It just sounds like what you're talking about is privilege. I'm white and I don't think I'm a racist. I am definitely privileged though, and I try to offset it somewhat by making donations. If I was a racist, I don't think that helping black people would suddenly make me redeemed. I also think that minorities can be racist - minorities do/say some fucked up shit all the time. But we can agree to disagree.
Here's where you're getting it wrong. You're looking at it as binary. "I don't think I'm a racist." I don't think you are either. I'm saying you're born into a racist society. You have taken many actions, as we all have, that contribute to racism, unknowingly. Because as white people we are not supposed to know. We're not supposed to think about it.
"Making donations" and "Agree to disagree" — this is exactly what I'm talking about when I talk about trained instincts. Parts of your brain are programmed to flinch at any idea of race, or being involved in race, and want to put it aside and feel like it's already been solved as much as it can be. That is how you are supposed to think, as a white person.
As a white person, you can have a much bigger impact by "helping minorities" simply by advocating for them when you don't have to. By helping them when no one asks you to. By making sure people who want to distort what they are saying don't get away with it. That matters more than a one-time donation, or volunteering at a soup kitchen.
You may not think you are "a racist." But your quoted post is racist. Because you're using your position of white privilege to deny racism's existence. You're saying black people and minorities are equally at fault ("both sides"). That satisfies you enough, makes enough sense, that you can now comfortably return to not thinking about racism.
You decided you're not racist. You decided it's something "they" do anyway ("how come they can say the N word but I can't?"). And that was good enough for you to move on and not think about it again.
You might not be waving a Confederate flag, but your posts here is an example of your racism.
I can help you with the next part too. White people
really don't like being accused of racism . They actually hate being called "racist" more than racism itself. This is again part of the instincts that have been trained into us. You're going to want to be defensive, reject the whole thing, write it all off as being stupid nonsense, and again... never think about it again.
The solution is to sit with it, think about it, read about it, learn about it. Then realize that your position as a white guy gives you not only the inherent powers of a racist society, but if you decide to be a hero about it, you can then also use that privilege to help tear down those racist structures.