Important Info:
Available now on itch.io
link: https://ristar.itch.io/secret-little-haven
steam release date: 4-11-2018
link: http://store.steampowered.com/app/827290/Secret_Little_Haven/
price: $5.00
creator: Victoria Dominowski
length: ~3.5 hours (based on my playthrough)
cw: Parental conflict, gaslighting, flashing visuals
Trailer:
Plot:
This game is a simulation of 90s/early 00s desktops, similar to Emily is Away among other games. In it a young trans woman named Alex discovers her identity and deals with her abusive and controlling dad. Your interactions are primarily in instant messager with her internet friends she met on a forum about a magical girl show. Gameplay expands to a few other programs and the terminal.
Why I feel strongly about it:
This game meant a lot to me and the experience nearly mirrored my own. I figured I'd share my story since it shows just how realistic the game is (and I haven't gotten around to writing out my story in the trans day of visibility thread yet...)
When I turned 19 I dropped out of the christian college my parents really wanted me to go to and left the family designated major of engineering. I was depressed beyond anything and took to the internet for what little socialization I could get.
I got """""mistaken""""" as a woman on one forum and decided to just not correct anyone since ya know thats not really lying. One of my friends there showed me her tumblr account and we added each other. From there I saw some of the people she reblogged including trans women who I was absolutely shocked that they existed and even more shocked that they weren't drag queens. I didn't tell anyone but began questioning if I might be trans.
In the mean time my parents started to crack down on my internet activity. They blamed my failures on my "internet addiction" and told me "you can't trust anyone on the internet, they often pretend to be people they're not". They monitored my internet use. They blocked websites I used and started to impose internet curfews, blocking access at different times of the day. That eventually just stopped happening over time since I think they realized I wasn't doing any better plus I had my Vita to connect to the internet (don't know if my dad didn't realize that?). Everytime the eye came up on the computer during the game I had the exact same feeling that I had during this time period. Shame, fear, and worthlessness. Even silly things like the dad saying that Alex should get her hair cut were similar to the conversations that I had with my parents.
I joined NeoGaf specifically because of the transgender community thread and ended up in multiple chatrooms with friends I would meet there. They taught me that all I needed to be a woman is to know that I was and that it was okay to allow myself to be myself. I started hrt, came out to a few friends irl and online, and now get gendered female even in situations like church (to my mom's disapproval :P). Still have a ways to go with coming out and presenting irl largely due to how frightening the idea is to lose most people who I grew up with. I know that means they're in the wrong and I shouldn't want them in my life but its a big jump.
I got """""mistaken""""" as a woman on one forum and decided to just not correct anyone since ya know thats not really lying. One of my friends there showed me her tumblr account and we added each other. From there I saw some of the people she reblogged including trans women who I was absolutely shocked that they existed and even more shocked that they weren't drag queens. I didn't tell anyone but began questioning if I might be trans.
In the mean time my parents started to crack down on my internet activity. They blamed my failures on my "internet addiction" and told me "you can't trust anyone on the internet, they often pretend to be people they're not". They monitored my internet use. They blocked websites I used and started to impose internet curfews, blocking access at different times of the day. That eventually just stopped happening over time since I think they realized I wasn't doing any better plus I had my Vita to connect to the internet (don't know if my dad didn't realize that?). Everytime the eye came up on the computer during the game I had the exact same feeling that I had during this time period. Shame, fear, and worthlessness. Even silly things like the dad saying that Alex should get her hair cut were similar to the conversations that I had with my parents.
I joined NeoGaf specifically because of the transgender community thread and ended up in multiple chatrooms with friends I would meet there. They taught me that all I needed to be a woman is to know that I was and that it was okay to allow myself to be myself. I started hrt, came out to a few friends irl and online, and now get gendered female even in situations like church (to my mom's disapproval :P). Still have a ways to go with coming out and presenting irl largely due to how frightening the idea is to lose most people who I grew up with. I know that means they're in the wrong and I shouldn't want them in my life but its a big jump.
Why to play:
If you want to understand what trans people go through please play this game. It doesn't entirely explain what its like to feel transgender (the feeling is really abstract) but it does deal with the struggle of coming to grips with yourself and embodies a bunch of related struggles in the NPC's. I think one thing that would help someone who isn't trans get more of it is to image everytime she is gendered female that she gets a light flutter in her stomach, something that feels surprising yet exciting and affirming.
This is especially great for trans people and gender questioning people to feel that they're not alone and that their struggles are felt by many other people.
*****Also before anyone does it DO NOT MISGENDER HER. Alex is a woman, she/her. It does not matter what she once went by, that's who she is.*****
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