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Would this be a funny comedy sketch?

Is it?

  • Yes

    Votes: 7 7.9%

  • No (don't be mean)

    Votes: 82 92.1%
  • Total voters
    89
Kingpin Rogers

Kingpin Rogers

HILF
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,459
Just something that popped into my head during this crazy lockdown time.

Pablo messages his best pal (Harvey) on his discord and makes a bet that the first person to get the coronavirus has to buy the other something on their steam wishlist. Pablo just got confirmed to have the virus but he expects Harvey to reject the bet because it's a bit ridiculous but Harvey doesn't reject it and instead accepts it. Pablo absolutely doesn't want to lose to Harvey since it was a silly bet in the first place so he never admits that he actually has the virus whilst he's getting progressively worse. We see him like at first hiding his coughs on voice chat, and then in bed making excuses as to why he can't play the latest game until he's eventually in hospital literally dying but he still messages Harvey like "yah I'm just learning some new stuff so I don't really want to play anything atm, will spank you in a few weeks though, unless you get Corona first LOL" Then he dies still having never admitted to his best friend that he had the virus because he didn't want to lose the bet and buy him a steam game. At the end we see the only game Harvey has on his Steam wishlist is Garfield Racing for like £3.99.

Never actually going to make it of course and it could be more developed but it's just something that I thought of cause I was considering making this bet with one of my own friends and it got me wondering how long I would put off admitting to having the virus if I had made the bet.

The humour is supposed to come from the ridiculousness of Pablo getting a serious illness but not admitting to it because of something like a silly bet. Is it a good concept?

I've also got the idea of a chef who works in a restaurant but he's a recovering alcoholic and can only make good food when he's drunk so all the other employees secretly booze him up so he can continue making nice food.
 
Tagg

Tagg

Attempted to circumvent ban with an alt-account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,717
Someone has been watching too much Curb Your Enthusiasm in isolation.
 
ItIsOkBro

ItIsOkBro

Happy New Year!!
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
9,563
it'd be funnier if they shook on it and harvey gave it to pablo, but harvey remains asymptomatic
 
Wag

Wag

Member
Nov 3, 2017
11,638
Discord was mentioned in the first sentence so I'm too old to judge.
 
Ashlette

Ashlette

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,254
It's too predictable.

When I read the beginning of the joke, I expected Pablo to carry his facade to his death. And I was right.

I also guessed the punch line correctly.

Feels like one of those jokes that needs some spin in the end.
 
Bradford

Bradford

terminus est
Member
Aug 12, 2018
5,423
this was not funny, but becoming a good comedy writer takes a lot of failure, so keep at it op.
 
Salty_Josh

Salty_Josh

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,942
A good comedy sketch establishes rules or a situation and then subverts the expectations of the audience in a humourous way. The game being 3.99 is not a big enough zinger. It would've been better if Pablo found out Harvey was already dead and got to play garfield on his deathbed.
 
Fat4all

Fat4all

Woke up, got a money tag, swears a lot
Member
Oct 25, 2017
94,149
here
guys I'm thinking about making my own bible

it'll be just like Family Guy
 
valuv

valuv

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,611
I was writing up an explanation of why the bit doesn't work at all but I don't want to be mean so no, in the current state it's not funny.
 
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,662
Even ignoring the whole aspect of Discord and Steam Wishlist...I don't understand why Pablo would care to go to great lengths to keep it a secret or even bother placing the bet in the first place. Once Pablo is literally on his deathbed there's no reason to keep this bet of a Steam game going.
 
Tequila Mockingbird

Tequila Mockingbird

Member
Jan 10, 2018
463
I've been doing some thinking, and I got some ideas to improve the sketch.
One: Pablo needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine.
Two: Whenever Pablo's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, "Where's Pablo?"
 

DickGrayson

Alt Account
Member
Jan 30, 2020
941
Guys, OP put "don't be mean" right there in the poll and yet some of you are being mean. You're all being Pablo right now :(
 
whytemyke

whytemyke

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
3,795
Not sure if you're familiar with a lot of sketch comedy, OP, but the only way I think something like this could work is as maybe like a 3 part runner. You're essentially interlacing 3 30 second scenes from this at various points throughout a show.

You'd need to add some heightening to it to make it more outlandish. And I think a fun gimmick that would work with it is if the sick person is clearly showing symptoms, gets called out for them being symptoms by his friend, but keeps throwing out other sickness or diseases it could be.

"Dude you even have a dry cough."
"Oh that's just my tuberculosis."
"You've very clearly got a fever—"
"Malaria. Yeah runs in the family. Kicks up every spring."


It would require a deft touch to make the whole thing work but there's some dark comedy there I think. Just keep in mind that when you're writing sketch about pop culture and disaster, it's VERY easy to miss your mark and just make everyone mad. But done right it can be fun and rewarding
 
Torpedo Vegas

Torpedo Vegas

Member
Oct 27, 2017
22,852
Parts Unknown.
Officer Big Mac said:
It would be funnier if Harvey was wearing an oversized cowboy hat.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
That checks out.

burt-reynolds-norm-macdonald-saturday-night-live-tribute-1132319-1280x0.jpeg
 
Harry Potter Obama

Harry Potter Obama

Member
Feb 13, 2018
3,849
Japan
You could take the basic premise and make a short comic or something and it could be funny if you nail the delivery. I like the Garfield punchline but you need to work on arriving there. Keep it simple!

Writing it out the way you did and then going a step further and explaining the humor makes it incredibly cringey though. Always remember: even the funniest joke is reduced to nothing if you explain it or convey it poorly.
 
Spring-Loaded

Spring-Loaded

Member
Oct 27, 2017
19,904
Start backwards from the Garfield Racing, and make the nature of the bet less timely and dark.

Reminds me of this though:

ec5a367047f1013010fe001dd8b71c47
 
Goron2000

Goron2000

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
542
It'll play somewhere I'm sure. Comedy is subjective and Era is probably the hardest place to get a laugh so don't be discouraged.
 
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