So my GF applied to work at the same company is me, got an offer, and now they're considering rescinding it because they found out I work there.

[ToddBonzalez]

So basically, I referred my girlfriend for a job she wanted at my company (different office and different city; we are in a long distance relationship). She interviewed multiple times, took a test and got the offer. After being given a verbal offer she was asked to disclose whether or not she had personal connections at the company and mentioned me. Now she gets a call from her potential manager telling her they're very worried about her being in a relationship with someone at the company due to the confidential nature of the work. My dept. and her potential dept. do some collaborative work, but none that I'm involved with at all. She said the managers are going to have another meeting and discuss whether or not they want to extend her an offer or go with the runner-up candidate.

We are both super frustrated about the situation, especially since I personally know people who are directly related (brothers, father-daughter, etc.) as well as people who are dating or married to one another working at the company (though I'm unfamiliar if this is the case in the department that she applied for). I sort of want to intervene and reach out to the manager and let him know, I take confidentiality seriously and that my GF knows to never ask about my work and I'd extend her the same courtesy. But I feel that might make matters worse.

My GF also told her current boss that she has a verbal offer from another company, but no written offer yet...So things could get awkward at her current workplace if she's not able to leave and take this new job.

Anyway just feeling stressed and angry on her behalf and wondering if ya'll have any advice on how she or I should proceed with the situation.

 

[Akira86]

don't fuck up your own bag.

if they think they have a reason against it that you're not privy to, they probably won't be looking for your input.

as far as the other job, she might ask her boss if he'd be willing to give her a small raise to keep her, since she really loves it there, etc.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

My GF also told her current boss that she has a verbal offer from another company, but no written offer yet...

Click to shrink...

Oh no

Why did she do that

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Oh no

Why did she do that

Click to shrink...

I don't know. I told her to wait. But she told a coworker friend and the coworker put pressure on her to tell their boss. Definitely a facepalm from me.

 

[entremet]

I don't know. I told her to wait. But she told a coworker friend and the coworker put pressure on her to tell their boss. Definitely a facepalm from me.

Click to shrink...

🤦‍♂️

times 20 lol.

Coworker sounds like a saboteur btw.

 

[Akira86]

that co-worker dun got her fucked up.

 

[BobLoblaw]

That sounds bonkers. I work at a healthcare company and we literally have husbands and wives working in the same areas. Confidentiality is something that we have to deal with on a daily basis. Normally, stuff involving confidentiality is put into the offer letter and that's it.

 

[Kieli]

Uh.... companies I've worked at have strong policies against workplace romance. I have no idea how enforceable they are, but definitely start making contingency plans in case your partner's job is rescinded.

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Uh.... companies I've worked at have strong policies against workplace romance. I have no idea how enforceable they are, but definitely start making contingency plans in case your partner's job is rescinded.

Click to shrink...

I have had multiple coworkers in relationships with one another. Some that are married (husband hired first, then the wife got hired) and some that met each other at the company and began dating. So definitely not off limits.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

🤦‍♂️

times 20 lol.

Coworker sounds like a saboteur btw.

Click to shrink...

*Coworker friend

🤨

 

[Davidion]

I gotta say, while being connected or related to a current employee ought not necessarily be a dealbreaker, this is really shit you should have cleared up with your managers BEFORE she applied, particularly if there is any kind of sensitivity to your work. If you disclose this at the end of your interview process, there's no way that this doesn't look bad on you and her out the gate.

Nothing against you, but no one can really put faith into your pinky swears.

 

[entremet]

Uh.... companies I've worked at have strong policies against workplace romance. I have no idea how enforceable they are, but definitely start making contingency plans in case your partner's job is rescinded.

Click to shrink...

If you sign the employment agreement, there's a lot of stuff you can be on the hook for.

 

[Steven]

Tell them you broke up. You're long distance anyway.

Spoiler

Kidding. Best of luck. GF fucked up telling her boss but hopefully it works out.

 

[Saganator]

Yep unfortunately not unheard of. Even grocery stores try to avoid significant others working in the same store

 

[ToddBonzalez]

*Coworker friend

🤨

Click to shrink...

Apparently the coworker (I've met her, a very easily flustered and excitable woman) was like "WE NEED TO START MAKING PLANS FOR YOUR WORK HAND OFF!1!!!11!!". I told her several times to please wait for the written offer before disclosing to her boss, but she felt pressured. So again, I facepalmed hard when I heard this story.

 

[Akira86]

I have had multiple coworkers in relationships with one another. Some that are married (husband hired first, then the wife got hired) and some that met each other at the company and began dating. So definitely not off limits.

Click to shrink...

it brings focus and scrutiny on you. if you work in on secure or confidential issues, having your girlfriend somewhere else in the company is a complication they honestly don't want to deal with, if the choice was theirs.

it's a trust thing, and the question comes up, well now that we have two connected persons, how trustworthy is this situation? if it was after the fact that you got together, they wouldn't have any say, but at the gate of letting her in, they have all the reason to wonder about the both of you now.

 

[EJS]

Damn, telling her current job about a verbal offer was a huge mistake. I hope it works out for you.

 

[Walter White Walker]

Coworker "friend."
Hopefully she gets the job at your company.

 

[Cloud-Hidden]

I dunno man. I've worked at two major companies (editorial and gaming industries) and HR has always strongly advised against work relationships. In my current role, I've unfortunately seen why play out. They're worried for a reason.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

Apparently the coworker (I've met her, a very easily flustered and excitable woman) was like "WE NEED TO START MAKING PLANS FOR YOUR WORK HAND OFF!1!!!11!!". I told her several times to please wait for the written offer before disclosing to her boss, but she felt pressured. So again, I facepalmed hard when I heard this story.

Click to shrink...

Bruuuh if she couldn't even keep this a secret, how is she going to deal with the confidential stuff at the new place?

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Bruuuh if she couldn't even keep this a secret, how is she going to deal with the confidential stuff at the new place?

Click to shrink...

I wouldn't pressure her to tell me stuff. I don't want to fuck up her career or mine.

 

[A Grizzly Bear]

I don't know. I told her to wait. But she told a coworker friend and the coworker put pressure on her to tell their boss. Definitely a facepalm from me.

Click to shrink...

Your GF needs to learn to never tell ANYONE until you have signed. Not even your closest friend at work.

 

[Aurica]

I wouldn't want my SO to work at the same place as me, personally. I don't fault them for being troubled by that.

My GF also told her current boss that she has a verbal offer from another company, but no written offer yet...So things could get awkward at her current workplace if she's not able to leave and take this new job.

Click to shrink...

Oh... that was a poor choice.

 

[earthsucks]

i met my ex at a job interview: we both got the job. as long as it isn't a small organisation and one person isn't managing or supervising the other, i don't see the problem.

 

[Neece]

Lie to these companies.

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Your GF needs to learn to never tell ANYONE until you have signed. Not even your closest friend at work.

Click to shrink...

Tell me about it. I tried to impart this wisdom. She's like, "But I like my current boss and we have a good relationship!" I'm just like "I know that you don't want to hear this, but your employer doesn't give a shit about you. You need to watch your own back first." My advice was not heeded.

 

[ToddBonzalez]

i met my ex at a job interview: we both got the job. as long as it isn't a small organisation and one person isn't managing or supervising the other, i don't see the problem.

Click to shrink...

Huge org. Different managers. We'd have absolutely no working relationship given my current role and the one she applied for. Apparently the managers felt "they had issues in the past" with one of their employees talking too much to their significant other who was also employed at the company.

 

[Nome]

It's a valid concern. I've been at companies where breakups have resulted in leaks of confidential information out of spite.

 

[ToddBonzalez]

It's a valid concern. I've been at companies where breakups have resulted in leaks of confidential information out of spite.

Click to shrink...

I get it. But I can think of 4 examples of couples at the company that I know personally. And 3 examples of direct family members working together (two sets of brothers and one father-daughter). So it's not a strict corporate policy thing.

 

[shintoki]

I get it. But I can think of 4 examples of couples at the company that I know personally. And 3 examples of direct family members working together. So it's not a strict corporate policy thing.

Click to shrink...

Couples as in married couples living together or boyfriend/girlfriend?

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Couples as in married couples living together or boyfriend/girlfriend?

Click to shrink...

Two married couples and two dating couples. One of the dating couples lived together, one didn't.

 

[PrivateWHudson]

Are one of you in HR or Payroll or something?

 

[bananab]

If you intervene you will be seen as leveraging for someone you're in a relationship with, which is pretty much exactly why companies don't like office romance. You have to be quiet about it unless they loop you in. The fact you're in an LDR actually makes this worse, because it's undeniable that you're vouching solely because she's your SO, not because she's the best candidate or because you have a role in the decision. It'll backfire.

 

[hwarang]

Lie to these companies.

Click to shrink...

But usually the truth somehow unravels. What then?

 

[Ether]

Lie and tell the company that you've both broken up. Keep your relationship offline for a while until HR moves onto other real concerns.

 

[Oliver James]

Yeah some companies don't like it if people are related to each other. I've been in one where once you get married one of the couple leaves the company.

 

[Dice]

Date in secret! Such romance ♫

 

[ItIsOkBro]

I don't know. I told her to wait. But she told a coworker friend and the coworker put pressure on her to tell their boss. Definitely a facepalm from me.

Click to shrink...

boss and coworker already know of this job?

... maybe their confidentially concerns aren't so unfounded

 

[Fixuis]

You never tell your current job about the new job and give your 2 week or 30 day notice until AFTER you've signed the paperwork AND gone through the background check successfully.

The only exception to that rule is if you're trying to stay at your current job and want more money from them, then you tell them that you might have a verbal offer on the table.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

OP I get that your girlfriend says she gets it, but Jesus let me join the choir: you fucking NEVER tell your boss or general coworkers you are applying elsewhere if you want to keep your current job as a back up in case shit falls through. You only start giving a heads up to your bosses when there's a written offer. Period. Shit falls through all the time. Background checks and investigations can bring up something they don't want. Or you might end up requesting too much during some of the negotiation and they opt to go to the next offer.

If somehow this shit falls through, tell her to keep applying like crazy. Because now the job knows she's on the hunt.

 

[metalfearsolid]

Verbal offers don't mean signed written offers. Gotta sign the paper to make it official.

 

[Loud Wrong]

You should be more concerned that it took her applying for them to realize you work there.

 

[BioDigital Jazzman]

Unless you're married why would she tell them she had something with you. That's not something they could ever provw

 

[Deleted member 46493]

Two mistakes made - shouldn't have said she dates anyone else at the company nor told her boss about a new job. Your gf sounds very naive about company/employee relations. At least it'll be a learning experience.

 

[Ra]

Unless you're married why would she tell them she had something with you. That's not something they could ever provw

Click to shrink...

She fucked up this confidentiality, and the confidentiality of having a job offer. The new job's concerns check out.

 

[BioDigital Jazzman]

She fucked up this confidentiality, and the confidentiality of having a job offer. The new job's concerns check out.

Click to shrink...

True. Maybe they are young but I never mention any of my job stuff to my current employer until I've signed on the dotted line and am ready to put my 2 weeks in

 

[entremet]

Verbal offers don't mean signed written offers. Gotta sign the paper to make it official.

Click to shrink...

Signed offers can't be rescinded for whatever reasons too.

You do have more leverage with a signed offer, but we're just cogs in the machine. And we're replaceable.

Learn 2 corporate world, folks.

 

[Vagabond]

You guys aren't getting married in the next year or two, right? If so
1) It was stupid to tell your job you two were acquaintances if she was going to get hired for her own merit
2) It was stupid for her to assume she had anything in the bag before getting an option on a formal offer.

So now, just clean up what you can and keep your work/personal business your own as long as you arent sharing any bills with her or anything like that.

 

[captive]

Maybe I'm missing something but your in two different cities and two different departments. Not really sure what the issue is.

If the work is confidential, I'd consider it a good thing you both work at the company. As opposed to telling a SO that doesn't work there about what goes on there.

 

[kaf]

Is there more to this? This sounds like there is a disclosure, in writing, that needs to be filled out during the job application process if your relationship status has become a concern.

Not every job has this, but there are definitely ones I've held in the past where they'd want to know this before applying.