The conflict before you end your life

[LexingtonKruger]

I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of purgatory.

I have people telling me to stick around so I'm still here.

I just don't want to be.

I almost took an Uber to the George Washington bridge and everything would have been over.

The pain that I've experienced all my life would stop.

Now I'm sitting in a cafe studying and I just am so tired.

I cut myself pretty badly yesterday and it made me tired.

I can outline what's happening.
I hate who I am. Who I am becoming as I get old.
I don't want to be the man I'm becoming.
That's a part.
I am in a dead end job.

I was going to school and doing well until I got this bio class that I will probably fail as the teacher just bulldozes through material without actually stopping to check if kids get it.
We had a review and he spent literally five minutes explaining how we are supposed to interpret the material in chemical form as opposed to written form.
I thought he was just going to ask us what a nonpolar and ionic bond was. I would say nonpolar is unequal sharing of electrons.
He wants us to apparently pick from a set of diagrams.
I have now watched multiple tutorials and have seen the tutor.
So far no one has been able to replicate what she showed us is his way of identifying them.
I saw it for like five minutes and I was like wtf and freaking out the entire time I just couldn't process it.
The class also has a sister lab class and I am like barely finding time to do the he, study for the quiz for that.

Work is awful. I just absolutely hate my job. It drains everything out of me and I am not sure how I can do it when I feel this sick.

It's hard to give reasons why I want to die now as it's more a culmination of a lifetime of events.

Being sexually assaulted, being homeless, being fired a lot, just generally being treated very poorly and I am constantly isolated. Going in and out of mental hospitals.
I just have a very negative outlook on life.
I also have PTSD which has been really strange as it seems to have been like this thing that doesn't just remain confined to what caused it but it seems to expand to where I was crying everyday in the summer as I was so afraid of going back to school due to what it demands from me in combination with work.

I feel really strange as I'm now posting this sort of rumination and I wanted to post:I'm at the bridge. I'll be dead in a few seconds. Thanks for the laughs. I was on gaf as cryptic.

Like if I don't kill myself my life will be like all the mentally ill people that remain trapped in poverty.
I just am so fucking tired and I don't want to do what I did where I go in and out of mental hospitals again.

What is going to happen is I am probably going to keep suffering and just try to pass this test. The professor says it is easy as he made it less complex since it:s for non science majors.
I just am like quite stunned again by how much pain I have to endure by choosing to live.

 

[Revolver_Ocelot]

Hey, sounds like you've had a really difficult time of things through your past. I would highly recommend giving: 1-800-273-8255 a call if you're in the USA to help you right now.

 

[Jesse_and_the_rippers]

Dude. This too shall pass. Please believe me, and don't do anything to harm yourself. Call the number above^

 

[bonch00ski]

Dude if there is one thing I've always said to myself during times where I've felt this way.....

As long as you're still alive you can overcome any troubled time you are going through. Life is peaks and valleys and sometimes the valleys will be fucking deep as can be..... But the peak is always going to be there. Don't let troubled times in life make you think it isn't worth living because it's always worth living.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I used to call the suicide hotline almost daily just so I would have someone to talk to.
I wish it helped me.
It's sort of become this weird game where I unload all of my problems and I feel sorry for the operator when I push them to the realization that I have which is that no one can help.

 

[Midramble]

How much time do you have left at school at this point?

Are you still at that cooking job you hate? If so, any luck on looking for others, or have you had the chance?

 

[GillianSeed79]

As hard as life may seem, it gets better. Trust me. I felt hopeless like you. I even walked to a water tower. I'm glad I didn't do anything. There are people that love you. If no one you know says they love you, I'm here to say I love you and so does ERA. I got help through a combo of a suicide prevention chat group, ERA, and friends. Call someone and talk it out. I guarantee you there are people that feel exactly like you and will help you. Even though I don't know you and will never meet you, I want you to know I love you. You can do this. It will get better, even if it gets a worse before it gets better. Here's a number you can call if you can't talk to anyone: 1-800-273-8255

 

[LexingtonKruger]

How much time do you have left at school at this point?

Are you still at that cooking job you hate? If so, any luck on looking for others, or have you had the chance?

Click to shrink...

If I can somehow pass this class I only have a year left. If not at least two years.

I have not been able to find another cooking job that offers me similar pay paired with a schedule that enables me to attend school.

I am stuck.
I have no choice but to deal with these equally huge pressures that are fucking crushing me at a point in which I am already exhausted.

I am the longest tenured employee there. No one has been able to handle that kitchen for as long as I have.
It is a beast.

 

[Baroque]

My man, I know it sounds cliche and whatnot but eventually you'll look back at your problems and wonder why you ever felt this way in the first place. Just keep on keeping on.

 

[Midramble]

If I can somehow pass this class I only have a year left. If not at least two years.

I have not been able to find another cooking job that offers me similar pay paired with a schedule that enables me to attend school.

I am stuck.
I have no choice but to deal with these equally huge pressures that are fucking crushing me at a point in which I am already exhausted.

I am the longest tenured employee there. No one has been able to handle that kitchen for as long as I have.
It is a beast.

Click to shrink...

Got farther than me then haha. I only ended up making it through about a year and a half of college before money and time bottomed out. Sounds like if you keep grinding the way you are, even if there are a couple of failures in the next couple years you'll be out the other end and on a better path.

From what I've heard from people in the industry cooking is one of the most exhausting, draining, and stressful out there. For your own health and for the sake of saving you money in the long run by making school easier and causing less repeat classes, thus being cheaper, you might want to seek a easier job even if there is a pay cut. Hell, maybe check the school to see if there are jobs as they will better understand the scheduling needs and you can often get discounts working there.

This chapter seems to be coming up on its last miles. Though those tend to be the hardest, it also means you're almost done with this part and can take a breather when it's done. Would be a massive shame to call it quits before that point.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I don't know how to stress this enough. I have been repeating this to everyone. I am totally exhausted, mentally and physically.
I can barely get out of bed also due to the crippling fear and depression.
I am just very sick and there is no possibility of a break.
The only break I can take is suicide.
It's unfortunate but it's the facts of Life.

 

[Arc]

OP are you hungry? Can I send you a pizza?

 

[Rosebud]

Failing a class is not the end of the world, it's insignificant compared to your mental health. Take care of yourself and study at your own pace at next time, maybe with a better teacher.

Your college doesn't have any psychologists you can see?

 

[LexingtonKruger]

Got farther than me then haha. I only ended up making it through about a year and a half of college before money and time bottomed out. Sounds like if you keep grinding the way you are, even if there are a couple of failures in the next couple years you'll be out the other end and on a better path.

From what I've heard from people in the industry cooking is one of the most exhausting, draining, and stressful out there. For your own health and for the sake of saving you money in the long run by making school easier and causing less repeat classes, thus being cheaper, you might want to seek a easier job even if there is a pay cut. Hell, maybe check the school to see if there are jobs as they will better understand the scheduling needs and you can often get discounts working there.

This chapter seems to be coming up on its last miles. Though those tend to be the hardest, it also means you're almost done with this part and can take a breather when it's done. Would be a massive shame to call it quits before that point.

Click to shrink...

Yeah. The possibility that it could all work out is also there.
This class is just a monster.

I have 18 pages of notes for the first midterm.
Before we even take the first midterm he will begin giving us notes for the second midterm.
He has given us no time to grasp the material.

He expects us to figure out what he wants via the PowerPoints and I just have only had time to check them when he shows them in class.

I am sick with worry and I am like procrastinating every second.
I have all these notes and I have no idea if he won't just word the questions in a very unfamiliar way.

The class has a second class as part of it. The lab, which I have lab exams and lab reports due for.

The online homework for the lecture portion is incredibly hard.
You can read the entire online textbook and then half the questions won't even be on there. They'll be in the answers themselves, so you have to pick an answer, research a term you never heard of. Then you'll find the information for that term has no obvious connection to the question being asked, and ultimately you have to guess that you picked the right answer.
The teacher does not go over what is in the online work in class.
The online material is far more complex than what is mentioned in the lecture.
It is actually completely unrelated to the material we cover in class except they may at times repeat keywords.
I am totally overwhelmed by the amount of work and I took five classes my first semester and got all A's.

The studying means you never ever know if you've done enough. Will I remember this obscure bit of info?
Who knows.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

Failing a class is not the end of the world, it's insignificant compared to your mental health. Take care of yourself and study at your own pace at next time, maybe with a better teacher.

Your college doesn't have any psychologists you can see?

Click to shrink...

We have counselors. I see one every week.
Unfortunately the best advice I have been given is to stick it out. If I do bad on the test I can consider dropping in November.
The wait is the most agonizing feeling.
I never feel like I'm doing enough and then I procrastinate and of course I fuck up.
I am hoping this bout of depression will pass.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

OP are you hungry? Can I send you a pizza?

Click to shrink...

Wow thank you I don't know what to say. I am dirt poor so I don't really eat when I'm not at work.
It's a very nice offer.

 

[molnizzle]

I graduated college at 32. Bullshitted through many classes with C's.

Failing a test isn't a big deal, you need to relax. See a psychiatrist and get some medication for whatever it is that is causing you to think like this.

 

[Baji Boxer]

Have you talked to a therapist yet? And how much are you sleeping? Overstudying with too little sleep can be counterproductive too.

If the class doesn't work out, failing or dropping one course isn't going to ruin your future prospects. Could you drop the course, then only take that course next semester?

 

[GillianSeed79]

Yo OP, after my Freshman year of college I transferred to another college in the city where I didn't know anybody. It sucked. I barely could afford food and ended up dropping out. It sucked. I was super depressed. I ended up having to work fast food for a semester until I could re-apply to my old school. I got back into my old school and graduated cum laude. Have you ever thought that it might not be you, but the school you are going to? Maybe you could get financial aid/student loans for another school that has room and board/meal plan options. It's pretty easy to get student loans if you are an undergrad. I can also confirm another thing: employers don't care at about your college grades, only if you actually get the degree. Sometimes they don't even care what degree you have. Sometimes you can get jobs just if you have college credits and not even a degree.

 

[Feep]

I honestly wish I'd dropped out of college. That's not applicable to everybody and I don't mean to belittle anyone's degrees, but my degree was ultimately pointless and cost me a shitton of money. It was for pride and to please my parents but that was a mistake. If that ends up being the right decision for you, don't sweat it. It can work both ways, I promise.

Please don't do anything rash. Sometimes your brain is at its breaking point, and that's the exact time to not make a decision. Don't worry about the class. Go home, sleep, get a pizza (if Arc doesn't respond, DM me your address and a place you like, or just the address, and I'll get one to you).

 

[Arc]

Wow thank you I don't know what to say. I am dirt poor so I don't really eat when I'm not at work.
It's a very nice offer.

Click to shrink...

DM me your address

 

[Shoot]

I am totally overwhelmed by the amount of work and I took five classes my first semester and got all A's.

Click to shrink...

You have mentioned this a few times in the other thread because you know that the problem is not you, it is this class and the teacher. You are actually a very smart and hardworking person. This post also illustrates that:

I am the longest tenured employee there. No one has been able to handle that kitchen for as long as I have.
It is a beast.

Click to shrink...

You are able to do things that others cannot. Stop hating yourself and putting yourself down. You are extraordinary even without considering your financial and mental problems. Taking those into account, you sound downright super human.

But you are not. You are a human just like the rest of us. That means that you magnify your flaws and diminish your achievements. You obsess over what is in front of you and forget about the bigger picture. All of that is perfectly normal.

You have a lot to offer this world. Please do not squander it away at the bottom of a river. It would be such a tragic waste.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I graduated college at 32. Bullshitted through many classes with C's.

Failing a test isn't a big deal, you need to relax. See a psychiatrist and get some medication for whatever it is that is causing you to think like this.

Click to shrink...

I am so many medications. They also just increased the dosage. The only theory I have now is that I was on a medication that prevents the manic stage of bipolar and I am off it. The pharmacy has to order it and supposedly that takes several days.The doctor was thinking of prescribing me lithium. There is growing evidence that I have some form of bipolar and maybe that is why the medicine I'm taking isn't working as it's not stabilizing my mood.

Have you talked to a therapist yet? And how much are you sleeping? Overstudying with too little sleep can be counterproductive too.

If the class doesn't work out, failing or dropping one course isn't going to ruin your future prospects. Could you drop the course, then only take that course next semester?

Click to shrink...

I am sleeping pretty well.Sleep is the only time I feel safe.

So I try to sleep a lot. I also know that however bad things are they get even worse when I don't sleep.
My memory is first to go.

So I am only taking this course this semester. I thought I would take it easy and only do two courses.
Now I'm like wtf why is this class so hard.
It would be hard as is but the professor is literally like," yo I want to make it harder so I won't ask you the question in the way I taught it." What, fuck you.
Meanwhile he's telling me not to drop out, that the test is easy.
It also fucks me if I drop.
I was supposed to take a class in spring that is only available then.
If I have to take this class again instead then wtf.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

You have mentioned this a few times in the other thread because you know that the problem is not you, it is this class and the teacher. You are actually a very smart and hardworking person. This post also illustrates that:

You are able to do things that others cannot. Stop hating yourself and putting yourself down. You are extraordinary even without considering your financial and mental problems. Taking those into account, you sound downright super human.

But you are not. You are a human just like the rest of us. That means that you magnify your flaws and diminish your achievements. You obsess over what is in front of you and forget about the bigger picture. All of that is perfectly normal.

You have a lot to offer this world. Please do not squander it away at the bottom of a river. It would be such a tragic waste.

Click to shrink...

Thank you. This was very helpful. Yeah wow thank you.

 

[Airegin]

People who can combine a job and college are amazing, even if it's a huge struggle due to your depression. I barely managed going through college without a job. Now I'm working full-time with no other obligations and it's killing me every day.

You are much much stronger and more capable. In 2-3 years you'll be rewarded and you'll be in a great position.

 

[Baji Boxer]

You have mentioned this a few times in the other thread because you know that the problem is not you, it is this class and the teacher. You are actually a very smart and hardworking person. This post also illustrates that:

You are able to do things that others cannot. Stop hating yourself and putting yourself down. You are extraordinary even without considering your financial and mental problems. Taking those into account, you sound downright super human.

But you are not. You are a human just like the rest of us. That means that you magnify your flaws and diminish your achievements. You obsess over what is in front of you and forget about the bigger picture. All of that is perfectly normal.

You have a lot to offer this world. Please do not squander it away at the bottom of a river. It would be such a tragic waste.

Click to shrink...

This is an awesome post.

 

[Rellodex]

I've spent time staying up late crying because of scholastic pressures.

You aren't fucked if you fuck up a class. It feels like a total failure (and it is), but failure is not the end of things. Recognize it for what it is and take the opportunity to grow and improve.

Failure leads to unexpected opportunities to improve, things that are completely unforeseen.

Every time things have been bad for me I was literally unable to see a resolution until it was upon me.

Keep moving forward, things will happen if you keep fighting.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I've spent time staying up late crying because of scholastic pressures.

You aren't fucked if you fuck up a class. It feels like a total failure (and it is), but failure is not the end of things. Recognize it for what it is and take the opportunity to grow and improve.

Failure leads to unexpected opportunities to improve, things that are completely unforeseen.

Every time things have been bad for me I was literally unable to see a resolution until it was upon me.

Keep moving forward, things will happen if you keep fighting.

Click to shrink...

Okay. I will keep trying.

 

[mangopositive]

I've been in dark times before. I'm now in bright times. It changed on a dime. Your situation could change too. Life is better than death. No matter how bad it is. I'm 42 and finally feel like the rest of my life will be manageable. It took me a long time to get there. I can't say you'll have a similar experience, but I'm confident that it's worth sticking around to find out. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I wish you the best. Happy to talk to you one on one if you want. PM me your number and I'll call you.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

OP where are you located? I'll Uber Eats/Door Dash you a meal.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I'm afraid to accept a meal and then suprise cops.

I am so thankful for the offer though.

It's a really warm and happy feeling that I needed.

I spoke to a friend. She thinks that I should try to find another antidepressant that might lift the depression.

Anyway I am going to sleep. I didn't study as much as I wanted. I could hardly focus. It sucks.

I think I almost know what all the bonds are though. The nonpolar covalent and hydrogen and ionic.

 

[aerts1js]

You're really worked up about this biology class. Told you in the last thread, but i'll say it again, if it becomes *too* much withdraw from it. It doesn't sound like biology is going to be your thing anyway. I was in the same situation as you and did it. Instantly made my stress drop down a huge notch. I mean, now like 15 years later i *barely* remember that class....that's how insignificant it really is in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Reeks]

Can you withdraw and take a W?

 

[vhoanox]

I just lost my business.
All I have is my phone and reading resetera and pretend everything going to be fine.
Probably sell it soon to paid my rent or my debts.
I hope I can hang on to this place as much as I can do. Until then...

 

[Aurica]

I am the longest tenured employee there. No one has been able to handle that kitchen for as long as I have.
It is a beast

Click to shrink...

Yo, look at that! You're a beast for handling it when nobody else can! Look how far you've come. You're getting there bit by bit, and I really believe that things will improve for you. You're stronger than you think! Please believe in yourself. You have the potential for true happiness. If you end it, that's all gone. You never get to find out how much fun you can have and how good things can be. You're a fighter. You've got this!

 

[Reeks]

Also, I have a PhD in neurobiology and have TAd bio. I'll tutor you. DM me.

 

[Merv]

I'm afraid to accept a meal and then suprise cops.

I am so thankful for the offer though.

It's a really warm and happy feeling that I needed.

I spoke to a friend. She thinks that I should try to find another antidepressant that might lift the depression.

Anyway I am going to sleep. I didn't study as much as I wanted. I could hardly focus. It sucks.

I think I almost know what all the bonds are though. The nonpolar covalent and hydrogen and ionic.

Click to shrink...

I've never been as low as you are, but we all experience dips. Just find something you love and hold on to it.

 

[Stranger Things]

Plenty of people on this forum have failed multiple college/university courses in their time. Plenty of people on this forum have also dropped out of college, got fired from jobs, been divorced, isolated from friends, etc. But you know what? They still kept moving on and tried their best to be better humans. And many of them are in way better shape now than ever before. You have time, and plenty of it.

I've failed in many things in my life, reached dark points where I felt like there was nothing I could do but end it all. I've contemplated suicide during these low points, but I knew how big of an impact it would have on those around me. Life is precious and valuable. The way that I look at life is that it took millions, billions of years of cosmic birth and evolution to produce my life. It doesn't matter what I do in life, win or lose, just being alive is a miraculous and amazing feat on it's own. Breathe in, breathe out ... You only get about 100 years to do this.

You see, when you fail at something, hit rock bottom, there is no other way to go but up. You can't succeed without failing at least once. It's perfectly OK. All the greatest people in history failed before succeeding, and so can you. As far as we're concerned, we only get 1 life. You can do this OP. Life is what you make it, and it's definitely not as meaningless and pointless as nihilists and absurdists make it out to be.

 

[TrueSloth]

I used to call the suicide hotline almost daily just so I would have someone to talk to.
I wish it helped me.
It's sort of become this weird game where I unload all of my problems and I feel sorry for the operator when I push them to the realization that I have which is that no one can help.

Click to shrink...

I have a friend who volunteers for the suicide hotline. Trust me when I say you're not being a bother to any of them. They are volunteering their time to listen to you because they want to help you. These are people who are listening to you, who are acknowleding you as a person and the struggles you are going through. They arent lisenced therapists, but people who care.

 

[Famassu]

Do you have any free time to play online multiplayer once in a while? Might help if we could find you a group who'd offer some companionship & relaxing times escaping some of the woes of real life for a little while here and there. even if only remotely.

 

[Slipknot666]

I needed to have an average of B between calculus 1,2 and 3 to enter the department of engineering.

I dropped the first time I took Calculus 2. Then I got a C and after my third time I got an A which let go into the department. You can do it

 

[Fedeuy]

I just lost my business.
All I have is my phone and reading resetera and pretend everything going to be fine.
Probably sell it soon to paid my rent or my debts.
I hope I can hang on to this place as much as I can do. Until then...

Click to shrink...

What happened, talk to us.

 

[Spinluck]

When I worked a full time job and was a full time student I aged like 10 years in that span and was inside buildings all day and would get home at like 10pm and wake up at 4:30am.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone OP.

Don't let life pass you by no matter how shitty gets find ways to see yourself through it even when you don't believe it yourself.

 

[nilbog]

I'm afraid to accept a meal and then suprise cops.

I am so thankful for the offer though.

It's a really warm and happy feeling that I needed.

I spoke to a friend. She thinks that I should try to find another antidepressant that might lift the depression.

Anyway I am going to sleep. I didn't study as much as I wanted. I could hardly focus. It sucks.

I think I almost know what all the bonds are though. The nonpolar covalent and hydrogen and ionic.

Click to shrink...

There are warm and happy feelings waiting for you daily my man.

There are chapters in life and all of them will be different. Your best chapter is yet to come.

 

[Feep]

I'm afraid to accept a meal and then suprise cops.

I am so thankful for the offer though.

It's a really warm and happy feeling that I needed.

I spoke to a friend. She thinks that I should try to find another antidepressant that might lift the depression.

Anyway I am going to sleep. I didn't study as much as I wanted. I could hardly focus. It sucks.

I think I almost know what all the bonds are though. The nonpolar covalent and hydrogen and ionic.

Click to shrink...

I have a verified identity on ResetEra; my name is Jason Wishnov, I'm the head of Iridium Studios. I absolutely promise I will only send you a pizza (or other food of your choice), not cops, not people to try to talk to you, nothing but pizza. The rest of the forum here can absolutely wreck my shit if I try.

Anyway, just putting the offer out there. DM me address and you shall receive pizza!

Edit: Oh also toppings you like.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Failing a class is not the end of the world, it's insignificant compared to your mental health. Take care of yourself and study at your own pace at next time, maybe with a better teacher.

Your college doesn't have any psychologists you can see?

Click to shrink...

I'm gonna second this post, please look into the therapists your school provides. You desperately need regular therapy. I'm also a sexual abuse victim who has regularly contemplated suicide, and therapy has been immensely helpful for just coping day to day.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

We have counselors. I see one every week.
Unfortunately the best advice I have been given is to stick it out. If I do bad on the test I can consider dropping in November.
The wait is the most agonizing feeling.
I never feel like I'm doing enough and then I procrastinate and of course I fuck up.
I am hoping this bout of depression will pass.

Click to shrink...

Just saw this, which makes my first post kind of irrelevant. I'm sorry the therapy isn't helping you enough. If you wanna talk feel free to PM me. Even if you fail the test you can still continue in your studies, it feels like the end of the world but I promise it isn't. Procrastination is normal, don't best yourself up over it.

 

[Yoshichan]

I have a verified identity on ResetEra; my name is Jason Wishnov, I'm the head of Iridium Studios. I absolutely promise I will only send you a pizza (or other food of your choice), not cops, not people to try to talk to you, nothing but pizza. The rest of the forum here can absolutely wreck my shit if I try.

Anyway, just putting the offer out there. DM me address and you shall receive pizza!

Edit: Oh also toppings you like.

Click to shrink...

My friend. Take this offer

 

[astroturfing]

if i was a billionaire i would totally pay all your living expenses for a year or two just so you could think things through and get all the rest you need.. i struggled with university for so many years myself, i quit three different times due to health and motivational issues, the last time for real, i just couldnt do it.. academic life wasn't for me.

fast forward a decade and i'm working full time, not earning much money at all BUT it's something that makes me feel useful, have many really fun co-workers, and its not too stressful most of the time, i kinda feel lucky that things worked out like this. i NEVER would have guessed it when i thought my life was completely ruined because i couldnt handle my studies. if anything i should have fucked off earlier instead of torturing myself.

now i'm not suggesting you just quit, BUT it is a much better choice than ending your unique and precious life by jumping from a bridge! you never know what kind of options might open up for you years from now. there is a real chance you could enjoy life again.

oh and umm.. im not 100% sure if its true but i read recently about some study about people who had jumped off a certain bridge, and survived.. something clicked in their heads while they were falling that made all of them (iirc) regret the choice, they did not try it again. made me think of the hundreds that didnt make the fall :( still freaks me out thinking about it. so PLEASE don't!

ahh found one article with quick googling:

https://medium.com/@ennyman/a-lesson-from-29-golden-gate-suicide-attempts-a42f4ef3f970

edit: and yea take the pizza!

 

[DoubleTake]

I'm afraid to accept a meal and then suprise cops.

I am so thankful for the offer though.

It's a really warm and happy feeling that I needed.

I spoke to a friend. She thinks that I should try to find another antidepressant that might lift the depression.

Anyway I am going to sleep. I didn't study as much as I wanted. I could hardly focus. It sucks.

I think I almost know what all the bonds are though. The nonpolar covalent and hydrogen and ionic.

Click to shrink...

I hesitated to comment in this thread before due to my own anxiety, but I just wanted to say that I understand what you're feeling and I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Take the pizza offer or not there are people here to stand in solidarity with you, so long as you give us the chance.