What are some prayers or philosophies or anything that you find comfort in?

[Deleted member 61002]

I know this isn't a religious forum and hell I'm not even a very religious man. But I'm struggling. I made a thread last month about my Dad being in the hospital with Covid and at the beginning of the month he passed. I'm not doing well mental health wise. My brain is convincing me I'm gonna die too and that nothing means anything and the end is coming and my Dad is gone and I just don't know what the fuck to do. So what do any of you find comfort it?

 

[nilbog]

When I sometimes worry about death I take comfort in the fact that I was born, and it's proof that I can be born again.

 

[AoM]

De rerum natura - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Helix]

When I sometimes worry about death I take comfort in the fact that I was born, and it's proof that I can be born again.

Click to shrink...

wow that's deep

 

[Stabi]

I take comfort in my kids, just stopping an instant and realize that I helped to gave life, and thinking about them laughing and asking for hugs.

That's the best feeling I've found so far when I'm feeling down

 

[Deleted member 21709]

I'm sorry about your father. Condolences.

 

[RomanticHeroX]

Real talk, sometimes I think about Gandalf's speech on death when I feel the existential dread. Who knows what death is really like, but I'd like to imagine it's something like this.

 

[Rats]

I just learned to lean into the nihilism a bit, I guess. If nothing ultimately matters, I'm not gonna change that fact by worrying about it. All I can do is try to make the best of the little time I've got.

 

[halcali]

I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I done everything. But I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on here, and a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we're all alone in this universe.

 

[Chadtwo]

I try to do things like think about death every day, and remind myself that part of the deal of being alive is that bad shit happens unexpectedly, and that's just a part of living. You have no claim to a utopian life, and tragedy can strike at any moment, so there's not much point in worrying about it. That sounds dark, but I'm serious — doing this makes it much easier for me to cope with horrible things when they do happen and when you face minor annoyances or inconveniences it helps put things in perspective. It's sort of a Stoic idea? Though philosophically I wouldn't really formally identify as such.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

 

[Heraldic]

I found comfort in heathenry, a reconstruction religion predating Christianity. Also goes by the Icelandic religion name of asatru. It's a belief in the Norse gods called the aesir and the vanir. The mythology is beautiful, as well as it's views of animisim, and the vaettir, or spirits.
I make offerings, otherwise know as blots, to the goddess Freya, and meditate. The historical texts are beautiful including the Poetic Edda and the Hamaval. Just make sure to follow the inclusive branches, and not the groups that the white supremacists have sadly attempted to co-opt, including the symbols of the mojlinor, and other Germanic symbols. Many heathens are taking stands against these hateful racists, (aka declaration 127) and attempting to reclaim their religion and symbols by speaking out.

 

[Strings]

I'm really sorry to hear that OP.

When things take a turn for the worse, I typically lean into Stoicism. The thinking is best summed up by a bunch of quotes from Marcus Aurelius's Meditations:

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

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Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.

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Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly.

Click to shrink...

And so on. Basically, separate what's under your control and what isn't, and then make the best of it.

 

[WizardofPeace]

When I sometimes worry about death I take comfort in the fact that I was born, and it's proof that I can be born again.

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We dont know what came before and we wont know what comes after.

 

[mentok15]

Mark Twain:

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Click to shrink...

 

[Bigwombat]

When my mom died of cancer 6 years ago I lived in Texas and stayed while she was in hospice. She had a storage unit and said to grab whatever I wanted before she died. I found an old ewok stuffed animal that she gave me when I was a baby.

I brought him home and my wife named him Russell. FYI I'm 39, but Russell hangs out on my night stand and sometimes I snuggle with him when I'm depressed. It reminds me of my mom and the fact that my wife named him was super comforting to me.

I'm not religious. Russell is kind of a medatitive device/guy that I appreciate. No joke if my house was burning down and my wife was OK I'd search for my stuffed ewok before fleeing.

 

[Red or Alive]

I find myself repeating "This, too, shall pass." an awful lot these days.

It's not always enough - and I don't think it's meant for the kind of pain you're going through, OP - but sometimes it gets me through the day.

 

[Sölf]

Monty Python's Always look on the bright side of life

I have a positive outlook on life anyway, but if I feel down this still cheers me up. The basic message of just staying positive is more or less all I need.

 

[focusedmaple]

Write a journal, OP. You'll find a kind of peace as you write. Everyone's peace will be different, and yours may never heal fully, but the sadness and struggle will resolve and will be incorporated into your life and you will walk with them.

 

[Rosebud]

Carl Sagan books totally changed the way I see life and death for the better.

This quote of Ann Druyan after his death as well:

"When my husband died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me-it still sometimes happens-and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don't ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. . . . That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. . . . That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time. . . . That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it's much more meaningful. . . . The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don't think I'll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful."

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[Deleted member 22651]

Plato's Phaedo is a drama about Socrates' last hours and his death in the jail of Athens. In it Socrates describes death as either a gate to afterlife, which he believed it to be so and argues in favor of, or simply a dreamless deep sleep from which you never wake up (and who among us would not trade days of our life for a single nigh of sleep).

Whenever I became angst regarding death, my own and of my loved ones, I always go back to that reasoning. Be strong, be the best you can be, it will eventually get better.

 

[RedSonja]

Do your best to be a good person and enjoy the ride. That's it.

 

[DeusOcha]

Condolences on your father, I wish him a speedy recovery. As for what to find comfort in, I personally subscribed to atheism with a hit of nihilism when depressed during most of my life and might still do to a degree. The peace of mind in not having any care or thought to afterlives and whatnot is great; live in the moment as it were.

Nowadays I still lack that drive to care about what awaita beyond death but have been enjoying peace with nature due to my local area being so green and beautiful.

 

[Pickman]

You're only leasing some carbon from a star. Life is meaningless. Let go. Enjoy the moment.

 

[Shin Kojima]

Ironically I find comfort in the fact that we all die. Incidentally my dad died a few weeks ago as well. Mom died when I was a kid.

 

[obin_gam]

"It will get better.
't might take a while, but it will get better."

Also the best one is the swedish translation of one of the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves song:

"None of this will matter in 100 years."

 

[Wackamole]

Very sorry to hear about your dad. My condolences.
In this case the only real comfort would be that you at least had a great history together. That you were there for each other and that you loved each other.
That you were meaningful to each other in this life.

I find comfort in the idea that we are insignificant and that we don't really matter, considering we are here only for a short while and considering even our sun will be gone one day. The comforting thought it that YOU can decide how to give meaning to your short assed life. Do what gives you pleasure or satisfaction, without ruining the pursuit of happiness of other people (you're in no way more important than another person). For most people this thought is unbearable. I think that has to do with vanity. It should be a liberating thought. You can matter to people around you. You can have a profound effect on other people's life. But in thousand years or more, we'll all be gone and none will be remembered.

Anyway, take care and i hope the pain will slowly change into pride of having known him and having shared part of your life with him.

 

[Kopite]

Mark Twain:

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This is my go to

 

[RM8]

I haven't gone through it myself, but I imagine losing your parents is one of the hardest hits we have to endure through life. So first of all, allow you to feel bad about it, while understanding why you're feeling like this. It's not going to be like this forever. My mother was devastated when my grandmother died, more so than most people. Yet she eventually was able to move on, and I think she's living a happy life even decades afterwards. We are built to endure these hardships and I believe you'll be okay with enough time :)

Treasure the happy times with your father, and strive to have many more of them in your life going forward. Please don't obsess over "meaning". If living a good life and being a positive influence is important to you, why does it matter if it's not some kind of universal rule? Is it really that bad that there's no "guide of things that are actually meaningful"?

 

[GamerJM]

Mindful Meditation. The thing I've really taken from it is that focusing on nothing but the pure sensory feelings you're getting by just existing for a few minutes at a time can be relaxing and bring you back to reality.

 

[Forerunner]

The world is afflicted by death and decay. But the wise do not grieve, having realized the nature of the world. -Sutta Nipata

Click to shrink...

Buddhism helped me. It's not a religion unless you want it to be. For me, it's just a way of life. The Buddha has a lot of good teachings that can help anyone regardless of their beliefs. Also as mentioned above, meditation is another great tool. It can definitely be challenging at first, but it is well worth the effort to try; there have been many studies that show the benefits of it:

Harvard researchers study how mindfulness may change the brain in depressed patients

Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School are examining how mindfulness meditation may change the brain in depressed patients.

news.harvard.edu

Meditation and Mindfulness: What You Need To Know

This fact sheet provides information about meditation and mindfulness for conditions such as high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and pain.

www.nccih.nih.gov

Also, some reading I would recommend:

 

[Viriditas]

I'm a Wiccan/witch and I think the writings of Kahlil Gibran are hard to beat. The Prophet is my favorite spiritual text.

An excerpt: "On Love"

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
He threshes you to make your naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your heart you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

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"On Death"

Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of Death.
And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Click to shrink...

Also, if you haven't already seen it, perhaps this would be an opportune time to start watching The Good Place. Both in terms of offering some distraction from grief with its hilarity and extreme binge-ability, and also because it has some incredibly insightful and impactful philosophical messages that I think you would find helpful in this time. There's a specific scene I'm thinking about where a beloved character offers his thoughts on passing away, and I considered posting it here, but I'd rather not spoil the moment if you do indeed end up watching the series.

PS -- I keep this quote posted in my apartment: "If you're going through Hell, keep going."

 

[Winstano]

I know this isn't a religious forum and hell I'm not even a very religious man. But I'm struggling. I made a thread last month about my Dad being in the hospital with Covid and at the beginning of the month he passed. I'm not doing well mental health wise. My brain is convincing me I'm gonna die too and that nothing means anything and the end is coming and my Dad is gone and I just don't know what the fuck to do. So what do any of you find comfort it?

Click to shrink...

My dad passed 13 years ago this month, and I was in a very similar boat to you. It's a completely normal feeling, and it's part of the process. I know it's going to sound hollow coming from a stranger on the internet, but my DMs are open if you want to vent.

The one thing that someone said to me in the immediate aftermath of his passing that stuck with me beyond anything else was "Don't try and get over it. Just learn to live with it". You shouldn't ever feel like you need to be "moving past" anything, and that was the thing that kept me going.

I just took solace in the fact that I had some incredible memories with my dad, and as time went on I became more and more grateful for that. I was angry for a long, long time, but I realised that I wasn't going to change anything or become a better person by being resentful. So in terms of a "philosophy" for life, I try and just live by a simple "don't be a dick" mantra and just try to be the best person I can be, being as true to the memory of my dad as I can be. My mental health takes major hits every so often, but I've never been as low as I was in the year following his death.

Stay strong. It's easier said than done, but take it a day at a time.

 

[Marcus Aurelius]

It won't come as any surprise, but I highly recommend Stoicism, especially when trying to work through grief

 

[the-pi-guy]

I've been having very similar thoughts, because my dog passed away two weeks ago. It's been difficult.

I broke down crying and shaking from anxiety the past few days.

 

[Combo]

Go read stuff about NDEs.

 

[TheXbox]

A thousand ages in thy sight
Are like an evening gone;
Short as the watch that ends the night
Before the rising sun.

 

[Deleted member 15240]

Personally, I find a lot of solace in the concept of Amor Fati, the idea that we should strive to love life and our fate unconditionally and consider everything, both good and bad, as necessary. I can't even imagine the difficult time you're going through right now but maybe that can help you cope. Perhaps it helps to remind yourself that alongside the pain, every new day also brings with it new opportunities to remember and cherish the time you've spent with your dad.

 

[iAmPossum]

"Memento Mori" OP. Remember that you will die.

 

[LProtagonist]

I like actually studying existentialism. The fact that everything is inherently meaningless can be incredibly reassuring in that it means you're not ever failing at life because there's no goals set out for you. Just what you want to get out of it.

 

[nel e nel]

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

[molnizzle]

"Never trust a fart."

 

[kamineko]

I didn't say anything in the thread about your father because i didn't want to make it about me, but my mother died around the same time after a long hospital stay. My father's in poor health and my sister and I don't know where that's heading

I think it's good to stay in close contact with friends and/or family if possible, it is very easy to withdraw and shut down

I grew up Episcopalian and even though i don't generally believe, the repetitive nature of ritual is reassuring to me. I think my behavior is more important than my belief

In that spirit I think it is a good time to find a thing or things you can do daily--secular or otherwise--that are comforting and meaningful. I also think it is important for us to be patient with ourselves, these are huge losses and it will take time to make peace with them

 

[Jindrax]

When I sometimes worry about death I take comfort in the fact that I was born, and it's proof that I can be born again.

Click to shrink...

That's really nice. If you came up with that 10/10 fam!

 

[The Curry Witch]

Buddhism helped me. It's not a religion unless you want it to be. For me, it's just a way of life. The Buddha has a lot of good teachings that can help anyone regardless of their beliefs. Also as mentioned above, meditation is another great tool. It can definitely be challenging at first, but it is well worth the effort to try; there have been many studies that show the benefits of it:

Harvard researchers study how mindfulness may change the brain in depressed patients

Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School are examining how mindfulness meditation may change the brain in depressed patients.

news.harvard.edu

Meditation and Mindfulness: What You Need To Know

This fact sheet provides information about meditation and mindfulness for conditions such as high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and pain.

www.nccih.nih.gov

Also, some reading I would recommend:

Click to shrink...

Kewlz thank you for the recommendations, I shall check these books out.

As to me, I'm a positive nihilist and it's very easy for me to remind myself of that. I go through life like the fish that swam in the water. And then it was eaten.

 

[Deleted member 56803]

The Myth of Sisyphus - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

"A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future."

 

[julia crawford]

I can't remember where i read it from. It was so long ago, and i think it was my eighth grade science teacher that taught me this. How nothing really disappears, it just changes into something else. Like how i was something else before being born, and when i pass, i will transform into something else (like disintegrating into the soil). I like that. It gives a history to everything and a place for all cycles of life and death.

 

[Deleted member 2317]

The "fear is the mind killer" mantra really did get me through some shit.

 

[Fuu]

Mindful meditation and Stoicism. Started practicing and studying them around the same time, and although it's not a magic bullet the improvements in the way I live and relate to other people is undeniable.

 

[EnlightenedMint]

Reading a lot of Buddhism and other eastern philosophy/religion has certainly helped.

Recently "What's Wrong with Right Now, Unless You Think About It?" by Sailor Bob Adamson has really seemed to have an impact.

 

[Tuorom]

Happiness is not real unless it's shared. It's from Into The Wild and the adventures of Christopher McCandless who became disillusioned with his life and sought meaning. Humans are social creatures which should be obvious during this pandemic even more so, and what this boils down to for me is that no matter what you're doing, make sure you are forming relationships with the people you're with. The last thing Chris realized was that even though he completed his goal, the most satisfaction he got was from the relationships he made with the people he met along the way. I'm a very quiet person who has always preoccupied myself with the job I was doing but never really enjoyed it because I always separated myself from others. It's taken me some time to realize that any job can be satisfying if I just start talking to people. Also it reminds me that our greatest satisfaction comes from community, and sharing kindness. To build others up and to offer support bears the greatest gift you could ever receive -> community, friendship, meaningful relationships

From The Fountain, it reinforced my "faith" I guess you could say in the environment (I studied ecology). I've thought for awhile that the idea of god is rather silly when you can look out your door and see "god" in the complex systems of life that were here before us and will be here after us. So I find comfort in that when loved ones die I can find them in the flora and fauna of this beautiful planet, as they will return to the nutrient cycle. I will return there as well which gives me comfort that I can be a part of something larger than myself. I see my grandfather in the forests and the running streams and the spiders and the birds, as no doubt pieces of everyone who passes on are apart of this planet and it's systems. When I appreciate a sunset or sunrise, I am appreciating the human experience.

Also I laugh when I think about "destruction breeds creation" because I originally heard it in a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, but I think there is a lot of truth to it (elementary school deep thoughts haha). I think we focus a lot on the loss when we should be celebrating what was given and what is.