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SCENARIO: You and your significant other are held at gunpoint....
- Thread starter Deleted member 5865
- Start date
I can't say I wouldn't be a little miffed that they risked one or both of us getting blasted by making such a sudden movement, honestly. The situation is high pressure for the gunman too and them bolting just dramatically increased the odds of getting our asses blown out on a whim.
This is the thing a lot of people miss/forget when they (stringently) reference flight or fight instincts.
Besides the fact that humans aren't programmed robots ruled by fight or flight, it's lost that...as much as there is adrenaline coursing through your veins in this moment, so is the case for the other person.
...oh, and they have a gun.
People can train their whole lives for situations like this and still freak out when their life is in danger. Holding this against your SO is ludicrous IMO.
Stay and forgive. I've been through worse betrayals, and to be frank, I don't think she would be able to do much to help other than get away and (hopefully) call the police, but if she was frazzled or something and didn't think of anything but getting out of there, I wouldn't blame her. My primary goal in the situation would be her safety to begin with, so if she runs away that's basically settled.
I see what you're getting at but I don't think the scenario really lines up. My wife being there isn't going to stop a man with a gun from fucking me up. I want her to be safe. She took a shot and got somewhere safe. And presumably tried to call for help.
Suppose if my theoretical wife was super muscly and knew how to handle herself with an armed man, I'd be a little peeved.
Like super muscly. She has to work out every day just to maintain. Pecks, tris, quad. Abs for days and super strong thighs. And sometimes when I get home from a long day, she hugs me tight and I can feel how strong she is but also how much she cares for me.
Suppose if my theoretical wife was super muscly and knew how to handle herself with an armed man, I'd be a little peeved.
Like super muscly. She has to work out every day just to maintain. Pecks, tris, quad. Abs for days and super strong thighs. And sometimes when I get home from a long day, she hugs me tight and I can feel how strong she is but also how much she cares for me.
I'd tell the robber "do you want me to go get her" and then bring her back cause family means we both get robbed or none of us get robbed.
If she refused, I'd just go back and tell the robber that we can't do the robbery today and please try again at a future date.
If she refused, I'd just go back and tell the robber that we can't do the robbery today and please try again at a future date.
Not as extreme but when I was 18 some guy I had just met at a friend's house needed a ride home. My friend didn't know the guy too awfully well but he seemed nice enough, was offering gas money and his destination wasn't far from where I was going. There was also some other motivations that had me ignore any red flags if there were any. Plus I was a dumb kid.
My girlfriend was with me and I was going to take her back to her house after we dropped the guy off. The plan was for him to go inside ask his friend if he had what I was looking for and come back out to let me know. Where I messed up big time was letting him see the cash in my wallet when he had given me gas money.
He came back out, walked up to my driver side door. I was expecting him to tell me what was up but instead he reached in through the open window to grab me. I was driving a manual transmission and had it in neutral with the ebrake on when he started trying to rob me. He did not have a weapon, so my initial reaction besides fighting him off was to slam the car in reverse and take off. When he saw me doing this he opened my door and pulled my leg off the clutch which killed the car. At this point I gave him all the cash on me hoping he would take off and I could get my girlfriend and I out of there.
It wasn't enough though. He wanted my cards and shit. I was trying to tell him I had nothing of value in there and I was not going to give him my wallet. Of course my girlfriend was screaming from the passenger seat trying to get the guy to stop. At some point I realized this guy was not going to stop until he had my whole wallet. So I just told my gf to run and get help. This wasn't some secluded area either there were houses on all sides within 50 meters. She was hesitant but I yelled for her to run and then held onto the guy so he wouldn't be able to chase her down.
So she takes off while me and the guy are still fighting. I figured her running off would get him to run off too since she was going to call the cops. The struggle continued for a minute or two. Eventually I was able to elbow him and knock him back. I got the door shut, locked and took off backwards with him hanging on to me. When I swung the car around to get lined up with the road it slung him off and he took off back in his friend's house.
I drove like 100m down the road where my gf was with some neighbors and on the phone with the cops. We waited around and they showed up. We told them what happened (excluding the secondary motivation for us being there) and they went to talk to the robber. Apparently the cops were familiar with him and knew something not so innocent was probably transpiring and had went bad.
I was not inebriated at all and had nothing illegal on me. But instead of being the victim they were just looking to find a reason to arrest me too. They found like 2 marijuana seeds in my floorboard and this confirmed to them that I was definitely scum of the earth. So they continued to harass me for a couple of hours, trying to get me to admit to anything basically. I just stuck with my story and my girlfriend's mom showed up to pick her up.
She listened in for a bit and started taking my side. Telling them that her daughter and I were the victims and shouldn't be getting treated like this. Eventually they gave up and I was allowed to leave. The guy that jumped me got taken off but I have no idea what came of it. I never did anything except fill out the initial report. Of course I never got any of my money back or the hat that came off my head during the scuffle, that he was wearing when he came out to talk to the cops.
In regards to the topic; during this fight or flight situation my girlfriend's safety was the main thing on my mind. Since I was unable to get us out of there together by driving off and giving up my money didn't deter him. My next priority was making sure my gf got out of there. If the dude would have just left after getting my money, the cops would have never been involved. I would have just chalked it up as a loss, added it to my street smarts and told the story to others. But since the cops were involved by the time the altercation was over, I stuck around. I hadn't done anything wrong and figured the cops might be able to get my money back or something. In hindsight I wish I would have just left.
tldr; The war on drugs is dumb and cops are assholes.
My girlfriend was with me and I was going to take her back to her house after we dropped the guy off. The plan was for him to go inside ask his friend if he had what I was looking for and come back out to let me know. Where I messed up big time was letting him see the cash in my wallet when he had given me gas money.
He came back out, walked up to my driver side door. I was expecting him to tell me what was up but instead he reached in through the open window to grab me. I was driving a manual transmission and had it in neutral with the ebrake on when he started trying to rob me. He did not have a weapon, so my initial reaction besides fighting him off was to slam the car in reverse and take off. When he saw me doing this he opened my door and pulled my leg off the clutch which killed the car. At this point I gave him all the cash on me hoping he would take off and I could get my girlfriend and I out of there.
It wasn't enough though. He wanted my cards and shit. I was trying to tell him I had nothing of value in there and I was not going to give him my wallet. Of course my girlfriend was screaming from the passenger seat trying to get the guy to stop. At some point I realized this guy was not going to stop until he had my whole wallet. So I just told my gf to run and get help. This wasn't some secluded area either there were houses on all sides within 50 meters. She was hesitant but I yelled for her to run and then held onto the guy so he wouldn't be able to chase her down.
So she takes off while me and the guy are still fighting. I figured her running off would get him to run off too since she was going to call the cops. The struggle continued for a minute or two. Eventually I was able to elbow him and knock him back. I got the door shut, locked and took off backwards with him hanging on to me. When I swung the car around to get lined up with the road it slung him off and he took off back in his friend's house.
I drove like 100m down the road where my gf was with some neighbors and on the phone with the cops. We waited around and they showed up. We told them what happened (excluding the secondary motivation for us being there) and they went to talk to the robber. Apparently the cops were familiar with him and knew something not so innocent was probably transpiring and had went bad.
I was not inebriated at all and had nothing illegal on me. But instead of being the victim they were just looking to find a reason to arrest me too. They found like 2 marijuana seeds in my floorboard and this confirmed to them that I was definitely scum of the earth. So they continued to harass me for a couple of hours, trying to get me to admit to anything basically. I just stuck with my story and my girlfriend's mom showed up to pick her up.
She listened in for a bit and started taking my side. Telling them that her daughter and I were the victims and shouldn't be getting treated like this. Eventually they gave up and I was allowed to leave. The guy that jumped me got taken off but I have no idea what came of it. I never did anything except fill out the initial report. Of course I never got any of my money back or the hat that came off my head during the scuffle, that he was wearing when he came out to talk to the cops.
In regards to the topic; during this fight or flight situation my girlfriend's safety was the main thing on my mind. Since I was unable to get us out of there together by driving off and giving up my money didn't deter him. My next priority was making sure my gf got out of there. If the dude would have just left after getting my money, the cops would have never been involved. I would have just chalked it up as a loss, added it to my street smarts and told the story to others. But since the cops were involved by the time the altercation was over, I stuck around. I hadn't done anything wrong and figured the cops might be able to get my money back or something. In hindsight I wish I would have just left.
tldr; The war on drugs is dumb and cops are assholes.
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You tell the robber you forgive them and that they should run away.
Depends ifthey actually call the cops and had I done the same, how would they react?
Essentially, you'll need to talk about it.
Essentially, you'll need to talk about it.
What do you expect your SO to do? Be hero and save the day? I would have no problem if my wife escapes. At the end of the day, you're both alive and just lost some valuables.
I don't live in the US, so this isn't very likely to happen to me.
This is pretty much what I would want to happen in this situation; my wife to get to safety while I take the hit. With life insurance, superannuation and leave entitlements, my wife would have over a million bucks in her hand after paying out the mortgage if I'm dead or permanently disabled. Her and the kids would be well provided for. If she dies, I'd barely get enough to clear the mortgage so would have to juggle being a single parent and work. I've already told my wife in a situation where only one of us can survive, it has to be her.
That being said, I'd DEFINITELY cash it in for certain favours later.
This is pretty much what I would want to happen in this situation; my wife to get to safety while I take the hit. With life insurance, superannuation and leave entitlements, my wife would have over a million bucks in her hand after paying out the mortgage if I'm dead or permanently disabled. Her and the kids would be well provided for. If she dies, I'd barely get enough to clear the mortgage so would have to juggle being a single parent and work. I've already told my wife in a situation where only one of us can survive, it has to be her.
That being said, I'd DEFINITELY cash it in for certain favours later.
Same. I would want her to be able to escape even if I wasn't able to. Garbage poll choices.
OP
OP
I wouldn't expect someone to help me double team a gunman but I would wonder if the gunman would've been gentler had they not missed out on more loot. Also in the scenario my s/o wouldn't have a decent response when we reunite, which would probably just irritate me more
I don't think they were wrong for running away so I don't think I'd have to forgive them, I wouldn't think they should need to be sorry. I'd be fucking relieved they weren't roughed up or worse.
I don't believe in some concept of my loved ones deserving to suffer because I'm suffering.
I don't believe in some concept of my loved ones deserving to suffer because I'm suffering.
This person has a gun. Pointed at the two of you.
Some of y'all are acting like the partner knows that their running is only going to result in you getting "roughed up."
This thread has been fascinating to me. So many different dynamics and expectations at play. I'll go into detail later if this threads still going when I get home. But even after sleeping on it, I'm even more certain: oh, I'm hardcore breaking up with you.
The only thing I disagree with in the poll is labeling this "trust issues." To me, trust has nothing to do with it. In fact, I do trust you...to abandon me to danger. Oh believe, when the going gets tough I now have FULL FAITH in your ability to pump those Air Jordan's and abandon me to fate.
I think a better word here is compatibility. Compatibility issues.
Some of y'all are acting like the partner knows that their running is only going to result in you getting "roughed up."
This thread has been fascinating to me. So many different dynamics and expectations at play. I'll go into detail later if this threads still going when I get home. But even after sleeping on it, I'm even more certain: oh, I'm hardcore breaking up with you.
The only thing I disagree with in the poll is labeling this "trust issues." To me, trust has nothing to do with it. In fact, I do trust you...to abandon me to danger. Oh believe, when the going gets tough I now have FULL FAITH in your ability to pump those Air Jordan's and abandon me to fate.
I think a better word here is compatibility. Compatibility issues.
dont forget the other person in the hypothetical, you know, your SO (but apparently you already have based on that response)
theres no "right" answer but this isn't a 1v1 situation
Well in the event I had an SO I don't expect them to try to fight a gunman/woman and get killed or stick around with the possibility that things go wrong and we get killed anyway so I try not to take offense. But it would stick with me in some sort of way
Also what excuse could they have that wouldn't be the truth lol saying "I was scared" is believable enough
Making an excuse would also bother me if they kept it up when pressed
Edit:Actually when I think about it the assymetry of information would be a factor here. Us in the thread know exactly what the scenario is in full and can make judgements right away.
But for someone in the situation there's no way they could process it that quickly. For someone to run as soon as things get started that means:
A) They were going to run very quickly on any ill situation, whether I got stopped by a homeless person for change or by someone looking to start an argument
B) They knew what would happen
Neither is a good or satisfactory thing for me. If I was in my right mind I'd be out of the relationship after thinking it over.
Also what excuse could they have that wouldn't be the truth lol saying "I was scared" is believable enough
Making an excuse would also bother me if they kept it up when pressed
Edit:Actually when I think about it the assymetry of information would be a factor here. Us in the thread know exactly what the scenario is in full and can make judgements right away.
But for someone in the situation there's no way they could process it that quickly. For someone to run as soon as things get started that means:
A) They were going to run very quickly on any ill situation, whether I got stopped by a homeless person for change or by someone looking to start an argument
B) They knew what would happen
Neither is a good or satisfactory thing for me. If I was in my right mind I'd be out of the relationship after thinking it over.
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In college, I got mugged in a park with a group of friends, one of whom I had been dating, and she made things WAY worse. She kept telling the muggers, who had a gun pointed at us, "We've seen your faces! You guys aren't getting away!"
As they were leaving, she turned to us and said "Wow they only took our phones and not the cash we had on us" fairly loudly.
Turning and running would have been better.
As they were leaving, she turned to us and said "Wow they only took our phones and not the cash we had on us" fairly loudly.
Turning and running would have been better.
I think running is the sensible reaction. They're not tripping me or anything lmao
There's nothing to forgive
There's nothing to forgive
How would my right hand be able to run away without me?
Seriously though, as long as that hypothetical SO calls for help, she'd have done everything right.
If she hides somewhere scared shitless for her life and doesn't call anybody? Who am I to judge, people can't always react rationally in such a situation.
Seriously though, as long as that hypothetical SO calls for help, she'd have done everything right.
If she hides somewhere scared shitless for her life and doesn't call anybody? Who am I to judge, people can't always react rationally in such a situation.
