Person comes in asking advice, people give advice. OP is still free to choose for themselves what they do with it.
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Surviving cheatin
- Thread starter Bengraven
- Start date
Once a person cheats on you they already lost respect for you and themselves. It isn't worth it.
You're not "strong enough" but she's the cheater...
I swear the justifications cheaters come up with make me fucking sick lol. Leave this woman. You love her but she does not respect or truly love you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you OP. Can't imagine how you feel. Let time do its thing, but make the moves to leave this person. She is no good for you.
I swear the justifications cheaters come up with make me fucking sick lol. Leave this woman. You love her but she does not respect or truly love you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you OP. Can't imagine how you feel. Let time do its thing, but make the moves to leave this person. She is no good for you.
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It depends on what you want OP. If you intend of staying together go to couples counselling. It would probably be beneficial for you both to do individual counselling on top of the couples counselling. If you decide to spilt you should still do counselling for yourself.
Infidelity is a difficult subject to talk about and the situations can be complex, and a lot of people will immediately write off the person who cheated (which I can understand).
My current girlfriend cheated on me and we ended up doing couples counselling. Shit was really hard and I honestly still deal with it over a year later, but every day is a little better. We managed to create a new and better relationship in the aftermath.
Infidelity is a difficult subject to talk about and the situations can be complex, and a lot of people will immediately write off the person who cheated (which I can understand).
My current girlfriend cheated on me and we ended up doing couples counselling. Shit was really hard and I honestly still deal with it over a year later, but every day is a little better. We managed to create a new and better relationship in the aftermath.
you've got to do some things for yourself and your kid. i don't know what kind of support you expect from or give to your spouse, but it doesn't sound like it is happening. So if you can't count on her, you've got to step up and do something to fix your life because you are unhappy with it.
My ex wife cheated on me, ending our marriage.
So I literally feel your pain.
Don't accept any bulllshit excuses from her. She did it because she stopped respecting you. It's time to move on.
The upside is it will get better. Maybe not great, but better. It'll take time. Surround yourself with family and/or supportive people. Be good to yourself.
Send me a PM if you need to vent or commiserate.
So I literally feel your pain.
Don't accept any bulllshit excuses from her. She did it because she stopped respecting you. It's time to move on.
The upside is it will get better. Maybe not great, but better. It'll take time. Surround yourself with family and/or supportive people. Be good to yourself.
Send me a PM if you need to vent or commiserate.
Advice. Fucking run I mean it. Seek out a way for the both of you to be equitable in regards to parenting your kid. But staying for the child's sake seldom works out. Work on yourself for yourself and not because you feel like you need to be "strong enough for her". Fuck the counseling. Honestly what's the line for those folks who say just go to counseling. Does your lady need to come home with a thick glaze on her face for you to realize she's utterly and completely disrespecting you. Wake the fuck up, she has shown absolutely no remorse for her actions she doesn't deserve your love don't waste it any longer.
OP there can't ever be a relationship without trust. You can fool yourself into thinking it may work but it'll always be in the back of your head and it'll show eventually and make the breakup worse. It does suck in regards to your son but it'll be better for him in the long run to have two happy parents than not. This situation just sucks all around and I'm sorry to hear this.
You deserve to be happy, OP. Personally, I couldn't imagine being happy with someone who disrespected me and disregarded my feelings like that (and when confronted with their betrayal turned around and blamed me). Maybe you can, but you need to be honest with yourself.
This may be premature but I would highly recommend thinking about getting a decent attorney.
If she cheated a year ago, I'm guessing she's been emotionally detaching for a bit or a lot longer than that even. So she may be ahead of you mentally in the "self preservation" game in terms of financial and custodial outcomes here.
Or maybe not, that's conjecture on my part. What I worry about is how these things end and they always end either in a court room or at a lawyers table with some kind of division of assets and custody. Please start thinking of how to protect yourself in this regard even if you want to work things out because it doesn't sound like she's on board with that. I'm not a lawyer but depending on where you live, you may want evidence of her adultery if you live in a fault divorce state.
If she cheated a year ago, I'm guessing she's been emotionally detaching for a bit or a lot longer than that even. So she may be ahead of you mentally in the "self preservation" game in terms of financial and custodial outcomes here.
Or maybe not, that's conjecture on my part. What I worry about is how these things end and they always end either in a court room or at a lawyers table with some kind of division of assets and custody. Please start thinking of how to protect yourself in this regard even if you want to work things out because it doesn't sound like she's on board with that. I'm not a lawyer but depending on where you live, you may want evidence of her adultery if you live in a fault divorce state.
Damn that is rough. Hope the best for you. This thread has some good advice, hope you can make the most of it.
Def keep the evidence handy though no matter what. Heck, I wouldn't even tell her about the evidence and notes. That stuff will save you and make you keep your kid.
Def keep the evidence handy though no matter what. Heck, I wouldn't even tell her about the evidence and notes. That stuff will save you and make you keep your kid.
They said you're not strong enough? What the hell?! Personally I would find someone who builds you up instead of tearing you down like that
Sounds like she's almost trying to blame you and rationalise her behaviour and actions. Of course she's the villain, how the fuck does she even even think that she's anything else but the villain.
Mate, all the best to you.
Mate, all the best to you.
people struggling for explanations often come up with nonsense reasons to cover their b.s.
not even worth trying to work the logic through because there's no point. death in the family, husband not strong enough, go have an affair with former classmate. a bunch of disconnected excuses.
I'm not part of the "once a cheater, always a cheater" crew, but that paragraph with her 'explanation' is absurdly bad, OP.
A cheater who blames everyone but themselves, especially after all this time, doesn't feel bad about what they did at all.
A cheater who blames everyone but themselves, especially after all this time, doesn't feel bad about what they did at all.
I hate to say but it would be much better for you mental health to get out of there and work on figuring out custody later. There is a lot of sensitive little boys in here who think something as simple and natural as sex can be enough to ruin an entire relationship. The problem here is the other things you wrote about. Talking about how you aren't strong enough, being sad that the fling is over instead of feeling guilty. It sounds like she doesn't love you and that's what the deal-breaker is. People can make mistakes, and people can change. This wasn't a mistake and she isn't interested in changing, at least not for the right reasons it seems.
Yeah after re-reading the OP there are so many red flags. He also had suspicions in the past over possible affairs. She is very problematic.
Depending on the situation and parties involved, yes that can help the cheated move on and/or curb resentment and anger. If OP decides to stay married and just winds up being a raging husband for the next few years that helps no one.
My ex cheated on me so I am definitely relate.
However my ex and I are coworkers so imagine how fun that is everyday. Oh also even better?! My ex yesterday got a promotion!
My ex who cheated on me is now my boss! YAY!!!
However my ex and I are coworkers so imagine how fun that is everyday. Oh also even better?! My ex yesterday got a promotion!
My ex who cheated on me is now my boss! YAY!!!
literally just fire me now
I absolutely agree with this. She's offering up bullshit excuses as a way to blame OP for her own failings as a person, and as such I wouldn't trust her not to do it again in the future.
It's pretty fucking awkward for me now. He will treat me like any other employee but it's gonna be hard for me to just ignore our past. Fuck.
Don't shit where you eat my dude. I hope he doesn't pull any bullshit on you.
x
I do think he will be impartial and fair. But like you can't deny there will be some tension from a person who cheated and ghosted you for months suddenly being in charge of my job.
I do think he will be impartial and fair. But like you can't deny there will be some tension from a person who cheated and ghosted you for months suddenly being in charge of my job.
That calling you not strong enough is such BS. She's the weak one, not you. She cheated rather than confront you about he issues.
Litteraly the most cowardly and selfish thing she could have possibly done.
Pretty obvious by how her tone is different from what it was in the texts you read that she's just upset because she got caught, and trying to guilt you to shift blame away from herself.
It's sucks to hear from the rest of your OP that the situation in leaving her won't be easy, but the last thing you want to do is waste the one life you have with her.
You have a child, so Im not on team #JustLeaveDude.
But man oh man.. The way she sneaks in "You weren't strong enough" and "I knew I would be the villain" is some serious red ass flags. The audacity to paint YOU as the one being weak/flawed in a situation where she is the one who betrayed trust here is so ballsy.. I dont even know what to say to that.
But man oh man.. The way she sneaks in "You weren't strong enough" and "I knew I would be the villain" is some serious red ass flags. The audacity to paint YOU as the one being weak/flawed in a situation where she is the one who betrayed trust here is so ballsy.. I dont even know what to say to that.
That is a good point right there. You might want to consider hiding away evidence of her cheating and start trying to be a more stable financial situation that you can support you and your kid if you decide to split off.
The way your describing your relationship is just not healthy for you emotionally and mentally. I hope you can pull through OP splitting up with a child involved must be so hard to say the least.
Sounds like she is using you and your son. I mean she states you are good father, but you aren't strong enough?
Do what you think is best for your son obviously, but don't ruin any shred of happiness you may have for somebody that doesn't love, trust, respect, and appreciate you.
Do what you think is best for your son obviously, but don't ruin any shred of happiness you may have for somebody that doesn't love, trust, respect, and appreciate you.
I could never trust that person again.
But you should not take our advices, you and only you knows what is best to do.
But you should not take our advices, you and only you knows what is best to do.
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"Yes I cheated on you, but it would break poor little Billy's heart if we didn't stay together"
I'd get a divorced, ask him who he wants to stay with. You do you though.
I'd get a divorced, ask him who he wants to stay with. You do you though.
take my words: there's no going back.
every time she arrives at home you'll think where she was; every time she says she is going somewhere, you'll think if that's true.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I'm sorry to be kinda rude, but the sooner you realize this, the better.
Good luck, dude.
Be wise.
every time she arrives at home you'll think where she was; every time she says she is going somewhere, you'll think if that's true.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I'm sorry to be kinda rude, but the sooner you realize this, the better.
Good luck, dude.
Be wise.
User Banned (3 Days): Inflammatory generalizations of the community in a sensitive subject thread
Hi mate,
Do keep in mind there are a lot of immature, inexperienced morons in this forum, hence the very shit replies you're receiving.
Give this a look; it should provide insights. PM me should you wish to talk more.