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ElectricBlanketFire

What year is this?
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,831
Added the caveat so as not to "Dude, did you just admit to a crime?" up the thread.

I once worked for a rather large distributor of common office products. When I first started, the owner of the company asked me to drive to our biggest competitor at 3 in the morning, wait for their delivery trucks to depart and follow them around to see who their customers were so we could steal the business.

I said I couldn't do it because I have a vision problem which makes driving at night difficult, which is technically true but not to the point where I literally can't drive in the dark.

How about you?
 

TheOther

Member
Jan 10, 2019
1,794
Texas
They asked me to get all of their software legal and when I came back with a $30k+ quote, they refused.
 

nihilence

nøthing but silence
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
15,906
From 'quake area to big OH.
We were asked to comp shop. Go in with a list and write down all their prices.

If it's pure dumb..
"see how fast you can touch the water"
We had light fixtures that would short out around water. They installed grounding probes to stop shocks..
 

TheOther

Member
Jan 10, 2019
1,794
Texas
My situation was very similar but the bill was 3x the size. The company doesn't exist anymore either so RIP to them.
The company I worked for is still around, but the Controller got busted for hookers at the company condo and at the sister company in Thailand. Come to find out he embezzled over 1 million dollars from the company.
 
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SwampBastard

The Fallen
Nov 1, 2017
11,016
I was hired as the Operations Manager for a small commercial real estate company where the owner had delusions of grandeur and big plans to become a big player in the market. We had something like ten employees when I started working there. He said he landed a meeting with a huge investment firm that he was hoping would bankroll him taking on a HUGE mixed-use development. It would have been hundreds of millions of dollars in financing. He wanted to impress them, so he asked everyone who worked there at the time if we could please invite friends, family, whoever to come into our office for the day, dressed in nice business clothes, and pretend to be employees. I told him I would ask around (with no intention of actually doing so), but the meeting ended up not happening. I doubt it was ever scheduled in the first place. Worst boss I ever had. I was there less than a year, and everyone else was laid off or had quit within the year that followed my departure.
 

RBH

Official ERA expert on Third Party Football
Member
Nov 2, 2017
32,859
When I was a medical student, I rotated through a clinic in rural Georgia with an internal medicine doctor. When I was seeing a patient with him, he asked me to fetch some deer meat from the personal fridge in his office and give it to the patient.

🦌
 

Nintenleo

Member
Nov 9, 2017
4,210
Italy
My boss asked me to play most of his Weekend League with his account on my PS4, now PS5. I still do it, he pays me for that also.
 

Dust

C H A O S
Member
Oct 25, 2017
32,169
Client asked me to cover up for him in case his wife called to check if he was actually meeting me. Told him very politely to fuck off more or less.
 
Feb 1, 2018
5,083
I was hired as the Operations Manager for a small commercial real estate company where the owner had delusions of grandeur and big plans to become a big player in the market. We had something like ten employees when I started working there. He said he landed a meeting with a huge investment firm that he was hoping would bankroll him taking on a HUGE mixed-use development. It would have been hundreds of millions of dollars in financing. He wanted to impress them, so he asked everyone who worked there at the time if we could please invite friends, family, whoever to come into our office for the day, dressed in nice business clothes, and pretend to be employees. I told him I would ask around (with no intention of actually doing so), but the meeting ended up not happening. I doubt it was ever scheduled in the first place. Worst boss I ever had. I was there less than a year, and everyone else was laid off or had quit within the year that followed my departure.

HAHAHA our company did this. One of the bosses sycophant lapdogs said he knew "some guys interested in buying the company" so they spent like 2 weeks cleaning up the office and setting up desks with papers and phones and computers and stuff so it looks like people work there. Shit was all a fraud, and the guys weren't interested in the end. It was hilarious

And just like your story, our company as well had everyone slowly drop out and quit because the boss was such a toxic narcissist who never valued his staff and was only interested in making short term profits that he'd just pocket for himself while everyone else slaved away on $20/hour W2's with no benefits

Covid was the final nail in the coffin, I don't think anyone works there anymore. It's just him alone in his office lol
 

Z-Beat

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,838
Cover up the bicycles outside in a downpour with no coat or anything, just my damn vest
 

julia crawford

Took the red AND the blue pills
Member
Oct 27, 2017
35,165
A customer asked for a sandwich that required butter, my boss asked me to drive to convenience store close by to buy the butter because WE HAD NO BUTTER.

Customer didn't even notice lol
 

Violence Jack

Drive-in Mutant
Member
Oct 25, 2017
41,679
I have been asked to look through a sales rep's emails, documents, and personal files on their company laptop to find out if they were giving company secrets to a competitor. Of the items I discovered, I came across a very NSFW photo of the rep and some unknown woman at a party that was hosted by the competition. When I gave all the infor to their manager, and she got to the photo, she was far angrier than I expected her to be. Turns out she had been dating the rep for the last 2 years.
 

RoaminRonin

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,768
I use to live very close to one of my previous job in my early 20s. Manager asked me to come in early 15 minutes everyday and open up, but not clock in until my official start time. I asked him does this mean I can leave 15 minutes everyday early off work? He said sure, but it won't count towards a full hour of work, so I laughed and said fuck no.
 

Airegin

Member
Dec 10, 2017
3,900
When I was a medical student, I rotated through a clinic in rural Georgia with an internal medicine doctor. When I was seeing a patient with him, he asked me to fetch some deer meat from the personal fridge in his office and give it to the patient.

🦌

At least he didn't ask you give the patient an enema.
 

bananab

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,854
As a teen working retail we got a new temporary manager who was going through a divorce, and he asked me to write him some sort of document attesting to his character or something that he wanted to use in court. I hardly knew him and the document reflected that, and the look on his face stuck with me for a long time, lol
 

RichardHawk

Member
Feb 7, 2018
1,605
Los Angeles, CA
Boss I had asked me to follow his wife around (during work hours) because he thought she was cheating on him. Luckily he thought better of it and tried to play it off as a joke.
 

Dark Mantonio

Member
Nov 1, 2017
1,764
I once worked on an overnight photo shoot that involved a live puma. The on-site humane rep insisted that a vet inspect the puma before it was able to be photographed, so my producer asked me to find a vet willing come to downtown Detroit in the dead of night to clear this puma. Sadly, I was ultimately unable to accommodate the request.
 

boxter432

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
9,222
When I was a medical student, I rotated through a clinic in rural Georgia with an internal medicine doctor. When I was seeing a patient with him, he asked me to fetch some deer meat from the personal fridge in his office and give it to the patient.

🦌
more like internal venison doctor amiright?
 

daveo42

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,250
Ohio
I actually don't think this is legal, but it's not like I could sue now and have proof, but...

I was working a cash register at a large grocery/department store (like Walmart) for about six hours straight with zero breaks on a very busy day. Around the six hour mark, I had to use the bathroom, so I rug up the line lead and said as much, asking when I would get a break. I was told to hold it. So I did for a few minutes before flagging her down and asking to step away to use the restroom. Denied again. I think I lasted maybe a minute more.

I pissed myself in my checkout lane. Nice mix of relief and absolute shame as a grown-ass man pissed himself on the floor in front of dozens of people. Surprise, they gave me a break and I left the store to get a shower, a change of clothes, and then came back to finish my shift. I guess they were lucky I was so naïve at the time and I never did anything about it.

But yea, I think that was more on the illegal side.
 

Akileese

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,698
The company I worked for is still around, but the Controller got busted for hookers at the company condo and at the sister company in Thailand. Come to find out he embezzled over 1 million dollars from the company.

I had this happen, only for AutoDesk software.
It did not go well.

So I'm a server engineer now but when I was doing team lead for desktop/corporate engineering I did all the license management (MS being the exception due to the size and scope. Ironically I'm involved in the MS true up now) and it's definitely one of those things that is out of sight out of mind for users as far as cost. Adobe and Autodesk are the two that come to mind. Our Adobe is in the ballpark of 50-60k a year and Autodesk is about 1/3 of that.

I think the licensing that was so staggering to me in cost was storage systems like box, dropbox, etc. I don't know why anyone wouldn't just use onedrive when you look at the licensing cost. Box specifically is about as expensive as adobe on a per seat basis. If you're a Microsoft environment that uses E3 there's no reason to not use it unless you have interactions with companies that are based in NON-MS regions.

I'm very thankful to be at an organization that takes this stuff seriously now because you do not want someone like Microsoft or Adobe deciding they want to audit your licensing. I've thankfully never had to deal with that but I've had peers who have and it's never a good time.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,981
Struggled to come up with anything interesting, but the butter one reminded me...

In high school and college I worked at a major 'fast casual' food chain and have a couple examples from there...

The most common/notorious one was using generic liquor in branded cocktails. This was so common, and it happened all the time. I had a manager who would save the empty bottles of high quality booze and pour cheap liquor into it.

A not-illegal one was we had a water mane break nearby and had no water at the restaurant, and so the managers had me and another person drive to a local supermarket and buy them out of as much soda in the bottles as we could. I think each of us could buy 24 2-litre bottles of each type of soda, and so I bought like 140 bottles of soda and stuffed them everywhere in my car.
 

Elfgore

Member
Mar 2, 2020
4,564
Pick up an entire human poop off the floor. Working in retail really showed me how vile people can be.
 

Jeffapp

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,246
Not me, but the boss once asked an employee to find, pickup, and return a rental car her child left somewhere in the city cause they were to drunk to remember where they parked it.
 

weemadarthur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,588
I use to live very close to one of my previous job in my early 20s. Manager asked me to come in early 15 minutes everyday and open up, but not clock in until my official start time. I asked him does this mean I can leave 15 minutes everyday early off work? He said sure, but it won't count towards a full hour of work, so I laughed and said fuck no.
illegal on his side, should have asked him to put it in writing and used it for evidence lol
But yea, I think that was more on the illegal side.
Depends on the State. Breaks aren't mandated under FLSA that I recall.
 

Kraid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,247
Cuck Zone
I worked at an arcade in the mall when I was in college. They refused to have more than one person working at a time. I also wasn't allowed to "close" during the day. This meant that on really crazy days, it was hard to get away to grab lunch in the food court or even go to the bathroom. When I asked my manager about this, and said that I would love to have even a 15 minute break to be able to wolf down some lunch, the next day I came in to a print out of the state labor laws highlighting that they didn't have to give people a paid break if only one person was working. It was hilariously passive aggressive, and if I wasn't in desperate need of the paltry income I would've quit.

At the same job, our manager would go shop for cleaning supplies on her Walmart runs, and then put the receipt in with our money to get reimbursed. One of the receipts was just cleaning supplies, all highlighted to show what needed to be reimbursed, and a tube of KY Jelly that was not highlighted. What a glorious day that was.
 

Chakoo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,838
Toronto, Canada
Thinking about this there are two instances from two different companies and both I thought were utterly stupid.

1. Worked for a VR company and at CES we were told not to confirm the hand tracking portion in our demo wasn't simply using a leap motion even though the device on the headset was pretty freaking obvious. So when presenting with the CEO around I'd just let him take the bullet but when not around I'd confirm but just mention it was a test and we're still prototyping out ideas for input (mostly true and we were talking with the LM guys at the following GDC about their new version specifically for OEMs.

2. When leaving a software company I was told I had to give my goodbye email to HR first to review and approve before sending out on my last day. This was bullshit to the highest order and they even came back asking for me to change one work because they felt it came off negatively when it wasn't (it was the world "challenging" when referring to the type of work we were doing). Normally I would tell HR to ***k off on a request like that but didn't this time because I was trying to keep the peace since I was leaving to start up a software company with a former employee. :|
 

Jakenbakin

Member
Jun 17, 2018
11,797
In 2015 I worked for Sam's Club and we were opening a new store. Oklahoma was getting hit with the hardest record setting rains it had ever had for the month of May, and I'm talking roads being submerged, highways flooding, just a torrential downpour. We were asked to go assist another nearby store that was having issues because of course lots of corporate bigwigs were in town and I'm the world of retail you're used to constantly being "walked" by various levels of upper management to get your ass handed to you and asked why you suck so much (hint: it is, quite literally, always payroll).

Anyway, we were soaking up overtime and were asked to go help this other store overnight, so we went to our hotel and were told to keep an eye on the weather before going. But when we called at 9pm and said the tornado sirens were going off, and the torrential downpour was making it impossible for travel, the manager didn't care. And in fact escalated it to their manager to keep calling and harassing us. In the end we made the trip, five of us shoved into a truck, and took two hours navigating flooded, unsafe roads to drive something like 12 miles just to go help what was ultimately an unsalvageable expected club walk (seriously, there was 0 chance of the few of us who made it to make enough of a difference to help with what was needed). And the two bosses that wouldn't stop calling and harassing us volunteers to endanger themselves to help them out? Yeah, they didn't make it.

Retail is a shithole, I could (and have) go on at length. But I don't ever forget the time we were told to endanger our lives for time and a half.

Here's a literal quote from a news article, since one was written about the new store opening amidst the storms:

"I was so proud of the associates who were checking on their families and helping each other take the safest place possible inside this club… You were comforting each other," Moinian said. "It just shows the passion that you have for each other. I'm proud of you… I applaud you for that."

Moinan said the Red Cross reached out to the membership warehouse Thursday morning, and he said the membership warehouse was eager to help business who were flooded by the storms.

"It's part of our culture. It's part of our DNA," Moinian said.

Lol yeah. As a funny aside, for weeks we'd joked about the new store getting hit by a tornado, since locally we consider the town Moore to be tornado-destined. Well we had the slowest soft opening in company history, I think we made like $500, because for the most part we stayed bunkered down as opening day was interrupted by a tornado.
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,647
At a tax and finance place, the owner discovered one of her top dudes was stealing account information and taking it home with plans to jump ship and start his own place and steal all the customers
She found out and confronted him, he was literally crying, he was maybe mid to late twenties I think
She offered him a deal. Either they settle this in court and he ends up poor, or he agrees to destroy any copies he's made of the data and quit immediately, including an inspection of his personal computers and entire home by other employees
He took that deal

And that's how I ended up in the car of a distraught bawling man driving me to his home to rummage through his personal belongings
He was driving like an absolute maniac and I thought for sure this drive was going to end in the hospital
And then it was just as awkward as it sounds when we got there

He had an enormous house filled with junk so none of us even knew where to start
The boss just looked at his PC while the rest of us poked around random ass corners and piles of papers looking for ????
Eventually we left and the boss offered me a minor raise
 

Dan-o

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,887
Worked at a retail store and at Christmas time, we'd always have a tough time keeping enough change on hand for the cash registers, mainly because the boss never ordered enough through the bank.
One day, we were particularly low, so he had me go to the nearest casino to trade in a few hundred dollars in bills for quarters, but not to say what it was for. Casino employee asked, of course, and I said I just liked playing the slots with quarters instead of bills... lol.
They gave me the quarters, and I walked around for about two minutes before just walking out the door.
When I brought the rolls of quarters back to my boss, I said I was never doing that again and told him to do it. He laughed and said he couldn't because the casinos recognized him and wouldn't give him the quarters.
 

Parch

Member
Nov 6, 2017
7,980
I bet personal assistants have some good stories, but that's why non disclosure agreements exist.
 

Green

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,410
Working as an overnight "baker" at a certain popular coffee chain in Canada. Boss said, throw out everything that doesn't sell by 12AM, and don't give anything away (despite having a large homeless population in the area).

I would give that shit away every single night. Every night. There were multiple garbage bags full of no more than 8 hour old bagels, breads, donuts, pastries, etc. No way would I throw that all out. No chance.

They never did anything about it since I was the only one there overnight.
 
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Jakenbakin

Member
Jun 17, 2018
11,797
Worked at a retail store and at Christmas time, we'd always have a tough time keeping enough change on hand for the cash registers, mainly because the boss never ordered enough through the bank.
One day, we were particularly low, so he had me go to the nearest casino to trade in a few hundred dollars in bills for quarters, but not to say what it was for. Casino employee asked, of course, and I said I just liked playing the slots with quarters instead of bills... lol.
They gave me the quarters, and I walked around for about two minutes before just walking out the door.
When I brought the rolls of quarters back to my boss, I said I was never doing that again and told him to do it. He laughed and said he couldn't because the casinos recognized him and wouldn't give him the quarters.
Haha I did the same thing when I worked at a gas station - it wasn't Christmas but maybe like 4th of July I think. I went to two different casinos and got turned down at both.
 

rycisko

Banned
Nov 1, 2017
489
Accepted a WH manager spot at a very big chain company in the Chicago market a few years back. When I took the spot moving from out of state everyone told me I was going to have to work so much harder, "in the big leagues", etc.

Within 2 months there I unearthed over 20K in missing product. Once I finally got my GM allow me to scrub count the entire stores inventory, it rose to about 50-60K.

The entire time I was fixing this, I was being told it was also possibly a result of me (wat) and my team training. My GM would literally intimidate employees and walk up to them saying "how come this didn't go missing until you started here", and even came up to me during one of my lunches with 2 co-workers and said "Looks like a nice lunch there, could be your last"

My final straw was during our yearly Physical Inventory cycle he wanted me to keep $10K of product that was from a different stores.

My 2 weeks went in after that, I wrote up a nice post on Reddit and contacted HR, and haven't been able to find as good of job security since. Yay...

But fuck people like that, yknow?
 

KingK

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,845
Nothing super interesting.

Worked at a McDonald's and we ran out of buns. The manager had me drive my car (I had a Jeep Liberty at the time) to another McDonald's to pick up some of their buns.

When I worked in retail, my manager had me walk to the mechanic a couple blocks away before they closed to pick up his car and bring it to the store parking lot.
 

ChrisBliss117

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,842
I worked at a small local grocery store and one day our credit card readers stopped working. My manager told me to stand near the entrance and tell people our "satellites" were down so they had to use cash.
 

bananab

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,854
I worked at a small local grocery store and one day our credit card readers stopped working. My manager told me to stand near the entrance and tell people our "satellites" were down so they had to use cash.
Lol I love the one-two punch of the pointless lie of just claiming a different thing was broken + sending you out instead of just putting up a sign.
 
Oct 29, 2017
5,292
Minnesota
I film instructional videos at work. Two years ago one of the team leads wanted my help for a presentation he had to give to senior leadership. Wanted a fun video. So me and this other guy drove to his house and I filmed them shooting at used/junk company equipment with actual rifles and pistols, and then edited it together to a Halestorm song.

Senior leadership fucking loved it.