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So my girlfriend just had a screaming fit at me in front of a large group of strangers and I'm kind of ticked off
- Thread starter ToddBonzalez
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Screaming at your partner like that is verbal abuse, that's not something I made up.
Saying technically she abandoned him was a reaction to someone claiming she was abandoned which is flat out wrong because she was the one who left. Obviously no one was actually abandoned.
She doesn't have to be nice about it, she has every right to be angry but she should express that anger without screaming at him like that. And for what it's worth I would have the same reaction if a man had screamed at his girlfriend but I suspect in that case more people would agree with me that it is verbal abuse.
I don't think anyone is to blame here really. No one is in the right, no one's in the wrong. Just a bad combination of events. It's easier said than done but try not to stress over it? I understand how frustrating it is but it's not worth living with guilt or resentment over. You're both fine. It's just feelings.
"The best thing to do" probably isn't in this situation as suspicious people tend to read malice where it doesn't exist, and it's possible she'll think you're being manipulative, but if I was in that situation I'd send a text or a letter or something and lay out that you're sorry, you didn't realize the event was so stressful for her. Take responsibility for it even if it's not your fault. Don't ask questions like "why didn't you text me?" Just put it out there that you hoped you'd have an enjoyable time together and you're sorry things worked out the way they did. Don't be dishonest, but don't let defensiveness get the better of you. Even when situations are outside our control we can accept some measure of responsibility and say we played a part in it. That's a simplification but it helps people.
I wouldn't expect the relationship to suddenly bloom again but that's not really what's important here. That's the emotional well being of the two of you.
"The best thing to do" probably isn't in this situation as suspicious people tend to read malice where it doesn't exist, and it's possible she'll think you're being manipulative, but if I was in that situation I'd send a text or a letter or something and lay out that you're sorry, you didn't realize the event was so stressful for her. Take responsibility for it even if it's not your fault. Don't ask questions like "why didn't you text me?" Just put it out there that you hoped you'd have an enjoyable time together and you're sorry things worked out the way they did. Don't be dishonest, but don't let defensiveness get the better of you. Even when situations are outside our control we can accept some measure of responsibility and say we played a part in it. That's a simplification but it helps people.
I wouldn't expect the relationship to suddenly bloom again but that's not really what's important here. That's the emotional well being of the two of you.
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From your story, you could not know how much of a traumatic experience that gig could be for her, as she didn't make any intention of communicating it, and accepted to go enthusiastically.
I think you should have texted, not because you should be expecting her to be so traumatized, but because being at a gig alone can be pretty boring and awkward... However, that's a small mistake of yours, because yout couldn't possibly know it was so traumatic, and 10-15 minutes is bathroom break time at any gig or nightclub.
What is a bit too much is that she made the worst possible interpretation of your intentions, not just that you fucked up, but that you left her alone in the crowd on purpose, with the "I hope you enjoyed yourself", and the whole breaking up on the spot thing...
If it's a common thing that normal omissions or mistakes of yours create a conflict where you are painted as an evil asshole, even when you could not possibly have all the information to make a good decision, that's abuse. Since you are very surprised by the reaction, it seems that's not a common thing in your relationship, so just apologize, explain your mistake, and you both should communicate better the next time, and probably go to other types of venues together.
I think you should have texted, not because you should be expecting her to be so traumatized, but because being at a gig alone can be pretty boring and awkward... However, that's a small mistake of yours, because yout couldn't possibly know it was so traumatic, and 10-15 minutes is bathroom break time at any gig or nightclub.
What is a bit too much is that she made the worst possible interpretation of your intentions, not just that you fucked up, but that you left her alone in the crowd on purpose, with the "I hope you enjoyed yourself", and the whole breaking up on the spot thing...
If it's a common thing that normal omissions or mistakes of yours create a conflict where you are painted as an evil asshole, even when you could not possibly have all the information to make a good decision, that's abuse. Since you are very surprised by the reaction, it seems that's not a common thing in your relationship, so just apologize, explain your mistake, and you both should communicate better the next time, and probably go to other types of venues together.
You're both at fault here imo.
On one side, you could've been a bit more considerate and look for her a bit or text her to see if she's ok.
On the other, she could've texted you to let you know where she were and she was outside waiting.
I just hope this won't be a couple breaker, because if it is maybe the foundations of your couple weren't that strong for starters.
On one side, you could've been a bit more considerate and look for her a bit or text her to see if she's ok.
On the other, she could've texted you to let you know where she were and she was outside waiting.
I just hope this won't be a couple breaker, because if it is maybe the foundations of your couple weren't that strong for starters.
yeah, none of the behaviour from either of them is particularly great, she gave him a bollocking, which he obviously doesn't like.
he's overreacting to her overreaction.
Lol you both sound like children.
Either one of you could have sent a message, both of you should.
Really not that difficult. You could have cared more, she didn't need to act childish.
Either one of you could have sent a message, both of you should.
Really not that difficult. You could have cared more, she didn't need to act childish.
Getting separated for 15 minutes. Stop trying to make this into some grand wrong doing. This is something so minor that most people wouldn't even make a thread about it because most couples would be over it the next morning.
Going 15-20 minutes of separation with established communication is fine.
OP didn't do that though. Whether he intended or not, his actions came across as him not caring all too much about his GF at a time she felt vulnerable. That's where he clearly fucked up, and the fact we got lames in here trying to downplay that aspect of the story is trashy af.
OP didn't do that though. Whether he intended or not, his actions came across as him not caring all too much about his GF at a time she felt vulnerable. That's where he clearly fucked up, and the fact we got lames in here trying to downplay that aspect of the story is trashy af.
No.....I bet a majority of the women outside turned to their boyfriend's outside and said "if you ever leave me alone in there I'm going to kick your ass"
No...she should scream and let it out because he deserves to get screamed at. Wait until she tells her friends and they tell her to leave his ass
This might be the most mature post I've ever seen here.
Though let me add that no, you didn't do anything wrong. This was just a mis-(or non-) communication. I would guess most couples who are familiar with concerts understand that splitting up can happen.
No one deserves to get screamed at over something like this, that's an awful thing to say.
You left someone alone in a place where they told you they had a bad experience. She probably agreed to go because she felt you'd keep her safe, but then you didn't look for her when you two got separated, which has her questioning whether or not you care about her safety. It's not hard to see why she got upset.
OP's clearly said that their girlfriend told them about having a bad time at a concert before, and he somehow took it as a joke (I don't see why someone would joke about getting hurt at a show but idk). but then not texting her to see where she went and just ignoring it after he knew the story about the other show is a dickhead move. Also everyone saying the girl should have texted, yeah maybe she should, but if she was having a panic attack or freaking out (which it is what it sounded like happened) then maybe she wasn't thinking straight. she overreacted a bit, but come on what he did is worse. Also making the thread is what puts them completely in the wrong
You can tell there's a lot of men responding to this thread, because they apparently don't see any danger in a woman being out at a show by themselves. Even if your girlfriend agrees to that you're an ass for not staying to make sure she gets home safe. It's not servitude it's ensuring someone doesn't get hurt on the way home. (I would say the exact same thing if a friend or anyone else had left them there also)[/QUOTE]
I think he meant she didn't seem scarred by it, as if she was over it and able to laugh at it now kind of thing.
If I lost my girlfriend in a crowd and basically 🤷🏻♂️ and didn't make her a priority I would expect to get yelled at for being a asshole. Especially if I knew she had past poor experiences.
Like I said, some of you shouldn't be in relationships.
Yeah but the story proves he reads situations poorly. So we can't take that statement at face value.
She said she didn't wait to go near a mosh pit again, I think that in itself shows it wasn't a joke.
I have a feeling that the responses would have been very different if the tables were turned and it was the boyfriend who was screaming at the girlfriend after the concert. Verbal abuse should never be tolerated.
I once got caught slap bang in the middle of rioting England and Scotland football fans, at the time i was on the verge of wetting myself, but i can laugh at it now and the Canadian couple i was hiding with. but yeah, there's a good chance he isn't reading his girlfriends body language correctly. i'm just taking things at face value, i don't see much point inventing her story for her.
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What kind of 'normal mature adult' relationship do you have where you go places together with your SO and then just suddenly bail on them? Seriously I am trying to imagine a scenario where I go somewhere with my gf, we get separated, she starts looking around for me then sees a text on her phone saying I dipped since I was bored, but hope she has a great time and I'll see her at home. Nothing about that is mature or normal lmao.
Yeah but different people have different reactions to these sorts of things. I'm sure there might have been people there that never want to go to something like that again. She also could have thought she would be fine but when it came to it wasn't.
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My girlfriend has been to plenty of shows by herself and has never felt in any sort of danger. We go to multi-venue punk festivals all the time and go see different bands playing at the same time. Sometimes we meet up afterwards, sometimes not. I go back to our place on my bike and she takes the bus alone because she doesn't like to bike. And guess what: she's never mad. What the fuck kind of cities do you guys live in?
Wait a minute tho.....
She came with him. I think if you invite me somewhere you know can get rowdy especially after I told you a story about a very bad experience I've had at one of these shows, I would expect you to just check in to see if I'm okay.
Op admitted that "pushing" is what seperated them. Doesn't that at least look familiar? Yeah, it's literally what she explained to him, that happened to her somewhere else...so I don't think it's immature or childish to want the person you just expressed that experience to, to pay attention to your well being in an environment that pretty much fucked you up some time ago.
The communication happened prior to this so he had a choice to remember that or act like she never told him. Something is telling me OP just remembered that fact literally after the fact of all of this happening.
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I have a best friend who has anxiety around being in large crowds and my other best friend want him to come with us to a con. Imagine how we would look inviting him, him being reluctant to go because he's with us, and midway through the con at a choke point where people are pushing their way through, we just keep moving, leaving him behind and not checking in with him to see where he's at? That's super fucked up and he wouldn't be childish or immature for panicking and walking out after being in fear like that...and he wouldn't be either of those two if he yelled at us about it.
Some of y'all are throwing in your own personalities into why it wouldn't be a big deal to you, instead of putting yourself in the other person's shoes. It's really simple as that.
Well he's claiming he listened and avoided the mosh pit which is the thing she had a problem with, i still think it's a daft thing to break up over. unless there's more to it of course.
The kind of relationship where we remain functional independent adults.
I can get real panicky at shows. I've got major anxiety issues and I'm a bigger person that doesn't like feeling like I'm in the way. This causes problems for me at concerts and crowded grocery stores with narrow aisles. This is where communication comes into relationships. If my wife and I are out at a concert and I'm having a rough time, I'll just tell her I'll be in the back, or at the closest quiet bar grabbing a drink. She gets to watch her show, and I get to go away from an uncomfortable environment. I can sympathize with her, but she's wrong for not pulling you aside and communicating.
That is definitely not what a mature, normal person in a relationship does when they know the other person would have never gone to that place alone.
Try looking at the situation from her perspective and you will realize you messed up. Now you need to figure out how to smooth things over.
But they said that things were getting a bit rowdy, so they acknowledged that fact, all they had to do was make sure they're girlfriend was okay. I never said anything about breaking up.
I mean, it's pretty mature. My own relationship is something like tbh. If I'm not enjoying myself, I'll let my bf know. He will probably try to leave with me and drop everything but if it's his shit that he enjoys, I'll let him know to stay and I'll meet him at the house. Simple as that. I'm not going to do what OPs girl did.... honestly, I don't have time or the energy for all of that. I'm simply going home and letting him know of that before I leave. And if me wanting to leave was more than me not feeling it but because it made me uncomfortable, my boyfriend will completely understand without the need of this thread. There's also that.
Edit: Now if he expects me to stay after I've expressed that? 1000% he NOW needs to do his diligence to make sure I'm okay. Because at this point, I've communicated that this wasn't my jam and I'm only now staying her for him.
You cant understand that your girlfriend is not OPs girlfriend?
My girlfriend hates concerts and standing for hours.
If I ask her to come, I'm going to be considerate and enjoy the concert from a seated area with her.
She would be there for me, not for the concert.
It's the absolute least I could do.
It's almost as if people aren't a monolith.
I'm glad your girflriend is a strong independent women who hasn't suffered at concerts before. I'm proud of you, Atomic. You are a real man!!! But shame to say, not all people are equal.
In fact, you come off as pathetic for thinking people are 100% 1:1 ratio.
So sad. My condolences for.....your "loved" ones.
Ah but that's entirely different. Maybe I missed something in the OP but it didn't seem like she said she was only going because he was or that it was made clear that she needed him to be present at all times?
If so I would have went by myself and told her to stay home. Getting separated at shows is expected (unless you have assigned seats, in which case yaaaawn). If she can't handle that, she shouldn't go.
I know, i just added it because it wasn't like he completely ignored what she said.
I'll be honest, my immediate reaction would've been to find her, can't blame her for being scared of being alone at a rock show. Because of her prior experience she probably panicked when she lost track of OP and exited the venue. I don't get why she didn't text him though. Probably assumed he wouldn't notice.
I love that we are debating the adult maturity of a faceless, nameless, voiceless, person because the OP decided to treat a video-game message board like livejournal.com
I always like to imagine how the partners of OPs like these would react if someone showed them these threads.
Imagine having to describe to them that you posted your fight on a forum for thousands to chime in on.
I always like to imagine how the partners of OPs like these would react if someone showed them these threads.
Imagine having to describe to them that you posted your fight on a forum for thousands to chime in on.
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What you should do is shoot her a text saying you're sorry you didn't give more consideration to her issues with crowds. And that it is your bad. Don't be quick to close yourself off because she embarrassed you in front of people. I know how that must have felt, but you'll never see those people again.
Then just give her time. She was upset and angry at the time, and that's understandable. At that point one isn't thinking rationally - you're panicked. If at that point she doesn't respond eventually, then just let it be done. After a few days, she may start talking again, but definitely extend an olive branch. Just be understanding.
Then just give her time. She was upset and angry at the time, and that's understandable. At that point one isn't thinking rationally - you're panicked. If at that point she doesn't respond eventually, then just let it be done. After a few days, she may start talking again, but definitely extend an olive branch. Just be understanding.
Yeah you missed the part where OP asked her to come because it's one of his favourites.
You missed the part where OP explained he was already aware she had previously been traumatized by an experience at a similar type of concert.
You also missed the part where a similar experience was folding out, to an extent that it would separate them and OP decided it wasnt a big deal and he'll just meet his partner, who came because he invited her, after the show.
She was the one who left. Makes more sense that she should text OP. I mean, reverse the roles:
"You left in the middle of a show and made no effort to let your boyfriend know you were ok or where you went?"
I thought they weren't in the mosh pit. OP says they were in the back of the venue.
Yeah..that bullshit. Getting seperated at a show is not expected.
Unless one of you break off to get drinks or what not...it's not that hard to stick together. I could understand if there's like more than 2 of y'all....but if it's just y'all 2? Hells naw. Then again, I don't go to rock concerts like that but if GA Pits at Beyonce, Ariana, etc has taught me anything, people will be pushing and trying to get up front as hard as they can to get in view or to touch them and in those situations, I have STILL never been seperated from my friends. So........🙄
Unless one of you break off to get drinks or what not...it's not that hard to stick together. I could understand if there's like more than 2 of y'all....but if it's just y'all 2? Hells naw. Then again, I don't go to rock concerts like that but if GA Pits at Beyonce, Ariana, etc has taught me anything, people will be pushing and trying to get up front as hard as they can to get in view or to touch them and in those situations, I have STILL never been seperated from my friends. So........🙄
Lets be honest.
We like to share info in places we think are trustworthy. There is nothing wrong with that.
But...the difference here is...That we are also living people who will see a message and *not* take it as gospel. We will have our own opinions, our own thoughts, we will look into what OP posted and try to see the meaning behind it. Just because he says one thing, doesn't make it gospel.
We're smarter than that. That's OPs failing.
Tell her you're sorry. But one, if not both of you, should have made an attempt to text one another as to where you were. I mean, common sense, right? That's what I'd do if my GF and I got separated in a crowd. And she has social anxiety, so I'd DEFINITELY take initiative immediately.
It's telling how so many people seem to take far less issue with OP literally abandoning his gf at an event she came specifically with him to than....her yelling at him in front of a crowd of strangers. How will his wounded pride recover? What will all of these complete strangers think of him? Ladies, I know you may be pissed that your bf discarded your because he didn't want to miss out on that rad band, but please remember to voice your complaints in a sweet and demure way lest you embarrass him in front of all those completely random concert goers.
Some of y'all sure have interesting attitudes towards a relationship. If I didn't want to be burdened by my SO expecting me to care about her I would just save my energy and stay single.
Some of y'all sure have interesting attitudes towards a relationship. If I didn't want to be burdened by my SO expecting me to care about her I would just save my energy and stay single.
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