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TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?
- Thread starter SweetNicole
- Start date
- OT
Today was our 24th birthday. It was also the first time we were able to properly go to pride. Shame our local pride kicked out all the local queer organizations in favor of big corporations that just slap rainbows on their logos once a year, but hey, whoever has the most money is the most prideful, yes? Rainbow Capitalism at its finest...
On the bright side, we got to hang out with a ton of friends and march in the trans march. Overall a good day. Going back tomorrow for the parade and to contribute to the trans clothing exchange they were doing outside the pride festival grounds.
On the bright side, we got to hang out with a ton of friends and march in the trans march. Overall a good day. Going back tomorrow for the parade and to contribute to the trans clothing exchange they were doing outside the pride festival grounds.
Happy Birthday Oni! Glad you had such a good time, sucks to hear what happened with the Pride tho wtf
Yeah they didn't even let Planned Parenthood have a booth even though they do a ton of work to support the trans community and get people transitioning here. Instead we got... The cops had a booth even though they've been actively targeting TWoC, Intel, a couple University recruiters, and Autodesk of all companies??? That was the really baffling one. They seemed to be there to advertise 3D printers.
In other news, have a selfie of us wearing our trans pride flag!
TheOtherSarah That is such a pretty skirt!! :D
Insurance just called, have a spontaneous appointment today for a psychiatrist to maybe hopefully get one of our WPATH letters.
Insurance just called, have a spontaneous appointment today for a psychiatrist to maybe hopefully get one of our WPATH letters.
Went to the courthouse today to begin the legal name change process. Was actually a good experience, the man helping me was super nice and walked me through all the paper work. Now I have to let a legal notice in the local newspaper run for 3 weeks(so outdated...) and then wait for my court date in August. So assuming nothing goes wrong on August 15th I'll legally be Stephanie and my middle name will be Emma. I'm so excited!
Whoooo! Grats, huge step!
Golly I love my job but the worst thing about working in a call center is customers misgendering me. I've never heard a he/him from my coworkers in the year I've been here but every single call always starts with "did you say your name was Robert?" "No, Robin, R-o-b-i-n" "oh.... Well ok Rob I have a problem with..."
Yes, it can be hard when people just hear the voice and don't see you. Although in that case the name should make it clear anyway?
I was in a changing room not too long ago and undressed when I heard someone outside asking if I am fine and if she can help me. It went fine but it was a bit stressful.
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I think I need some advice.
I've been on HRT for 4 months, and I've been part-time living as a woman (at home and out to my partner, family, friends, etc) but not out yet at work, where i still live as a man. But I'm quitting that job in 2 months.
In 2 months, I'll be starting a 6-month university course to become an English teacher (I already have my BA in English). For whatever reason I didn't come out to them, and now I got an email about the school I'll be interning at once the course starts. I have to contact them within the next 3 days to set up an interview for my internship, basically.
I want to come out, but I'm scared of a lot of things. For obvious reasons, facing a class full of junior high kids when I barely pass visually with makeup and not at all with my voice is terrifying. And also neither my uni nor the school I'm interning at know I'm trans. Part of me wants to just not come out, ride out the internship (it's only 6-8 hours a week), and deal with it later. But I also feel that that's weakness, and it wouldn't make me terribly happy.
The other options re: coming out are emailing the person at the school and coming out in the email, or doing it in the interview, and I'm not sure what's better. Either way I also have to inform the uni (I'm not worried about that, I already came out casually during my BA to classmates and professors, but not legally or whatever). I should probably do that before the interview if I do decide to come out.
I'm just not sure how to approach this. It's scary! I'm considering just getting the legal name/gender change over and done with so that I can't use not having that as an excuse anymore. I talked with my partner about this and she thinks I should come out, and I don't disagree, but I just want to hear from some fellow trans folks who've maybe dealt with similar situations.
What do??
I've been on HRT for 4 months, and I've been part-time living as a woman (at home and out to my partner, family, friends, etc) but not out yet at work, where i still live as a man. But I'm quitting that job in 2 months.
In 2 months, I'll be starting a 6-month university course to become an English teacher (I already have my BA in English). For whatever reason I didn't come out to them, and now I got an email about the school I'll be interning at once the course starts. I have to contact them within the next 3 days to set up an interview for my internship, basically.
I want to come out, but I'm scared of a lot of things. For obvious reasons, facing a class full of junior high kids when I barely pass visually with makeup and not at all with my voice is terrifying. And also neither my uni nor the school I'm interning at know I'm trans. Part of me wants to just not come out, ride out the internship (it's only 6-8 hours a week), and deal with it later. But I also feel that that's weakness, and it wouldn't make me terribly happy.
The other options re: coming out are emailing the person at the school and coming out in the email, or doing it in the interview, and I'm not sure what's better. Either way I also have to inform the uni (I'm not worried about that, I already came out casually during my BA to classmates and professors, but not legally or whatever). I should probably do that before the interview if I do decide to come out.
I'm just not sure how to approach this. It's scary! I'm considering just getting the legal name/gender change over and done with so that I can't use not having that as an excuse anymore. I talked with my partner about this and she thinks I should come out, and I don't disagree, but I just want to hear from some fellow trans folks who've maybe dealt with similar situations.
What do??
Speaking in front of a group if you are not feeling secure in your appearance and voice sounds daunting. It could extend your comfort zone though.
I thought I'd do the probation period at my current job in guy mode but decided against it in the first week. I just didn't want all these people to to get used to me as a man. And it felt great to be at a point where I could leave behind presenting as a man for good. That was 6 months before I started HRT.
I'm really messing myself up over coming out stress. I have no idea if my job will still accept me if/when I come out. The only way I can think of to find out is to actually come out. Which I'm not even remotely ready to do yet. I know I should not worry about it and just deal with it when the time comes, but my job has been really shitty and hard and I've been really busting my ass, and not knowing whether or not they can even accept me for who I am is really fucking me up. :(
Well for what it's worth my experience coming out at work has been wonderful. Better than I could have imagined. People I thought might just be apathetic have become strong allies. People I thought might be problematic have been fine. I've been stunned at how quickly everyone switched over my name and pronouns. I've had no basically no problems at all. It was terrifying but I just did it.
In general coming out and also being outed randomly by old identification documents has not lead to hostility towards me.
I expected way worse after reading people's bad opinions about us on the internet for years.
I expected way worse after reading people's bad opinions about us on the internet for years.
I decided to just go to the interview. The internship doesn't start for another two months so I can decide to come out after I get the position but before starting if I want. I may also change my legal name/gender before then.
Thanks OSU and Amevila. That's really valuable to me. I definitely have a lot of trust issues and can get carried away sometimes, so it's good to have a reality check - and really that tracks pretty well with my experience as well. People I've come out to are confused sometimes but also very kind and accepting, and that's more important than whatever I read on the Internet about anti-trans prejudice.
Good luck Nora! I can relate to where you're coming from - I sometimes feel a lot of internal pressure to push myself to be more out than I am, but I'm also working on being patient with myself and taking all the time I need to adjust to the changes I'm going through.
Good luck Nora! I can relate to where you're coming from - I sometimes feel a lot of internal pressure to push myself to be more out than I am, but I'm also working on being patient with myself and taking all the time I need to adjust to the changes I'm going through.
Hi TransEra!
First time posting here, but as a mere old straight white guy, I do all I can every day to be an ally and a friend :)
I am asking my question here instead of creating a full thread on Resetera because I'm not sure I'm not out of my rocker, and reading way too much into things (I haven't found the issue being discussed online much if at all) ...
This is about Toy Story 4 which I just saw yesterday with my kids.
Given the spoilery nature of the question, I will hide it.
Here goes...
Again, it's probably just me way over-reading things... But I couldn't help seeing a very regressive anti-Trans message the whole time.
What say you? Am I crazy?
First time posting here, but as a mere old straight white guy, I do all I can every day to be an ally and a friend :)
I am asking my question here instead of creating a full thread on Resetera because I'm not sure I'm not out of my rocker, and reading way too much into things (I haven't found the issue being discussed online much if at all) ...
This is about Toy Story 4 which I just saw yesterday with my kids.
Given the spoilery nature of the question, I will hide it.
Here goes...
Forky is the new character in TS4, annd he has a rather conflicted origin.
He is literally made from pieces that come from the trash bin, and a little girl then creates her little puppet from those pieces.
For most of the movie's first half, we see Forky identifying as Trash and trying to get back where he feels right (trashcans), but Woody constantly getting him back from bins and eventually getting him through a whole guilt trip that he is supposed to be there for "his kid/ family".
Now, maybe I am being "over-woke" and sensitive, but the whole time it screamed an anti-trans message to me.
- being born as something else than what you identify with
- trying to get back to what you identify with
- society and your family guilting/ forcing you into conforming to what they want you to be
- a big session of guilt trip/ mind fuck eventually making you "see the light" that you have to conform for your family (a fucking conversion therapy in a Pixar movie?).
- Here is a "girl" trash at the end, just to make sure you know who you are for your child/ family.
And I'm not even going to go in analyzing that Forky's "true" nature is "Trash"... I'm going to assume it was played for laughs instead of being a malicious intent.
He is literally made from pieces that come from the trash bin, and a little girl then creates her little puppet from those pieces.
For most of the movie's first half, we see Forky identifying as Trash and trying to get back where he feels right (trashcans), but Woody constantly getting him back from bins and eventually getting him through a whole guilt trip that he is supposed to be there for "his kid/ family".
Now, maybe I am being "over-woke" and sensitive, but the whole time it screamed an anti-trans message to me.
- being born as something else than what you identify with
- trying to get back to what you identify with
- society and your family guilting/ forcing you into conforming to what they want you to be
- a big session of guilt trip/ mind fuck eventually making you "see the light" that you have to conform for your family (a fucking conversion therapy in a Pixar movie?).
- Here is a "girl" trash at the end, just to make sure you know who you are for your child/ family.
And I'm not even going to go in analyzing that Forky's "true" nature is "Trash"... I'm going to assume it was played for laughs instead of being a malicious intent.
What say you? Am I crazy?
There is a chance I missing something here but personally from your description I don't get trans vibes from that at all.
I would probably take it as 'No one is trash and you have value no matter where you come from'
Sup y'all! I didn't realize we had an OT.
I've been out as trans since 2016 and I haven't regretted it at all. I deal with stress a lot though because I'm not used to people staring at me obviously all the time so that affects me. I also lost some friends along the way but zero regrets on any of that. Even though I have a full time IT job, I took a second job at Starbucks for their health insurance. I'm waiting to hear back soon regarding the dates for my facial feminization and breast augmentation surgeries. I work too dang much but it's going to be so worth it in the end. Nice to meet y'all!
I've been out as trans since 2016 and I haven't regretted it at all. I deal with stress a lot though because I'm not used to people staring at me obviously all the time so that affects me. I also lost some friends along the way but zero regrets on any of that. Even though I have a full time IT job, I took a second job at Starbucks for their health insurance. I'm waiting to hear back soon regarding the dates for my facial feminization and breast augmentation surgeries. I work too dang much but it's going to be so worth it in the end. Nice to meet y'all!
Hi Elandyll! I haven't seen the movie (shame on me) but that doesn't come across to me as having anything to do with the trans experience. Also, understand, as a trans person I see pretty much EVERYTHING ON EARTH as being about trans experience. So while I wouldn't say you're crazy, I'm not getting a transphobic vibe from your description.
Are there any support groups or anyone to meet up with in northern Washington? All I can find is stuff in Seattle and I had a really bad travel experience the last time I went to Seattle and now I'm too scared to go there. Especially alone. Also just thinking about walking alone in Seattle as of late makes me terrified. But I'm very alone and I need to find people in a physical space. If you know anything please let me know.
Me and Ket saw Toy Story 4 opening weekend and didn't get that vibe, if anything it seemed to be more about parenting than gender or sexual orientation to me, and I'm usually on the lookout for this sorta stuff. Pixar movies have had some weird undertones in the past though so I see where you're at least coming from.
Welcome!
Hi there. It's been a few months since my last post, but sadly, not much has changed.
And in general, my mood is just.. not good. I'm in a bad place at the moment.
- I'm still totally insecure about my gender identity. I can't really say how I identify, but two things have been constant in the last few months: 1) I feel pretty comfortable as a man since I changed my style, and 2) I wish I was a woman.
- My lack of hair is still depressing me so much. I tried something new: I visited two parties dressed up but without a wig, i.e. with a shaved head. It looked good and people loved it. The first time, I felt great, the second time I felt like a fetishist. Despite my makeup and my outfit, I did not feel feminine at all the second time.
- When I see cis/trans women with beautiful hair, I get depressed and teary-eyed all the time. It hurts so much. Sometimes, I'm actively avoiding sites like FetLife or some subreddits because I just can't handle seeing beautiful (trans) women. Seeing them usually ruins my day.
- I still hate my fucking therapist. She's on vacation for three weeks now, and I'm so happy about it. Someone recommended me another therapist who happens to be trans, so I'm gonna make an appointment with her.
- My depressions got worse. I'm on antidepressants now. The first one I got prescribed didn't do anything, apart from reducing my sex drive to a bare minimum and completely eliminating the ability to have an orgasm. (When I came for the first time a week after quitting them, I started to cry out of relieve.)
The second antidepressant, which I've been taking since ~5 weeks, hasn't had any noticeable effect yet. - I had more interactions on OKC/Tinder than ever, but nothing came out of it. Some people cancelled the date on short notice and never wrote again, some people I met told me either directly or indirectly that they're not interested in meeting again, some people said they were gonna text me soon when I asked them about meeting again but they never did, and one was approached by a guy in the club we visited together and spent the rest of the night with him. Yeah. There's one where I have the feeling that she would like to meet me again, but she's trans and cute and I can't stop being jealous of her..
And in general, my mood is just.. not good. I'm in a bad place at the moment.
That's rough, I hope your next therapist works out. I really think it can help. If you need someone to talk to or just vent at just PM me.
Thanks, but I feel this is all I do nowadays. Venting, whining, brooding, feeling miserable.
Sorry to see you are still struggling so much. I really hope you find a way to be happy with yourself.
I went girls clothes shopping today and I think when I put on women's jeans and a girl shirt my egg might have lowkey cracked. Maybe. I'm still unsure. But looking at myself in the mirror felt so good. Omg I've never felt that happy looking at myself in the mirror.
I'm still figuring myself out so maybe this whole thing is just in my head idk. I still identify as a questioning cis man for the moment. But. Omg.
I'm still figuring myself out so maybe this whole thing is just in my head idk. I still identify as a questioning cis man for the moment. But. Omg.
That sounds a lot like gender euphoria. And at the very least a good reason to explore your gender identity.
Not gonna make you come to any conclusions but that sounds like me from a little over a year ago uehehehe >:]
Oh Ambitious good to hear from you again <3 sorry things have been going that way, but hopefully you're able to get that other therapist
(I'm also still worried about my hair within a decade, I don't know if it's actually receding but my hairline is ick. I might go the shaved femme look if I need to, imo bald chicks are fuckin dope but idk if I can quite pull it off haha)
To clarify, I've been questioning for three years now but been too scared to do anything about it until now. I've spoken to a lot of trans people, online and offline, and decided that this was the only way I was going to move forward.
And yeah it's pretty much what I expected gender euphoria to feel like. It's weird because recently I've been thinking it's all some BS I made up in my head and whatnot. And I always thought that putting on clothes would be the moment when everything would come crashing down and I'd realize I'm a cis man because I'd look and feel ridiculous and uncomfortable in them. But instead the opposite happened. I just became a blushy happy mess, and I could see the girl that (might) exist inside of me. To be clear I looked non-passing and they weren't super comfy, but I picked out clothes that looked androgynous enough to the point where it didn't seem weird.
I turned into a happy mess when my girlfriend did make up on me the first time.
And I used to think I would look terrible when I dress as a woman. Transition can look very scary before trying anything.
A trans girl I know who has 100% perfect passing just posted on FB that she was invited by one of the most famous models in the world. She did not mention why but I assume it's for some kind of TV show. Imagine that. Her passing is just incredible.
And when I look into the mirror, all I see is a bald, overweight freak. I'm getting desperate.
And when I look into the mirror, all I see is a bald, overweight freak. I'm getting desperate.
I was thinking about creating a GoFundMe campaign for my hair transplantation, even though I hate the thought of begging for money so much. Or getting into prostitution. Or selling porn vids.
And on some days, I feel like.. quitting. Quitting everything. No more crossdressing. No more makeup. No more CD/trans profiles on dating sites and presenting as a man instead. No more following trans people on FL or anywhere else because it depresses me too much. Removing everything - and everyone - related to gender and transsexuality from my life. Trying not to think about it anymore. Pretending I'm a "normal" cis guy.
Fuck. I'm sorry for the rant. Kinda depressed atm. Also sorry for the triple post.
Fuck. I'm sorry for the rant. Kinda depressed atm. Also sorry for the triple post.
Having real hair is great. But it's not everything. If you go on HRT and use something like rogaine you might see some regrowth. And if that is not enough, there is always wigs. Or extention like thingies if there is enough hair to work with.
When I bought my wig the hairstylist showed me quite a few options. All while seeing my half bald head and thinking I was a cis woman.
Please don't lose hope.
Sorry for not being super active here. Life just got so full of everything. Working to get another degree, trying to get the funds to start my own Private Practice, a happy relationship with another transwoman, but the best and out of the blue I got a date for my gender affirming surgery. 24th of October. I'm still baffeld by that.
Oh and somehow I don't get notified of there is a new post in here... What am I doing wrong?
Oh and somehow I don't get notified of there is a new post in here... What am I doing wrong?
Welcome back and congratulations on your surgery date :)
Thank you 💋
I unwatched and rewatched the Thread and got notified 😊
I'm curious, are there any figures on how many trans women want (and end up getting) SRS, or gender confirmation surgery? Personally I have no interest, and while I suspect I'm a minority there, I don't know how much of a minority. 20%? 30%? 40%? Anyone have any idea?
Oh and of course congrats Lady Justice!
Oh and of course congrats Lady Justice!
Thank you 💖
Regarding your question, just from my own circle of friends, that is split probably 60/40.
I know a bit more who want SRS, but it's not that many more.
I haven't seen any statistical data I necessarily trust on people like us. Speaking anecdotally I have never wanted surgery, which sort of caused a problem given the times in which I was growing up. I wasn't aware that there was even such a thing as "transgender" - there was only "transvestite" and "transsexual", and since I wasn't interested in being a fetishist and didn't want surgery I figured that I wasn't trans. Thankfully there's more information out there now.
One of the things I wonder about sometimes is how many of us there are. Sometimes I feel very alone and isolated and very, you know, sore thumb, and sometimes I feel like we're everywhere (note: I live in Portland Oregon, where we pretty much are everywhere). And I have to work on facing off the guilt on either side - in the latter it seems like everyone is further along than me, everyone passes better than me, everyone is more out than me. Which I know isn't true - if anything I'm probably on the more out side of things, what with my, you know, trans flag bumper sticker and all.
One of the things I wonder about sometimes is how many of us there are. Sometimes I feel very alone and isolated and very, you know, sore thumb, and sometimes I feel like we're everywhere (note: I live in Portland Oregon, where we pretty much are everywhere). And I have to work on facing off the guilt on either side - in the latter it seems like everyone is further along than me, everyone passes better than me, everyone is more out than me. Which I know isn't true - if anything I'm probably on the more out side of things, what with my, you know, trans flag bumper sticker and all.
BadAlchemy there is no difference between transgender or transsexual.
The former is just more commenly used now a day's, because being trans has nothing to do with sexuality.
However it is correct that quite a few trans women and men (I believe it's more common for men) are non-op.
I think in America around 0.6% of adults identify as transgender, although some studies suggest it could be far higher than that.
These emotions is something we all have to deal with to some extent, that's normal.
Don't let them stop you from being happy.
The former is just more commenly used now a day's, because being trans has nothing to do with sexuality.
However it is correct that quite a few trans women and men (I believe it's more common for men) are non-op.
I think in America around 0.6% of adults identify as transgender, although some studies suggest it could be far higher than that.
These emotions is something we all have to deal with to some extent, that's normal.
Don't let them stop you from being happy.