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What's with people taking pride in beating their kids??
- Thread starter DaToonie
- Start date
User Banned (1 Week): Excusing Violence Against Minors Over Multiple Posts
I see a ton of kids who walk all over their parents so, I dunno, maybe it's a fair form of discipline.
People put kids on leashes because they haven't been able to give their kid common sense.
People put kids on leashes because they haven't been able to give their kid common sense.
Whether it's purely generational or has some cultural nuances (slavery being one of them?), I was fortunate enough to have grown up in a black household that eliminated that cycle of abuse (emotional abuse however... whew). My mother in particular always talked about how her stepfather beat her and her sisters over anything and everything. She was intent on never putting her kids through that. My dad didn't question it.
I think a lot of people don't want to face the fact that the spankings they got as a kid were abuse. Bragging about how their parent told them to choose a switch off of a tree, psyching them out before a spanking, beating them harder when they decided not to cry, or beat them with random objects, it's a little insane how many mental gymnastics some people go through to say "I was beat as a kid and I turned out just fine!" Honestly, I will never understand this. If you say you would "beat the shit" out of a child and you think you turned out just fine, uhh yikes!
I think a lot of people don't want to face the fact that the spankings they got as a kid were abuse. Bragging about how their parent told them to choose a switch off of a tree, psyching them out before a spanking, beating them harder when they decided not to cry, or beat them with random objects, it's a little insane how many mental gymnastics some people go through to say "I was beat as a kid and I turned out just fine!" Honestly, I will never understand this. If you say you would "beat the shit" out of a child and you think you turned out just fine, uhh yikes!
Man I got into a huge argument at work the other day about this with my African and Filipino friends at work the other day. There was no winning with them on that subject. After that we had a huge argument on circumcision. They wouldn't budge either. Lol. People don't like to let go of tradition. We barely got any work done that day...
The problem with labeling it conservative is that black culture is both really conservative and really progressive at the same time.
OP
OP
Yes, this relative was the only white one at the reunion.
And yeah, I prefaced this thread with "I don't think it's exclusive to black people or culture", but I can definitely see now that it's significantly more so a generation issue more than anything else. Ugh.
But then again, this is also very true, and why I feel that it's so much more prevalent in my upbringing.
Because culturally, poor black people and poor people in general have been institutionally knocked down or prevented from climbing the ladder - While white middle class people took a special fast luxury escalator from the 1970s to now.
So while you're probably on a similar section of ladder to the white poor and deprived, some of whom also relish the joy of beating a kid because they turned out fine (except for the part where they turned out to be a child beater) they don't get as much shit dumped on them from above - like higher interest rates, worse schools, punitive taxes, regressive economic opportunities, prison industrial complex and police oppression - by people who already climbed it, because they're not visibly as easy to identify as "the other."
So while you're probably on a similar section of ladder to the white poor and deprived, some of whom also relish the joy of beating a kid because they turned out fine (except for the part where they turned out to be a child beater) they don't get as much shit dumped on them from above - like higher interest rates, worse schools, punitive taxes, regressive economic opportunities, prison industrial complex and police oppression - by people who already climbed it, because they're not visibly as easy to identify as "the other."
In my household growing up my barely religious family still believed in spare the rod / spoil the child so yeah whuppins happened. Not for every little thing, but for being very none complaint or purposely getting into devilment as my grandma would say. I even got paddled at school before that was banned. I'm not defending physical punishment at all, its just the way it was. I don't believe it is necessary to hit your kids to get them to mind. People in my family see it as the quickest / easiest way to discipline, as opposed to spending time talking to their children or putting them in time out.
As far as celebrating whipping children, it didn't really happen much in my family, but some extended family or friends of the family would definitely gloat about it sometimes for comedy. Yeah that was always weird...
As far as celebrating whipping children, it didn't really happen much in my family, but some extended family or friends of the family would definitely gloat about it sometimes for comedy. Yeah that was always weird...
It's not a black people thing at all. Talk to some East/South East Asian people, some of them will be grinning ear to ear while telling you about hitting their kids.
The one thing I have noticed is that some black people record their beating and post them to social media. Some also seems to take pleasure from giving their kids a weird haircut.
Why? If you both turned out 'ok', why did you decide not beat your kids as well?
I always find it weird when people claim they turned out fine after being beaten but don't do the same to their kids.
The one thing I have noticed is that some black people record their beating and post them to social media. Some also seems to take pleasure from giving their kids a weird haircut.
Why? If you both turned out 'ok', why did you decide not beat your kids as well?
I always find it weird when people claim they turned out fine after being beaten but don't do the same to their kids.
Most people who come into threads like this defending child beatings end up backtracking to "all I'm saying is that I was lightly tapped on my upper arm in order to stop me from diving off of a balcony and I don't see a problem with that."
Because it's not necessary, because we believe there is another way that doesn't involve physical abuse. Not sure why its weird.
I came out fine being spanked and I still don't hit my daughter. Why? Because I feel like I have access to a plethora of child development information my parents didn't. I don't think people realize how much of an impact the internet can have in formulating something like child discipline strategies. Lots of data to parse through. Lots of different ideas, perspectives and workable suggestions.
I don't have a problem with spanking a kid in theory. But in reality it's more about a parents anger than it is about teaching consequences. So my thing is to find alternatives to slapping, spanking or striking my child. So far so good.
It's a cultural thing, regressive at that. It's the "because I got whooped I so now I get to" mentality. I got whooped as a child and as an adult I look back at that and see how ineffective it's was. I'm a parent now and do not practice whoppings and, surprise, my child still behaves and understands correction.
So much reacting to the title, and very little discussion. Yea, OP, this is known.
I think this behavior extends past black communities, and also effects first generation immigrant families (woo, i won the double lottery!). It happens in white families too, but people need to understand it's VERY culturally pervasive in black homes, as a form of "proper" discipline. There are studies about this.
The fact that it's so candidly talked about is due to people trying to appear stronger/having a more rigorous time growing up. Almost like a badge of pride. I will never talk bad about my Mom and Dad hitting me, but it's definitely form of discipline I will not be implementing on my own children.
There's actually a REALLY good candid discussion on the similarities of Immigrants and African-Americans and discipline in this podcast clip here. (Starts at 20:02, but the whole thing is a great listen):
*Keep in mind, these are both comedians. So they make a lot of jokes about it, but come around the plain fact that it's straight up child abuse*
I think this behavior extends past black communities, and also effects first generation immigrant families (woo, i won the double lottery!). It happens in white families too, but people need to understand it's VERY culturally pervasive in black homes, as a form of "proper" discipline. There are studies about this.
The fact that it's so candidly talked about is due to people trying to appear stronger/having a more rigorous time growing up. Almost like a badge of pride. I will never talk bad about my Mom and Dad hitting me, but it's definitely form of discipline I will not be implementing on my own children.
There's actually a REALLY good candid discussion on the similarities of Immigrants and African-Americans and discipline in this podcast clip here. (Starts at 20:02, but the whole thing is a great listen):
*Keep in mind, these are both comedians. So they make a lot of jokes about it, but come around the plain fact that it's straight up child abuse*
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Well for one we should strive for more than just 'ok.' We should strive to be better than our parents, even while loving them.
I turned out pretty damned well and very accepting of others and their lifestyles. But my parents were racist and homophobic as fuck and still largely are. I don't believe I need to replicate them in order to get my child to turn out well like me. You can recognize the good pieces of your parents and get rid of the bad. You can turn out good despite some of the bad and you need to recognize that.
My grandparents did wild shit to my parents, so it's only right that my kids gets a smack on the ass every so often.
I think this might shed a little more light on the situation
https://parenting.nytimes.com/childrens-health/stacey-patton-spanking
US: In a Warning Against Spanking, Some Pediatricians See an Attack on Black Families
New York Times - August 27, 2019
Decades of research shows that corporal punishment harms children and communities. Yet a vocal subgroup of doctors argues that an anti-spanking policy vilifies African-Americans.
https://parenting.nytimes.com/childrens-health/stacey-patton-spanking
White people ingrained it in us
New York Times - August 27, 2019
Decades of research shows that corporal punishment harms children and communities. Yet a vocal subgroup of doctors argues that an anti-spanking policy vilifies African-Americans.
The difference is not hitting them. Hitting your kid is abuse.
You should see something wrong with it, it's abuse.
Also wtf at all the people in here going "it ain't a black thing" when the thread was made by a black person, black people in the thread are telling you it is, and all the data shows it's more prevalent among black families. Obviously there are plenty of influences for that (more likely to be in poverty, more likely to be conservative/highly religious) so to say it's inherent to someone's race would be some racist shit, but to acknowledge the reality that it is more prevalent among black families is not racist.
I'm black and my mother never beat me as a child. Family members never did either. It does strike a nerve to see a child be abused though.
Would you say so to any other group of people?
"I didn't want to beat my wife/father/employee, but I had no other options"
I am lucky my parents never hit me once though I lived in a culture that considered beating children beneficial and necessary.
It's amazing how even here, and even when presented with the evidence that physical punishment has never been linked to positive outcomes but has consistently been linked to multiple negative outcomes, there are still people who insist that it's ok to beat your kids as a form of discipline. Basically teaching them to use violence as a way to control other people
It's a generational thing not a black thing.
But yeah, it's fucking crazy. If an adult ate your cookies after you told them not to, you probably won't grab your belt and beat the shit out of them. Why in the world would you do that to a defenseless child that doesn't understand why.
But yeah, it's fucking crazy. If an adult ate your cookies after you told them not to, you probably won't grab your belt and beat the shit out of them. Why in the world would you do that to a defenseless child that doesn't understand why.
Don't you know that's completely different? Children are property, like dogs or punching bags /s
Adults aren't kids, the Dynamics are worlds apart. I'd never hit my girlfriend, I can reason with her.
An even better example is "Would you beat your dog?"
Everyone recognizes that as animal abuse.
There are other ways to discipline kids that have actually proven to be effective and not harmful, whereas physical punishment has never been conclusively linked to ANY positive outcomes by studies, and that includes increased compliance with the rules
You can't reason with a dog either, would you hit your dog if it misbehaved?
I'm white and grew up in the South and my parents had this sentiment as well. I think its not just a "black" thing but a regional/cultural/generational thing. I was hit with a belt repeatedly by my stepmother because I didn't want to eat the green beans on my plate.
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every single time this comes up we get the child abuse defense force over here talking about how a practice that has been proven to have a ton of negative consequences and literally no proven positives or even proof that it actually works at all is actually good and acceptable
I mean, at least it can't call you a horrible disappointment and then go to jail after smoking crack and wrecking your car. Maybe that's the distinguishing factor here.
Saying "I'm not broken" does not mean there were no adverse effects on you from being spanked. You don't have to begrudge your parents, but clearly you learned better than to hit your own children. My mother was beaten regularly by her father, she did not continue that behavior (only spanked me once in my entire life and immediately regretted it). I'm not gonna say my mom is 'broken' from the abuse but she certainly learned from it and was affected by it (and has a horrible relationship with her parents because they are shit parents).
???
This isn't a black thing. What's with Era weirdly ascribing traits shared by people of all demographics to solely/predominantly black people?
As for why some black parents still spank their kids, at least from what I picked up with my parents, they thought it was the best way to drill home a lesson/correct behavioral issues, and were terrified that a failure to do so on their part would increase the odds of my brother and I being jailed/killed by police.
I'm not saying it's rational, but that was their mindset (as it probably was for their parents before them and so on). I've got an eight year old son now, and while I can relate to that fear, I've tried alternative tactics on him so far. I've spanked him a few times for extreme, repeated behavioral issues, but that's not a common thing with him. I still feel there'd be a better way to handle those situations, but someone smarter than me would have to come up with it.
This isn't a black thing. What's with Era weirdly ascribing traits shared by people of all demographics to solely/predominantly black people?
As for why some black parents still spank their kids, at least from what I picked up with my parents, they thought it was the best way to drill home a lesson/correct behavioral issues, and were terrified that a failure to do so on their part would increase the odds of my brother and I being jailed/killed by police.
I'm not saying it's rational, but that was their mindset (as it probably was for their parents before them and so on). I've got an eight year old son now, and while I can relate to that fear, I've tried alternative tactics on him so far. I've spanked him a few times for extreme, repeated behavioral issues, but that's not a common thing with him. I still feel there'd be a better way to handle those situations, but someone smarter than me would have to come up with it.
Striking a child isn't discipline, it's just being an abusive asshole that does nothing but make your kids afraid of you. There are so many other ways to correct bad behavior that don't involve child abuse.