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Was I wrong at this halloween party for asking for a photo with girl in her costume

Baji Boxer

Baji Boxer

Chicken Chaser
Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,381
Can be as simple as body language or tone of voice that you might not be self aware of, and we certainly wouldn't be. Maybe you checked her out too obviously before hand and seemed like a creeper? Or maybe she's just reacting to being "hit on" by someone she wasn't attracted to. Or you weren't the first to ask for a photo lol. Lots of possible scenarios that you (and us) just aren't aware of.

And don't message her about maybe being weird. That's weird.
 
OP
OP
DragonSJG

DragonSJG

Banned
Mar 4, 2019
14,341
Baji Boxer said:
Can be as simple as body language or tone of voice that you might not be self aware of, and we certainly wouldn't be. Maybe you checked her out too obviously before hand and seemed like a creeper? Or maybe she's just reacting to being "hit on" by someone she wasn't attracted to. Or you weren't the first to ask for a photo lol. Lots of possible scenarios that you (and us) just aren't aware of.

And don't message her about maybe being weird. That's weird.
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No, I definitely did not check her out or anything like that. Believe me, I do not do that
 

Deleted member 32561

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 11, 2017
3,831
OP, as someone with General Anxiety Disorder: you're overthinking it.
I go to cons all the time. I've had a couple of awkward encounters with cosplayers before. The awkward interactions haunt me, sure, in spite of the fact no one got hurt and no one's personal space or peace of mind was invaded. But, in the end, it was just that: awkward. Neither you nor her did anything particularly wrong.

Move on. Get a talk therapist if it effects you that badly.
 
OP
OP
DragonSJG

DragonSJG

Banned
Mar 4, 2019
14,341
Mewshuji said:
OP, as someone with General Anxiety Disorder: you're overthinking it.
I go to cons all the time. I've had a couple of awkward encounters with cosplayers before. The awkward interactions haunt me, sure, in spite of the fact no one got hurt and no one's personal space or peace of mind was invaded. But, in the end, it was just that: awkward. Neither you nor her did anything particularly wrong.

Move on. Get a talk therapist if it effects you that badly.
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I don't need therapy for this, lol but right on overthinking
 
DiipuSurotu

DiipuSurotu

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
53,148
Maximus said:
you don't check people out? There's wrong about seeing someone and thinking they are attractive. There is something wrong if you stalk them, make them uncomfortable or make weird comments...
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BashNasty said:
There's nothing inherently wrong with checking people out, people naturally find each other attractive. It becomes a problem when you take it too far, i.e leering at someone.
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Some people don't like being checked out
 
Listai

Listai

50¢
Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,669
You asked so you didn't do anything wrong - obviously things ended up being a little awkward but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

Photo opportunities will come about organically at parties, so maybe don't ask.
 
Atisha

Atisha

Banned
Nov 28, 2017
1,331
Over thinking is when you've worked it through, got a good bun for the oven but you still keep kneading that dough. It ruins the flavor.
 
Lumination

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
12,489
DragonSJG said:
My friend then asked her after she became a part of our photo. "Hey, do you know DragonSJG" and she replied in a joking(?)."Yeah, he asked me to take a f*cking photo a million times" and I was thinking "Oh crap baskets, I did make it weird" but I replied jokingly "It was only once" and she responded "true".
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This was her sensing your intentions and trying to defuse and drop the situation. You didn't do anything wrong, but don't try to use apologizing as a way to pick the thread back up again.
 
Lunchbox

Lunchbox

ƃuoɹʍ ʇᴉ ƃuᴉop ǝɹ,noʎ 'ʇɥƃᴉɹ sᴉɥʇ pɐǝɹ noʎ ɟI
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,548
Rip City
I'd say play it out cold the rest of the way but as it was/is it's okay.
 

Deleted member 42102

User requested account closure
Banned
Apr 13, 2018
733
Let it go bruv. As a fellow over thinker myself, sometimes you just gotta turn that brain off and leave people alone boss.
 
Listai

Listai

50¢
Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,669
Fiction said:
Apologizing for making it weird will make it even weirder. Move on and forget about it.
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100%

I never understand the train of thought to throw fuel on the fire by contacting someone about something they've probably already forgotten about.

"Hi BLANK, it's PERSON here, I was wearing COSTUME at PARTY, I realise I may have come off as a little forward by asking you for a photo but I'm actually just a big fan of FRANCHISE and I really liked your take on CHARACTER. I actually do a lot of COSPLAY in my spare time and thought ..."
 
Nacho

Nacho

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,121
NYC
Without being there, I can't really say if how you asked was wrong, but I don't necessarily think asking if you guys already had a friendly rapport was bad. But really, hard to judge with no first hand knowledge of the sitch.
 
8byte

8byte

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt-account
Banned
Oct 28, 2017
9,880
Kansas
Don't apologize and she sounds pretty bland. Keep your photo and move on.
 
ResetGreyWolf

ResetGreyWolf

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,429
OSHAN said:
hmmm-did-i-this-is-helping-did-i-overthink-things-27394024.png
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Haven't done a right-click -> save photo this hard in a long time.

OP, I can't add much more than what has already been said, but yes you are definitely overthinking it, and no don't worry about it
 
Akira86

Akira86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,594
DragonSJG said:
Defuse and drop?
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they still think you were chatting her up, bruv

how about this? maybe it wasn't even you, but the situation that reminded her of something? like another time someone asked her for a pic and it was actually creepy.

what if she was thinking about how non-awkward your request came off? how perfectly reasonable it seemed, and maybe that's what threw her off?
it could be she was expecting some creepy stuff, was prepared for it, and when it didn't happen all she was left with was ".....ok. sure."
 
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Gustaf

Gustaf

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
14,926
with the info the op is providing the only thing i can say is

she was teasing you
 
Jam

Jam

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,051
DiipuSurotu said:
But why?
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Because in normal human interactions sometimes people tease each other?

OP for real this is a whole lot of nothing. There's a 99% chance she was just playfully teasing you, and there's nothing more to it; and even if she wasn't it's something you drop and just let go. Messaging her so you don't seem weird will just make you look weird, absolutely do not message her.

And if you see her at another social function don't totally avoid her, and don't go straight over to talk to her or mention this. Just be natural, if you interact you interact, if not you don't.

You're definitely just over thinking this entire thing. You did nothing wrong so don't sweat it and just forget it.
 

devSin

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,196
The sort of person who would come to the forum and write a long post about an innocuous interaction with another person (making sure to let us know he thinks she's cute) is the sort of person I'm willing to believe isn't exactly giving the whole story.

You did make it weird. Leave her alone.
 
Elandyll

Elandyll

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
8,827
Sounds like other people had already been bothering her about photos/ coming strongly at her and it could be that you were just one guy too many on the pile.
Or she just wasn't in the mood for pictures.

Anyhoo, don't overthink it. If things happened like you said, you did nothing wrong.
 

Deleted member 7148

Oct 25, 2017
6,827
Everything sounds fine to me. Maybe she's just weird about taking pictures with people she doesn't know very well. That's not your fault. Just move on and forget about it. I wouldn't message her or anything like that. You don't need to apologize and it'll probably make things more awkward.
 
Elderly Parrot

Elderly Parrot

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Aug 13, 2018
3,146
Ask your good friends because there is really no way we will be able to tell especially with some of the preconceptions based on other ERA users stories
 
Thorrgal

Thorrgal

Member
Oct 26, 2017
12,343
Definitely don't apologize dude.

Edit: Just reading the messages I have to agree, she was teasing you. Just play it cool
 
Ryu_Ken

Ryu_Ken

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,783
Baji Boxer said:
Wait, how're defining "checking someone out"? If I see someone is attractive, I've checked them out. You can't just go around not seeing people and ignoring how they look.
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I was just wondering the same. If I look at someone and I think to myself, they are attractive. Does that constitute checking them out?
 

VulcanRaven

alt account
Banned
Oct 21, 2019
105
Jimx26 said:
I was just wondering the same. If I look at someone and I think to myself, they are attractive. Does that constitute checking them out?
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maybe, but who cares?

Anyone can check out anyone wether they like it or not, as long as they aren't a creep about it. I do it all the time, I can help notice people I find attractive, and there's nothing wrong with it at all, it's human
 
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