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Would it be a red flag if you found out your fiancé had a Jim/Pam at the workplace?

Red flag?

  • Yes

    Votes: 504 87.8%

  • No

    Votes: 70 12.2%
  • Total voters
    574
Teusery

Teusery

Member
May 18, 2022
2,350
They love interacting with them, joking around with them, and hanging out with them. Whenever you come into the office to visit they are awkward or cold around you. Sometimes you catch them abruptly breaking apart when you show up. Your fiancé's mother knows about them and is excited to meet them when she visits. If you and your SO argue, they run straight to their Jim/Pam.

jimandpam.jpg


Is that a red flag to you?
 
Volimar

Volimar

volunteer forum janitor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,515
No reason not to trust someone unless they give you one.
 
Ruisu

Ruisu

Banned
Aug 1, 2019
5,535
Brasil
I mean, it's pretty normal for close friends of opposite gender to have something like a crush for eachother (assuming they are attracted to the opposite gender).

If they are going to that friend every time you guys fight, maybe your (generic you) relationship is just shit in the first place? That's the real redflag.
 
Brandon

Brandon

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
3,977
When you're only two seasons in but want to make a thread about The Office this is what you get apparently.
 
Serpens007

Serpens007

Well, Tosca isn't for everyone
Moderator
Oct 31, 2017
8,129
Chile
If they react like that when I arrive, and if they are way more happy together than with me, then I'm the red flag and not them.
 
Cudpug

Cudpug

Member
Nov 9, 2017
3,557
Dodongo said:
I think the entire concept of "work wife" is really weird.
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Agreed, but interesting how a lot of people spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. A lot of folks are 8:30 - after 5, might get home 6 or 7, and then have a few hours with their partner before sleeping.

Just musing really, but I do see how people can make these links with those they're spending more time with than their loved ones.

In answer to the question, I'd be very paranoid if they were doing the things you listed above, such as breaking apart in an obvious way when you show up. That suggests there's something to hide.
 
Sirhc

Sirhc

Hasn't made a thread yet. Shame me.
Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,053
I mean, I guess it depends how much you trust them, sounds more like a you issue if you don't like them having a close friend at work.
 
J_ToSaveTheDay

J_ToSaveTheDay

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
18,830
USA
As someone who is in a relationship, I constantly try to hope that I'm good enough for it to continue, but I try to keep my mind open that I'm just one person who might not necessarily authoritatively deserve the exclusive compassion and attention of my partner — there are so many better people than me out there and if my partner were to find someone else who was mutually attracted to them, I'd hope that I could gracefully get the hell out of the way, even if that isn't necessarily to my benefit.

I haven't seen The Office in a long time but I'm pretty sure Pam's ex prior to Jim was kind of a douchebag?

If I'm that douchebag to my partner, I hope they could move on and find someone better. Right now, I'm fairly confident that's not the case but I realize I'm not perfect, even if I try. And as mentioned, I'm fairly certain I'm outclassed by so many people in the world in terms of attractiveness and relationship skills.
 
fontguy

fontguy

Avenger
Oct 8, 2018
16,154
"No, I wouldn't be concerned if my fiance was clearly in love with another person."
 
OP
OP
Teusery

Teusery

Member
May 18, 2022
2,350
Brandon said:
When you're only two seasons in but want to make a thread about The Office this is what you get apparently.
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I literally am! Though this is a rewatch. I'm watching it with someone who has never seen it and decries Pam as an adulterer every time she's on screen with Jim. I don't remember at what point my opinion changes about their relationship and/or Roy, right now he's sort of ignorant to Pam's feelings but he's not too bad. I do remember when he confronts Jim afterwards, though.
 
Bunkem

Bunkem

Prophet of Truth
Member
Aug 25, 2021
1,284
A 'work wife' without the latent sexual tension that jim and pam have is fine, although the term is terrible. As others have said, i would be worried my time was up if i was the roy in this particular situation
 
Ruisu

Ruisu

Banned
Aug 1, 2019
5,535
Brasil
Patryn said:
Look up the term "emotional affair".
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CJSeven said:
Emotional affairs can be as destructive as physical ones.
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Why yes, why don't we look at what an "emotional affair" is.

The term emotional affair describes a type of relationship between people. The term often describes a bond between two people that mimics or matches the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while not being physically consummated.
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Examples of specific behaviors include confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need. However, nearly all friendships serve these roles to some degree.
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It is disputed whether this is inappropriate. Indeed, forbidding your partner from maintaining and participating in close friendships is a common feature of coercive control.
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Damn, that sure doesn't look good for whoever accuses the two friends of being in a "emotional affair".
 
thewienke

thewienke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,957
Yeah it's a red flag

Real life isn't as clean and easy as the Office either. They wrote Roy's character to be fairly reprehensible and was generally an obvious villain. They also included a reasonable time gap where Pam was single and Jim dated someone else. Anything more realistic and Jim/Pam might have been something much less than the perfect romance that they were portrayed to have.
 

Deleted member 9241

Oct 26, 2017
10,416
I wouldn't care at all. I have 100% confidence my wife would never cheat on me.
 
Daysean

Daysean

Member
Nov 15, 2017
7,392
Teusery said:
They love interacting with them, joking around with them, and hanging out with them. Whenever you come into the office to visit they are awkward or cold around you. Sometimes you catch them abruptly breaking apart when you show up. Your fiancé's mother knows about them and is excited to meet them when she visits. If you and your SO argue, they run straight to their Jim/Pam.

Is that a red flag to you?
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Excluding the Jim/Pam scenario because people are bringing up Roy (as if we are supposed to be him) and going further into the situation in the show instead of just the quoted scenerio, if the quoted scenerio was happening to me i would definintely be like ?!
 
Bladelaw

Bladelaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,715
Serpens007 said:
If they react like that when I arrive, and if they are way more happy together than with me, then I'm the red flag and not them.
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and done.

My wife and I are adults, if we have problems we talk like rational people.

E: the point is if my spouse is happier at work with someone than me then we need to figure out why that is. Odds are good I'm fucking up and didn't realize it.
 

Deleted member 27921

User-requested account closure
Banned
Oct 30, 2017
1,735
On the plus side, at the holiday party, when the work husband goes to get your wife a drink, you can ask him to grab you one too and they usually will. And when they go out for Happy Hour after work, you get to stay at home and play Gran Turismo or whatever.
So who's really winning in this situation?
 
DanteSparda504

DanteSparda504

Member
Nov 2, 2017
4,470
Birmingham, AL
No. I would give my partner all the trust in the world till I have a reason not to. And a close coworker or someone who may be into them isn't a red flag and doesn't mean they are cheating.

Even if you use the Jim/Pam situation, Pam remained faithful to Roy and didn't move on with Jim till they split.
 

Tangyn

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,281
Ermm well I had a work wife and it was certainly heading towards temptation, lockdown happened and I have since re-evaluated my marriage etc etc.

All worked out well in the end but without covid who knows what would have happened - I'm glad it didn't come to that though!

So err I guess yes?
 
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