OP
OP
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The Pressure of Finding Love as a Young Adult is Hard
- Thread starter Star-Lord
- Start date
I'm in my early 30s.
Never had a relationship.
Often felt like I never would find one.
And while we're not official yet, I've been on a couple of dates with the most incredible girl I've ever met, and are planning another.
Things can happen when you don't expect them. People have always told me that, and I am here to echo that.
Never had a relationship.
Often felt like I never would find one.
And while we're not official yet, I've been on a couple of dates with the most incredible girl I've ever met, and are planning another.
Things can happen when you don't expect them. People have always told me that, and I am here to echo that.
What if you're on the spectrum, have severe mental illness and are basically paid by the govt to stay alive? I was only ever bullied or betrayed by anyone I was interested in to the point where I dream about being betrayed or screwed over many nights.
Im sure the average person who has a future has a probability of these things eventually happening. My situation is such that even without chronic depression I think any human being would be contemplating suicide.
Yes, Op. Social media depresses me. All the people I know living their life with friends and partners.
If it makes you feel better, OP, I'm 29 (30 next month) and I have never been in a relationship. So, I think I can understand how you feel.
I'm shy, quiet, and bit boring, I think. I don't have friends. This year was supposed to be the year I would change that. Started university with the idea of making friends and, maybe, found a girlfriend. Covid fucked up all my plans, and now I'm alone as always in my house. Left University. Sometimes I'm sad for being alone, and sometimes I feel good about it. Don't want anyone around me.
If it makes you feel better, OP, I'm 29 (30 next month) and I have never been in a relationship. So, I think I can understand how you feel.
I'm shy, quiet, and bit boring, I think. I don't have friends. This year was supposed to be the year I would change that. Started university with the idea of making friends and, maybe, found a girlfriend. Covid fucked up all my plans, and now I'm alone as always in my house. Left University. Sometimes I'm sad for being alone, and sometimes I feel good about it. Don't want anyone around me.
Where are you sensing this pressure from? You shouldn't feel any until your mid 30s and that's only if you absolutely want to raise a family.
Stop worrying about it and focus on growing as a person.
I'm not qualified to give advice on such matters, and it would be irresponsible of me to speak falsehoods that may not apply to one in your situation. As such I would encourage seeking professional advice, possibly calling a hotline, specifically reaching out to someone who is professionally trained to help and talk through these concerns. There are people out there, and they have taken on these roles as they do care and want to help.
You ever just try talking with people randomly when you're going from point A to B throughout your day? 27 here, I frequently do this on my commute to/from work, and when I run errands. If you're feeling consumed by apps it would be my recommendation as you might be surprised how often the old fashioned way works.
Love Live, Bunny Girl Senpai, Rent-a-GF, Toradora, Asteroid in Love, Blend S
All good cute girl and/or romance shows
Barely 25? Star-Lord you should be able to be happy by yourself. You need to know yourself inside out.
Corona makes this hard but, do anything at all that makes you happy and self-sufficient for your happiness and you'll be happier overall.
And when that day comes and you meet your Gamora, whether it works out or not, you'll still be alright cuz you are good as you are - as she's your compliment, not your crutch.
If you're constantly looking for something, you'll miss what's around you already.
Corona makes this hard but, do anything at all that makes you happy and self-sufficient for your happiness and you'll be happier overall.
And when that day comes and you meet your Gamora, whether it works out or not, you'll still be alright cuz you are good as you are - as she's your compliment, not your crutch.
If you're constantly looking for something, you'll miss what's around you already.
you're not doomed stinky. Do you have a solid understanding of who you are and what you want out of life?
no? cool then keep enjoying life and actively seek out new experiences and people. if you do then.... awesome! a relationship shouldn't be a priority, you seem to love yourself enough.
so yeh good luck op, from one single to another.
(also you're handsome b)
no? cool then keep enjoying life and actively seek out new experiences and people. if you do then.... awesome! a relationship shouldn't be a priority, you seem to love yourself enough.
so yeh good luck op, from one single to another.
(also you're handsome b)
I'm in my 30s.... not the right side of 35 and haven't been in a super long serious relationship.
But have had flings. I'm out going, can make any situation fun, and love talking to people but I always feel used and discarded.
Dunno if it will ever change, but everyday is a new day.
But have had flings. I'm out going, can make any situation fun, and love talking to people but I always feel used and discarded.
Dunno if it will ever change, but everyday is a new day.
My parents got married and had me around 40, so it's not too late for you my friend! Take pleasure in the time it gives you to explore your options in life before you start living for your kids.
It's ultimately a place of mental privilege, no denying that. I've worked with people on the spectrum with severe mental illness, on benefits, history of trauma, physical health problems, and being actively suicidal who still managed to find a partner but that came down to support where they could focus past survival and work on their self-worth and have future goals. So a lot of that might not apply in your case at this stage and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can only hope things get better for you eventually and just keep going even if it doesn't look possible at this moment.
I feel that way even though I've had some previous luck with relationships. It's been several years since I've had my last relationship and I don't think anyone has shown any interest in me in that time, and the couple dozen people I've had a crush on either rejected me, are in a relationship, or straight ignored and stopped talking to me. It really sucks when you're trying to form relationships through new social groups and connections, but neither the friendships nor relationships work out well in the long run. Makes me pretty lonely. :(
You look fine! And I'm not talking to the dog, who is gorgeous by the way :) That is a good photo, in my opinion.
About the age, I'd advise you not to worry. You're not old by any measure. I'm 40, and I have spent the last 3 years trying online dating with varying levels of success. I know well that it can get lonely. And I think that the way dating apps/sites work does not help if one has some kind of anxiety... They promise too much, and the 'catalog effect' can make things a bit weird. But in the end I thought of them as simply another way of meeting people. So I just kept trying after every 'failure'. And I realized that, in the rush to find someone online, I was forgetting to focus on myself and I accepted some things that I shouldn't. You have to take care of yourself, because noone else is going to do it.
For the last several months I've been in a relationship that's been the longest one that started in the Internet so far for me. And it's long distance too! In Covid times. That can be a bit frustrating, let me tell you. But it's also been the most fulfilling of all of them, and it's been really good so far. So, it can happen at any age.
The problem is, finding love shouldn't even have this much pressure involved in the first place. We've become more disconnected than ever as a society thanks to social media and cesspool dating apps like Tinder which is basically the Uber Eats of casual sex. Young people of legal age are settling down into relationships less and less as time goes on. Good for the planet sure, but not so good for mental health and self esteem.
I met my wife while working at the same school. We've been together seven years now and have a daughter. I wasn't even particularly looking at the time, but things just clicked.
Maybe letting things happen naturally may be the way to go - I can see why dating apps may be adding to the pressure.
Maybe letting things happen naturally may be the way to go - I can see why dating apps may be adding to the pressure.
I'm nearly 30 and haven't had a real gf. I've had sex and plenty of "almost" relationships but nothing worth talking about. At this point in my life I've just about given up having an actual relationship.
to be honest, life was a lot easier when i was still closeted. coming out was simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to me, as being unable to embrace my sexuality with a partner in many ways felt like it blunted and invalidated my feelings to the point where i've spent years entirely numb to those emotions as a poor coping mechanism. to make things worse, it feels like every lesbian i meet happens to be in a long term relationship already, while i have been single for as long as they've been together or longer. i'm super happy for them, but it def puts me down in a big way because the scale of the amount of time i've lost is hard to come to terms with.
suppose i say this all to get this struggle out in the open more, but to also add to the perspective that dating, love, relationships, are insanely difficult to obtain regardless of who and... well, it's not really of any comfort to me personally. but maybe it will mean something that even in a non-heterosexual dating pool without the societal pressure of "starting a family", actually finding what you Need is... not really all that easy. so, don't pay much mind to that little voice in the back of your head that says you need to settle by x year, but you're not wrong for feeling down that you don't have someone to experience life with in that way yet.
suppose i say this all to get this struggle out in the open more, but to also add to the perspective that dating, love, relationships, are insanely difficult to obtain regardless of who and... well, it's not really of any comfort to me personally. but maybe it will mean something that even in a non-heterosexual dating pool without the societal pressure of "starting a family", actually finding what you Need is... not really all that easy. so, don't pay much mind to that little voice in the back of your head that says you need to settle by x year, but you're not wrong for feeling down that you don't have someone to experience life with in that way yet.
I'm 21 and my family is already trying to pressure me, but I don't give a shit. I just want to be happy and live my life. Almost everyone in my culture is with someone else from our community (I'm Syrian Orthodox who lives in The Netherlands). I started dating a girl who is half Moroccan and half Dutch. I already know some of my racist family are never going to accept her when things get serious.
OP, you also look pretty good btw. Just ask a friend if they can make a good photo with you and your dog.
OP, you also look pretty good btw. Just ask a friend if they can make a good photo with you and your dog.
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27 myself and I totally understand where you're coming from. That feeling can overwhelm me as well from time to time, but it's important that you realise this is something you're telling yourself, that doesn't make it true. In this day and age, it's not strange to be single in your twenties, or in general, really. You're pressuring yourself and that won't do you any good, it won't help a potential future relationship either (trust me on this). Try and enjoy these moments as a single person, because it can honestly be pretty awesome. If you enjoy the single life and are comfortable by yourself, being in a healthy relationship later will be the icing on the cake.
I just turned 37 and all my friends or people around me looking super unhappy or getting divorced made my decision to be super picky all the more justified. But if you wanna go down the road less traveled you can't be afraid to be alone. It's all about trying to be a better person and leveling up. Love I'll come when you least expect it...not from an app.
I'm 33 and it's still not a priority for me. I love being single and having the freedom that comes with it. I might see somebody here and there, but it's just not in my interest right now. Granted, I'm not the greatest at flirting to certain point. So, contact can be inconsistent
You have plenty of time OP. Quit freaking yourself out over it and focus on yourself.
You have plenty of time OP. Quit freaking yourself out over it and focus on yourself.
I'm exactly as old as you OP, and it seems just as lonely.
Only ever been on a single date years ago, and it didn't work out, no chemistry.
To be fair, I am delightfully good at self sabotaging though.
When I don't have new tinder matches: "Oh woe is me, I'll be alone forever!"
When I do have a new match:
Social anxiety is a bitch. Tinder also sucks anyway, it drains your mental health like nothing else. All the matches I get are frontloaded from the point of acc creation and then it just... dies. I get nothing more.
Still, it worries me because I know that some people go on dates all the time but still can't find someone, and here I am not even passing that first hurdle.
Only ever been on a single date years ago, and it didn't work out, no chemistry.
To be fair, I am delightfully good at self sabotaging though.
When I don't have new tinder matches: "Oh woe is me, I'll be alone forever!"
When I do have a new match:
Social anxiety is a bitch. Tinder also sucks anyway, it drains your mental health like nothing else. All the matches I get are frontloaded from the point of acc creation and then it just... dies. I get nothing more.
Still, it worries me because I know that some people go on dates all the time but still can't find someone, and here I am not even passing that first hurdle.
You get used to the loneliness.
Someone new will come in and swoop right in.
Remember that not everyone wants endless conversation.
Someone new will come in and swoop right in.
I pretty much never message to begin with.
My matches sit there ignored lol.
By front loaded I mean, all the matches I get happen within 3 days of creating a new account, then I never get liked again.
The only advice I can give is don't wait for someone to just 'show up'. Be active yourself - through whatever means possible.
Sometimes people might be lucky like in the movies but there is no guarantee for that and you shouldn't waste time on that idea. Of course, 'luck' (chance) is involved but if you don't create chances yourself you might never hit it.
I was 35 until I got fed up with waiting.
Oh and fuck dating apps, they are a waste of time.
Sometimes people might be lucky like in the movies but there is no guarantee for that and you shouldn't waste time on that idea. Of course, 'luck' (chance) is involved but if you don't create chances yourself you might never hit it.
I was 35 until I got fed up with waiting.
Oh and fuck dating apps, they are a waste of time.
My advice is: don't pay attention to those saying "love will find you" "love comes when you least expect it" and so on.That's simply not true. I mean, it can happen, but it's like with winning the lotto.
Love takes effort and dedication. And above all else, you must learn to love and accept yourself first, and always aim to keep improving yourself, in a positive, pro-active way. Don't hold grudges (they're a waste of time), don't blame others when things don't work out, but also don't blame yourself. Shit happens.
If you keep waiting for love to fall to you like an apple from a tree, like I did, you'll end like me: a bitter, almost 34-year old loser who will someday die alone in a very cold and dark place.
Love takes effort and dedication. And above all else, you must learn to love and accept yourself first, and always aim to keep improving yourself, in a positive, pro-active way. Don't hold grudges (they're a waste of time), don't blame others when things don't work out, but also don't blame yourself. Shit happens.
If you keep waiting for love to fall to you like an apple from a tree, like I did, you'll end like me: a bitter, almost 34-year old loser who will someday die alone in a very cold and dark place.
I think the whole purpose of those sayings is so you won't obsess over being alone. It's like the saying "a watched pot never boils" just do your thing, sure try to make connections, but don't obsess about it. I was there, then I stopped caring and tried to enjoy myself a bit more. It made the dating process much better.
Ive had a bad pattern of relationships and this year has really thrown me out of things.
My junior year of high school i dated a girl and that continued for 3 years. I then broke up with her and dated another girl for 2 years. We broke up mutually and i dated a girl for 1 year. We had to end things cause i moved to savannah. Then i dated a girl for 6 months and we broke up. In june i moved to seattle and to be honest i dont know how to be single. Ive been in a relationship most of my life and being single this year in particular has been so difficult. I cant even meet anyone right now. I know most people would say enjoy being single, but idk im just not good at it lol. Im too extroverted and its so lonely.
My junior year of high school i dated a girl and that continued for 3 years. I then broke up with her and dated another girl for 2 years. We broke up mutually and i dated a girl for 1 year. We had to end things cause i moved to savannah. Then i dated a girl for 6 months and we broke up. In june i moved to seattle and to be honest i dont know how to be single. Ive been in a relationship most of my life and being single this year in particular has been so difficult. I cant even meet anyone right now. I know most people would say enjoy being single, but idk im just not good at it lol. Im too extroverted and its so lonely.
Why not just have sex with people? You seem charismatic enough to start plenty of relationships.
To be honest im not really looking for that! Everyone close to me is getting married. Ive been the best man in 3 of my close friends weddings in recent times and I really want to just have that sort of love.
Ah, sounds like a tough spot to be in. I can't really offer much advice there. Do you feel like you have a sense of self identity being single? Or do you feel like you know yourself when you're in a relationship?
Hmmm. I feel like i have a solid self identity. I also feel like ive sat on a lot of missed opportunities in past relationships because of how often I've moved. :/
What makes true love so special is how fleeting it is and how rare it can be. And it SHOULD be. The simple fact that not everyone will get to experience it in their lifetime should be expected. Afterall, if everyone found love then it wouldnt be very unique now would it? It would be very typical I would imagine? It's special because everyone who found love can brag about it and claim "you can do it too!"
But the truth is..... Not everyone will have that experience..... And that's ok. Learn to be ok with that possibility.
Not everyone has a second half out there waiting to be found. Some people are born whole and they just dont know it yet.
But the truth is..... Not everyone will have that experience..... And that's ok. Learn to be ok with that possibility.
Not everyone has a second half out there waiting to be found. Some people are born whole and they just dont know it yet.
I was lucky. My wife found me 13 years ago.
Finding someone these days sounds really difficult. One of my best friends has been single for about 6 years now. He's struggeling but I can't really give any advice.
Finding someone these days sounds really difficult. One of my best friends has been single for about 6 years now. He's struggeling but I can't really give any advice.
I guess I'm kind of lucky. I have no attributes that would attract anyone, and I have no issues with being alone. It think it's nice. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like in a different situation, but it always feels like shit would be more complicated living with someone.
But, why do one feel pressured to find someone? Maybe it's hard for someone like me to understand it, but I do find it strange.
But, why do one feel pressured to find someone? Maybe it's hard for someone like me to understand it, but I do find it strange.