single bestest friend to having many best friends. it is more liberating this way, also more honest, at least for me.

 

[kvetcha]

All the time. :(

 

[jb1234]

One time in my 20s I told someone I had known since the 3rd grade that I considered him my best friend while I was visiting him at his house.

He looked at me and replied, "Well, you're not mine."

With his wife standing next to him. I clearly overestimated the level that friendship was at.

It was for the good in the end though, because it made me rethink my relationships with people and realize he really wasn't my best friend nor should he really have been considered one.

Click to shrink...

Reminds me of the time when I was struggling hard during the first year of my chronic illness and told a close friend that I needed him. He kinda blinked and said that he didn't need me. That was a hard lesson.

 

[Shy]

All the time, it's a depressing and isolating feeling.

 

[schwifty]

No but I'm paranoid about it being reality. I worry my perceptions trick me all the time

 

[Snarfington]

I'm super lucky to have a few very very close-knit friends who have expressed how much I mean to them. As someone with pretty bad depressive moments it's nice to know that I'm really valued as I often underestimate my value to people when I'm in a certain state.

That said I have definitely got other friends for whom I mean a lot less to them than they do to me, mostly due to passing time and being in different places in life. It's best not to express it, so we just catch up every now and again without any real weight to it.

 

[Matsukaze]

Yup, I overestimated several friendships when I was younger. Made me feel miserable when it finally dawned on me that they didn't think as highly of me as I did them.

Eventually, I became better at reading people over time and keeping my expectations in check. I would probably feel incredibly depressed if I didn't focus on the people to whom I mean as much as they do to me.

 

[GamerJM]

Usually I was on the other end of this growing up. There were a couple of people I knew who called me their friend and I was just like....dude, I talk to you in class sometimes. That doesn't make you my friend, we've never even really hung out.

I think I've done this before with people online maybe? I lurk in a lot of spaces so there are people I probably think of in my head as friends even though we've hardly interacted.

My problem in college was just that I always got the sense people didn't like being around me. Which I think was right. But I would still hang out around them sometimes anyways because they were doing something I wanted to do.

 

[Mollymauk]

I think we all experience this when reaching adulthood. I had a friend throughout school growing up. After college I realized I was holding up the friendship, and I would leave it up to him to reach out to hang next. I never heard from him again.

It's a good thing to finally weed these people out of your life.

 

[Clowns]

Maybe. I'm not sure. I hope not.

 

[doctorcdcs]

Haha, that is fucked up. What kind of cold-hearted bastard drops a bomb LIKE THAT?

Click to shrink...

Yeah, it was a definite gut punch, for sure. I'm sorta glad in a way though that he said it, since it made me look at him along with my other friendships in a different light, and be a bit more.. "realistic" of how I should view them.

Reminds me of the time when I was struggling hard during the first year of my chronic illness and told a close friend that I needed him. He kinda blinked and said that he didn't need me. That was a hard lesson.

Click to shrink...

Yow. :(

 

[SolVanderlyn]

All the damn time. It's like a chronic condition

 

[Prolepro]

Ha ha.

 

[Sunster]

She seems like she's an acquaintance and not your friend.

 

[Laserdisk]

All the time, it's a depressing and isolating feeling.

Click to shrink...

This.

 

[Akira86]

In the future, just assume most people are merely being polite.

 

[Renpatsu]

I'm not that protective of my name, but I can empathize with someone disliking being given a nickname regardless of how innocuous it may be - it's their name after all.

If you apologize and just say you didn't realise she disliked it you'll probably become closer friends as a result.

 

[hateradio]

I forget sometimes how sensitive people are. I'm quite brutally frank, which catches people off guard.

 

[TheChuggernaut]

My best friend of 8 years just straight ghosted me a couple of months ago after growing more distant over the last year. Me, him, and another friend always go on a vacation every April and I know we still are because it's already paid for and booked, so that'll probably be both awkward and the last time I ever see him