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Inugami

Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,995
Trust me, it's not for the people getting married either. It's mainly for the parents and family of the couple.
Literally the only reason my wife and I got married was because her mother was an asshole and wouldn't let us just elope (and at the time, my wife was pretty beholden to her mother... something we didn't let continue once we had kids). We did manage to keep it small and not incur years of debt over it at least.

This is (partly) why the misses and I are eloping.

I ain't putting that pressure on people. We're going across the country without making my family either go broke or feel shitty for being unable to attend.

Yeah, wish we had been more secretive and just done this. Good luck when the time comes, use the money you save for an awesome time afterwards!
 

ODDI

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,336
You sound like the type won't even stay the after party and bitch about the whole experience.
 

Edge

A King's Landing
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
21,012
Celle, Germany
Got to fly across the county, rent a hotel room, rent a car. Now I get to wear a fucking tux for 5+ hours so I can watch a couple of people say "I do".

Great


With that logic, are birthdays, family celebrations and christmas selfish too?

It's about the whole celebration dude, the party, the food, meeting people, speaking with them, having a good time.
 
Don't the bride and groom usually take care of the expenses for people in their wedding party? If someone asked me to be in their party, and then said I would have to pay for all of that, I would kindly say I simply can't afford it right now. That's a huge commitment that not everyone can handle.

Sometimes, sometimes not. I had to pay for everything for my sister's wedding, while my other friend made the dresses and provided the shoes, jewelry, etc. It's not expected, certainly. There's also the matter of the bachelorette party, dinner, gifts, helping with the planning, etc. It can really add up, but declining based on the cost isn't uncommon, either. Most people are understanding and/or ask people they think are able to afford/dedicate that much time, though.
 

Aftermath

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,756
Not even a friends wedding? Once the obligatory crap is out of the way (ceremony, dinner, photos) they're a lot of fun. At 10 you'd have probably missed out on a lot of that since for adults the booze is a lot of it. But funny you say that, at ours we had a giant box filled with silly props we'd made and a bunch of cheap toys etc like lightsabers for the kids and adults to mess around with in silly photos etc. The adults loved them too, we have so many photos of even 50+ year old people messing around posing with sabers and silly face props, like Mario's hat and stash, that gave us a lot to look back at that we'd missed on the day, plus the kids had fun all day long.

The kids and adults alike took most of the props and toys home then we gave the rest to a nursery school. I'd highly recommend thinking of the kids too if you do ever get married. It also takes some weight off the parents so they can enjoy themselves more.

No I skipped most friends weddings, one I was actually going to go to I was due to go but fell ill, some other friends just haven't got married...yet.

Yeah I was obviously at the age of 10yrs old not going to enjoy it.

Given that I have grown up quite a lot now I may probably given it a go in the future one day, ironically if I had been invited to a wedding whilst I was with my ex I probably would have gone because at least I would have had company.
 

hitme

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,909
NaEKLmx_d.jpg
 

Dust

C H A O S
Member
Oct 25, 2017
32,169
"Sorry I have work, this client is really important" x 1000.
I have been dodging weddings like Neo bullets.
 

Ryuelli

Member
Oct 26, 2017
15,209
The last wedding I went to had an open bar until 10pm. At 9:30pm the bride's father decided that was too early, and paid out of pocket to keep it open until midnight. At midnight, it ended up getting extended to 5am. It was awesome.
 

N.Domixis

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
9,208
The last wedding I went to had an open bar until 10pm. At 9:30pm the bride's father decided that was too early, and paid out of pocket to keep it open until midnight. At midnight, it ended up getting extended to 5am. It was awesome.
Reminds me of when I went to a friends wedding and they asked me why I wasn't drinking.

I looked straight at their face and said I don't need to drink to have fun.

Last time I ever saw those people. Lol
 

Dyno

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
13,256
No I skipped most friends weddings, one I was actually going to go to I was due to go but fell ill, some other friends just haven't got married...yet.

Yeah I was obviously at the age of 10yrs old not going to enjoy it.

Given that I have grown up quite a lot now I may probably given it a go in the future one day, ironically if I had been invited to a wedding whilst I was with my ex I probably would have gone because at least I would have had company.

I'd highly recommend trying your next chance if it's someone you're close to. Once the formalities are done it's just any other party, but with people you'd never manage to get together for a night out or even imagine they'd all get on like that given the age ranges. Company can be an issue though yeah. For ours we made sure to invite people who'd have someone they know closely there so any that didn't have a +1 to bring wouldn't be alone. It comes down to how the hosts handle it really at that point though. Plus I know some people can feel a bit odd coming with a friend instead of a partner, that stigma needs to die out.
 

Darknight

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,805
Someone sounds selfish here but it isn't the couple having the wedding....
 

riotous

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,325
Seattle
I think you need to look up the meaning of "got" and "get", you sound excited if you ignore the thread title.

Got to fly!

Get to rent a tux!
 

Big-E

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,169
Reminds me of when I went to a friends wedding and they asked me why I wasn't drinking.

I looked straight at their face and said I don't need to drink to have fun.

Last time I ever saw those people. Lol

LOL. Do you feel the need to validate your none drinking whenever someone has a story about drinking? How does that story relate to yours?
 

Tbm24

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,240
Pretty sure it's universally known as a selfish thing to do. Which, you know, is okay.
 

Emergency & I

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
6,634
Wife and I are having our wedding in Hawaii. It makes sense since she is Japanese and I'm American. We rented an estate and about 30 people are attending. We are putting everyone up for three days and all food is taken care of. Wedding party has to pay for their clothes and those attending are paying for their plane tickets.

It's a lot of money and stress but we 100% understand those that cant make it.
 

Nose Master

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,717
Weddings are so weird. Theyre a huge money sink to throw a party for the guests, rather than the couple. Its pretty wild theyre still the norm.
 

RochHoch

One Winged Slayer
Member
May 22, 2018
18,884
Agreed, it's complete bullshit

My sister's getting married in a few months, and I basically have no choice but to have my entire weekend be wasted so I can sit around and watch her blow thousands of dollars on a party. It's fucking stupid.
 

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,309
This is why I got married in the courthouse and had a reception in my parents yard.

Weddings are such a waste of money IMO.
 
Oct 29, 2017
3,166
OP complains about weddings being selfish; only uses examples about how they inconvenienced him/her specifically. Lol this fuckin place....
 

LL_Decitrig

User-Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
10,334
Sunderland
Got to fly across the county, rent a hotel room, rent a car. Now I get to wear a fucking tux for 5+ hours so I can watch a couple of people say "I do".

Great

You don't need all this crap. My wife and I took a friend to the Civic Centre, paid a small administration fee and signed the register. Seems to have worked. We're still married nearly 35 years later.
 

Midramble

Force of Habit
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
10,456
San Francisco
They can be selfish against the guests when bride and or groom require you to drop 2k because they want a very specific suit/dress or a distant location with expensive flights and so on. I know people have seen those bridezilla things.
 

neon/drifter

Shit Shoe Wasp Smasher
Member
Apr 3, 2018
4,060
ITT: people who don't understand social obligations
ok. you seem like an honest man. Would you literally go up to the bride and groom and tell them "You're selfish for this event."?

If not, then ya just whining.

If so, then you don't really care about social obligations in the first place.
 

Tracygill

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
1,853
The Left
tired: weddings are inconvenient

wired: weddings are based on patriarchal traditions that view human beings as property

expired: weddings are immoral, the money could have gone to charity

inspired: weddings are a disservice to the fight against climate change and the future of humanity because of travel, consumer goods and having kids
 

MrPoppins

Member
Oct 27, 2017
926
Silicon Valley - CA
No. You aren't obligated to go. Wife and I got invited to a wedding this summer in New York. We are in California. It would cost more than we are comfortable with for all the reasons you listed OP. So we aren't attending. Our friends are a little bummed, but they understand and since they are actual "friends" who want us to do what's best for us. We will send a gift in place of our attendance. Now if you get legit grief or animosity from your friend or family for not attending then that is what's selfish. It's not selfish for you to be invited to the wedding.
 
Dec 12, 2017
4,652
They can be selfish against the guests when bride and or groom require you to drop 2k because they want a very specific suit/dress or a distant location with expensive flights and so on. I know people have seen those bridezilla things.
Yeah, flat out saying the weddings are inherently selfish is ridiculous. But I'm in the line of thinking that destination weddings can certainly get to that.
 

subrock

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,959
Earth
My girlfriend and I are getting married at a music festival on an island nearby, we're providing food and booze, there's no dress code, we're not accepting gifts, we've offered to buy tickets for anyone that can't afford it. There needs to be a little bit of focus on us just by virtue of an event like a wedding, but we're trying very hard to not be selfish.
 

Transistor

Vodka martini, dirty, with Tito's please
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
37,127
Washington, D.C.
When anyone ever says "prove me wrong", they actually just mean "you can't change my mind and I'm not going to listen to your counter arguments"
 

LL_Decitrig

User-Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
10,334
Sunderland
ITT: people who don't understand social obligations

Nobody is obliged (socially or otherwise) to put themselves or anybody else to an unwanted and unnecessary expense. It's merely a comparatively recent custom that has grown up.

For extra giggles, let's look at this old thread. Polygraph tests, dress codes. What a terrible way to start married life.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/br...n-a-polygraph-party-to-find-the-leaker.86163/

Edit: I acknowledge that the thread was closed as unverified. If it's a parody, it's still a very entertaining one.
 

Raza

Member
Nov 7, 2017
1,566
Ohio
My wife and I flew to Portland by ourselves and got married in a doughnut shop in front of a bunch of strangers, not bothering any of our family. It was a nice, simple wedding and we enjoyed it.

There proved you wrong.
 
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