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OwOtacon

Alt Account
Banned
Dec 18, 2018
2,394
Meghan Trainor - notable for her hit songs All About That Bass, Marvin Gaye, No, Me Too, and Dear Future Husband - has a new EP. However, it hasn't had much promotion, so how can it get attention?

Well, a press release was made. And it's a horny stan twitter mess. I will quote it in full. NSFW text ahead.

(February 8, 2019 - Los Angeles, CA) -- Valentine's Day is around the corner, and whether you're planning on smashing bae's junk to smithereens or making out with a pint of Phish Food, you need some fresh Valentine's Day bops to get you in the mood for L♡VE. And MEGHAN TRAINOR has got you covered with her new EP, THE LOVE TRAIN [Epic Records.]

You know you want it. And you can freakin' get it b*tch. On all digital platforms right HERE.

Meghan's seducing your ears this V-Day, and you know she knows a thing or two about romance. Unless your phone's been broken for a hot minute, you know that Meghan just got married to the ginger from Spy Kids, and trust when we say, girl is feeling the love. She took a break from her busy schedule to record some fire tracks in Los Angeles alongside frequent collaborators and producers Andrew Wells [5SOS, Fall Out Boy, Jason Mraz], J KASH (Maroon 5, Charlie Puth, Kesha) and Tyler Johnson [Harry Styles, CAM].

We know you want to hear songs about all the hot newlywed sex Meghan and Daryl Sa-BAE-ra are having (did you see what we did there?). Which is why you'll love the banging' single "All The Ways." Billboard was wet for "All The Ways," calling it "another fun, danceable track to fall in love with." And would Billboard lie to you, girl?

But perhaps the piece de resistance (that's French for "Wig Snatch") is "Marry Me," a romantic acoustic guitar and ukulele-tinged Awww Fest which delivers all the feels (and then more feels). Meghan wrote the song thirty days after meeting Daryl, and it was so good that she walked down the aisle to it. We know, it's a little bit #Vomworthy, but also, am I chopping onions right now or are those tears rolling down my face? I'm not crying, you're crying.

And as always, our Grammy-Winning, Diamond Single-having QUEEN didn't just come to play -- she came to slay. She's serving vocals on the passionate, Celine Dion-esque power ballad "After You." Plus, Meghan's serving your insatiable thirst for dance-ready bops with the upbeat banger that is "Foolish." It slaps so hard you'll be stanning for days. "As if all the PDA, including foot massages, butterfly kisses and piggy back rides aren't cringe worthy enough," says her brother and videographer Ryan... "I've got to film it all!"

Choo choo betch! The Love Train is leaving the station and you better get on board.

Be on the lookout for more surprises very soon as she prepares for a landmark 2019.

This is an official press release.

Source - http://www.papermag.com/meghan-trainor-horny-2629073478.html?rebelltitem=4#rebelltitem4
 
Last edited:

InspectaDekka

Banned
Jan 4, 2019
1,820
Meghan Trainor has been on a vicious crusade to tell everyone about the sex she and Juni Cortez are having for years now and this isn't even the double down.
 
OP
OP
OwOtacon

OwOtacon

Alt Account
Banned
Dec 18, 2018
2,394
"Piece de resistance (that's French for "Wig Snatch")" might be the most cursed thing I've read this year
 

Sweeney Swift

User Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,743
#IStandWithTaylor
Someone got paid to write "piece de resistance (that's French for "Wig Snatch")" on something made public for others to read, I'm clearly in the wrong business
 

deepFlaw

Knights of Favonius World Tour '21
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,495
I am genuinely amazed at the degree to which they managed to weaponize text. The mention of Spy Kids, specifically, feels like an intentional act of cruelty to make it all feel that much more surreal before continuing.

#vomworthy
 

Galleren

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
453
Norway
User Banned (2 Weeks): Misogynist Commentary
I refuse to believe anyone would willingly have sex with Meghan Trainor
 

John Doe

Avenger
Jan 24, 2018
3,443
Why does this read like how someone in their 50s thinks teens and millennials type out their school essays?
 

BDS

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
13,845
I am insanely jealous of whoever was paid actual human currency to write this
 

deepFlaw

Knights of Favonius World Tour '21
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,495
I'm seriously still trying to process "the ginger from Spy Kids". Like...

"Remember that NINE TO ELEVEN YEAR OLD KID from the Spy Kids series that you thought was cute when YOU WERE A PRETEEN? He's all grown up, and, guess what? He's fucking that musician you love!"
 

Sibersk Esto

Changed the hierarchy of thread titles
Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,514
tumblr_pbomj7uqDH1uak8hpo1_400.gif
 

Charismagik

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,186
"smashing bae's junk to smithereens" is never something I thought I'd read from a press release. What else does 2019 have in store for me?
 

Booki

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,865
Brooklyn
Y'know, I was perfectly fine thinking that the Spy Kids cast stopped aging once they stopped filming.

This an odd way to remember the redhead's existence.
 

deepFlaw

Knights of Favonius World Tour '21
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,495
Wait back the fuck up. I realized I skimmed over the end and.

"As if all the PDA, including foot massages, butterfly kisses and piggy back rides aren't cringe worthy enough," says her brother and videographer Ryan... "I've got to film it all!"

what the fuck
 

saenima

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
11,892
Never heard of her before this thread and i hope i'll forget her as soon as i leave.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,428
After an album from my other fave (Avril Lavigne) flopped, I have to brace myself for another. What a trainwreck of a year 😭
 

louisacommie

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,571
New Jersey
Like if Carly Rae Jepson or charli xcx did something similar we wouod probably see it as tongue in cheek and a self aware joke, but with trainor no one gives her the benifit of the doubt because her music sucks.
 

deepFlaw

Knights of Favonius World Tour '21
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,495
I mean it's tongue-in-cheek, but not enough. It's like they knew they were overdoing it but not the degree.

But to be perfectly clear: I'm reacting purely to the marketing here, no comment on her or her music.
 

Deleted member 2625

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,596
jesu christo there's already a cringe thread

like an unholy remix of a thirsty press release and some soporific pop fanfic. pass me the benzene plz