Hahaha. Straight up getting checked today cuz its been 6 months.
Remember to stay clean and safe kids.
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So is anyone else as terrible at dating as I am?
- Thread starter Exellus
- Start date
Remember to stay clean and safe kids.
It's not rude because OP has a legitimate, narrow issue: he's had trouble growing short-term relationships into something longer.
Totally understandable. Happened to me tons of times, and I'm sure it's happened to many others.
And yet, we have the usual parade of posters chiming in about their complete failure at dating.
If someone responds "at least you get dates!" in threads like these, that's exactly why they're not getting dates.
This guy speaks the truth. It sucks, but the odds are stacked against you.
But offering nothing more than what's essentially "I get more dates and slept with more women than you" is equally as shitty, if not shittier lol.
Try expanding your circle of friends and acquaintances, there are likely a lot of women especially in their 30s that just don't use dating sites or apps (I've never used one). Meet people IRL first if possible.
Also I hate to say it but a lot of women these days on dating sites immediately write off men who aren't taller than 6'0". So your height is going to make it harder. Personally I wouldn't care and I'm a tall girl (5'11"). My stepdad is 5'4 and he's always done pretty well (he's kinda burly though). I think meeting in person would help alleviate those troubles so you're not being judged solely on a number
Also I hate to say it but a lot of women these days on dating sites immediately write off men who aren't taller than 6'0". So your height is going to make it harder. Personally I wouldn't care and I'm a tall girl (5'11"). My stepdad is 5'4 and he's always done pretty well (he's kinda burly though). I think meeting in person would help alleviate those troubles so you're not being judged solely on a number
Yeah I can't really disagree lol.
Biggest point is that Krauser Kat was a "hopeless nerd" when he was younger — I was too, probably even worse — and we turned out okay.
Short can be overcome by being amazing. I've always preferred tall men, as I love the sensation of looking up at my lover and feeling small and dainty in his arms. That said, at 5'7" (same height as me), bf totally charmed my heart by being smart, outgoing, interesting, loving, humorous, cuddly, and a whole lot of fun.
I will say you might have better luck meeting people IRL instead of online dating. I have been in a relationship for the last 5.5 years (married a little over a month ago), so my perception of things could be wrong, or as relevant as it was in 2012. I got out of a 5 year relationship that year (which ended up being for the better that I got out of that, despite me not thinking so at the time). I tried online dating, but this was pre-Tinder/other swipe left/right apps and things like POF and OKCupid were all the rage. I went on a handful of dates from online. Some were one date and then nothing, some were a couple of dates, one turned into a relationship that lasted a few months. Months after that relationship ended, she came back and wanted to try again, that lasted about a month, and I was extremely discouraged at that point.
I worked at my college newspaper at the time. The editor in chief (my boss basically) set me up with a girl in the office, basically by planting the idea in both of our heads and he turned out to be right. One night she told me via text that she liked me, we went on a date the next day, a few dates after that and called it official. We got engaged in 2016 and married a little over a month ago.
So I guess my point in is that meeting people naturally rather than trying to force it on online dating seems to work better. I've seen this be the case plenty of times. Granted your mileage may vary and you might find someone online, and good for you if so, but I definitely suggest giving it a try IRL. You don't need to go actively approaching women at a supermarket or something, but you could just end up happening to hit it off with someone and it goes somewhere. I know it sucks saying to be patient, and I felt the same way back in 2012, but don't give up.
Something else worth mentioning: my wife was also on OKCupid back then and we looked at each other's profiles and questions and thought we would not be a match. We were certainly way off on that.
I worked at my college newspaper at the time. The editor in chief (my boss basically) set me up with a girl in the office, basically by planting the idea in both of our heads and he turned out to be right. One night she told me via text that she liked me, we went on a date the next day, a few dates after that and called it official. We got engaged in 2016 and married a little over a month ago.
So I guess my point in is that meeting people naturally rather than trying to force it on online dating seems to work better. I've seen this be the case plenty of times. Granted your mileage may vary and you might find someone online, and good for you if so, but I definitely suggest giving it a try IRL. You don't need to go actively approaching women at a supermarket or something, but you could just end up happening to hit it off with someone and it goes somewhere. I know it sucks saying to be patient, and I felt the same way back in 2012, but don't give up.
Something else worth mentioning: my wife was also on OKCupid back then and we looked at each other's profiles and questions and thought we would not be a match. We were certainly way off on that.
I think if you go to one specifically for younger people it can be cool. I haven't, but a friend of mine went to one for like "Young 30s professionals" and thought it was fun
I started around the same age. No date, kiss, etc etc.
Probably worse than most due to the lack of real life interactions. Basically, kept pushing my to situations that made me feel anxiety. Eventually the dam cracked and it went from nothing but masterbaution, to a different girl every day.
The window is always there and once you're thru it. Shit gets so much easier. The only real kicker is wishing you did it sooner, because you'll be able to look back and see a lot of signs you didn't pick up on before.
I've been single for two years now. The online dating sucks, though I have no problems meeting women.
My longest since then has been almost two months. Met her at my apartment pool. She just got a job in Ft Lauderdale (we live in St Pete). We got into a big fight over the phone, and she called it quits.
No time to post exact details, but she's 25 and I'm 35. I was heartbroken. Still am a little. Almost two months is definitely a record. :(
My longest since then has been almost two months. Met her at my apartment pool. She just got a job in Ft Lauderdale (we live in St Pete). We got into a big fight over the phone, and she called it quits.
No time to post exact details, but she's 25 and I'm 35. I was heartbroken. Still am a little. Almost two months is definitely a record. :(
Probably.
I don' think I even remember how to date.
I'd probably be worse.
Actually, looking at your stats, I'm definitely worse. I went on nowhere near 100 dates I never messaged any women. I was really bad at that. I didn't answer any messages either. I don't like messages.
I don' think I even remember how to date.
I'd probably be worse.
Actually, looking at your stats, I'm definitely worse. I went on nowhere near 100 dates I never messaged any women. I was really bad at that. I didn't answer any messages either. I don't like messages.
I've seen some really great advice here, especially about improving your self-confidence. I might suggest checking out the Netflix "Queer Eye" show, it really just had a lot of tips in general about improving your confidence and life in general.
For all of the lonely and single people I hope you eventually find love, but please be sure you love yourself first!
For all of the lonely and single people I hope you eventually find love, but please be sure you love yourself first!
Yup. Drop the Internet entirely and start joining clubs or going to socials. Even just culture/art oriented ones.
The best and most relevant people are met outside.
I'm 6'3, caucasian, in shape, have a good set of hair on my head and none of it helps. Don't beat yourself up over it. But yeah, it is fucking brutal.
Congrats on doing everything possible to stay alone, which better enables you to talk about it on a video game message board.
Try asking women. Some of the best advice I've gotten was from asking female friends. One in particular told me I didn't exude enough confidence. She said smile more, with teeth, hold your head up when you walk, don't slouch, make eye contact, have good posture, etc. I haven't been on a first date in 11 years because I've been in a relationship for a long time and now marriage, but I like to think these tips helped back then.
Another friend met a significant other playing volleyball in an adult league. Don't stick just to online dating. Find activities and meet ups. Then you'll find someone with at least some similar interests.
The most important advice was for me to just be myself. Keep your head up, be you, stop trying to woo somebody and just live your life. You'll meet someone.
Another friend met a significant other playing volleyball in an adult league. Don't stick just to online dating. Find activities and meet ups. Then you'll find someone with at least some similar interests.
The most important advice was for me to just be myself. Keep your head up, be you, stop trying to woo somebody and just live your life. You'll meet someone.
Heh. Yeah, it's probably a good thing I'm not on the modern dating scene
This really is the most important thing. When I broke up with my last GF then went bald and my beard got tons of grey in it, it really rocked my confidence and it definitely impacted my dating game. I aged like ten years in one. I blamed the bald head and it being hard for bald guys with grey beards in their 30s to find dates. Gained weight, got depressed, felt like shit. But in reality was my insecurity, lack of self confidence and attitude that was the issue. I just accepted it and started rocking it with pride, stopped feeling sorry for myself and got back out there. Things are going about as good as they ever have been now because I put some effort into working on the things that were within my control to change and I got my confidence back. Hit the gym, bought new clothes, changed my diet and put myself back out there.
I get that a lot of people have issues that are harder to deal with than me and there are things you cant do anything about. But there are always areas where you can improve and focusing on that is always the better route than self pity and pointing the blame at others.
What lack of success? He's been on a ton of dates. Maybe he needs eHarmony
lol alas if only peeps were humble enough to admit everyone likes shiny stuff.
It's just amazing that so many people seem to have the same kind of cognitive dissonance when it comes to this.
"Attractive people are so shallow!"
*only messages attractive people
"Why can't they overlook my flaws?"
*is upset when attractive people don't reply
"I deserve someone attractive!"
*foreveralone
Well OP framed it as a lack of success in terms of "went on a bunch of first dates over 12 years, but only 7 of them led to sex, and only 3 led to relationships, of which which none lasted over 3 months".
However, I was wrong to assume that the person I was replying to was also successful in the relationship aspect, not just the getting a lot of dates that led to sex aspect (compared to OP). I also didn't find out until after his initial post that he was also in a similar situation in the past.
Made worse by the fact that they exclusively use online dating to approach women from behind the safety of their touchscreen because a face to face rejection terrifies them. "It's not me, it's those attractive people."
Unfortunately, the developers of Real Life implemented auto-saving so save scamming doesn't work.
I've never dated a woman. Never even had a girfriend or a first kiss, so by that metric, I would say you're at least better than me.
It's almost like there's either a sense of entitlement or, maybe just as likely, inviting certain failure just allows them to continue on blaming everything but their unwillingness to make any positive changes, however small, in their interpersonal relationships.
"No girl* will ever date me!"
* Said girl must be extremely hot and also incredibly geeky. Bonus points for being a teen model and current astronaut. Double points for being a model astronaut. Must exercise daily. While at the gym, she must send reassuring texts while also only looking at other women (unless she's actually bi, in which case, she must only look at gym equipment, meant literally). If she meets all of these criteria but liked The Last Jedi, fuck her, she's a trash person.
This too. It's as if making an attempt "counts," and they can resign themselves to believing that nothing will ever change. Of course, instead of actually interacting with people in a meaningful way, it's mass swiping people on Tinder while taking a shit.
It's one thing to have difficulties.
It's entirely another to whine about being forever alone, not liking it, and doing nothing (or at least not representing that you're doing anything) to change that fact.
I think there's a huge difference between a 33/34 year old guy with game and experience compared to a 33/34 year old virgin who have never had a single date in their life. This is what the mindset is for a lot of people on this site and elsewhere when they talk about the "window closing"; the sneaking suspicion that there's "something wrong with you" and that it's a massive turn-off. Looking to settle down or just continuing to be a player well into your 30s isn't some abnormal thing and know one would judge you for it when it's apparent you know what you're doing.
All good advice. Non verbal communication is damn important, too. I like the Craig/Bond analysis on non verbal communication. I've implemented that and funny enough it works.
Framing people as players isn't right just because they have worked on their social skills and grown as a person instead of rejecting advice and wallowing in self pity. Those dateless 20-something virgins let that define them, no doubt as witnessed many times here telling anyone that will listen and that probably extends to the women they are interested in.
eharmony is the same shit as the rest of them. Just like the rest of them the same girls are on there too. I actually had the most success at eharmony and met the most crazy one's from there as well. I'm kind of the opposite of the OP after 2 months into a relationship I'm the one to bail.
Talking about people in their 30s or later. There comes a point where society at large deems you a lost cause, even if that's a completely irrational feeling that should never be taken as an absolute because plenty of people of all genders won't care. Some people just don't have the mental fortitude to fight those expectations.
It was sort of a joke. I've tried it too. Weak sauce. Meet my fiance on tinder.