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So guys what's your secret to online dating?

AdequateSubject

AdequateSubject

Member
May 9, 2018
240
+1 agreement with Hoo-doo. Hit the nail on the head.

The most significant progress in dating for me was starting to use the mindset that "this might not lead anywhere, and that's totally ok". This means that you strive for each conversation and date to on its own be enjoyable for both parties regardless of what might happen afterwards. The first date I went on after I started thinking like this was an amazing experience and ironically led to my first ever long-term relationship.
 
Kain-Nosgoth

Kain-Nosgoth

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,532
Switzerland
yeah that's me basically... but i didn't use dating apps since 4 years (obviously i didn't get anything in between, i have no way of meeting people here)

I'm planning to go back soon, hope it will get better
 
B-Dubs

B-Dubs

That's some catch, that catch-22
General Manager
Oct 25, 2017
32,721
Photoshop a picture of yourself into a nice kitchen.
 
thetrin

thetrin

Member
Oct 26, 2017
7,621
Atlanta, GA
Online dating here in Japan is a nightmare. Too many women use it as a way to make friends, and most people don't even post photos of themselves (Japanese people have a real issue with showing their faces in public photos and video).

I just gave up on it, and meet people in person at group events. Tends to work better for me, since my greater asset is my personality, not my looks.
 
Grug

Grug

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,644
My secret was finding my partner long before online dating became the status quo. Basically the only thing in life I lucked out on.

I have to admit I read threads here about Tinder etc with morbid "thank god I don't have to do that" fascination. I mean superficiality is a constant in any form of dating but it's just so in your face and expected in online dating.

I'm in genuine awe of you people for going through with it... both for the guys and the sheer amount of self-esteem crushing rejection you face, and for the girls for all the hideousness that comes at you from every direction.

If my marriage ever goes balls up, I'll become a monk or something.

Good luck out there fam.
 
The_Land

The_Land

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,390
Cleveland Ohio
I'm 5'8 and consider myself average looking and I have never had a problem getting dates on any of these sites. I'm also picky so I only talk to the cute ones so it's not like I'm swiping on everything either. Be interesting and fun and things will work themselves out.
 
Messofanego

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,105
UK
Armadilo said:
I already lowered my standards a long time ago, I'm a pretty realistic guy.

I feel cursed to the point that recently I was talking to someone, she tells me that she has to work late on the day of our date, I tell her that we can reschedule and have it whenever as there's no need for her to stress about it.

After that she never replied to me again, the next day at my job. I see her and what appears to be her date on scooters going down the sidewalk.

I felt like I screwed up somehow, just my luck that that I meet her for the first time like that, we looked at each other and that was all.Yeah I feel cursed.
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Simple fix to this was you don't make yourself too available ("have it whenever"), and you give specific dates and times, so the other person knows you have a life too and obligations.
 
astro

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
56,887
Be interesting and interested.

Photos that show you can present well, you don't need to be super attractive just that you know how to look after yourself.

Photos that show you're social. If you're a lone wolf then some photos of you in interesting places or just outside doing stuff.

Be honest. Write what you're really looking for, don't lie about what you're interested in, etc... but it does help if you have some interests.

Avoid hook up apps. Use sites like OK Cupid.

And, most importantly imo, don't get super invested in meeting someone. You might find someone, you might not.

I found a person I had a year relationship with and we're still friends. That was after trying for one month.

I've also been on the same site for over a year and had no luck finding someone who I clicked with.

Self-improvement and evidence of is a good thing to highlight, too. Again, you don't have to have the most attractive looks to be attractive.

I'm in an open relationship with a women who is pretty. She's currently dating a guy who is not very pretty at all, but he caught her interest with his honest and interesting/interested profile. There are more people like her.

Just be realistic, use it causally, perhaps use your profile as a way for you to examine yourself honestly and look for ways you could improve yourself in a positive way.
 
Roygbiv95

Roygbiv95

Alt account
Banned
Jan 24, 2019
1,037
Don't show what I look like until there's already a strong connection going. Then if they opt out I'll know for sure why lol.
 
Moff

Moff

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,780
A good picture that makes you look interesting and tells a story. not just a bathroom selfie.
 
Mekanos

Mekanos

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Oct 17, 2018
44,120
My last relationship started on Tumblr of all places with someone who by coincidence lived close to me.

So I guess be lucky and bump into the right person... much like offline dating.
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,932
astro said:
In general, yes, but I know people who break this rule.
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Thank god. I mean, looks count, probably for most people. But some are just so shallow. For instance, my sister in law had horrible relationships but only because she never looked further than looks. It's idiotic. Think long term. If you can't talk or laugh with a person, it's not worth it.

Unfortunately, Tinder enhances the shallow more than the other aspects. That's okay for a quick fuck of course. If you're into that.
 
Dabanton

Dabanton

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,910
PeakPointMatrix said:
Wait, why is this? I thought living in a big city would be a boon to your chances?
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LA moreso than most places is very, very superficial. It's the ultimate what can you do for me? city.

If you can't then it's bye bye it bleeds into everything in that city.

I was there for a while and did OK, but I have friends there who despise it.
 

Deleted member 2779

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,045
Isn't there like a dating era here or something? Get them to help workshop your profile. In the mean time, keep going out and tryna meet peeps because online dating shouldn't be your main thing.
 
Zornica

Zornica

Alt account
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
221
just remember, if you dont´'t succeed in the first three days, the salgorithm will work against you and you account will be beyond repair unless you shell over some money, basically. It's better to start fresh. This means you'd also have to use a phone number that is not yet associated with you or they will just apply your (low) hidden score to your new profile
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,932
Fallout-NL said:
That's not true, but the medium and method of online dating does emphasize that aspect of the equation. Which is why you do need some good pictures or ones with a sense of humor that someone will appreciate.
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Yeah i know. In general i'm not that optimistic about the reasons people start relationships though. I've seen too much of it. Unwise shallow fuckers everywhere.
It makes me sick to my stomach sometimes but people do it to themselves. I'm in a great realtionship though and have been over 23 years so i have no experience with online dating apps. I do know a lot of people who do though. And it has not given me a positive look on people. People are so desperate to be in a relationship, it seems. I mean, it CAN be great. I know. But what i see around me is pure torture. Jesus some of my best friends would be so much better off alone. I fully agree that the medium enhances the shallow bits.
 
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thespire

Member
Feb 27, 2018
122
Aldo said:
High quality photos in an exciting environment. Or just give up and go out, I realized I was having dates with people I wouldn't even talk to for more than 1 minute IRL. We're not made for online dating.
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Thanks, you've just made me realize I've been doing the same! Time for some changes
 
Hoo-doo

Hoo-doo

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,292
The Netherlands
baron doggystyle von woof said:
Nah. After a few hours junior is ready to go again. One more advantage is that you can keep on pounding since you already came a few hours ago which will be great for the woman.

I am speaking from multiple experiences.
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Probably the cringiest cave-man post i'll read today.

Yeah, i bet your hours of 'pounding' causes non-stop orgasms in your sexual partners, my dude. Sounds like you got sex ed. from 4chan.
 
Lulu

Lulu

Saw the truth behind the copied door
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,680
Being tallish, highly attractive, living in NYC and have the most insane dimples this side of Mario Lopez tbh.
 
Stiflers Mom

Stiflers Mom

Banned
Dec 18, 2017
278
I think you should do it for the thrill of it.
Meeting new people, maybe only talking an hour about their lives, drinking a beer together, and that's it.

Sometimes it leads to something else, sometimes it doesn't.

Do it only as a "side dish" to your normal dating stuff.

And expect that one in ten persons you will meet are horrible and get over it afterwards.
 
Mitch

Mitch

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,226
From my experience, not trying too hard and simply being yourself goes a long way.

I made a Bumble profile on a whim one evening and after following a few basic rules, I ended up connecting with a really great woman.

In my case, she told me my profile was interesting because I listed a few hobbies, wasn't afraid of talking about being a nerd, didn't have misleading pictures and actually put a little effort into my short "about me." You don't need to put everything out there, but I feel like a lot of people really appreciate it when others come off as human.

Focusing on them during a conversation is huge. Actually reading their entire profile and picking up on a few things to talk about can lead to them being a lot more interested in you. Showing genuine interest in them as a person can take you from chatting through the app to an actual first date real quick.
 

Deleted member 46493

User requested account closure
Banned
Aug 7, 2018
5,231
The_Land said:
I'm 5'8 and consider myself average looking and I have never had a problem getting dates on any of these sites. I'm also picky so I only talk to the cute ones so it's not like I'm swiping on everything either. Be interesting and fun and things will work themselves out.
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This. I'm also a skeleton (i.e. no muscles).

Really the best two tips are:

1) Good set of pictures that make you look good both in terms of being flattering and also showing off your personality
2) Not trying too hard in profile or messages - chill out
 

nitewulf

Member
Nov 29, 2017
7,193
Armadilo said:
I tend to think myself as chill, "That artistic guy" from photography to filmmaking, going on adventures and exploring the city for what it has to offer. I even have my instagram included which shows all my vibrant photography,

When I speak to someone, I try to have a conversation and never do anything that would make me feel embarrassed, that's when I wonder If women want guys to make jokes and not take dating too seriously perhaps
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Yes, self deprecation is attractive. Don't be too serious, make fun if yourself, be a bit silly. photography is a good, creative hobby that people like, emphasize that. Also don't just focus on the opposite sex, meet guys who are easy to talk to at bars or shows, make friends, you'll meet a lot more people that way.
 
gutter_trash

gutter_trash

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
17,124
Montreal
I don't have a secret because I'm doing it wrong.

In the age of Instagram, we are expected to have "cool" photos taken with our perfect version.

I'm not photogenic, so I'm never my best of me in photos
 
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Alric

Alric

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,946
Sometimes I feel so lucky because I wasnt looking for someone with online dating. I had a really weird picture of me from camping with friends. I was in pajamas without my shirt on and laying on a tree. She saw the pic because we had mutual friends on Facebook. She somewhat insulted me, so I joked back, years later we're married.
So what I'm saying is being my weird self worked for me, but I do believe I was very lucky.
 
skipgo

skipgo

Member
Dec 28, 2018
2,568
Being interested in getting to know the person you're talking to, not seeming emotionally unavailable...
 
The Curry Witch

The Curry Witch

Member
Jan 11, 2019
601
Hoo-doo said:
And while it sounds vague, it really is the most profound advice anyone can give.

People sometimes mistakenly look for a relationship as a bandaid for a life that isn't fulfilling, thinking a partner will fix all the issues they are having. Here's a tip: it won't.

People by and large aren't looking for someone to fix. They want someone with some kind of a direction in life, a few goals and a measure of confidence. Being able to show to the outside world that your life is pretty great and you're just looking for someone to share it with, that's when you can start meeting people for real. A relationship alone won't immediately get you what you seek.

And I doubt you can really fake it but people certainly try. Take a picture of you caring for your pets, show a picture of you visiting something cool or achieving something that's difficult or engaging. Talk about your goals and ambitions. Show people you're not some sad puppy waiting to be rescued but a well-rounded human being with diverse interests.
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This and I would add to this: Be yourself. Yes, another honking great cereal box advice woohoo. But it's true. My example: I have a weird sense of humour. So my profile would include just me in the weirdest situations. Tons of people prolly cringed hard at those pics, but why would I want to meet those anyway? Those that look at that crap and think "heh" - I would like to meet those.

Or in other words: "Try to sell your product to everyone and it will appeal to no one."
lmao I never thought I'd use that one again in earnest...
 
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