Women are as independent as men
are you joking
women are not equal to men in our day and age. GTFO out of here.
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So my girlfriend just had a screaming fit at me in front of a large group of strangers and I'm kind of ticked off
- Thread starter ToddBonzalez
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Women are as independent as men
are you joking
women are not equal to men in our day and age. GTFO out of here.
It doesn't make it clear. She could have just over reacted. You can't assume she was "traumatised" when her own boyfriend, the one she was with and who knew about that previous event, hasn't even used that language. It's shitty to assume she was "traumatised" by it when she didn't even tell OP she was traumatised.
If you're going to even go as far as "well we only know OPs side of the story" then why even post, that's true for absolutely every thread that gets posted. It's a weird agenda to get hung up on.
Listen OP, here's what you do, DO NOT argue with her whether you're right or wrong. It does not matter.
Hug her, tightly, and then kiss her on her forehead, all while saying ''baby I'm so sorry'', she will try to push you away so EDIT: give her some space and then maybe try again later.
Hug her, tightly, and then kiss her on her forehead, all while saying ''baby I'm so sorry'', she will try to push you away so EDIT: give her some space and then maybe try again later.
"Why even offer an opinion when there's only 1 side, we should take OPs word as law"
gtfo of here. You're right, why think outside of what was said and have an open mind. We should blindly take OPs word as law!
So you're coming into a thread, where you know nothing about the situation other than what OP has told us, and you're deducing that they're lying or not telling the whole story based on absolutely nothing.
Ok.
Obviously not. But I think it's unhealthy to view women as delicate flowers that need to be babysat and protected by strong Male men.
Ummmmmm what? Fuck no! Do not do this. It is creepy and a severe violation of her autonomy. If she says no and pushes you away, back the fuck off.
If I lost my girlfriend during a show I'd look for her immediately. Especially if she's there only with me and doesn't know anyone else.
Fine, worked for me but probably not everyone.
It's also unhealthy to see the opinion of a man, who said his GF suffered at a concert before, as being the complete truth that his GF might not have a trauma related to a concert?
He chose to give us that information. Obviously that bit is important enough for OP to tell us, despite coming off as 'a funny story'
It's clear after the fact that her experience was traumatic, but it doesn't seem like OP was aware of this until this happened. It's impossible to know what people are thinking unless they tell you, and if she only told a funny story about having a negative experience at a concert once, it's reasonable to assume that this didn't traumatize her.
I think that she handled herself poorly in this case, but at the same time it's also understandable because she was likely panicked. I still don't think that OP has anything to apologize for, because he's no mind reader, and can't be expected to know what she expects him to do unless she tells him. They should discuss what has happened and learn from it. If they're rational adults they'll be able to settle this, he'll have a better understanding of what she expect from him and she will learn to communicate better.
Apparently that extremely condescending and weird post was actually meant in earnest.
This is where wording matter
OP himself stated 'it came off as funny'. I know people who can view black comedy as being hilarious.
Again, we only have his word. Maybe to her it was a tragic retelling. And OP saw it as 'funny'. I can find many dark, black moments funny. That doesn't mean I'm not emphatic.
He didn't bother to try and look for her when they got separated. That is concerning.
Talk it over if you want to save the relationship. I always try to be as empathetic as I can with things like this. But ultimately I'm not a mind reader, so if there's something I should be taking into account, I prefer to have it voiced. And I can't tolerate big public scenes or screaming. I've let my partner know about this, and it's worked out so far.
Also, it's not always (basically never) about who was being right when it comes to emotions. Proving that one of you was unambiguously correct won't mend anything. Talking it through and letting both of you air your feelings will solve 99% of problems, in my experience anyway.
People getting judgmental about OP not doing a check-in -- I dunno about that. Every relationship is so different. I know couples that are incredibly independent compared to myself. They can go on holidays separately from each other, go out for the night without so much as a message, etc. Don't judge others based on your own expectations alone, I think.
Also, it's not always (basically never) about who was being right when it comes to emotions. Proving that one of you was unambiguously correct won't mend anything. Talking it through and letting both of you air your feelings will solve 99% of problems, in my experience anyway.
People getting judgmental about OP not doing a check-in -- I dunno about that. Every relationship is so different. I know couples that are incredibly independent compared to myself. They can go on holidays separately from each other, go out for the night without so much as a message, etc. Don't judge others based on your own expectations alone, I think.
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lol
The edit is pretty funny actually.
Her feelings are valid, your feelings are valid, she didn't handle the situation well by screaming at you, you didn't handle the situation well by not looking for her when separated, basically just a run of the mill relationship tiff where both parties need to communicate about their feelings and resolve them by coming to a mutual understanding.
Pretty tame stuff for a relationship WeekendEra thread, frankly.
Pretty tame stuff for a relationship WeekendEra thread, frankly.
I think you're undervaluing her feelings. Her fear of mosh pits stemming from that bad experience is probably worse than a "simple joke" and she had a small panic attack. The reaction she had afterwards was more irrational because of that but it's not unusual in a relationship. She felt betrayed in the situation.
To be honest, I can't imagine losing someone I went to a concert with and not go looking for them right away, specially my SO and specially knowing she was in an uncomfortable situation.
Just talk to her, apologize and hope she does the same. It's not a deal breaker and don't overblow it.
To be honest, I can't imagine losing someone I went to a concert with and not go looking for them right away, specially my SO and specially knowing she was in an uncomfortable situation.
Just talk to her, apologize and hope she does the same. It's not a deal breaker and don't overblow it.
Not really. He assumed that she was one or two people behind him, and I also assume that if he went with his friends that he would act in the same manner then. Why expect him to act differently just because he's with his girlfriend? What if he went with a friend who's a girl? Should he also be expected to rush to her rescue if they got separated?
My point is that there are no right or wrong in this case. If I went to a concert with my wife and we got separated I would look for her right away, because I know that she'd not feel safe if I'm not next to her, but I also know people that wouldn't because their partners can take care of themselves and don't need their partners to come looking for them the moment they get separated. It's up to them to figure out what works for them, we can't judge OP for what he did or did not do in this matter.
Sounds like this was a show that you wanted to go to and she only went because you asked her to go? Like, did she actually care about the music or did she only go because she wanted to spend time with you? She probably didn't expect that you'd just go on enjoying the show by yourself if you two got seperated. I don't know why she didn't try texting you though. Just seems like a failure of communication all around.
I just noticed the whatever the hell it is in the background doing the same face as her.
He couldn't...turn his head and look?
You treat your girlfriend differently than you do someone who is just a friend. That is why she's your partner. Yes, I expect him to act differently than he would with just a random friend.
Lol. What?
Let's keep it simple.
She was scared uncomfortable and seriously upset. You were enjoying yourself. This is the issue nevermind anything else.
Get in there and apologize. Not everything is about whether someone is right or wrong or not. She needed you and you were not there. Sometimes it's as simple as that.
She was scared uncomfortable and seriously upset. You were enjoying yourself. This is the issue nevermind anything else.
Get in there and apologize. Not everything is about whether someone is right or wrong or not. She needed you and you were not there. Sometimes it's as simple as that.
In some cases sure but why in this specific one? Why should he assume that his friends can handle being by themselves in a crowd for 15 minutes but his girlfriend can't? it's not like they haven't been to other gigs together.
A fair few posts in here really imply that a man should be protecting his woman at all times.
He did look around but couldn't spot her. This was a concert after all, and it's not necessarily easy to spot someone just 1 meters away because it's dark and people are moving around.
How he acts in regard to his girlfriend is for them to decide, you can't do it for them.
It is normal behavior to wonder where you partner is if they suddenly disappear at an event, and then be worried enough to look.
It's not as complex and layered as you're making it out to be.
"Can't spot the GF, LOL I'll wait till the concert is over"
sure
normal response
You have to forgo logic and consistency and just be like, "Hey, I'm sorry that you need me there. It wasn't right."
That's about it. It will happen to you when you expect her to remember something from before. Just console and accept it.
That's about it. It will happen to you when you expect her to remember something from before. Just console and accept it.
I've been to plenty of shows with girlfriends. I know what the environment is like.
There are, more often than not, men around that are creeping on women at shows. Often coked up. That alone is a good reason to be concerned about your partner going missing.
Mosh pits are especially dangerous for women because they are often groped.
Every one of these threads is the same. A heady mix of some people giving good advice and others being really overly judgemental, laying all the blame at the OP's feet and being unfair with it. I'm honestly not sure why anyone would ask for advice in here, unless they start writing the post beforehand knowing they're going to have to tune out a lot of accusatory fluff.
I agree with those who have said it's a failure of communication from both of you. She said once she'd had a bad experience but said it in a way that made it a funny story and not in a serious manner, so no wonder if didn't register with you months later when she readily agreed to go to this mosh-pit concert and said nothing at all in the run-up to or during the concert itself. She also should've texted you when she made it outside, not worked herself up into a lather about how you had only looked around for her after fifteen minutes.
Then again, she's a small person and whether getting separated is a normal thing at such venues or not, you should have been more aware of where she was and not just assumed she was right behind you. I hope she calms down and you have a conversation where you both admit you both unintentionally handled things badly.
I agree with those who have said it's a failure of communication from both of you. She said once she'd had a bad experience but said it in a way that made it a funny story and not in a serious manner, so no wonder if didn't register with you months later when she readily agreed to go to this mosh-pit concert and said nothing at all in the run-up to or during the concert itself. She also should've texted you when she made it outside, not worked herself up into a lather about how you had only looked around for her after fifteen minutes.
Then again, she's a small person and whether getting separated is a normal thing at such venues or not, you should have been more aware of where she was and not just assumed she was right behind you. I hope she calms down and you have a conversation where you both admit you both unintentionally handled things badly.
OP, read both of these things you wrote in your initial post and take a few seconds to think about it from her perspective. She told you a certain scenario made her uncomfortable, she ended up in that situation, and then you seem to be completely irking at least partial responsibility for putting her in that situation.
While she definitely could have sent you a text, or found you and let you know. it may just not have crossed her mind in the moment, especially if it was a traumatic experience for her in the past.
Realistically, yeah, given her past experiences you probably should've went and looked for her as soon as you realized she was missing, but maybe that didn't cross your mind in the moment.
Let her know that you're sorry for putting her in that situation and that you really should've been more considerate. Sometimes you've got to swallow a little pride and apologize because ehhhhh maybe you as a significant other could've been a bit smarter about handling the whole thing (this is a situation I find myself in sometimes).
You get separated from your GF and you don't bother looking for her? Sod off Op, your GF was 100% in the right to blast your arse.
Skimmed over the thread and already seen its turned into a rubbish debate.
1. She's told you that she feels uncomfortable in that environment due to past experiences
2. It's a show that YOU wanted to go to. YOU got her to come.
Okay, now knowing these 2 points l, let's review what happened.
1. It got crowded and pushy
2. You got separated at a show that YOU wanted to come to, that YOU made her come to.
3. You made no attempt to find out if she was okay or find her after you got separated
Okay lads. You have to completely fucking selfish or completely unaware to think that this is okay and his partner is in the wrong here.
1. She's told you that she feels uncomfortable in that environment due to past experiences
2. It's a show that YOU wanted to go to. YOU got her to come.
Okay, now knowing these 2 points l, let's review what happened.
1. It got crowded and pushy
2. You got separated at a show that YOU wanted to come to, that YOU made her come to.
3. You made no attempt to find out if she was okay or find her after you got separated
Okay lads. You have to completely fucking selfish or completely unaware to think that this is okay and his partner is in the wrong here.
You weren't an asshole OP, but you should have not have brought her out to that show.
she clearly hasn't gotten over her bad experience in a pit, but she probably didn't want to be a Debbie downer and say no I didn't want to go.
You need to make friends that are specifically for going out to concerts, it will make your life a lot easier to go check out shows in the future.
she clearly hasn't gotten over her bad experience in a pit, but she probably didn't want to be a Debbie downer and say no I didn't want to go.
You need to make friends that are specifically for going out to concerts, it will make your life a lot easier to go check out shows in the future.
It's much ado about nothing really, he has already apologised and has probably learned the hard way that she expects to be looked after at gigs. she survived, he got told off.
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