Worried about my Ex.

[TheCed]

Me and my ex broke up in mid may but because of the lockdown I was unable to move out until july.

She's a very nice person and despite the fact that I was not happy living with her. I want her to be happy and joyful.

The problem is, she can go to some dark places sometimes and I was usually the stronger person to cheer her up. Her parents are blaming her for our separation so I know they can be hurtful... one of the things that was very hard for me is to help her get back up when he was down because of her family.

She recently stopped posting on social media. I don't know if I should worry or not...

I know it should not be my responsibility but she's a nice person, I would never wish her pain.

She hasn't responded to an e mail I sent her and I know she's not ready to hear my voice yet. So I don't want to call her.

All her social networks speaks mandarin or Cantonese so I can't ask someone else for an update.

What are my options ?

 

[Epitomage]

Please try to call her. As a friend.

I hope you get good news OP.

 

[xxracerxx]

What are my options ?

Click to shrink...

Calling her.

 

[PMS341]

Honestly, your best option is to let her help herself. It's understandable you would worry, but sometimes you can't always help people - even those you love. Giving them time and space is the thing to do, even if you want to do the opposite in your gut.

 

[Epitomage]

Honestly, your best option is to let her help herself. It's understandable you would worry, but sometimes you can't always help people - even those you love. Giving them time and space is the thing to do, even if you want to do the opposite in your gut.

Click to shrink...

This is also a viable, good suggestion. You know her better than us, OP.

 

[Zekes]

Honestly, your best option is to let her help herself. It's understandable you would worry, but sometimes you can't always help people - even those you love. Giving them time and space is the thing to do, even if you want to do the opposite in your gut.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this would be my advice too. You already tried reaching out via email, I wouldn't try calling her as it may be a violation of her boundaries. I know it's hard to leave it alone, and relationships with exes can be tricky, but she's own person and you're not responsible for her

 

[RiOrius]

Hang on, you two were living together, but you literally have no friends in common that you're capable of communicating with? She doesn't have any English-speaking friends at all? None of your friends ever took a liking to her?

'Cause that'd be the ideal scenario IMO: someone who's not you who could be a friend to reach out. And don't get me wrong, I understand that friends are hard. But I'd lean towards anyone else rather than you. So yeah, if there was any friend of yours that used to hang out with the two of you that she seemed to get along with that friended her on Facebook or whatever that you could ask to try to call her and say "hey I noticed you've stopped posting and I know we were never that close but I just wanted to check in." Like, it'll be awkward, but IMO less awkward than if it were you (EDIT: And to be clear: they shouldn't even mention that you put them up to it).

That's just my opinion, though. And I'm literally autistic, so don't give it too much weight.

 

[TaySan]

Let her help herself, OP. You already tried contacting her via email she's not your responsibility.

 

[julia crawford]

I hope she is ok. Please continue trying to find out how she is doing.

I honestly don't know if anyone's got any responsibility to each other but we should look out for each other and ensure everyone's doing ok, and she clearly means a lot to you. If you can be part of her improving her life, it's always good thing to do.

 

[TheCed]

Please try to call her. As a friend.

I hope you get good news OP.

Click to shrink...

Calling her.

Click to shrink...

She seem to have blocked me.

Hang on, you two were living together, but you literally have no friends in common that you're capable of communicating with? She doesn't have any English-speaking friends at all? None of your friends ever took a liking to her?

'Cause that'd be the ideal scenario IMO: someone who's not you who could be a friend to reach out. And don't get me wrong, I understand that friends are hard. But I'd lean towards anyone else rather than you. So yeah, if there was any friend of yours that used to hang out with the two of you that she seemed to get along with that friended her on Facebook or whatever that you could ask to try to call her and say "hey I noticed you've stopped posting and I know we were never that close but I just wanted to check in." Like, it'll be awkward, but IMO less awkward than if it were you (EDIT: And to be clear: they shouldn't even mention that you put them up to it).

That's just my opinion, though. And I'm literally autistic, so don't give it too much weight.

Click to shrink...

Main issue is that most of my friends speak french. Also when we were together I became the center of her universe, lost a few friends because I couldn't see them back then.

 

[Epitomage]

If she doesn't want to be contacted then I hate to say it but you might just have to worry for now. She is handling whatever herself it sounds.

 

[TheCed]

I hope she is ok. Please continue trying to find out how she is doing.

I honestly don't know if anyone's got any responsibility to each other but we should look out for each other and ensure everyone's doing ok, and she clearly means a lot to you. If you can be part of her improving her life, it's always good thing to do.

Click to shrink...

From what I understand she needs me to be away for a moment... and maybe forever.

This is why I'm so conflicted, me trying to reach her could hurt her more, but I'm am worried about her.

 

[TaySan]

She seem to have blocked me.



Main issue is that most of my friends speak french. Also when we were together I became the center of her universe, lost a few friends because I couldn't see them back then.

Click to shrink...

If she blocked you then it's best to move on. She doesn't want your help. Sorry, OP.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

If you're the one who ended the relationship, if it was me, you'd be the last person I'd want to talk to.

 

[ZeroX]

If you're blocked and she's not replying to your emails, you're probably going to make it worse by trying to contact her. She doesn't want to hear from you. Why force it on her?

 

[julia crawford]

From what I understand she needs me to be away for a moment... and maybe forever.

This is why I'm so conflicted, me trying to reach her could hurt her more, but I'm am worried about her.

Click to shrink...

Oh. Hmm, well if you think your being away is going to help her, well, then i think that's the best way to go. Unless you think something very critical is about to happen, time doesn't stop, and eventually something could change. Or not. But it will probably be easier either way.

 

[TheCed]

Okay, I understand.

I hope she's fine, but I can't do much at the moment.

 

[Adventureracing]

From what I understand she needs me to be away for a moment... and maybe forever.

This is why I'm so conflicted, me trying to reach her could hurt her more, but I'm am worried about her.

Click to shrink...

Are you still actively friends with her? If you're not currently in contact and remaining friends it doesn't make sense to me to reach out to her.

 

[Ultima_5]

You either call, let her handle it on her own, or possibly reach out to a friend. I'd do the second tbh.

 

[deimosmasque]

She seem to have blocked me.

Click to shrink...

Then you need to leave her be. She is telling you to leave her alone with that action.

 

[TheCed]

Are you still actively friends with her? If you're not currently in contact and remaining friends it doesn't make sense to me to reach out to her.

Click to shrink...

We tried, but she was hoping for us to get back together and it wasn't healthy.

Last time we talked, we were not in bad terms. But having me as a friend was not helping her so she asked me to stop contacting her until she feels ready.

I'm always worried about her mental health because she hasn't been doing well, for the last 3 years... It affected me and this is why I had to leave.

Last time we spoke she had recently learned that her Grandmother's (Basically the woman who raised her) will soon leave us and she can't go to China to say Good Bye because of Covid.

EDIT : I will follow the advices to stay far away for now.

 

[Sai]

Leave her alone.

 

[Isilia]

Let her go

 

[Spacejaws]

Stay far away for good. It's not healthy to try and stay just friends if one parter can't take it. Back the fuck away and come to terms with possibly never speaking to her again.

Unless you seriously think she is self harming in which case you should tell her parents.

 

[Zojirushi]

Hit the gym

 

[night814]

You can try to reach out but if she doesn't respond to that email or a potential phone call id let her be.

 

[Sordid Plebeian]

Call her as a friend, maybe even speak to her parents about how they've been treating her if you have their contact information to clear things up

 

[KillLaCam]

This is definitely one of the times you should try to contact them.

edit: never mind , I saw your reply about her still wanting to be together. I think I'd change it to just contact a mutual friend or someone if you're really worried.

 

[SalvaPot]

Been there. Leave her alone she is not your responsability.

 

[TheCed]

Just an update.
She answered my e-mail.
She's fine, that's all I needed to know.

 

[Epitomage]

Glad everything worked out TheCed!

 

[amberht94]

I would give her space. Dark place or not, she has to navigate her mental health without you and if she's grieving your separation, you could complicate things for her by popping in and out of her life, regardless of how pure your intentions are.

 

[Lobster Roll]

Just an update.
She answered my e-mail.
She's fine, that's all I needed to know.

Click to shrink...

You're falling into a trap that's going to be hurtful for yourself and her in the long run. These little relapses in not staying mentally separated from one another just prolong the breakup period. I try to think of this way ... the people I've dated lived their entire lives prior to dating me and will live the rest of their lives after dating me. They don't need me. I wasn't their world prior and I'm not their world after. They've got circles of family, friends, peers, etc. and they'll be fine.

 

[Helmholtz]

You're falling into a trap that's going to be hurtful for yourself and her in the long run. These little relapses in not staying mentally separated from one another just prolong the breakup period. I try to think of this way ... the people I've dated lived their entire lives prior to dating me and will live the rest of their lives after dating me. They don't need me. I wasn't their world prior and I'm not their world after. They've got circles of family, friends, peers, etc. and they'll be fine.

Click to shrink...

Yup, complete contact cut off as much as possible. It's the only way to move on.

 

[construct]

this will quickly turn into a situation where she will feel like you're leading her on. let her do her own thing

 

[Adam_Roman]

I think that if she has your phone number blocked, she might be hiding all her new social media posts from you via privacy settings if the platform allows. I've done that on Facebook before. It's good you know she's doing alright though, just try not to make a habit out of reaching out. I did that once and it just made the months after the breakup that much worse.