TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?

[Deleted member 20850]

I was just about to add a transgender flag overlay to my Facebook profile picture, but then I started thinking about this again. Am I really trans? Would it be okay to add the flag, or would I basically be an impostor? After all, I have the lifestyle of a fetishistic crossdresser, and I'm not gonna change it anytime soon. Am I trans? It sure doesn't feel like it, but my god, I want to be a woman so badly.

Click to shrink...

Maybe it is best to experiment a little instead of asking yourself if you are allowed to do something all the time.

Personally I see someone who is questioning as part of the trans community until the answer you arrive at is "I am cis and ok with it'.

Maybe you could also turn it around. Instead of asking yourself if your feelings qualify you to be trans do you think they qualify you to join the cis club?

I highly doubt any cis person relates much to what you wrote while I sit here relating to many of your struggles as a trans woman

 

[Ambitious]

Maybe it is best to experiment a little instead of asking yourself if you are allowed to do something all the time.

Personally I see someone who is questioning as part of the trans community until the answer you arrive at is "I am cis and ok with it'.

Maybe you could also turn it around. Instead of asking yourself if your feelings qualify you to be trans do you think they qualify you to join the cis club?

I highly doubt any cis person relates much to what you wrote while I sit here relating to many of your struggles as a trans woman

Click to shrink...

I'm sorry. I'm so insecure and confused about all of this, I just can't stop asking for validation.

It looks like I had the wrong idea about the "transgender" term, and I'm so embarrassed about it. I thought transgender meant that you simply have the opposite gender of the one you were assigned at birth. I thought there was cisgender on one end of the spectrum (= M/F), transgender on the other end (= MtF, FtM), and many things in between, including nonbinary and genderfluid. But I was just told on Reddit that "transgender" includes every identity that's not cis. It includes nonbinary and genderfluid. Now, I'm not sure if I'm a transgender woman (probably not..), but I'm pretty sure I'm not a cisgender man.. right? (Asking for validation again..)
Which means.. I'm trans. I'm not sure which label fits my identity best, but it's probably nonbinary/transfeminine or genderfluid. And all three of them belong to the "transgender" umbrella term. Right?

 

[Deleted member 20850]

I'm sorry. I'm so insecure and confused about all of this, I just can't stop asking for validation.

It looks like I had the wrong idea about the "transgender" term, and I'm so embarrassed about it. I thought transgender meant that you simply have the opposite gender of the one you were assigned at birth. I thought there was cisgender on one end of the spectrum (= M/F), transgender on the other end (= MtF, FtM), and many things in between, including nonbinary and genderfluid. But I was just told on Reddit that "transgender" includes every identity that's not cis. It includes nonbinary and genderfluid. Now, I'm not sure if I'm a transgender woman (probably not..), but I'm pretty sure I'm not a cisgender man.. right? (Asking for validation again..)
Which means.. I'm trans. I'm not sure which label fits my identity best, but it's probably nonbinary/transfeminine or genderfluid. And all three of them belong to the "transgender" umbrella term. Right?

Click to shrink...

As far as I am aware, yes. You also don't have to suffer from dysphoria to be trans.

 

[Vivian]

Yup! The white stripe on the trans flag specifically represents non-binary people :)

Of course you don't have to identify as trans if you don't want to, but that spot is there for you if you want to take it!

 

[Aurelia]

Can I just say how massively validating and good this thread is, even without participating in it? Just reading this and relating to so many things written here helps so much.

I've just been put on several psychotherapist waiting lists. It took me almost 2 years to get out of a sometimes painfully paralysing questioning cycle and have the need outweigh my fear of doctors and now I get to wait another 6-12 months to start the sessions that are supposed to eventually result in someone saying I'm actually trans and recommend I get HRT. Lovely.

I'm very seriously considering DIY right now (actually started the process of getting EV somehow). Any experiences with that? I don't plan to do AAs, that seems scary without medical supervision and only E works out okay for some people if you space it out nicely over the day.

Just going to my doctor and coming out to friends and my team at work has massively improved my anhedonia and general lack of caring about my well-being, I really don't want that to stall.

 

[LooseGoose717]

Food for thought, but when I went to see a therapist to get my hrt letter, her words were;

If you think you're trans, then you are trans.

Coming from someone who has worked in the field for half a decade. I agree with her assessment.

If someone is cis, chances are high they will never even learn what a trans person is. Because they likely will never question their assigned gender.

In my case, that first exposure to the concept back in 2005 was the start of a snowball effect. It was something that would repeatedly come back every so often, and Everytime it did I would be fascinated by it more and more. I just didn't think it was something realistically achievable at first. I also had a misconception at the time that you're only really trans if you get the surgery. Didn't even know what hormone replacement therapy was until a few years ago because that was never highlighted. It was always about the godforsaken surgery.

Thankfully, it was realizing you don't need to want or have the surgery to be who you truly are. Though some transgender people definitely need it, and there's a reason it exists. It's definitely an extreme procedure, and based on people I've talked to who got it, you should only get it if life is totally unbearable.

 

[Deleted member 203]

Food for thought, but when I went to see a therapist to get my hrt letter, her words were;

If you think you're trans, then you are trans.

Coming from someone who has worked in the field for half a decade. I agree with her assessment.

Click to shrink...

I would probably go even further and say that if you wish you were trans, you're probably trans too. No cis person wishes they were trans. The desire to be trans is to be trans. Regardless of whatever stereotypes or preconceived notions you have about trans people (likely as a result of the stereotypical representation we usually get in media, I'm not saying this is anyone's fault (other than the people making shitty oscar bait movies starring cis men playing trans women)).

Also re: surgery, I have no interest in it. I do not suffer from genital dysphoria at all. Doesn't make me less trans.

 

[Omoi]

I would probably go even further and say that if you wish you were trans, you're probably trans too. No cis person wishes they were trans. The desire to be trans is to be trans. Regardless of whatever stereotypes or preconceived notions you have about trans people (likely as a result of the stereotypical representation we usually get in media, I'm not saying this is anyone's fault (other than the people making shitty oscar bait movies starring cis men playing trans women)).

Also re: surgery, I have no interest in it. I do not suffer from genital dysphoria at all. Doesn't make me less trans.

Click to shrink...

I don't want *the* surgery, but for sure I'll take FFS, or top surgery, if they're on offer.

 

[BadAlchemy]

I was just about to add a transgender flag overlay to my Facebook profile picture, but then I started thinking about this again. Am I really trans? Would it be okay to add the flag, or would I basically be an impostor? After all, I have the lifestyle of a fetishistic crossdresser, and I'm not gonna change it anytime soon. Am I trans? It sure doesn't feel like it, but my god, I want to be a woman so badly.

Click to shrink...

I think it's a little bit of a false binary between "trans" and "fetishistic crossdresser". I certainly started out, lo these many years ago, as a fetishistic crossdresser. It's a fairly natural and common place to start, possibly in part because sexuality is an aspect of gender that occupies a pretty private space. Several decades later I'm starting to come around to the idea that gender identity isn't just about clothes. Over the past several years I've been exploring my gender identity I haven't worn cross-gender clothes at all, just so I could explore other aspects of gender without the baggage of clothes and makeup and all getting in the way.

I feel like there's this implicit assumption that if a person has any sexual feelings at all around being female that they're not "really" transfem. Women have sexual feelings too!

 

[Sandstar]

Can I ask, what's this new snapchat filter about? I saw the funimation thread, but seeing it mentioned here just makes me more curious.

 

[LooseGoose717]

I would probably go even further and say that if you wish you were trans, you're probably trans too. No cis person wishes they were trans. The desire to be trans is to be trans. Regardless of whatever stereotypes or preconceived notions you have about trans people (likely as a result of the stereotypical representation we usually get in media, I'm not saying this is anyone's fault (other than the people making shitty oscar bait movies starring cis men playing trans women)).

Also re: surgery, I have no interest in it. I do not suffer from genital dysphoria at all. Doesn't make me less trans.

Click to shrink...

Lovely response! There are pros and cons to each sex. The reason society made its conclusion on sex years ago is simply because of which gender just so happened to have the majority. We are a minority, yes, and we're not asking to change the wheel or whatever. We just want to be acknowledged as equals.

 

[Ambitious]

Food for thought, but when I went to see a therapist to get my hrt letter, her words were;

If you think you're trans, then you are trans.

Click to shrink...

I wish my therapist would ever say something encouraging like this..

I would probably go even further and say that if you wish you were trans, you're probably trans too. No cis person wishes they were trans. The desire to be trans is to be trans.

Click to shrink...

You said this before, and other people have as well. And I hope people keep repeating this in order to hammer it into my head.. :/

 

[Zellia]

Can I ask, what's this new snapchat filter about? I saw the funimation thread, but seeing it mentioned here just makes me more curious.

Click to shrink...

They're gender change filters to see what you'd look like as the opposite (or true?) gender.

 

[Plum]

Can I ask, what's this new snapchat filter about? I saw the funimation thread, but seeing it mentioned here just makes me more curious.

Click to shrink...

It's a filter (well two for male and female) that basically shows you what you might look like as the opposite gender. It does do some changes to your overall facial structure though so it's not 100% accurate if you're looking at it as what you might look like after transition, but it's definitely quite good with the face as a whole.

 

[Sandstar]

They're gender change filters to see what you'd look like as the opposite (or true?) gender.

Click to shrink...

It's a filter (well two for male and female) that basically shows you what you might look like as the opposite gender. It does do some changes to your overall facial structure though so it's not 100% accurate if you're looking at it as what you might look like after transition, but it's definitely quite good with the face as a whole.

Click to shrink...

Ahh, thank you. Yeah, funi's tweet seems much worse after learning that. I'm kind of wary of filters like that, but if it helps someone figure out they're trans, than I guess that's a good thing. (fun fact, I had someone photoshop my senior picture to look female, and I didn't figure it out for another 15 years. *sighs*)

 

[How About No]

>.>

 

[LooseGoose717]

That said, we shouldn't try to force HRT onto everyone.

 

[Deleted member 203]

Gentle reminder that there is no such thing as an "opposite gender"

 

[LooseGoose717]

True. There is a middle-ground. It's a pretty neat one, too.

 

[Ambitious]

Someone on Reddit showed me before-after HRT pictures. The before picture showed a bearded guy whose hairline looks pretty much the same as mine. The after picture was a cute, beautiful woman with a full head of hair. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I squeaked when I saw the pictures.

My next steps:
- On Thursday, I'm gonna get a letter of referral for a psychologist from my GP. I could make an appointment without it, but apparently I need a letter for the insurance to cover the costs. According to the website of the psychologist I'd like to contact, we're gonna talk for 2-3 hours and she's gonna write an assessment about my gender situation.
- Next week, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist. I made the appointment because of my depressions (which have gotten better, by the way), but I'm also gonna talk about gender with him.

FYI, in order to be allowed to start HRT in my country, I need assessments from a psychologist, a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist.

 

[LooseGoose717]

That's a lot of hoops, but I get the feeling you'll slam dunk them all. Good luck! 🙂

 

[Omoi]

If there's any UK trans folk here, do you have any experience with GenderGP, and if so, how did it go?

 

[Zellia]

If there's any UK trans folk here, do you have any experience with GenderGP, and if so, how did it go?

Click to shrink...

A trans friend of mine is using them while waiting for an NHS referral and she recommended it to me. Seems to work pretty well for her and they got her on HRT fairly quickly. I'm undecided if I'll go down the transition route as of yet (having a lot of 'oh shit am I really trans' thoughts that are probably a fear reaction, but then I see feminine aspects of myself in the mirror and ashasjghsjghsakgskgh) but if I do I will likely go with them.

That said, this is second-hand, and while I trust my friend, I hope someone here can give you a better insight than I can.

 

[CharMomone]

After decades of confusion, deteriorating mental stability due to repressing, and overcoming fetish doubt, I recently accepted the high probability that I'm transgender. I've basically been a neet since highschool due to a lack of drive in life, so I had to come out to my father's gf who is taking the possibility well enough to help me find a therapist I'd like so I can get this stuff sorted out and move on in life. I picked one that is supposedly an ally but I'm a mixture of excited and worried about meeting them and if they'll reach the same conclusion I did when I talk to them about it.

I mean sure it'd be great for my immediate family if I wasn't but if I'm not then I don't think there is much else in life that could ever make me happy.

 

[Vivian]

If there's any UK trans folk here, do you have any experience with GenderGP, and if so, how did it go?

Click to shrink...

I'm with them at the moment and they're okay? I think they have the fastest time before you get hormones of the private options, but also the monthly fee adds up and my GP at least is a bit skeptical of working with them as they're online-only. If you just want hormones ASAP go for it, but if you don't mind waiting a few months for an appointment and are able to get to one of Gendercare's clinics I suspect they will be cheaper in the long run and play nicer with local GPs.

 

[Omoi]

I'm with them at the moment and they're okay? I think they have the fastest time before you get hormones of the private options, but also the monthly fee adds up and my GP at least is a bit skeptical of working with them as they're online-only. If you just want hormones ASAP go for it, but if you don't mind waiting a few months for an appointment and are able to get to one of Gendercare's clinics I suspect they will be cheaper in the long run and play nicer with local GPs.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, thats what I've heard. Still, I'm reaching the point of desperation now where I stop caring about cost.

 

[Deleted member 47619]

I just got out of a bad mental health crisis and I'm pretty much safe at home now. I'm thinking that going to a Gender Clinic would be an important step for me to take, as well as reducing my time online. Btw, I live in Southern Ontario, so I'm wondering if anyone has a good Gender Clinic to recommend? I currently don't know any but I assume that a lot of them are in places like Toronto.

 

[Deleted member 20429]

Yeah, thats what I've heard. Still, I'm reaching the point of desperation now where I stop caring about cost.

Click to shrink...

I've heard many mixed things about GenderGP and have a friend whos transition was set back a year or so by them, however there are many people out there that will vouch for them and I'm sure for you they will probably be fine, and they certainly are the faster option. I know there are issues around getting shared care and blood tests through the NHS with them depending on if your GP will play ball with them or not. And rolling monthly fee that makes the cost with them add up quite rapdily, even if at a first glance they seem like the cheaper option.

Personally I went the GenderCare route, and was able to go from first contact to starting HRT within 4 months, although I believe their wait times are a bit longer these days depending on who you go to see. My first appointment cost £250 for an initial assesment type thing and my next 2 appointments were £150 for the both (the first of these was where I got my first HRT prescription). My GP has had no issues working with them so all of my blood tests are NHS funded and I pay the flat NHS cost for the medication.

My opinion would be to go and speak with your GP to see if they will work with you with an online only service, if they will GenderGP will almost definately be the better option for you and if not you should 100% go the GenderCare route as it will save you headaches in the longrun.

 

[MechaJackie]

So, I talked with my therapist today about my gender, it was my first time ever talking about this with anyone, he had said a few things that made me feel safer with talking about this last session, so I decided to finally talk about identifying myself as Non-binary.

The biggest thing that stopped from doing this earlier was me questioning myself if I really am non-binary, talking with him made me feel a bit more confident.

So hello y'all, I'm still questioning myself a little but I figured that I should talk about this. 😶

Sorry if this post is kind of a mess, english not my first language and I'm kinda nervous right now.

 

[How About No]

Hiii welcome JKuch

(im still going thru a "how nonbinary or cis am I actually" phase atm haha )

 

[LooseGoose717]

Hiii welcome JKuch

(im still going thru a "how nonbinary or cis am I actually" phase atm haha )

Click to shrink...

How trans am I ACTUALLY?

And today we'll be going over these competitive formats.

Sorry, couldn't resist. 😋

 

[How About No]

Well this weekend I may have realized I'm more queer/nonbinary/less of a man than I previously thought

Had a realization that I'm not a woman, BUT might be on such a place on the spectrum I'm open to the option of hrt/transitioning, but not a necessity

May be good with feminine pronouns as well

WIP

🥚💥

 

[LooseGoose717]

Nothing wrong with wanting to be in the middle, but to me it seems like you still lean feminine... Just my two cents.

Being a transgender tomboy is almost nonbinary-ish. Maybe. I dunno.

Do what makes you comfortable, define yourself, not how society views things.

 

[How About No]

Nothing wrong with wanting to be in the middle, but to me it seems like you still lean feminine... Just my two cents.

Being a transgender tomboy is almost nonbinary-ish. Maybe. I dunno.

Do what makes you comfortable, define yourself, not how society views things.

Click to shrink...

thankeee <3

I do visually want to lean feminine/gyne side of androgynous, but i was always pretty fine being a cis man, even when i started going out in public in a gender-nonconforming fashion

Funny you bring up trans tomboy, because when this happened I was pondering if i could be a butch lesbian and a straight femboy...simultaneously...? Liiike...if I was born female or idenified as a woman, I'd still choose to be more androgynous but maybe more boyish or tougher than I do now as a man. Like I'd be destined to be gender-nonconforming no matter how I was born.

(Someone jokingly notated me as a lesboy, which i sorta unironically love bwahaha)

And I finally questioned if i'd be comfortable in a female body as well when i visualized myself with boobs...and then maybe padded a bra and didn't hate the look and feel ;>.>

Like, this wasn't a lifelong desire or something I knew i might want, I just tried and experimented and didn't know this stuff might apply to me until now.

My thoughts are jumble and fluid but i hope they make sense to someone XD

 

[How About No]

Hey thanks LooseGoose for sending me that rotten transphobic PM and congrats on the permaban. Bai betch

 

[Deleted member 3093]

What the fuck is wrong with people lmao

 

[Etain]

The hell? Sorry that happened. :(

 

[Icemonk191]

So they made their account just to do that? What a loser. Sorry you had to go though that.

 

[MechaJackie]

Wow, what the hell!? Escalated quickly indeed, from "do what makes you comfortable" to transphobic pms? wut

 

[How About No]

I'm fine but if she had sent that to someone more sensitive about their identity then holy fuck i would not want anyone to get hurt

 

[OniLinkPlus]

Oof, good to know the transphobes still exist here. Gotta be careful :/

We used to think we were nonbinary. Recently we've been leaning more and more feminine. Right now we're identifying as transfemme nonbinary. It's interesting how after 3 years of being out to ourselves and 1 year of HRT things have changed. Been wearing skirts to work and loving it :3

 

[Sibylus]

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Glad you're alright, How About No.

 

[Deleted member 203]

What the heck, it's baffling that a regular in this thread would send a transphobic PM. Some people...

 

[Zellia]

Wow what the fuck. That LooseGoose thing is just... yikes. Sorry you had to go through that, How About No.

Semi-related but while I'm still figuring things out and I guess enby is an option, trans tomboy actually seems to fit me quite well? And if that's what I am, I still feel as though I'm female, not non-binary. But I'm still thinking what best suits me.

This shit is hard.

 

[BadAlchemy]

Man I wish I could be out at work. I'm working hard to not rush things too much though. Came out to a co-worker yesterday, that was good. More and more I'm getting emails from people with preferred pronouns, I don't know if it means they're trans or if they're just being sensitive? It's encouraging though.

Damn I hate shaving. It's so much work. :(

Navigating the non-binary/femme thing is a challenge for me too. When I say I'm "non-binary" sometimes that gets interpreted as "partly male", which I'm not, I just don't want to change my voice or my body.

 

[Etain]

Wow what the fuck. That LooseGoose thing is just... yikes. Sorry you had to go through that, How About No.

Semi-related but while I'm still figuring things out and I guess enby is an option, trans tomboy actually seems to fit me quite well? And if that's what I am, I still feel as though I'm female, not non-binary. But I'm still thinking what best suits me.

This shit is hard.

Click to shrink...

Your identity can be female while your preferred expression is more masc. I'm kind of that way myself.

 

[Osu 16 Bit]

Hey everyone, my name is Stephanie and I'm a trans woman. I've lurked here forever but never said anything because I was closeted until recently and am in a public position in the games industry. I don't have to hide anymore though. :)

I struggled(still do at times) with the binary trans woman vs. non binary label. Honestly though, I only flirt with the idea of being NB as a way to explain my masculine personality traits and interests, which often cause dysphoria. I don't actually feel non-binary, it feels like it's a stop gap or compromise to not have to obsess about "am I trans enough?". When I get down to it I feel best about myself identifying as female, and I am extremely happy being out and having a girl's name and female pronouns. So I do my best to accept myself as a weird, geeky, tomboy woman.

 

[How About No]

Welcome Osu 16 Bit :D

Glad your able to come out as yourself now <3

 

[Robin]

Hey everyone, my name is Stephanie and I'm a trans woman. I've lurked here forever but never said anything because I was closeted until recently and am in a public position in the games industry. I don't have to hide anymore though. :)

I struggled(still do at times) with the binary trans woman vs. non binary label. Honestly though, I only flirt with the idea of being NB as a way to explain my masculine personality traits and interests, which often cause dysphoria. I don't actually feel non-binary, it feels like it's a stop gap or compromise to not have to obsess about "am I trans enough?". When I get down to it I feel best about myself identifying as female, and I am extremely happy being out and having a girl's name and female pronouns. So I do my best to accept myself as a weird, geeky, tomboy woman.

Click to shrink...

Welcome! The good news is, you're allowed to come out and keep coming out. If something doesn't fit or you find yourself reevaluating, that's ok! We are constantly in a state of learning about ourselves and that can be a wonderful thing.

Im a transwomen and mostly just identify as that, but when scrutinizing my whole ethos and feelings I'm probably somewhere in NB-land, but for reasons a bit complicated to explain I'm most comfortable saying I identify as female and keep it at that. I've been that way for 3-4 years now but who knows if I'll feel differently as my views and feelings on gender shape and evolve.

 

[Omoi]

Argh. Of course the week I decide to take the plunge with GenderGP is the week they get shut down / move abroad / I don't even know what's going on.

I am never getting hrt at this rate