We need to have a talk on how we treat sexual assault victims on this site

[Deleted member 11413]

One of the most depressing things about this for me is that Reade has way more evidence of her assault than I have for years of abuse I suffered, and even with a pretty sizable amount of evidence (more than most victims) so many are unwilling to believe her. Maybe this is selfish, but I see that and I think...how will anyone believe me, if I can't even produce that much evidence? I was silent for almost my entire life about what happened to me, and I already feared telling anyone in my life about it because of the shame and guilt associated with the abuse. I see what's happening to her and it just seems futile.

 

[Surfinn]

One of the most depressing things about this for me is that Reade has way more evidence of her assault than I have for years of abuse I suffered, and even with a pretty sizable amount of evidence (more than most victims) so many are unwilling to believe her. Maybe this is selfish, but I see that and I think...how will anyone believe me, if I can't even produce that much evidence? I was silent for almost my entire life about what happened to me, and I already feared telling anyone in my life about it because of the shame and guilt associated with the abuse. I see what's happening to her and it just seems futile.

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:(..

I'm sorry. Thanks for sharing that, at least know you're not alone and that we're all fighting hard to make sure voices here are heard and not discarded.

 

[Deleted member 4274]

One of the most depressing things about this for me is that Reade has way more evidence of her assault than I have for years of abuse I suffered, and even with a pretty sizable amount of evidence (more than most victims) so many are unwilling to believe her. Maybe this is selfish, but I see that and I think...how will anyone believe me, if I can't even produce that much evidence? I was silent for almost my entire life about what happened to me, and I already feared telling anyone in my life about it because of the shame and guilt associated with the abuse. I see what's happening to her and it just seems futile.

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Same. I was super young, so no evidence. The reaction to Tara Reades story gives me little hope i'll EVER get a sense of well-being.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

:(..

I'm sorry. Thanks for sharing that, at least know you're not alone and that we're all fighting hard to make sure voices here are heard and not discarded.

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Appreciate your posts lately, definitely helps for feeling not alone.

Same. I was super young, so no evidence. The reaction to Tara Reades story gives me little hope i'll EVER get a sense of well-being.

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I guess the only sense of well-being we will ever get comes from within. No point in expecting societal acceptance and acknowledgement. Work towards it, absolutely. Hope for it, sure. But we shouldn't expect it.

 

[Wilf Netherton]

Deep respect for all of the victims of sexual abuse and assault telling a part of their stories here. Please be well, you aren't forgotten.

 

[Kyuuji]

I walked back out of reading that recent thread when I saw a user who I've have had on ignore since he repeatedly dismissed allegations from victims against Michael Jackson was back acting 'confused around the the periphery of another rape victim.

My question on the last page around how we're distilling things down to quickly banning for hostility instead of appreciating and addressing things that contribute toward such reactions is still blanked to boot.

 

[Surfinn]

Fucking disgusting, and to claim to be an ally of MeToo. That's why I try to stay out of those conversations when it's clear where they're headed. But the blatant hypocrisy is too much.

People think we can't see them

 

[Kyuuji]

Fucking disgusting, and to claim to be an ally of MeToo. That's why I try to stay out of those conversations when it's clear where they're headed.

People think we can't see them

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Wise considering if you react with a degree of venom to someone downplaying something serious now you face a ban half the length of their eventual one.

Preferable to let them continue and ignore the thread someone is shitting it up.

 

[Surfinn]

Wise considering if you react with a degree of venom to someone downplaying something serious now you face a ban half the length of their eventual one.

Preferable to let them continue and ignore the thread someone is shitting it up.

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I'm trying to be careful with my responses so that doesn't happen.

 

[Kyuuji]

I'm trying to be careful with my responses so that doesn't happen.

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Better person than me. My tolerance for people looking to dismiss or downplay and antagonising posts from them has waned and being muzzled into being courteous toward them isn't something I can maintain consistency around.

 

[Surfinn]

Better person than me. My tolerance for people looking to dismiss or downplay and antagonising posts from them has waned, and being muzzled into being courteous toward them isn't something I can maintain consistency around.

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For me I'm in constant fluctuation between staying the fuck out of everything and not being able to not say something. But my presence in political threads in general has died down because of the way people have acted towards me

But I feel that anger, it comes and goes.

 

[Kyuuji]

For me I'm in constant fluctuation between staying the fuck out of everything and not being able to not say something.

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I feel this. Stay safe Surfinn 💜

 

[Surfinn]

I feel this. Stay safe Surfinn 💜

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You too friend.

 

[Xaszatm]

I feel this. Stay safe Surfinn 💜

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You too friend.

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Stay safe.

 

[Xaszatm]

You know it is frustrating to see multiple people who have previously been banned for casting doubt and refusing to believe women swarm my other thread "just asking questions" or even mocking the victim. Funny how that seems to happen.

 

[gogosox82]

You know it is frustrating to see multiple people who have previously been banned for casting doubt and refusing to believe women swarm my other thread "just asking questions" or even mocking the victim. Funny how that seems to happen.

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They are just brazen at this point.

 

[Audioboxer]

One of the most depressing things about this for me is that Reade has way more evidence of her assault than I have for years of abuse I suffered, and even with a pretty sizable amount of evidence (more than most victims) so many are unwilling to believe her. Maybe this is selfish, but I see that and I think...how will anyone believe me, if I can't even produce that much evidence? I was silent for almost my entire life about what happened to me, and I already feared telling anyone in my life about it because of the shame and guilt associated with the abuse. I see what's happening to her and it just seems futile.

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Sorry to hear that. It's never futile.

At this stage given the stacking evidence in the Reade case, that is really when anyone expressing doubt is supposed to start to re-evaluate. So it does tend to weed out bad faith actors if it appears no amount of evidence is going to be accepted.

 

[lowmelody]

I walked back out of reading that recent thread when I saw a user who I've have had on ignore since he repeatedly dismissed allegations from victims against Michael Jackson was back acting 'confused around the the periphery of another rape victim.

My question on the last page around how we're distilling things down to quickly banning for hostility instead of appreciating and addressing things that contribute toward such reactions is still blanked to boot.

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OH yeah, I've notice this poster doing this shit for YEARS. Always mealy mouth death by a thousands cuts when it comes to sexual assault. They're in the last Biden thread being the moderate voice of pragmatic reason.

Go ahead an carve out a exception for yourself and make excuses based on what the rule of lawwww says, but we see you. All of you, cloistered or not.

 

[Seductivpancakes]

I'm sorry this is happening. There's not much I can do outside from catching a ban.

I've just realized a lot of Asian Era have already vacated this forum. Most of the talking is done on discord now.

 

[lowmelody]

Permitting this kind of discussion while banning victims that forcefully pushing back on literally traumatic dismissal is absolutely cruel.

Do you hear me? It's cruel to hold victims responsible for how they respond to dismissals. No matter how many paragraphs they use to say the same thing; "Victims are inconvenient so fuck em"

No you're not an ally if you believe the victim but still reward their abusers. Deal the entire FUCK with it.

 

[gogosox82]

I'm sorry this is happening. There's not much I can do outside from catching a ban.

I've just realized a lot of Asian Era have already vacated this forum. Most of the talking is done on discord now.

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That is sad.

 

[lowmelody]

I don't envy the mods one bit. No matter how furious I get at basura posts dismissing rape victims I know it's hard to zero in on the same things and act on them quickly. Especially when it's woven into long winded, seemingly reasonable posts over time.

People emulate their fav politicians and try to underhandedly imply things and while it's easy to see when you've dealt with it you're entire life, inexperience makes it seem foggy and the worthy goal of impartiality makes it even easier to stumble on crossed wires.

 

[Surfinn]

I don't envy the mods one bit. No matter how furious I get at basura posts dismissing rape victims I know it's hard to zero in on the same things and act on them quickly. Especially when it's woven into long winded, seemingly reasonable posts over time.

People emulate their fav politicians and try to underhandedly imply things and while it's easy to see when you've dealt with it you're entire life, inexperience makes it seem foggy and the worthy goal of impartiality makes it even easier to stumble on crossed wires.

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I think it's important to set the standard now, that enough is enough. These issues won't go away, especially as we move towards November. Thankfully it looks like concern trolling and skirting around the forum rules is starting to be actioned.

It sucks to see so many people who purposely doubt victims but with it in ways that make it more difficult to be banned.

It's the reason why I stay out of threads I would otherwise post in. Why it doesn't feel safe.

 

[Faith]

My question on the last page around how we're distilling things down to quickly banning for hostility instead of appreciating and addressing things that contribute toward such reactions is still blanked to boot.

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I'm not surprised it was completely blanked, the same shit happened last year in a trans related thread last year around the time of trans awareness week where someone was posting blatantly transphobic crap goading people into replying and when people got hostile they were the ones who got banned first instead of the transphobe. Seems things didn't change here.

 

[lowmelody]

I think it's important to set the standard now, that enough is enough. These issues won't go away, especially as we move towards November. Thankfully it looks like concern trolling and skirting around the forum rules is starting to be actioned.

It sucks to see so many people who purposely doubt victims but with it in ways that make it more difficult to be banned.

It's the reason why I stay out of threads I would otherwise post in. Why it doesn't feel safe.

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I completely agree it's long passed time to bring the hammer down with zero exceptions. Things are grim but at some point it has to be done, this isn't tenable.

 

[Deleted member 9100]

I'm sorry this is happening. There's not much I can do outside from catching a ban.

I've just realized a lot of Asian Era have already vacated this forum. Most of the talking is done on discord now.

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This site completely excuses racism towards asian. Any thread about asian racism you have multiple posts "i dont see whats racist about that", with no bans or warnings.

 

[Messofanego]

I walked back out of reading that recent thread when I saw a user who I've have had on ignore since he repeatedly dismissed allegations from victims against Michael Jackson was back acting 'confused around the the periphery of another rape victim.

My question on the last page around how we're distilling things down to quickly banning for hostility instead of appreciating and addressing things that contribute toward such reactions is still blanked to boot.

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Finally Kharvey16 is banned for dismissiveness around sexual assault, after a LONG history of this like you pointed out.

 

[Seductivpancakes]

Finally Kharvey16 is banned for dismissiveness around sexual assault, after a LONG history of this like you pointed out.

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" Long history of concern trolling in sensitive threads. "

 

[lowmelody]

Gives me hope that appeals to legal criteria to scrutinize victims are no longer valid cover.

 

[Noodle]

This site completely excuses racism towards asian. Any thread about asian racism you have multiple posts "i dont see whats racist about that", with no bans or warnings.

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I can only find one past ban for this user?

 

[Seductivpancakes]

I can only find one past ban for this user?

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Now that is a list of reasons I have never seen on this forum.

 

[Morrigan]

The bans were for abusing the report system (after a very blatant pattern of behaviour), so the banner is not on a specific post. It is however recorded in the system and visible to all staff.

 

[BADMAN]

The bans were for abusing the report system (after a very blatant pattern of behaviour), so the banner is not on a specific post. It is however recorded in the system and visible to all staff.

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Can you explain what a pattern of behaviour means in this context? I'm not entirely sure what abusing the report system means outside of sending abusively written reports or reporting a poster several times in the same thread. The official Era guide doesn't go into a lot of detail on what's considered improper use of the reporting system

EDIT: I didn't fully read the ban message apparently. Just as a little feedback, I'd still like to see what reports a user was banned for in a public post in the future as well as a more detailed guideline for what constitutes an abuse of the report system.

 

[Kyuuji]

I'm not surprised it was completely blanked, the same shit happened last year in a trans related thread last year around the time of trans awareness week where someone was posting blatantly transphobic crap goading people into replying and when people got hostile they were the ones who got banned first instead of the transphobe. Seems things didn't change here.

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Seems so.

-
e: The last post summed it up better. Would rather a response to that than a vector of frustration.

 

[HylianSeven]

Here we go again...fortunately the other thread has had relatively few defenders because it's pretty hard to refute that shit now.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

Here we go again...fortunately the other thread has had relatively few defenders because it's pretty hard to refute that shit now.

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The walkback still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. The whole "believe the victim" mantra was thrown out immediately when it didn't suit people's agenda for the upcoming election, and then people got banned for calling out Biden. Even if the current evidence is hard to refute, there was no reason why the behaviour should've been the way it was.

 

[HylianSeven]

The walkback still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. The whole "believe the victim" mantra was thrown out immediately when it didn't suit people's agenda for the upcoming election, and then people got banned for calling out Biden. Even if the current evidence is hard to refute, there was no reason why the behaviour should've been the way it was.

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Yeah, someone even linked a tweet in that thread from someone that basically said it's all a hoax/nothing/etc. and that we "shouldn't get distracted". The tweet was still made TODAY.

I'm glad at least people are finally recognizing this, but I agree, it's infuriating it took this long to get here.

 

[Surfinn]

Sucks that it's taking basically irrefutable evidence to keep people from openly shitting on victims of sexual abuse. Just goes to show you where people's hearts are

 

[zero_suit]

Sucks that it's taking basically irrefutable evidence to keep people from openly shitting on victims of sexual abuse. Just goes to show you where people's hearts are

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For some people, things change once it hits their "side."

 

[Surfinn]

Calling out sexual assault is now being described as "party purity" and "perceived character flaws", among other things. There's also been a strong return of "why didn't she come forward earlier?"

Edit: and now we're back to victim blaming based on timing, and that it's possibly "manufactured"

Victims have to deal with a lot of shit, and I can't imagine being in the public spotlight over this. Must be hell

 

[HiLife]

Sucks that it's taking basically irrefutable evidence to keep people from openly shitting on victims of sexual abuse. Just goes to show you where people's hearts are

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Fr. I've been lurking these threads and noticed that.

 

[Xaszatm]

Today I learned that this entire thing is fine because Biden isn't a "full-time rapist".

Just...what? WHAT!?! WHAAAA!?!

 

[Seductivpancakes]

Today I learned that this entire thing is fine because Biden isn't a "full-time rapist".

Just...what? WHAT!?! WHAAAA!?!

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A mod even posted how they're proud of this community lol

 

[Surfinn]

A mod even posted how they're proud of this community lol

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That actually pissed me off

 

[unknownspectator]

so, nothing really changed then?

 

[Faith]

Today I learned that this entire thing is fine because Biden isn't a "full-time rapist".

Just...what? WHAT!?! WHAAAA!?!

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Wait, did someone here actually say that?

Either way, I have no words, saying something like that is absolutely disgusting.

 

[Faith]

Double post, sorry.

 

[Deleted member 14192]

"User Banned (2 weeks): antagonizing other users "
What and where?

 

[Morrigan]

A number of the posts being referenced above have been moderated, or are going to be as soon as we get to process them. Some of them have been completely unacceptable and yes, it's frustrating and appalling to read them. Believe me, I know this all too well.

That said, this has now become a place to just attack other members and mods. The moderator being referenced here has been a consistent ally who has defended Tara Reade and attacked Joe Biden at every opportunity, yet is being paraphrased completely out of context in order to be dunked on. This kind of toxicity is not acceptable, and we're putting a stop to it.

Please continue reporting posts that minimize sexual assault and/or attack victims. Such posts have always been bannable and will continue to be. This does not mean posters have free rein to lash out towards other members.